Outlaw Update, 20/7/25 Barn* Find* Capri shenanigans SHE LIVES*

[outlaw118]

[chaseracer]

Those wide 13" Minilite-lites really suit it.

[outlaw118]

Fleet Update:

Junior's Focus is now bean cans. It started making noises (sounded like brakes) and he just threw the towel in. The old thing had done well, but he wasn't prepared to chuck any more ££££ at it, with the prospect of more later. He's now got a Mondeo Estate ( as detailed in news 24 thread), I'll add a picture when I edit this.

However, it's not been plain sailing; Good Friday it decided that it would shit it's starter motor in Sainsbury's Colchester, full of kids and an incontinent bulldog, I got the call to tow him back to the caravan, thankfully short distance, but the weather was shit and they'd shut a couple of roads by the Tollgate Retail park, so it turned into more of a ballache than it should have done.

I drove back up on the Saturday morning, and tried the age old remedy* of twatting it with things, but to no avail; you just can't get a decent swing at it, there's too many covers and shizz in the way. Rang Halfords (Kwik Fit said no thanks) and tow started it, and left it there. Was done by mid afternoon Bank Holday Monday for about £250, which could have been worse.

Miss_Outlaw's Fiesta isn't getting used as she's working from home, but she brought it round a few weeks ago as there was a LOT of mould growing on the seats, carpets etc. She'd taken it in for a bit of welding for the MoT, and I reckon the carpet started smoking and they've chucked a bottle of water in and not told her. Then, the car turned into a micro biosphere and started to cultivate life. I attacked everywhere with Cillit Bang mould remover, let it sit for a while, then Car Plan upholstery cleaner, then my Bissell spot cleaner. Came up lovely - no photos as I was too busy trying not to get foot and mouth or something.

Capri : Still unable to access, however Junior is looking at houses, so hopefully he'll find somewhere, and I can get my garage back.

Kia: Still being an car. Weirdness with the seatbelt warning thing, intermittently beeps for no apparent reason. Unplugging and replugging the buckle will stop it; I've squirted some contact cleaner stuff in the hole, and it hasn't done it since, so I call that fixed. Changed a bulb...errr......oh, replaced the aged and cracking Winglong Happyday Ditchfinders on the back for some Falkens @ £60 a corner. That's it.

 

Megamoose. Over the last couple of years, with increasing regularity, the car has tried to eat me while I top up windscreen fluid or check the oil or whatever. The bonnet struts were still original, so they've not done badly. So armed with a broom I set about replacement. The collar on the top of the strut was caked in goo, and took a bit of prising off, purely because i couldn't find an edge. Once I'd popped it off, it was plain sailing, and I was happy. But WAIT!!! What's thatnestling by the brake fluid reservoir and the expansion tank??

You dozy twat.

It's the cap off the back of the headlight that I'd forgotten to replace when I bunged a new bulb in about 2 months ago. Anyhoo, this really will be a piece of cake. Releasing the headlight unit is sooooo easy on these, see the two metal tag things on top? Pull them out and the headlight is released. Screw cap thing back on, bung headlight back in place, replace metal rod things. Sorted.

I then got my jet washer out and treated the engine bay to a quick blast. Much better.
 

[outlaw118]

Some updates....

Megamoose: All behaving, currently filthy. Last Friday did a sat-nav guided cross country mission to collect a filing cabinet I'd bought on eBay, through country lanes and farm tracks, all very wet or flooded in places. No problem, felt surefooted and safe as only a Moose weighing 35.46 tons can.  Took a more direct (traffic laden) route on the way back - I ignored the moaning git in the satnav and used RODE SINES - yeah, old skool.... and sat in a shitload of traffic... but once cleared I was chucking her about a bit. Next morning on the paper run I noticed the ns front tyre was balder than me. Trip to the tyre place and £275 later I've got 2xFalkens balanced and tracking done. Ouch.

Kia: Absolutely nothing to report. As usual. SWMBO took it to her mates in Lowestoft a couple of weeks ago , and i reset the trip computer and she averaged low 40s mpg, not bad considering its Badermatic and "mixed" driving.

Mondeo: Now surplus to requirements; Outlaw_junior has purchased a Focus off someone he works with, so will be FOUR SAILS soon, once I've given it a clean up. There's nothing wrong with it, he just hasn't bonded with it, and when the Focus came up, he made a snap decision. Will get photos etc up, but it's going on Autotrader for about £1200, and a shiters discount will apply, may roffle.

 

[outlaw118]

FRED UPDATE:

Megamoose: fairly traumatic couple of weeks, no breakdown or FTP, just a bit of agg with my regular garage, and them not doing work that I've asked them to do. She was due an MoT, so I booked her in for that, attention to a knocking noise at the front; probably a drop link or summat, fit a new battery to the alarm module which is up inside the driver's side wheelarch liner and appeared to be a ballache.  There was also a "Regular service required" message on the dash, as well as "Anti-Lock system serve required", which having consulted the XC90 FB forum could be anything from a sensor, to a reluctor ring , or something to do with a clock spring or whatever one of those is. The parking/rear brakes were shite (TADTS) and on recommendation from the FB forum I bought a manual adjuster kit which I asked them to fit.

Dropped off early on a Monday morning, and radio silence commenced. I chased them on Wednesday, and the Boss man wasn't about, but one of the monkeys there said it'll be done that day. It wasn't. Got a text Thursday, ready to collect.

MoT'd (after some tomfoolery) and fuck all else. Rebooked for the following Monday. Got it back the same day, but only did the rear brake adjusters, nothing else. So fuck 'em. She's now elsewhere getting the other jobs done, dropped off yesterday morning after the Micro_Outlaw school run, got a call saying waiting for a part but will be done Saturday - today. It's 17:10 and nobody's rung. Balls.

The headlights are misty - I've polished them but the crud/mist seems to be on the inside of the lens. I've investigated getting new ones - circa £225 per side on eBay, but Grandma_Outlaw was quite generous with her birthday gift, so technically they won't cost me anything.  What a PITA this is turning into. I messaged a seller with 100% feedback with the reg and he came back saying there's a choice of 4 and he'll need some reference number or other off the back. Fair enough. Plan was to do that this morning, but a subsequent email from him says Valeo can't confirm that they're available anyway. So the search goes on.

And due to an incident of stupidity of me reversing into my own trailer in a jack-knife stylee I need a replacement OSR light. It's taped up, it passed the MoT but it looks shit. Looking on eBay, there's one that says it'll fit but there's no photo of it, and the seller hasn't responded to a request for one. TAKE MY MUNNEY!!!

 

SWMBO's Kia Rio: A smoll bump in the road for this; nothing major, but enough to worry madam. On a couple of occasions the revs seem to be flaring, between tickover and about 2000rpm. Booked in as "intermittent fault" but in between I took it to Asda and gave it a proper kicking. The fault didn't re-occur at the garage, nor has it occurred again. £37.50 for a diagnostic, could have been worse.

Workshite Combo: A trio of maladies here, first to appear is a similar knocking noise from the front as Moose; again probably a bush or drop link. Taken to the workshop, prodded and poked, but not authorised for repair by the heirarchy, who obviously know best*. A couple of weeks ago we had some fairly shitty weather, winds, rain and stuff. At some point between parking up on Thursday night and returning Monday morning there's a dent in the top of the passenger side rear door. No marks anywhere else, so best guess is flying debris or branch or similar. Informed transport, took photos, but damage deemed to be insufficient to repair on a vehicle with 93k on it that's being replaced "shortly". In a fit of pique, The Pig then decided to dispose of it's coolant, leaving me stranded on Canvey Island. Fortunately I topped it up and it made it to the depot without exploding or OMGHGF. Got given a Corsa van on a 65 plate with 98k on it, which ruined my back and knees. Hey ho.

 

Miss_Outlaw's Fiesta. Not a great deal to report here; MoT due very soon, and brought round to me today to fix the windscreen washers. I'd already bought new nozzles - they were £4 posted and living in a hard water area, I surmised that it wouldn't hurt to change them, even if they weren't the cause of the problem. They weren't. I proceeded to get the front of the car on the ramps and got under, yanked a tube off the bottom of the washer bottle, and nothing came out. I then pulled the pump out, merely a dribble of smelly water. Then:

I pulled the rubber dubrey out of the bottom of the bottle,  which incorporates a filter - the end is perforated - as you can see was ganky. Fully cleaned out, slippery soapy stinky goo, and popped back in, everything connected up, and, I CAN HAZ SKWIRTY. I celebrated by twatting my head on the corner of the door and saying FUCK a lot.

 

TL:DR Fat man has trouble with idiots then does simple job.

 

Edited November 6, 2021 by outlaw118
i carnt speel

[chaseracer]

Good to have you back, Robert!

[Minimad5]

I see Volvo content- Oosh.

Always worth seeing if anyone on that Facebook has Vida, for when the XC90 throw up a wee warning (sadly I'm miles away within the Wirral)

Great to see you posting regularly again  👍

[outlaw118]

So, Miss_Outlaw's Fiesta has just failed the MoT.

Not on anything massive, couple of tyres required (and it appears tracking/alihgnment), rear exhaust box, which is probably why it failed the emissions on teh Lambda sensor. So pretty much fixable.

BUT: Her dad has offered her his 09 plate Fiat Brava for cheeps, so instead of weighing out for Nerk to be fixed, she's having that.

Any interest in the Fiesta? SG55NRK for MoT checking purposes.

She'll be at Outlaw Towers in Grays for a while, or until SWMBO decides she's sick of the sight of it.

Redcorn have offered £271 as a guide.

Will put up FORK SAIL  Fred.

[outlaw118]

So, as described above, Moose has cataracs.I've polished the shit out of the outer lens but whist there was an improvement, it appeared that the mist was on the inside of the lens. There is some discussion on one of the Volvo forums about dismantling and removing the lens, then refitting is the reverse of removal etc, but I have fingers of butter and fists of ham, so I put my big boy pants on and waved my credit card ay eBay, and had a new pair of Valeos delivered for £400.

Really is a piss easy job on these, tabs on top pull out, unplug from loom - this bit took the longest as it was a bit stiff, then get new one, plug in, stuff back in the hole, then slide tabs back in.

New units came with bulbs too, so it really was a faff free job.

Both units replaced in under 20 minutes, which included a fag break.

In other news there's a Doom-blue Fiat Brava/Bravo on the fleet now, no pictures yet as it was dark when Miss_Outlaw turned up last night. Looks OK, EML light on, but has alloys and cruise. Hopefully as it was supplied by her dad it'll mean that I don't get involved in any fixorating it might require.

We'll see.

Fiesta still for Sail, best offer from someone off the interweb so far is £320. 

SWMBO is already whining it's in the way, but as I have said it's her daughter's car, not some old shitter that I've rescued from Cannock (rip) so she needs to calm down. Can't see it hanging about past the end of this week though tbh, I can't cope with the constant bollocks.

[outlaw118]

It's been a whole year and a bit since I did an update, so here goes.

 

Firstly Megamoose needed more money thrown at her for the MoT - I pre-empted some of the distress though, when I booked it in I asked for a wheel bearing to be fixed, and the rear pads looked a bit thin to me, and I CANNOT BE ARSED. They put it through the MoT, which it failed.... on Wheel Bearing, rear pads (FFS!) and a couple of other bits, most worryingly a front anti-roll bar wasn't attached to anything. The headlights were a bit boss eyed (my fault). Advisories for a nail in a tyre, tie rods loose and one of my "new" tyres is fucked on the outside edge - 8000 miles and I've ruined it, I blame roundabouts, and my insistence in chucking the old girl about like it's a fucking Issigonis Mini.

Took Fatha_Outlaw to the NeC for the Classic show the other week, and on the way back it sounds like one of the other wheel bearings has got jealous of it's colleagues and now wants looking at too. GR3.

 

Kia: Finally, something is amiss. Booked MoT and told matey that the handbrake lever was being an arse. The little knobby button thing on the end of the shaft(!) sometimes gets stuck inwards meaning it's not engaging the ratchet thingy. The actual brake still works, you just have to hold the lever up. It passed with this as an advisory, along with "front pads getting thin" (Pfft) and wipers smearing. At last, a job that I might* do myself! They had a fiddle with the handbrake, and made it work long enough for the test, and for the next couple of weeks it's been fine, until Friday last week when it's decided to be a twat again. But when I took it for it's weekly kicking yesterday it was fine. I've ordered a second-hand part off eBay for £35 with a years guarantee, so it's ready if it goes again New ones from a specialist Kia parts emporium  were £150, so I figure I can take a punt. I didn't ask at a dealer because I didn't want to soil myself.

 

Workshite - The Pig: Is still here, despite being told that it'd be replaced "soon" last year, I've since been told it won't be replaced unless it's "Proper Fucked" which I believe is a technical term. It had a new turbot and some injectors last year(?) so I'm guessing they're looking at it like Trigger's broom. However, the clutch is starting to slip occasionally, so that's only going to get worse. I've not told the depot, as if it shits itself while I'm out and about, it's all claimable time for me, whereas if I take it in for repair before it breaks, they'll send me away with a (normally) unsuitable pool van, like a Corsa or summat else I struggle to get my weary fat carcass into. It's currently filthy - I clay-barred and waxed the bonnet last year, and it appears that the paint on that has gone grubby looking and flatter than the rest of it for some reason. DILLIGAF.

 

Bravo/Brava Stepdaughter_Outlaw's Doom Blue beast appears to be behaving. The EML light is still glowing, despite her preferred garage/MoT tester plugging it in and finding no faults. I reckon, with Stepson_Outlaw's agreement, it's some kind of fault that will be cured* by taking the fucking light bulb out, which may happen. The Blue Beast has just been pretending to be a removal van, with Miss O & Bloke moving out of their over-priced Peabody(cunts) flat in Plaistow into a private rented two bed (smae rent) in St Albans. Megamoose helped, and her dad provided via rental a Luton with a tail lift, and got pretty much everything done in a day. 

 

Focus Zetec(Yo): Nothing to report mechanically, it just soldiers on. Outlaw_Junior has been a clumsy arse and reversed into something requiring a new fog/reversing light which I bought off eBay for him, which despite their protestations, DID NOT FIT. Refunded but not the cost of my Dizzle going to get it - obviously incident occurred 48 hours before the MoT....

Still trying to flog Bro Nev's Cortina, loads of the normal WOTS YR BEST PRICE M8 type shit, but only 2 people have actually turned up to look at it. And then expected perfection, and attempted to chip 40% off the price. Cheeky twats. It's in Outlaw_Parent's garage, it can stay there.

[outlaw118]

Smoll update: Workshite's EML came on yesterday, pootling along at 55, it coughed, and carried on. No loss of power or clouds of smoke, just an annoying orange light. 
Matey at the depot said not to be too worried (I'm REALLY not) it might reset overnight.

It hasn't.

I'll see what happens tomorrow.

Also some one, who I suspect may live in a caravan hit the nsr quarter with his Transit tipper loaded with scrap. It's scratched about 6 inches, most of it will probably polish out, but he didn't stop to look. When I enquired as to his vision and parentage, he shouted back that I should go away. Or similar. 

[outlaw118]

So, fleet update.

Megamoose: Currently all good. Both front tyres replaced about 6 weeks ago, NSF was fooked, as advised above, and by the time I got the inclination to sort that out, the OSF was pretty much down to the wear bars. NSR wheel bearing replaced - I was convinced it was the front, but when matey got it up on the lift, all became clear. He also said that there was something noisy going on at the back - I've forgotten what he said, but it may have been the transfer box or driveshaft.... not a biggy as the 4WD system packed up a while ago, so there's no point poking at it. It'll get fixed a) if I can be arsed/afford it or b) when I get the "sealed for life*" gearbox serviced before I get it chipped. Unless I change my mind again, and flog it. It's not ULEZ friendly, and the boundaries are so vague, I got pinged by one of Mayor Khant's camera's the other day on the way to my late grandad's wife's house in Chingford. I checked the website, put in postcode, confirmed outside the ULEZ zone. Yeah, it is but it depends which way you go apparently - Waterworks Corner off the A406 is in the zone apparently. So that was £75 up my shirt. With the upcoming expansion of said zone, it'll come perilously close to home, and it'll limit a lot of journeys. Yeah, SWMBO's Kia is compliant, but a) it's NOT a long distance proposition b) I can't smerk fags in it c) it's as slow as fuck

All this leads me to:

Workshite: The old Pig has gone. Completely by surprise, was at our monthly meeting in Peterboghorror early January, around 2pm The Boss says, Oh, your new van is ready. It's in the car park.....

I trundle out at the end of the meeting - it's not new, but it's a 20 Plate new shape Combo - the one that's a Peugeot / Citroen / Toyota too. Just over 20k miles, been used by a meter reader who's had an electric van foisted on him. 

I'd been led to believe, as per previous updates, I'd be keeping the old van until it developed something expensive - the clutch was starting to go, I had an off record conversation with the workshop, and was told to drive it till it pops, and it'll probably be repaired, as clutches are cheap. However The Big Boss had gotten her knickers in a twist over the ULEZ which WILL effect my work - I sometimes have to stray within the proposed zone, and I'd already mentioned that I would either refuse to do the work as they are notoriously shit at paying expenses, or someone in the department with a company credit card can pay it as I go along. I reckon that probably had something to do with the unexpectedly swift replacement.

however, all is not plain sailing. The back of the van is bigger than the old one, at least at first glance. Open the cargo doors and it's a different matter. It's absolutely full of racking that I don't need, and is impractical for the boxes of shite I carry around; mainly stationery, but a few tools. It's all fair quality racking, but it's taken all the space that I'd previously used. Both side doors open, and the racking faces you - open the back doors and there's more, and a Teal Unit sink thing on the back door, which won't stay in the up/clipped position, which is a massive ballache. It's also filthy. I might give it a proper clean, but I'm also going to request a replacement without so much racking in it, as I had to leave two boxes of branded kitchen roll (don't ask) and some other stuff in my boss's car.

Also it had a weird thing going on with the wipers, the blades appeared to be fucked. I messaged the workshop, informing Matey that his favourite* fat bloke had a new van, and requesting a set of new blades. I trundled up there next day, had them fitt4ed, but it hasn't resolved the issue of a sizeable uncleared area on the screen right in front of me; it's like the blades aren't touching the screen for about 3 inches of the sweep right in front of me. Now, if it was my car, I'd be bending the arms or similar, but it's not so, when it goes for it's first MoT it'll have to be sorted. Due next month, so I'll put up with it until then. 

Two other things, Old Pig was limited to an indicated 70mph, which, according to the satnav was around 66. This thing, despite the sticker on it's arse saying "Vehicle limited to 68mph" it isn't. An indicated 62, satnav 60. Whilst it's not a big difference, it feels worse, as it actually gets to terminal velocity a lot quicker and more smoothly that the old one, so it makes the limiter seem more harsh if you get my drift.

It's got a USB slot in the DAB radio, so I've loaded a lot of stuff onto my old MP3 player - I now need to work out how to use that properly, as it only seems to want to play everything in alphabetical order.......

 

New Arrival: Won't take long to guess, but here's a sneak peek. Back soon you KRAZY KIDZ

 

[outlaw118]

Megamoose has FTP'd this morning.

Twice, 2nd one currently ongoing.

Went out last night, as described in the Grumpy Fred, and by the time I got home the fuel light was on. Couldn't be arsed with it, so went out this morning to get the paper and some bread, and stopped off at the garage and got some Ultimate Superduper Dizz. All good.

drove to shop - less than 5 minutes, got a paper, loaf and some smoky treats. Came out wouldn't start.

Called Green Flag, their contractors (Goldstones) were there within 20 minutes. he prodded and poked, said it seemed like fuel starvation, but didn't know if there's a bleed pump on it, so squirted some lynx into the air filter, and she started. Drove home, 5 minutes.

had wee, gave SWMBO the paper, realized we needed milk, and had stuff to drop at Mutha_Outlaws. Went out, no start. Battery on it's arse, so now charging. 

What a pain in the arse.

[inconsistant]

Hope you get that sorted Bob. Not much help probably but when we had our V70 I found it helped to watch a few youtube vids of Swedish Chef before tackling issues. You’re welcome!

It’s encouraging to see someone else on here updating their car thread with the same regularity and enthusiasm as me. 

Happy new year fella, look forward to catching up in 2024 xx

[outlaw118]

So, it's been a year AGAIN, but in my defence I've had a few technical issues.

Let's start with Outlaw_Junior's Focus. It is no more. On a frosty morning in October, on his way home from his night shift, so 6.00am ish, he descended the slope to his underground car park at his flat, slowly at first, but at increasing speed, because ice, and took out the remote control shutter on the entrance. I have no doubt it was a fault with the car, he drives like an old woman. The bottom of the door hit the front just at the top of the headlights, went over the bonnet, broke the windscreen, scraped the roof then broke the rear window.  I took a couple of photos at the time, but can't find them now, but I'm sure your collective imaginations will suffice. As a result, he took Megamoose for a couple of days, and then swapped it for SWMBO's Rio, because ULEZ. 

The Rio's MoT came due in November, which ended up being an expense; nothing out of the ordinary, brakes and tyres, the front tyres due to wear, and the rears due to age deterioration. Front discs and pads. £850 or close to; we've not have any real expenditure on it for years, so it was deemed to be worth doing. He's still smoking about in it, but we'll have it back soon, as he's bought a 1 owner 2016 BMW X1 direct from a Main Stealer, which he's waiting for the logbook to stick his private plate on. I haven't asked him how much, but if it's as good as it looks, it'll be worth it - most options fitted, less than 50k, one lady owner, full BMW history.....

 

Miss_Outlaw's Bravo keeps plodding on. It was dragged into Outlaw Valeting Services in September whilst her and SWMBO went out for the day. Think I had a better time than they did to be honest, there's something really satisfying about cleaning an absolutely bogging car! MoT just passed; needed a rear exhaust box, and a light bulb - my "tame" tester round the corner didn't see the EML light.....

Workshite Blingo - two punctures in quick succession is a PITA but hardly the van's fault. Service light came on a bit early @  16000ish miles, probably due to the amount of stop-start stuff it has to suffer. It's got an Adblue tank which it seemed to get through at a fair rate of knots in the summer, but I was doing 300miles+ daily for about 3 weeks, so understandable. Got the van end of July with 7500ish on it, now showing 18875, so it's taken a beating. The only other minor issue, which may or may not be the van's fault, my ancient MP3 player has stopped playing on random, and now just wants to play in alphabetical order. I've fiddled with the settings, and only succeeded in putting it on repeat. Ho Hum.

 

Capri - nothing to report AGAIN, I've moved it onto some skates and shoved it accross the garage to free up a bit of space, and Junior has moved quite a bit of stuff out - enough that once it warms/dries up a bit I'll be able to sort the garage out properly and get her out. 

 

Moose update coming up, and it's not good.

[outlaw118]

So, I've been umming and aahing for a while about getting something else, but at the start of October myself and Outlaw_Junior spent one of the last decent Sunday afternoons crawing about underneath Moose (I took it to his workplace where they've got lots of toys), and the general consensus was she needed discs and pads all round - they might have passed depending on the tester, but the front discs were quite lipped, so would have needed machining. The rear / parking brake has been advisory for the last couple of years, and whilst we attempted to adjust them, they were still shit. The front suspension was creaky - I can't remember which bush it was, but it needed doing, (tie-rods?) and it needed ANOTHER tyre. All perfectly doable but with other issues it was becoming debateable whether we'd go ahead. She had also started to become a bit thirsty, both for oil and water/coolant, no sign of any leaks of either, although there was more clag than usual upon giving her the beans. No sign of mayo in the cap, and the reservoir smelt ok...... The other two main problems were the ULEZ status, as mentioned before. Whilst I don't stray into the zone very often, in the foregoing two weeks Junior has been redecorating his flat, and getting wardrobes and stuff, which wouldn't fit in his Focus, so I paid the charge about 4 times in 2 weeks, yeah, £50, but also a PITA.  Lastly SWMBO's limbs were becoming a problem. Not only her right knee needing a replacement, where she's been using crutches, she's ruined her shoulders now too, so hoisting herself in and out was becoming increasingly painful. 

In view of the potential for borkage, I decided that despite there being a couple of 'shiters who had expressed an interest, it's not good form to flog something on here with potentially terminal issues, so I started trawling Auto Trader and eBay for something from a dealer who would take her as a part-ex for something.

 

I set myself a maximum budget of £15k; the bank seem to like me at the moment, the mortgage is paid off, so I decided to pay the same sort of amount on a loan. The short list was Volvo XC60/V60/V90, Hyundai Tuscon, Kia Sportage, Alfa Stelvio. There were a few others that fell by the wayside, such as an Alfa Guila (can't afford a Quattroformaggio), Peugeot 508 (it's a Peugeot) and a frivolous look at Merc E63 Wagons too.

Xc60 was crossed off as being just a little too high up, and the spec and colour I wanted wasn't appearing in the searches close enough mileage-wise. V90's again, in the spec and colour were all too far away and/or over budget. I Enquired about a V60 in Car Giant, spoke to SWMBO about it, and got approval; something happened which meant I couldn't leave straightaway, and when I rang the next morning, wallet in hand it's gone.  Looked at a Tuscon locally but whilst I liked the car, and Madam did too, but it was Manuel not Bader, so it didn't happen. A mate has got a blue Sportage and she loves it, and as we've had no bother with The Appliance, so with SWMBO's approval I began the search. One popped up local - 2 miles! - away, so we scooted down to have a look, only to see it disappearing out of the gates as we turned up. They had another one there, in black, which I specifically didn't want, and in a lower spec, but she could get in and out easily enough, so I went home to search.

I found one, a 1.6 CRDi 4 in Flame Blue, on a 68 plate, in Tonbridge, about 45 minutes away. £14999 plus a wanky £250 "admin fee". 67000 2 previous owners, service history. We trundled over, had a sit, pressed a few buttons, all seemed fine. He gave me £1000 trade-in for Moose, I paid a deposit (this was a Sunday) and arranged to collect after a full service and a valet the following Friday.

As an aside I managed to have my photo taken on the M25 on the way home for 54 in a 40.....just done the course!

Anyhoo, Friday came, I said an emotional goodbye to Moose (actual tears in the roadworks - what a wuss!) and I collected a shiny blue thing. Goes well for a 1600 Dizzle, 135 horses apparently, but it's not dragging something that weighs the same as a sub post office around.

Tuesday (ie 3 days later) wifey rings me on the way home from work, says there a light on the dash, orange, looks like a cafetiere.... I got home, had a look, checked the book, and as I suspected, it's the DPF, also confirmed when starting, the car does a "system check" then bings at me with a message "check exhaust system". Balls. At this point I was prepared to give the car the benefit of the doubt; Madam's journey to work is about 3 miles in stop-start traffic, and so had been done 4 times at this point. I surmised that it needed a decent run, so after I'd had my tea I gave it an Italian tune up, up to Stanstead Airport, whereupon it threw the EML on too, and went into limp mode. 

Took it back to the garage on Friday, their mechanic blokey plugged it in and attempted to do a regen. His generic software wouldn't work apparently, so they sent me to an "expert" 10 miles up the road. He couldn't do it either. We were due to go to her mate's in Burton that weekend - matey said it'd be fine albeit a bit slow.

I rang the supplying garage, they said they'd deliver a courtesy car the following week - they did, a Honda Jazz with 195000 on it! which we had for 3 weeks during which time various people prodded, poked and played parts-darts with it, ultimately it went to Maidstone Kia for a thermostat. Car was delivered back, and within a day the light was back on. I went to Kia direct at this point, the gave us a 74 plate Kia Xceed with 2000 miles on it. The allegedly cleaned sensors and cleared codes. I collected it after 3 days, and before I'd even got back onto the M20 the DPF light was back on. I turned round, took it straight back.

After much arguing, it was rebooked for 16/1/25 as we needed a courtesy car, this time a black Xceed with 1800 miles on it. It had started to run really badly in the few days preceeding; like it was running on 3, with the whole car vibrating like a fucked washing machine.

I got a call to say the DPF was over 70% full, and an injector had shat itself, and the bill for repair clean, blah blah will be £1400 odd. Fine, I said, I'm not paying it, it's either still under Kia warranty, or warranty from when you fart-arsed about with it before, or it's under warranty from the dealer I bought it from. I rang the supplying garage, and it would appear something has been agreed; I've heard nothing since. Kia have booked the courtesy car out until Wednesday, so we'll see. I've told the supplier that it gets sorted, or I'll have a refund, so watch this space.

 

 

 

 

 

[Cavcraft]

Bit of a shit start for you there, Sir Bob. Hope it gets fixed and you get to enjoy knocking about in it.

[Bren]

My car is back with the supplying trader due to numerous issues. They have had the car for eight days - I should have it back tomorrow.

Shit happens - but it takes the shine off.

I hope you get things sorted.

[outlaw118]

So, last |Wednesday came and went, radio silence from all parties, so I foolishly assumed everything was getting sorted.

Nope.

Phone call this morning saying they need the loan car back, as the supplying garage had failed to authorise the work, and by the way, there's a charge for the loan vehicle of £12.50 per day, plus vat, as there was to be no repair, as a stalemate appeared to have been reached. I emailed the service manager at the supplying garage, and she denied that she'd refused to pay, she insisted that all work should be covered by Kia warranty, either the 7 year one, or the 2 year one that Kia Maidstone gave on parts previously replaced. No matter I said, you can have it back, "please note that this is an official notification of myself rejecting this vehicle, as it is clearly not fit for purpose".

More emailed bollocks followed, which I ignored. I collected my car from Kia, and drove straight to the dealer, and bypassed the service manager, and managed to speak to the owner.

He's agreed to refund everything, and was at a loss to explain why this had taken so long to sort out, as he has a pet mechanic off site that he is "100%" certain would have fixed it first time.

 

So, watch this space.

[nev_jr]

So… is it being binned? Not being binned?

[outlaw118]

1 hour ago, nev_jr said:

So… is it being binned? Not being binned?

It's going, just waiting for dates and shizz.

I forecast dreadful illness for you soon 😉

[nev_jr]

27 minutes ago, outlaw118 said:

It's going, just waiting for dates and shizz.

I forecast dreadful illness for you soon 😉

Let me know and I’ll plant the seed, finally get some use out of my acting career.

Or eat copious amounts of raw meat. 

[inconsistant]

It’s a nice blue. 
 

Don’t forget to leave a dog poo in a bag hidden  behind a rear light access panel. 

[outlaw118]

I now am (sort of) car-less. Returned to the dealer this morning, he's paid me (most) of my money back - the diagnostics and loan car hasn't been paid despite the service manager promising it would be, but matey assured me he'd sort it.

And the cheeky twats have it advertised on their website already!2018 Kia Sportage 4 £14,999

 

[nev_jr]

And from my understanding a carlection is planned, however the FA cup calls for me I’m afraid so it’s slightly postponed. 
 

If you need a car, borrow one of mine. 

[outlaw118]

On 07/02/2025 at 13:13, outlaw118 said:

And the cheeky twats have it advertised on their website already!2018 Kia Sportage 4 £14,999

Now with photos....including some of the dash with the EML on FFS....

[outlaw118]

So, a collection has taken place, assisted by @nev_jr and his C63 (chosen because of tunnels on route)

No pictures, (see above, it's exactly the same colour and age, except pez and AWD now) and nothing untoward, no dramas.

There was some childish behaviour in aforesaid tunnels, and I've attempted to record the sonic majesty of a V8 being given the beans, but it's not really captured it. Will review and post if necessary.

Slight PITA, I sent the £££ I thought was outstanding after payment of the deposit, only to be informed of and admin fee, I mean, WHAT THE FUCK??!! £150 extra, on top of everything else.

Signed up for the service plan too, it's currently got full Kia history, at the same dealer, and the package was for the next 3 services (10k or 1 year) for £640. After doing some digging the likely cost would have been around £900 but the timing chain will need doing towards the end of the term, so that'll add a few quid onto the prospective bill, which is now included.

Lets see how this one goes; can't be any worse than the last one.

[nev_jr]

It wasn’t childish, it was necessary 

[outlaw118]

Here's some piss-poorly shot video of necessary childishness. Volume up. KTHNXBAI

 

[outlaw118]

Doovla appear to have their shit together - online anyway.

Did the reg documents at the dealership on Saturday, and logbook arrived today. Can't knock that.

And then, as an added Brucie Bonus, I applied for change of vehicle on the Local Residents Dart Charge thingy at 13.50, and i got the "it's all done" email at 15.15.

Colour me amazed etc.