What should be the next 'retro' car?

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

I think Hirst means something like the 2001 Microbus concept, rather than the actual T2.

 

[messerschmitt owner]

Though I am faintly surprised that VW haven't made some retro camper van thing, they could sell them for daft money to cretins all day long.

 

Er, they do don't they? Granted it's made in Brazil or somewhere and not officialy imported but you can buy one, and they are something absurd like £25k

a danbury camper - start at about £19k upwards

[Guest]

Fully aware of the Brazil ones, but they're an old model imported by some private company (and sold for a fortune) - I do indeed mean a bit like what Lenny Henry up there posted, an all-new model. Make a meal out of having as many "twee" features as possible but pointlessly "moderned up" - split windscreen which opens electronically, a wacky old-style twiddle-knob radio which actually contains an absurdly sophisticated satnav, iPod sockets all over the joint, power everything, a tedious choice of turbodiesel engines, all the safety nonsense.

 

Then you release it with an advertising campaign fronted by some pastel-wearing losers driving it around a beach or some toss, make it at least as irritating as the "Joy Machine" one for the HR-V. Emphasize how much you can make yours unique via a ridiculous amount of trims and optional extras - build them pretty much to order. Have some stupid personalization gimmick in which you send a picture to them and they'll install it on your car as a vinyl wrap, but it costs a grand. Have an incredibly lousy crippled base model that no one will buy, just so you can say "Starts at £19,995" (or whatever an acceptable price point is nowadays) when in reality you need to chuck many thousands more in the hat before it becomes a viable option. Make out to people that you could have one instead of a car, but in reality they'd probably need one as well (which you can sell them later). Produce out-of-the-box camper vans with proper cookers and beds and suchlike - charge an absolute fortune for them. Provide many free ones to TV companies so they can be the transport of choice for quirky/alternative/cool characters. Do the official unveiling at some crappy national music festival, have Bono drive it on stage before whinging about Africa whilst wearing silly sunglasses. Offer (seemingly) very attractive all-in-one finance/insurance deals so every student in the world can get one (and be paying it back longer than their student loan). Every year, release new ones with more windows in the roof, so people feel pressured into getting it because it has MORE WINDOWS!

 

Then fill a swimming pool with gold coins and swim around in it like on the intro to Ducktales.

[Jozza]

I do indeed mean a bit like what Lenny Henry up there posted, an all-new model..............................Then fill a swimming pool with gold coins and swim around in it like on the intro to Ducktales.

 

Bravo, sir! Never has the utter shallowness and pointlessness of the faux-premium, fashion-accessory, "Be an indivdual in the same way as everyone else" marketing bollocks of the modern 'retro' car been so perfectly nailed.

 

My hat is well and truely doffed in your direction.

[barrett]

The fact that you don't work in the marketing department for a major car maker is frankly astonishing. Just copy + paste that last post and send it as a CV to Volkswagon AT ONCE!

[eddyramrod]

Outstanding post, Hirst, but you did forget one thing (or possibly just took it for granted...): the new version, regardless of whatever its heritage might be or the uses to which it might be put, HAS to be FWD, it's the law these days.

[Tayne]

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[Guest]

The fact that you don't work in the marketing department for a major car maker is frankly astonishing. Just copy + paste that last post and send it as a CV to Volkswagon AT ONCE!

I'd be too much of a one-trick pony, all my other ideas would involve bringing back the Hyundai Stellar.

[Albert Ross]

The fact that you don't work in the marketing department for a major car maker is frankly astonishing. Just copy + paste that last post and send it as a CV to Volkswagon AT ONCE!

I'd be too much of a one-trick pony, all my other ideas would involve bringing back the Hyundai Stellar.

 

Bring it back? You mean it left?

[Negative Creep]

The fact that you don't work in the marketing department for a major car maker is frankly astonishing. Just copy + paste that last post and send it as a CV to Volkswagon AT ONCE!

I'd be too much of a one-trick pony, all my other ideas would involve bringing back the Hyundai Stellar.

 

 

Are you planning to make a 4x4 coupe version? Then I might be interested

[eddyramrod]

The fact that you don't work in the marketing department for a major car maker is frankly astonishing. Just copy + paste that last post and send it as a CV to Volkswagon AT ONCE!

I'd be too much of a one-trick pony, all my other ideas would involve bringing back the Hyundai Stellar.

 

 

Are you planning to make a 4x4 coupe version? Then I might be interested

 

If done 50s style with fins and chrome, obviously...

[HillmanImp]

Can we do Hirsts post in the style of Trainspotting? Its bob on.

[overheadvalve]

This seems to be the right idea... all in 2d, but it's a start eh?

 

http://www.dmmultimedia.com/capri2006_01.htm

 

I quite like this but the fact, as mentioned above that it would be front wheel drive would kill the idea stone dead for me, i mean what would Bodie and Doyle make of a front wheel drive Capri.....

Ford Thames anyone?

[eddyramrod]

Ford Thames anyone?

 

The 400E? I can see that, it could be FWD with a Scooby flat 4 and a low rear floor. What am I saying???? FWD???? In a VAN???????? Who are you and what have you done with eddyramrod?

 

Actually, something like that could go down quite well, as long as it was diesel and didn't sup too heavily.

[overheadvalve]

Aye, or the little 'un

Possible called the Esquire? with windows it could be Fords answer to the bag of plastic shit that is Berlingo.....maybe?

I reckon it's about time a retro van was introduced, think of the exposure that would bring to your business sir etc etc

[trigger]

Can we do Hirsts post in the style of Trainspotting? Its bob on.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only reading Hirsts post and having 'choose life' running through my head at the same time!

[barrett]

Just saw this..... opinions?

http://www.clutchd.com/2009/10/tokyo-2009-preview-the-cute-but-electrical-honda-ev-n-concept.html/

[ProgRocker]

Dodge Charger?

[eddyramrod]

Just saw this..... opinions?

 

In my opinion Tim Burton should be lynched for the way he treated Gerry Anderson (why isn't he SIR Gerry???) over his Thunderbirds movie which was a well-deserved flop... oh sorry, did you mean about the car? Looks like the old N600 to me, quite faithful in its way. Is it about the same size as the original? That's the mistake they so often make, bloating the poor thing up until it's four times original size.

[Tayne]

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[Tayne]

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[Formula Autos]

For 100 wealthy punters, there's always this:

http://www.allardj2x.com/j2x-mk2/overview.php

A new Allard (yes, really!).

[seth]

Just saw this..... opinions?

http://www.clutchd.com/2009/10/tokyo-2009-preview-the-cute-but-electrical-honda-ev-n-concept.html/

 

I like that. It looks like a proper small car, just like the original. It'd be nice if they fitted it with an air cooled bike engine too!

[Formula Autos]

Just found this on t'interweb. Apparently the dimensions etc. are based on it being Volvo S80 based.

The Capri seems a popular choice for a rebirth.