S2000 fleet ramblings - Why have 1 Norman Nippy when you can have 3!

[S2000]

Where to start, that’s the thing , so we will start mid 2024 otherwise this will become the story of my life through the 120 plus cars I’ve been the custodian of since 1989. I have had some beauties, and like girlfriends of the past wish I still had them now.

All was good, I had a few cars and a Kwaka Z650RS in the same colour scheme as my old 911 I sold in this parish then during harvest in August I hit some hydraulic fluid and got hurt.

 

Forks snapped, frame bent, two broken knuckles, both rotatcuuffs torn, fucked knee and balls the size of melons which caused the dent on the tank. I got off lightly but 10 months on I’m still not recovered and facing surgery to reattach tendons and break my hand to reset it to gain more mobility. The XRay failed to show the break in the knuckles and it set badly, like lost 30% mobility.

The fleet on the drive at this point consisted of a K74 L200, the wife’s Bini supercharged cabriolet, my BMW G22 and an X1 18D ( more of that later).

L200 with the X1 photo bombing:

The BINI:

 

And I had the W1000 that hated me:

 

I totally lost my shirt on the Wolesley, with my mobility issue (right hand post accident) it took me nearly 6 hours to change the water pump, and it rewarded me by blowing its head gasket so for my mental health I moved it on within this parish.

By the way, I also have an HRV in gold I gifted/leant to a friend and is now back in my ownership, an E34 in my step dads garage and a hybrid modern. I sold the G whatever BMW to a friend, I had owned it for three years and covered a mere 13K miles so it was replaced with the hybrid modern (thanks to Rachel Reeves the BMW was going to hit £650, let’s add the L200, BINI and X1 road tax and things had to change!). At this point it may not appear I have a ‘retro’ fleet, but bear in mind the oldest car is 35 years old and the newest (not including the hybrid) is 15 years old.

Almost forgot the Norman Nippy, more on that later to:

 

 

Purchased from here, it does run but after several sales fell through (plate rapers) I built a shed at the back of my garage and it now looks like this:

 

It will be shot blast and rebuilt, keeping the original plate and most likely be put in my (dry) barn for high days…..

We went away around September to Cornwall and several things became apparent, I could only walk about 300 metres, the X1 was painfully slow and with a torn rotatacuff manual gearboxes are not fun. The X1 is a 18dSE so two wheel drive and a lowly 143BHP through a six speed, while economical on a motorway it’s gutless and a pain due to the number of gear changes needed to progress, now I’m not a fan of remapping engines and putting more strain on them but I was annoyed and would possibly have to drive this more as the my BMW coupe had gone. I spent £250 and it was returned with just shy of 200 BHP but way more torque so it was easier to drive and more efficient.

When I found the X1 it was a mint 83K car being sold as not euro 6 compliant, it now sports touch parking on every corner and some amazing car park damage!

I think we are now end of 2024, only other thing that happened was I hit a muntjac while taking the BINI into storage and damaged the NSF bumper, indicator and fog light thought it wise not to tell the wife about this….

 

 

Following the insurance payout, most said people would hang up the riding gloves and lid, but I went and got this:

 

Easier to ride that the Kawasaki, only 399cc but I still struggle after 30 miles with pain in my right hand, good fun and glad I got back on a bike.

Apart from a duff parking sensor I got for 20 quid off Amazon the X1 does X1 stuff very reliably, economically and boring while returning stellar fuel economy and costing me £16 month road tax, however I’m still struggling with my left arm and trying to engage reverse is more painful than my first divorce. The BINI was forced out of storage in January as the farmer doubled the asking to £100 month for a 20 ft container, it did mean I could fix the damage….. happy wife, happy life!
 

MARCH 2025

I work from home ever since the pandemic hit, prior to that I was away 3-4 weeks of every month, now I have to go to the office infrequently but in March I had to go 3-4 times. Not bad you might think, with the BINI not insured and the X1 in use by the wife I used the BMW hybrid, until it kept telling me the coolant was low. That got despatched to the dealer whom thankfully did all the work under warranty saving me the just shy of £4.5K bill, in the meantime black beauty and I (the L200) were commuting, which it’s not designed for, I use it for walking the Dogs.

 

 

[Matty]

Fucking hell I'd forgotten that. Looking at the damage to the bike you probably did well not to be worse off. Good luck ongoing for the recovery.

[S2000]

March 2025

I don’t get a car allowance or company car, if I go to Partners I could rock up in any old shite and nothing can be said, however the 50 mile commute was grinding me plus due to the snorkel, EGR delete and a few other things the L200 can be ‘Rolling coal’ when provoked. I really did not want to sell the truck but I have no space to keep it and am loathed to pay another £100 to store it plus tax, insurance etc so I braved inhumanity and sold it within 12 hours for the asking! My short list for its replacement was an automatic, around £400 road tax, 4WD, room for the dogs and it had to wade 12 inches of water. When the rain hits with a passion 3 of the 4 roads flood and you either stay at home or drive up a big hill that goes nowhere near civilisation but to more floods, never use to happen until the building started (over development) with no thought to the infrastructure. So, at the time we had an XC70 and Aldi Allroad that didn’t quite fit and my shortlist was Range Rover TDV8, ML, Jeep, X5, Touareg, Q5, Q7, X5, Disco Inferno. 
 

Here is the thing to narrow the list quickly, it has to be no later than 2006 (or so I thought) to hit the robbing Reeves tax threshold….. long story short the wife hates Merc’s as her Dad worked for them so they were off the list, all the Volvo and Aldi’s were a flight away and the only RR I liked and looked at had bad rear wheel arches and crazy electrical issues. An X5 came up in bronzite with beige leather from a driveway seller (AS Spec) but either the bags or pump were US and he was not willing to fix it. I nearly bought a 2008 7 series from the Guy who does my MOT’s then sobered up. Then this came up:

 

 

2010 X5 SE, strangely the cheaper road tax bracket, loaded with toys that all work including auxiliary heating, and being an SE rides properly and not like two skeletons going at it in a bin full of bean cans. It was too cheap though, when I looked at it I was prepared with my thermos of tea to go through the extensive history and marvel at the exemplary condition…… yeah….. right. Thankfully the onboard computer had all the detail and what history their was had been done by specialists, only fly in the ointment was the current owner (he was given it by his father in law whom had it for many many years) tried to fix the lacquer peel himself and properly messed it up, hence the price. My mechanic serviced it and gave it a clean bill of health, usual BMW oil leaks though.

I took it to my body guy who did the bonnet, both wings, OSF door pillar and blew the work into the doors for a more than reasonable price, I decided to go old Skool with the BMW badge:

 

[S2000]

MAY 2025

Now on 124K in the X5 and I was getting concerned of a binding on the front and a hesitation to change gears, it seems to be holding them for too long. I know @SiC changed the fluid on his BMW so bought a kit to do it for the X5. Remember the Norman Nippy? While removing the bar for the swing arm I managed to miss the drift and smack my good hand with a lump hammer, another fracture! So, the gearbox kit was given to my mechanic who did the job and also changed the front, rear and transfer box oils and reset the adaptions. Hardly any oil in the front diff and transfer case but all back to spec now and the 8 speed has no hesitation and feels like night and day, the binding has also gone.

Do you know when you have a squeak, rattle or clonk that as much as you try to ignore drives you insane? I thought it was the rear seat latch so put some pu tape on the latch but to no avail. I have as much dexterity at the moment as Edward Scissor hands but that clonk had to go, I removed all the plastics in the boot, boot floor but still no identifiable cause. I then removed the NS storage where the first aid kit is and pulled out that, a thermo blanket, a pack of Golf Tees and two Penfold balls…… clonk solved.

I’m aware these engines can chew swirl flaps, being the N57 this has aluminium ones and are not as potentially problematic as the M57 plastic ones. I’m going to order up a new inlet manifold once I research the various suppliers as prices vary wildly, and a swirl flap delete kit from dark side developments. I’m looking for longevity here, not performance upgrades, it’s a big old lump that has been very well looked after in the past and I’d like to see a few years service before moving it on.

A while back I advertised on here a B40 L200 for a builder friend that did not sell, it’s rough as arse but I can have it for £50 more than ASM will offer, I’m quite tempted as it’s a single cab and would be a great project to put on a lift kit and have some fun with….. just need to get physically fit and find storage or piss my neighbours off and street park it!

[S2000]

With the nicer weather the BINI has been used more, it often throws a TPS error on the dashboard for many reasons no one can figure, I suspect I need to strip and clean both rear assemblies as I think* it’s ABS sensor related.

A new one is the Rev counter will die and all the lights, screens with it and then it will randomly spring back to life. I have read on one forum the loom passes through the firewall and can short out…. I will pretend I’m an astronaut at the weekend. Yesterday it threw below, I cleared the code and it has not returned, not an ideal fix and some TLC is definitely required soon.

 

[S2000]

While idly browsing eBay for more shit I spotted a Norman Nippy fresh in the listings, after some frantic hangover texting on Thursday morning my offer was accepted for this lot I picked up this morning:

 

The cavernous X5 swallowed 1 complete running bike, and a complete frame with all the running gear in boxes.

Im now going to drink cider in the sun.