Guess why the heap is cheap?

[HH-R]

Battery?

[Parky]

New battery in the key fob?

[cort16]

Fuel filter.

[LabRat]

Fuel pump relay?

 

 

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[scaryoldcortina]

no, no , no, no.

 

Electrical is right though.

[LabRat]

Immobilizer aerial?

 

 

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[cort16]

crank sensor

[scaryoldcortina]

nuh-uh. nope.

[drum]

Fuel solenoid?

[Richard]

Earth strap?

[panhard65]

The spare key ?

[scaryoldcortina]

still no. Spun over fine, fuel was pumping, no lights on dash but no go.

 

 

 

and the windows wouldn't wind down......

[Richard]

Ignition switch?

.

[scaryoldcortina]

nope.

[cort16]

is it related to the glow plugs?

[Pillock]

It's French so I'm going to say a fuse, because it's probably one circuit that runs both the windows and the fuel pump.

[scaryoldcortina]

neh, but pillock is on the right track.

[Richard]

The relay that makes the windows work, the dash light up and the injectors inject.

[scaryoldcortina]

ah, when I said no lights I meant none that weren't supposed to be there with the ignition on but the engine off.... you know, like the yellow one with a picture of a key in it, or the big red one that says "STOP".

 

Anyhoo. So, if a typical french car was to have some magic device that controls the windows, locks, injection and a whole load of other shite, what would it be called and where would you keep it so it doesn't fill up with water and fuck itself in the arse?

[SOUL]

Got to be the CAN-BUS system with some sort of poor connection.  Crush the junk, any 7 series onward isn't worth the stress.

[cort16]

ecu under the seat?

[scaryoldcortina]

SOUL - it's fixed!

 

Cort - right sort of idea, but that's a sharan/galaxy fault.

[Richard]

ECU under the scuttle?

[scaryoldcortina]

Much closer. Not the ECU though.... there is something else doing executive assistant duties on a pugalug.

[Pillock]

Body control module or some such bollocks name for something?

 

I've only heard of that since my Astra had a firmware upgrade when it went for a service. Yes, seriously.

[scaryoldcortina]

WINNAH! Yeah, someone left the cover off the BCM/fusebox/relay plate shite in the engine bay and it filled up with rainwater.

[sierraman]

  On 28/08/2015 at 19:10, cort16 said:

We all know modern BMW's are reliable*, well built** and never go wrong***** so what could possibly be wrong with this?

 

2004 BMW 645ci. Currently at £1850

 

Let me think... it's prime 'ive managed to get a 6 series for Fiesta money' brigade. Finance owing? Engine bollocksed? Needs tyres as you can't get Sunil Radials in that size?

[cort16]

Body control module. Never 'erd of it .

Sounds like an 80's break dancing crew . Next on stage all the way from Doncaster, it's the body control module .

[cort16]

If those 6 series are anything like the 5 series they're based on they'll be bloody shite.

[Pillock]

 

Guesses? Clues to follow.