Skizzer's XJ-S

[anonymous user]

Ok nobody, apart from BV72 then, I bet the most thumbed bit is about the handbrake and where to find the breakdown warning triangle in the boot.

 

Does your handbook still have the supplement giving locations of discreet hotels, where you can rent rooms by the hour, for secret assignations with somebody else's wife?

[Junkman]

Yes.

 

Wimp.

[Guest Breadvan72]

 

 

Does your handbook still have the supplement giving locations of discreet hotels, where you can rent rooms by the hour, for secret assignations with somebody else's wife?

 

I don't need a book for that.  The info is hard coded into my brain.  (Note to self: stop putting pictures of stuff on the internet.)

 

I have never has a problem with an XJS handbrake, but bear in mind that I used to fly Beagle Pups and Bulldogs, so weird and fucked up parking brakes hold no terror for me.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Wimp.

 

FPWM.

[Guest Breadvan72]

The other day I thumbed the book to find what the battery spec should be.  No info.  The section on fuses was written by a maniac.  

 

The crappy Corsa battery finally conked after the car had spent the night parked in a rainy St James's Square while I did the usual Monday night coke and hookaz experience, and then crashed out at the RAC for a few hours of bleary sleep.   My jumper starter pack (carried on most trips) is a cheapo one that cannot do big engines (my heavy duty one was in the boot of me Jensen when it was sold boo hoo hoo). Whist waiting for the AA (I binned RAC breakdown last year cos service crap, and they no longer offer discounts to club members) I ate a pleasant lunch at Al Duca (the Countess had a hangover and only ate gluten free bread, natch), and then chatted to a very cool Albanian AA dude from Shepherd's Bush (used to be a civil engineer, refugee from the Hoxha regime back in the day) who changed the battery for a proper one, while laughing at me for not checking the battery before buying the heap (guilty as charged).  He has an XJ6 and thinks all proper Jags are proper ace.  He told me he had rented a modern Jag on a recent holiday in the USA, and said it was dire.  

[Bear]

Psst.

http://www.workshopplus.co.uk/products/smart-box

 

Not entirely able to kickstart a V12 without a vaguely tolerable battery on it, but enough to get from "dim interior lights, not even a click from the starter" to "Vrrm".

[Skizzer]

Has anyone ever read the owner's manual for an XJS?

 

Sadly mine is missing.  I have just bought one on eBay though, because wimp.

 

They are mostly for rallying I think, to make it easier to do manoeuvres involving the handbrake. 

 

I am in love with the idea of rallying a V12 XJ-S.  (Has to be a forest stage - tarmac rallies don't count.)

[Skizzer]

Psst.

 

http://www.workshopplus.co.uk/products/smart-box

 

Not entirely able to kickstart a V12 without a vaguely tolerable battery on it, but enough to get from "dim interior lights, not even a click from the starter" to "Vrrm".

 

That looks like a top gadget.  Deffo on my Christmas list, if Mrs Skizzer's budget will stretch.

[Skizzer]

SEXISM ALERT:  My heap is MOAR BETTERER because the Polish Countess has had her elegant bum on the bonnet and the seat.. Hang on, though, I have met Mrs Skizzer and she is also uber hot and is a furriner, so points are even on that.  OK, my Jag  is more rusty and therefore more shite.   Does that clinch it?

 

Polish beats German hands down in the shite stakes so I concede defeat.  We need to do a back to back test though.

[anonymous user]

  We need to do a back to back test though.

I assume you mean a back to back test with the cars, although why I assume that I have no idea; the XJS has always had something a bit louche about it, appealing to the keys in a bowl brigade

[Bear]

Free with every XJ-S: Pampas Grass seeds.

[Skizzer]

I assume you mean a back to back test with the cars, although why I assume that I have no idea; the XJS has always had something a bit louche about it, appealing to the keys in a bowl brigade

 

Your assumption was spot on, I hasten to say.  I may be middle class and suburban, but I'm not that middle class and suburban.  

 

[Goes off to check pictures of Countess and think about it.]

[tooSavvy]

lols.. 'keys in a bowl'

 

I'm old enough to have lived on a Leech estate (as a teen) to have heard of this...

 

 

TS

[RobT]

Your assumption was spot on, I hasten to say.  I may be middle class and suburban, but I'm not that middle class and suburban.  

 

[Goes off to check pictures of Countess and think about it.]

 

Ermm, loucheness personified.....

 

 

The pampas grass is just out of shot!

[Guest Breadvan72]

What goes in the Seventies stays in the Seventies (cars included). 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Ermm, loucheness personified.....

 

Rover3500_05bw.jpg

 

The pampas grass is just out of shot!

 

Dude, you are so busted, dude.

[Skizzer]

Not much of an update, really.

 

I've had this up on ramps and been underneath but haven't replaced the brake fluid yet.  The brakes do actually seem to have recovered a bit, based on a 1-minute test drive around the environs of the Big Shed, but I haven't been for a proper run because I can't get RH Insurance to pick up the bloody phone.

 

It's very, very oily under there.  Did someone mention diff oil seals? I believe Mr Wobbler may be proved correct:

 

Oily rear subframe on XJ-S by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

For some reason I'm finding it terrifying being underneath this on flimsy-looking ramps (even though they're rated to 2.5t).  I've put spare wheels under as well but I'm still shit scared (irrationally) that it's going to topple off and squash me.

 

The good news is, the bodywork does seem to be pretty sound.

 

TL/DR upshot:  I'm probably going to get our local Jag specialist to drop the rear subfame out next week and sort the oil leak, brake fluid/bleeding and handbrake cable all in one go.  There's an exhaust hanger come adrift as well while they're under there.

[chaseracer]

 

SKIZ U IZ WEL LOOOSH MAN

 

(tell me the strides and turtleneck ARE beige...?)

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Classic Line Insurance are DA NUTZ.  Bin all the others.  My (currently five) heaps cost me 500 odd quid a year for the whole lot of them.    Hey, more than they are collectively worth!

[Guest Breadvan72]

I may wang the forthcoming Bimmer on modern car insurance, because 1990 BNW poss not qualifying as a classic (Classic Line usually say 30 years, but make obvious exceptions eg a 23 year old XJS) and because that way I will get drive any car insurance and so be able to drive cars belonging to my mum, my bro etc.   Am already insured to drive the Countess Blondewska Jag.  Forthcoming 80s poppp uppy headlampy Volvo may go to undergraduate nephew in Oxford as a present, to enable hot chick scorrage.  

 

BTW, check out the legs (but not the face - they are stunt legs and the main actress is not attached to them) at the beginning of this ZZ Top video from circa 1990.  Guess whose legs they are.  Nope, not Skizzer's (his are better).  His shoes do, however, make an appearance in the video.

The owner of the stunt legs appears attached to her legs later on in the flick, but I am not sure which one of the assorted popsies she is.

 

 

 

[RobT]

Oh well, atleast all that oil chucked everywhere saves you Waxoyling the underneath!

 

After your experience Skizzer my mantra when collecting the Daimler was 'do not touch the handbrake'.  Dunno if it's a fly-off one or not on XJ6s but I left well alone.

[Skizzer]

Oh well, atleast all that oil chucked everywhere saves you Waxoyling the underneath!

 

After your experience Skizzer my mantra when collecting the Daimler was 'do not touch the handbrake'.  Dunno if it's a fly-off one or not on XJ6s but I left well alone.

 

Every cloud has a bituminous lining  XJ6s have an umbrella-handle thing under the dash, which is quirky but not satanic like the fly-off ones.  I managed to cock that up too when I collected my S3 - saga here http://autoshite.com/topic/12040-my-xj6-decision-made-p4/?p=359805.

 

BTW, check out the legs (but not the face - they are stunt legs and the main actress is not attached to them) at the beginning of this ZZ Top video from circa 1990.  Guess whose legs they are.  Nope, not Skizzer's (his are better).  His shoes do, however, make an appearance in the video.

 

Very nice legs: I'm prepared to concede (generously) that they're even nicer than mine.  

 

I feel a bit sorry for the main actress though - you can imagine the conversation: "You're real cute and perfect for the part honey, but your ankles are fat so we're shipping someone cross the Atlantic to do the legs.  Which is the whole title of the video, by the way."

 

(tell me the strides and turtleneck ARE beige...?)

 

 

They certainly are.  The shoes are blue and white (as you can clearly* see from their undoubted* appearance in the ZZTop video).

[Bear]

"Hello, AA? My Jag-waarr is stuck on the motorway and appears to smell slightly of fire and disappointment."

"Did you touch the handbrake?"

"Er..."

"We told you not to touch the handbrake. The handbrake is there purely for decoration, so as to not scare the Normal People away in the showroom. You should never, ever touch the handbrake. Did you touch the handbrake?"

"Well, there was this hill... and"

"I'm sorry. We can't help you. We told you. You've activated the secret anti-theft device and are now barred from Jaguar ownership."

[RobT]

Every cloud has a bituminous lining  XJ6s have an umbrella-handle thing under the dash, which is quirky but not satanic like the fly-off ones.  I managed to cock that up too when I collected my S3 - saga here http://autoshite.com/topic/12040-my-xj6-decision-made-p4/?p=359805.

 

 

I'll have a go at the Daimler's brolly handle when I'm feeling brave.  Just read about your XJ6 exploits and I'm thinking of using those chaps in Eastbourne as the in-laws live there, so can leave the car at theirs (which'll go down well no doubt!)

[Skizzer]

I overcame my odd sudden fear of being underneath the Jaguar this afternoon, helped by some sturdy additional axle stands, and had a bit more of an inspection.  Bleeding the brakes should be easy enough so I'll do that myself, but don't much fancy dropping the subframe on my own to do the oil seals so I'll farm that out.  I drove around shedland a bit more and the brake pedal is definitely very soft.

 

Want to get this sorted soon so I can start wafting

[Skizzer]

I've spent a good chunk of today wrestling with bits of Jaguar headlining.  What a c*** of a job that is.

 

Not too far off now but I need at least one replacement trim clip and a couple of obscurely sized bolts because half the fixing holes in the new liner are in the wrong places, and I've cross-threaded the bastards trying to screw them in at an angle.  It'll look better when it's finished though.  Will post pictures when it's done - maybe next weekend.

 

Having taken the vestigial parcel shelf out, I was rather pleased to find zero rust around the bottom of the rear screen, a favourite rot spot for these:

 

Rear screen corners: not rusty! by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

Meanwhile, the car starts ok but dies when stone cold unless you keep your foot on the throttle for a few seconds, after which it idles fine.  I'm suspecting it needs a new cold start injector - easy job but they're about £80.  Here we go.

 

Still haven't done the brakes.  Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.

[Skizzer]

Bleeding the brakes should be easy enough

 

Ha ha ha!  What an idiot.

 

 

I had an hour or so free this afternoon so I went up to the shed to have a go at changing the brake fluid.  The reservoir cap is enormous, so the Eezibleed won't fit (and the adaptors you can buy are apparently rubbish), but my shed landlord Rob had offered to help.  (Rob is an excellent man, among whose many strengths is that he knows how to wield a spanner to good effect.)

 

Got it up on ramps:

Bleeding Jaguar XJS brakes by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

Propped the bonnet open with a broom handle courtesy of Rob the Shed.  I did some physics and managed to siphon off the manky old brake fluid with a bit of plastic tube and a squeezy water bottle (it worked!):

Draining brake fluid by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

Then got underneath and ground to a halt.  The bleed nipples have rusted solid, and none of the many bits of plastic hose we found between us would push over them.

Bleeding Jaguar XJS brakes by Skizzer, on Flickr

 

The nipples are also horribly inaccessible, being up in the rear IRS subframe and entirely surrounded by exhaust pipes, driveshafts and suspension bits.  (This photo is the result of squeezing an iPhone into an iPhone-sized gap.)

 

Joy.

 

I sprayed them with lots of deblock oil and went home for a cup of tea, because it got dark.  Might have another go tomorrow.

[D Spares & Tyres]

I managed to unseize some nipples today by mig welding the sides of the nipple to get them really hot then spraying penetrating fluid to cool down rapidly then mole grips to undo them

 

Came off no problem

 

Not some s & m confession but helping a friend on his yearly mission to get his crusty old Terrano through the MoT....

 

Not sure how easy to get mig torch up there but have you tried removing seat base and making an 'access point' ? ☺

[Skizzer]

I managed to unseize some nipples today by mig welding the sides of the nipple to get them really hot then spraying penetrating fluid to cool down rapidly then mole grips to undo them

 

Came off no problem

 

Not some s & m confession but helping a friend on his yearly mission to get his crusty old Terrano through the MoT....

 

Not sure how easy to get mig torch up there but have you tried removing seat base and making an 'access point' ? ☺

 

That makes sense, but I'm lacking 1. welding kit and 2. electricity.  The latter is arriving in a couple of weeks though, and may at some point be followed by the former.

 

Cutting holes in the seat base was indeed discussed.  I've always frowned on such things, but do now see why people do it.

 

If Innotec and PlusGas don't do it then it's getting trailered to our local Jag people, I think.  They can do the pads while they're about it, and check the diff seals, and anything else that lives in the subframe.

[anonymous user]

 

They can do the pads while they're about it, and check the diff seals, and anything else that lives in the subframe.

You are xtriple's long lost brother AICMFP