The Epic Austrian owned R16 from Germany doing French things in a Parallel Universe near England Saga

[Junkman]

We were taken to a lock up. Inside was this.
 

 
 
Phlap!
 

 
 
Phlippin' phlappin'!
 

[Junkman]

L@@K!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the record, the speedo showed 36,000 miles...

[Junkman]

Conrad tried it on for size.

 

 

 

It didn't fit.

 

[Junkman]

So he took it for a quick spin.

 

 

 

 

 

[Junkman]

But the actual reason for doing this trip can be seen here.

 

[Squire_Dawson]

I can see the wantage in Conrad's eyes. Standard looks pretty smart inside, plus, organ type accelerator pedal FTW!

[Ghosty]

...a prosthetic leg made from an old bumper? Interesting.

[D Spares & Tyres]

The duct tape worries me

[Junkman]

Worry not, there was hitherto no need to deploy it.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Being bound with duct tape and put in the boot of an R16 would still more enjoyable than being in the drivers seat of a Vectra

[Junkman]

Oh. I see what you mean.

No, that's not the intended use of the duct tape in my boot.

 

We are the good guys, remember?

 

[Junkman]

Mounting problems (<- see what I did there?).

 

 

 

The mangled bumper my car came with is not its original one. It's a later TS bumper with the indentations and mounting brackets for the spot lights. 

The replacement I got from Dodgytom is the correct one for my car, hence has no indentations for spot lights.

 

 

 

For aesthetic reasons, I much prefer this setup and would actually like to do away with the spots.

However, the headlights, especially when fitted with yellow bulbs, which is absolutely essential because vanity,

are woefully shit, hence the spots are indispensable.

I'm thus not sure what to do and will therefore do the only sensible thing - procrastinate the decision.

 

In the meantime, the replacement bumper is going to receive some much needed rust removal and protection.

 

 

 

To do this right, the bumper has to be disassembled without breaking any of the dreaded threaded studs.

Surprisingly I succeeded:

 

[D Spares & Tyres]

That bumper has been dry stored for 20 years I think.

 

Im pretty sure that rather than being from Mouseflakes it was off my very first R16.

 

Now, being old and bald and smelling of mould, my memory isn't what is used to be but I think this was the bumper that spent a decade in my mothers loft then a few years in a friends barn, then a few years in my cow shed

 

Here it is the car I think its off

[Junkman]

Oooh, orange reversing lights issue, très rare indeed. Is my assumption that it's a TL correct?

If so, the bumper is indeed correct for my car, being a GL according to Spaldingian R16 Guru.

 

What happened to that car?

 

 

BTW, I did manage to rustproof the backsides of the bumper today, so provided the paint dries until tomorrow

(I have been watching it extensively, nothing is more exciting than watching paint dry) and the weather doesn't

play foul, I shall be able to fit the new* bumber to-morrow.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Yes it was a 1565cc TL with around 55,000 on the clock

 

I drove it for a bit but when I checked it over for an mot I gave it a good prodding with a screwdriver. Found various holes and when I poked one of the rear suspension mounts the car visibly sank a couple of inches.

 

Knowing what I know now it would be repairable but the car was worthless then and nobody wanted to fix it anyway.

 

I broke it up. Totally stripped it. The engine is now in a Lotus Europa. Scrap was worthless then so the shell was pushed down a steep bank on the farm where I was keeping it. As far as I know its still there

[Junkman]

Fuck.

 

Why is every fucking fuck putting on a fucking fight, ffs?

 

Anyway, from experience (guess how I know) I mounted the numberplate before I did anything else.

 

 

This required drilling of a pair of new holes. Exactly why Renault made this section of the bumper from the

thoughest hardened steel known outside the military industrial complex is beyond me.

 

Anyway, many a drill bit later the bumper was back together. Behold sophisticated* rustproofing:

 

 

[Junkman]

Next the old bumper had to come off.

 

If you think that was easy, think again:

 

 

Captive nut not being that captive. Fuck.

 

This is what a debumpered R16 looks like:

 

 

 

Then there was this;

 

 

Two fucking different length dumb irons!

So I had to fucking swap those, too, a chore I'll fucking outsource to someone who killed his mother next time.

 

It also got fucking dark and started fucking raining.

Besides. It was fucking cold.

[Junkman]

But no matter what, you are rewarded with this:

 

 

 

LWIII

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

To think I spent the day eating a £50 cake and watching fireworks when I could have been helping you fight a bumper in the dark and rain.

 

Kicking myself.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

To think I spent the day eating a £50 cake and watching fireworks when I could have been helping you fight a bumper in the dark and rain.

 

Kicking myself.

 

 

The back one's next.

[Junkman]

To think I spent the day eating a £50 cake and watching fireworks when I could have been helping you fight a bumper in the dark and rain.

 

Kicking myself.

 

But I have an R16 and you don't.

[SiC]

But I have an R16 and you don't.

You say that like it is a good thing.

[Junkman]

It's a parallel universe. Completely void of cakes for a Nifty.

I'm kind of liking my parallel universe, since it allows me to shout 'Fuck!' a lot and makes me feel like being in a 1960s French b&w film every time I drive the car.

You know the kind. Where Lino Ventura smokes Gauloises and kicks everyone's face in and wimmin don't shave their armpits, like Joanna Shimkus.

 

Baise moi.

[Spottedlaurel]

Oooh, orange reversing lights issue, très rare indeed.

 

Quite by chance, I was editing one of my French photos this morning and the subject is a pre-facelift Rover P6. It also appears to have orange reverse lights, is that something that was required in France for a while? Until this morning I'd never heard of such a thing.

 

Anyway, good to see more progress on the 16.

[Junkman]

Yes, it was. White light at the back was interdit.

[Junkman]

Today at the Junktowers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dave_Q]

 

 

LWIII

Life With It Is Infuriating?

[Squirrel2]

Today at the Junktowers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ooooh! That's lovely.. drooling here, sorry.

[trigger]

That's a real stunner!

[Frogchod]

Ooooh! That's lovely.. drooling here, sorry.

More than dribble being mopped up here. That blue 16 is just wantfastic.