The Unlikely Departure of Mason the LS400...[may be TL:DR]

[rantingYoof]

Everyone on here loves a bit of a tale, with photographs, so I thought I'd give you an update on my car situation in an unnecessarily long-winded fashion, to while away a very cold grey Sunday afternoon.

 

My 1995 LS400, bought for the bargain price of £920 with 12 months MOT in June, proved to be a stunningly refined and typically over-engineered mile-muncher and daily driver, if a little damp and thirsty. Having disposed of a 250 mile round trip in a single day without even blinking (and achieving 30+mpg), he had proved that even after 140k and 20 years, he was still more than capable of doing what he was designed to do.

 

The thirst never really bothered me - I do 20 miles a day during the week, if that - but the probably-dodgy O2 sensor-element caused the car to spend five minutes viciously warming up every time it was started from cold, and then the leaky boot was beginning to grate on my nerves just a little bit.

 

Now that the clocks have gone back and I want a car I can jump into and drive off in after work when it's pitch black, cold and wet, and with the prospect of having to do work-related driving around a rural area of the country where a twelvety-metre long car wasn't very appropriate, it was time to sadly list Mason for sale and say goodbye.

 

Time for a proper clean at the local friendly supermarket carpark car-wash...for a 20 year old slightly-bruised brute Mason came out pretty well...

 

 

I wasn't in any rush to say goodbye, and I wanted to find a replacement in the intermediate time, so I whacked Mason on Gumtree and Preloved with a frankly optimistic asking price of £1295. My adverts are as long-winded as my forum posts and I go for a policy of brutal honesty, essentially admitting that Mason leaked, he needed TLC, and was cosmetically-challenged, and had no cambelt history apart from an engine sticker confirming a change in the year 2000 and 70,000 miles ago (interval 10yrs or 60k).

 

Unsurprisingly, I had no interest at all.

 

Roll forwards a couple of weeks and I am now wanting to sell. I amend Preloved and Gumtree and list on Autotrader, taking out some of the brutal honesty, replacing it with modest admission of TLC being required on various points but otherwise the car being a splendid example with another 140k left in it. The price was slashed mercilessly down to £995.

 

A few days passes and the weekend 14th/15th November arrives.

 

My car hunting has stepped up a gear, so SnrYoof and myself set out on a freezing cold, windy and wet Saturday morning to view a few cars I've located on 'Trader.

 

My budget was quite high (well, it was up to £3k, but to certain Autoshiters this represents well over a dozen purchases), so I wasn't looking for a do-er-upper at all. It had to be 10 years old or newer, so I wasn't going to accept anything that wasn't reasonable wear on a 10yr old car with a reasonable mileage. I didn't want the car to have any issues that needed DIYing or sorting out before I could just enjoy it.

 

What an utterly shite day. We drove over 100 miles around the southern midlands, north of M25 but south of Junction 14, looking at various cars being sold by dodgy, unscrupulous dealers who had advertised them misleadingly.

 

The first car was a '57 Mondeo 2.0 Titanium X with under 100k and for £2800ish. Petrol. Arrived, parked up, walked over to vehicle. Noticed within 30 seconds that it had a completely flat rear tyre, a knackered driver's seat, and then the front end showed clear signs of a badly repaired crash, with a wonderful gap under one headlight but not the other. Walk away.

 

The second car was a '06 Volvo S60 2.4 SE D5. Highish mileage, £2950. Arrived, parked up, walked over to vehicle. Seller gave me key, car looked pretty good in black. Tyres were a bit low on tread. Got in - interior alright too. Turn key, engine starts, dashboard lights up with warnings, and an ominous message about a blocked soot filter or something appears on the computer. Get out, walk away.

 

The third car was an '05 Jaguar X-Type 2.5 V6, advertised as having a full service history. It was £2,500 or something, I don't really remember. Arrived, passed the key by chatty dealer. Got in. Smoker's car. Okay, I can deal with this. Sat in it, yes, very comfortable, nice interior etc. Got out, spoke to dealer a bit. Oh...full service history? What I meant was, there's no book at all, no stamps, nothing except the DVLA print-out anyone can obtain from the new Government website. By the way, we've just MOTed it, and it originally failed....on RUST. We've welded just enough to make it passable but you can see some surface rust down there, near the driver's door.

 

Walk. The shite. Away.

 

I didn't get to see a second X-Type estate, which had been used by the dealer until it broke its radiator, and was in the 'shop. The dealer was very nice, spoke about it on the phone, apologised that I wasn't able to see it that day, and in fairness it sounded like a nice, straight car.

 

But we'd had enough. We took refuge in a Morrison's cafe in Leighton Buzzard and consoled ourselves with incredibly cheap-tasting food.

 

NOW....time for a quick diversion from the main plot, for anyone who's not ZZZing yet

 

I have a friend who lives in Aberdeen. He owns the awesome green Gaudi A4, and goes by the name of Supernaut. Him and his two mates are completely mental, and on Friday 13th decided to drive from Aberdeen, to Preston, where they spent the night. On Saturday morning, they set off for Birmingham. Specifically, the NEC, so they could attend the classic car show.

 

Yup, nutters.

 

Anyway, on the stupidly long drive down in a red, 1.0 Ecoboost Fiesta, Supernaut's friend confesses completely separately from any other discussion, that he is looking at LS400s, and that he has seen a very cheap blue one for sale. He describes it, and Supernaut pipes up "Oh yeah, I know the guy selling that. He lives down this way."

 

So it's on this basis that on Saturday morning I get a Faceache message telling me that I might be getting a visit later that day.

 

Now I have to confess to not taking this too seriously, if only because of how goddamn far out of the way I live from Birmingham, if your home is in Scotland. I'm an hour further south from Birmingham NEC, down the M1.

 

So back to the main plot - I've shared some texts during the day with Supernaut, and I'd just sent him the following: "Worst car hunting day ever, although I do now fancy an S60. How is the show?" 15 minutes passes and I'm assuming they've all fallen asleep in the corner of one of NEC's halls. I'm sitting in Morrisons eating the world's worst chips and I suddenly get a text message. Quoted: "It's good, just heading out now. Your postcode, sir?"

 

So my face: "Wat".

 

SnrYoof and I then have a bit of a frantic drive back from Leighton Buzzard (via the rusty X-Type), and upon arrival at home I find three rather tired-looking Scottish lads loitering in the street (they'd already alarmed MrsYoof to the point where I got a worried phone-call).

 

So I then show my car to Supernaut's friend, a 22 year old chap looking for a cheap luxobarge to waft about in. Mason is not looking his best. He's rather filthy, and has a proper indoor water feature in the boot thanks to the horrific weather during the day.

 

I start him up and he pollutes the street for several minutes doing his warm-up thang. I point out every single fault. Fortunately the advert is honest enough for there to be no nasty surprises. I take them all out for a 15 minute drive once Mason's warmed up, and its when everyone is inside and Mason is convincing everyone he has stalled, before I engage PWR and stamp on the throttle and show everyone that indeed he is very much on, that he sells himself.

 

Within an hour of arriving back home, I've compiled all of the paperwork together, and Mason is sold, for the asking price of £995! The chap looks slightly worried - he's not told his parents that part of his 900 mile round trip would involve purchasing a Lexus - but pleased too. I put all the upholstery back in the boot, including the SARS-ridden spare wheel.

 

All paperwork accounted for, signed, dated, receipts hastily written by me, and suddenly I'm standing outside bleakly coming to terms with the fact that I'd just driven Mason for the last time and I was about to be car-less.

 

However, Supernaut and my two new mates were all slowly realising exactly what lay in front of them. 470 miles of dark, rainy driving. Through the night. In convoy, of course - a red Fiesta 1.0 Ecoboost and an LS400. Never have you seen two more opposite ends of an automotice spectrum!

 

I glumly watch as Mason has various sugary drinks and things transferred to him, and he is reversed off the driveway, and then disappears out of the street, taking the directions to the nearest petrol station provided by myself.

 

The amount of sadness I felt was immense. I was hoping for a bit more of a warning before losing Mason, but I guess it was for the best that it was all over quickly!

 

And the best part is I can now keep an eye on him via Supernaut and my new friends! Not that I suspect anything will happen, of course - it's just nice knowing that at least one of my previous 15 or so cars does still live on and is doing what it does best.

 

But that's not the end of the story. The trip to his new home was in itself an adventure. We've worked out that they left the petrol station a mile from my house at around 6pm.

 

19:09 Supernaut: We found power mode on the gearbox

 

This was "north of Birmingham", so that's pretty good time in just over an hour.

 

Then a loooong wait.

 

22:40 Supernaut: Just stopped in Gretna, ended up going up west.

 

Some Googling from me and I realised that this was the border, some 250ish miles north of my house. From there, another 220 miles or so, so going by the time that was sent I realised they were a long way from any proper sleep.

 

No more text messages, however a photograph appeared on Facebook at around 12.30am from the passenger in the LS400 at the time...

"Currently on the M9 between Glasgow and Sterling now. Lashing rain most of the trip and Supernaut has been doing most of the driving. I'm just enjoying being passenger in an LS rather than driver."

 

The passenger owns a 2000 model with the 290hp VVTI engine and 5spd manual box and a stainless steel exhaust making it sound rather AMGish. Very nice.

 

Aaaand then, even later on, at 1.37am...(face blurred as they don't know they're being included in this EPIC POST OF NO PURPOSE)

"Not far to go...440 miles on a full tank and only just below the 1/4 mark. It's been a long day."

 

This was taken in Dundee. "Not far to go" translates into 66 miles.

 

Nowt more, unsurprisingly, until the next morning, when Supernaut found me on Faceache chat and confessed that the arrival time in Aberdeen was 3am.

 

Nine hours.

 

Nine fecking hours.

 

Insanity, pure and simple.

 

p.s Mason won further affection and praise by simply nomming the 500 miles or so thrown at him without any kind of pre-trip service preparation - those miles simply vanished into the lovely thrumming V8. What a car.

 

p.p.s The car itself actually now lives in a small town 20 miles north of Aberdeen. Where I live in the midlands, I am now 10 miles closer to The Nurburgring than I am to my old Lexus LS400.

 

p.p.p.s The very next day SnrYoof and I went to the other side of Coventry to look-at and then buy a '55 Volvo S60 2.0T, with 99k on the clock, cambelt history, FSH, and three receipts from previous services. Good news: apparently I also love five cyclinder 20v turbo-charged barges (which do 43mpg on the drive home).

[richardmorris]

Lexus looks great. I'm a better the devil you know person and would have kept it and done the belt rather than suffer your hassle of car shopping.

Seems to my eye that they were lexus' attempt at a Mercedes and probably better for the money.

[dollywobbler]

That is indeed very long, but very worthy. I know what it's like when you get that super-quick sale and realise the car has gone before you've come to terms with it merely being up for sale. Doesn't happen often but does leave you a bit wibbly. My Rover P6B was a key example.

 

That's one hell of a caper though isn't it? Scotland really is very big. And a very long way away.

[Richard]

[richardmorris]

Kermit!

[Pillock]

Wow, are you really closer to the Ring of Tits than Aberdeen?

That was a nice read, don't ever apologise for long threads like that. Car content, a story, it was like some bizarre reverse collection thread. Dispersal thread? Who knows. I do know that seems a lot of car for three figures though, my wife's father-in-law (don't ask) had one of these as a company car costing many tens of thousands of pounds. Isn't depreciation great? (Until you're selling). Mind you he also had a company Saab 900SE, and when I took him out in my 9-3 he couldn't get his head around how it was a new car, but not a new car, and I'd bought it for what he saw as a couple of monthly payments. 

 

Must be contagious, even that paragraph was quite long for "Great story, thanks".

[billyboy406v6]

Excellent story, really enjoyable, thought I was on the Blue forum !

[Mr_Bo11ox]

10/10 splendid work

[trigger]

Great thread. I couldn't think of many better cars for that kind of epic road trip than a Lexus.

 

They done well though, I was shagged when I got home from the NEC and that was only 8.30pm!

[For Fiats Sake]

Great story, though ending up with a car driven mainly by twunts is as disappointing as my spelling.

 

I was convinced (hoped) you'd end up in a Jag!

[stripped fred]

It may be long but it was an interesting post and I enjoyed it. It may have a few minor issues but it's still a hell of a lot of car for the money.

[rantingYoof]

Great story, though ending up with a car driven mainly by twunts is as disappointing as my spelling.

 

I was convinced (hoped) you'd end up in a Jag!

 

The S60 does have a bit of repmobile-dominating-the-outside-lane about it, I admit. Mine is a dark grey with an evil towbar on the back to make sure anything that hits the back of me comes off worse.

 

 

 

 

Yup, I'm already a twunt by the sounds of it. Match made in heaven.

[Spottedlaurel]

Shame you've had to let it go, but I'd say you got a good price.

 

Mine's off the road at present with a flat battery, just waiting for payday to come round so I can get a new one. At present I'm having to drive the same car to work every day of the week, rubbish!

[Supernaut]

That is indeed my usual car.

 

I ended up driving Mason more than his new owner, because his new owner was more concerned with keeping the Fiesta (on a lease) in good condition, so I used my 3rd party cover on any vehicle to drive Mason from about Preston all the way up to Aberdeen.

 

The photo in Dundee was me. The lack of texts were because I was buzzing on energy drinks and staring at rain at 70mph. The full-beams on Mason are amazing though!

 

The worst part of the journey was at about 2:15am, 10 miles south of Aberdeen. I was getting cold sweats from the come-down from the energy drinks...

 

The story behind this...

 

19:09 Supernaut: We found power mode on the gearbox

This was before I swapped over to drive it. Mason's new owner said to me "This one doesn't feel as fast as 17-Coffees' one" (17-Coffees is the owner of the other LS400 in question). So I turned to him and said "That's because he drives it in power mode most of the time."

We found the power mode button, pressed it, and he stamped on the loud pedal. The car jumped to about 5.5k rpm and we're pretty sure it left a crease in the tarmac. We both shouted in unison "Holy shit!"

 

 

All in all, the LS400 is a lovely, lovely car. Even Mason sounds nice with those back boxes with the quad tips. However, when I got in the A4 the day after to go visit some other friends I realised I actually had some steering feel and some handling again.

[17-Coffees]

Bit late finding this thread, but it was indeed an epic trip and pure luck that rantingYoof & Supernaut know each other, and talk of me trying to get both the new owner and Supernaut to get a barge of there own came up on the trip down the night before. 

 

2 week's ago me & the new owner decided to have a meet up to annoy the local yoof's & barrys in Aberdeen, ended up in the empty end of a underground car park not looking suspicious in the slightest...

I know quite a few people in the local "scene",and it fairly surprised them to see 2 LS's roll up.

 

He's keeping Marson is good order, touching up bit's here and there and plan's to keep on at it, and will be going to see about the paint & maybe get the wheels refurbished soon pending price.  

 

Also just to correct a few things said about mine. It is't a 5-speed manual (Sadly) just the normal 5 speed slushbox that the post-97 cars have, and don't drive with power mode on all that often. More to annoy unsuspecting yoof's on the dueler or when drag racing the car at Crail. Power mode & entering kick-down really makes it shift...well for a 90's luxo-barge anyway.

[rantingYoof]

Yeah I'm not sure where I got 5spd manual from!

 

Good to see it parked up alongside its younger bruv.

[Spottedlaurel]

Also just to correct a few things said about mine. It is't a 5-speed manual (Sadly) just the normal 5 speed slushbox that the post-97 cars have, and don't drive with power mode on all that often. More to annoy unsuspecting yoof's on the dueler or when drag racing the car at Crail. Power mode & entering kick-down really makes it shift...well for a 90's luxo-barge anyway.

 

Do you manually shift yours much? I don't on the road but it worked well on the trackday I did.

 

I did find the extra 20-odd BHP of the VVTi engine and the 5-speed 'box in the '97-on Mk4 made it feel quicker than my Mk3.

 

Payday came for me, battery was purchased and I'm back to wafting around in mine again. The exhaust is hopelessly/wonderfully noisy and I imagine it will need a bit of money spending on it come MoT time  (in which case I ought to get the cam belt etc done), but it's such a great drive I'll do whatever I reasonably can to keep it on the road.