Shagged XJS - GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGUAR. NOW with inept attempts to start after one year on its bum

[Guest Breadvan72]

If I told you, I would have to kill you, yadda, yadda.....

 

... but what do I look for apart from rust, rust, rust, leaks, leaks, leaks, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, minge, minge, minge, and so on?

 

NB:  car is KORREKT foar Leetah sixy sex version, not rubbish twelve monkeys bollox.

 

Tyres kicking sesh tomozzer.  Clue me in, Team.  Exec summary version, K I S S.

 

PS: first person to say "BETTER TO RUB SHIT IN YOUR HAIR THAN BUY ONE OF THOSE", or "KILL WITH FIRE ON SIGHT" wins a 1983 1.6 carb Scirocco Mk 2 in metallic gold with dodgy after market alloys and shagged rear seat, 12 month ticket (see forthcoming thread of YES).

 

Terms and conditions may apply.

[alf892]

A wonderful machine.......watch out for women stuck to exterior panel work.......it will attract them like flies!

 

Other than than engage optimism and buy.........

[Guest Breadvan72]

Outstanding, Red Team!  Getcha casea beer for that!

[dome]

Nothing ever goes wrong with old Jags in my experience so you'll be fine. Happy collecting!

[cort16]

Dome's right I also had a jag and nothing went wrong with it so by proxy this should be fine and totally trouble free.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Science:  sample of one.  Statistical perfection.  Verdict: HELL YEZ.

[dome]

Oi. I had 2!

[Skizzer]

Do you mean XJS or XJ6, BTW?  

 

Rust, anywhere.  Sills and arches rot from the inside out so if they're bubbly on the outside they're fucked.  Repairs are often bodged.  

 

XK engines (if you do mean XJ6) are unstressed and fairly indestructible - dunno about AJ6s (if you mean XJS) but think much the same applies.  

 

Any issues with the brakes mean dropping the subframe out, which is all doable but not much fun on your own on your driveway.  Sticking or non-functioning handbrakes are a favourite. 

 

Suspension bushes break down and weld themselves to the suspension, or something like that - look for manky globs of dried up shit where there should be nice rubber things in the suspension.

 

Parts availability isn't bad apart from some body panels I think.

 

Interiors are often not too bad - droopy headlining is a favourite though, as is cracked dashboard lacquer.  Both can be sorted at a price, if you care - but it should be easy enough to find one with a decent interior for not much more than a shagged one, other things being equal.

 

If only one fuel tank works, which seems quite common, it's probably because the other one is rusty and so are the panels around it - boot floor, rear valence etc.

 

They also rot around the bottom corners of the front and rear (XJ6) screens, so signs of water ingress might point to that.

 

 

Did I mention rust?  Rust.  And take a magnet.

[xtriple]

I had a 4 litre six (I think) with a manual box. It was pretty bloody good to be honest. The heating system went seriously awol and was stuck on full heat which made life interesting on the hottest day of the summer.

 

Honestly can't remember anything else going wrong with it apart from something amiss with the fuel injection as it wouldn't get through the emissions test... fortunately, the tester had been sacked that day so was seriously pee'd off and passed it anyway!

 

Oh and watch out for angry women as they like to try and beat them to death with high heeled shoes and leave little dents all over the wings and bonnet!

 

 

 

Note, it 'may' have been a 3.6.... age, memory,

[Skizzer]

PS They're lovely, lovely things though.  XJ-S is definitely on my bucket list, and I really want my XJ6 sorted and back ... one day.

[cort16]

I think the later 4.0 ones are a bit better put together and not quite as prone to rust. That's a bit like saying Shane MacWowan is a bit less prone to drink thatn George Best was though.

[Junkman]

Autoshite conform procedure to buy an XJS:

 

1. Buy it sight unseen via the interwebness.

 

2. Pick it up after dark in an alleyway, rain adds additional golden shower shite points.

 

3. Report back here, including petrol station shot, for sophisticated winnage.

 

Please note that an acceptable alternative to this procedure is unlikely to be established.

[scdan4]

dolly sprint. lotus. SD!1. landy. perchance an xjs.

 

 

Does your mechanic holiday well?

 

 

I helped* weld the inner wings on one once. The v12. Had to shufty the engine left and right in the bay for access*. My god thats a huge lump of an engine that one.

[Guest Breadvan72]

When I was well posh and lived in Barnsbury Square, N1, there was a white one that was used as an office affair shagpad or maybe as the working premises of some local prozzie.  Steamed up windows, pounding on the springs.  If the Jag's a rockin', don't come a knockin'.   That, naturally, gave me the wantz.

[Junkman]

When I was well posh and lived in Barnsbury Square, N1,

 

Before the gentrification?

[Guest Breadvan72]

The V12 engine looks like the oil refinery that the spaceship Nostromo was towing in "Alien", and is just as likely to harbour misery, fear, and ruin as that vessel was.   Even Sigourney Weaver in the tiniest pants in Space isn't worth it for that.

 

LJK Setright pointed out that V8s are for Americans and oiks, V12s for Italian Counts (or cunts, or both), and straight sixes are for gentlemen. Setright was never, ever wrong. 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Before the gentrification?

 

"There goes the neighbourhood"

[twosmoke300]

Straight six is the engine of champions ! Diesel or petrol ( not a derv in a jag obvs)

I had to change the plugs on a v12he xjs a while back so I hate them now

[Clanger]

If I told you, I would have to kill you, yadda, yadda.....

 

... but what do I look for apart from rust, rust, rust, leaks, leaks, leaks, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, minge, minge, minge, and so on?

 

NB:  car is KORREKT foar Leetah sixy sex version, not rubbish twelve monkeys bollox.

 

Tyres kicking sesh tomozzer.  Clue me in, Team.  Exec summary version, K I S S.

 

PS: first person to say "BETTER TO RUB SHIT IN YOUR HAIR THAN BUY ONE OF THOSE", or "KILL WITH FIRE ON SIGHT" wins a 1983 1.6 carb Scirocco Mk 2 in metallic gold with dodgy after market alloys and shagged rear seat, 12 month ticket (see forthcoming thread of YES).

 

Terms and conditions may apply.

Ahem...

 

Better to rub shit in your hair than buy one of these...

 

Now, on to business.  Please advise re my new* 1983 Scirocco

 

(terms and conditions may be ignored)

[Guest Breadvan72]

Scare Rocko news coming up v soon.  

 

V12  = 12 times every fookah that can go wrong.    Anyway, you only ever need four cylinders, as any fule kno, so if you have a six you can have two not working and still not give a toss, but having eight spare is too much.

 

IRRELEVANT PHACKTOID that popped into my head for no reason:  Nazi dickheads shoot bullets at big radials on front of US Thunderbolt fighter bombers, blow up several cylinders.  Crates keep on flying and blow up Nazi dickheads.  Nowadays Yak 52s (nine cylinder agricultural radial) can pop several cylinders and still chug on.  

[Junkman]

Junkman points out that straight sixes might be for gentlefolk, but Shaguarz aren't.

Junkman is never, ever wrong. He is an oik, and damn proud of it.

[Taff]

The V12 engine looks like the oil refinery that the spaceship Nostromo was towing in "Alien", and is just as likely to harbour misery, fear, and ruin as that vessel was.   Even Sigourney Weaver in the tiniest pants in Space isn't worth it for that.

 

LJK Setright pointed out that V8s are for Americans and oiks, V12s for Italian Counts (or cunts, or both), and straight sixes are for gentlemen. Setright was never, ever wrong. 

 

Straight six IS the engine of life winners but is trumped by having four cylinders behind you, natch.

 

XJS? if it's burgundy, check for a carelessly gas-torched hole in the boot floor where I changed the brakes pads on one once. sorry 'bout that

[Clanger]

Junkman thought he was wrong once, but it turns out he was mistaken...

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

A 4 litre XJ-S will have the AJ6 engine also found in the XJ40. This is virtually indestructible - it's one of the most durable engines fitted to anything and will shrug off a lack of servicing and abuse in a way the V12 will not. 

 

Incidentally, the AJ6 engine was subject to an in-depth article in Car magazine where it was described very favourably by LJK Setright as part of his technical assessment of the Jaguar XJ40 - a car Setright consistently admired, long after it had become unfashionable elsewhere. He was less kind about the Series Jaguars though. 

 

There isn't much that goes wrong with AJ6  - the engine nearly always will outlast the body of the car. Smoke at start up is a common fault - the valve guide seals leak and most will smoke slightly when started after a lay up now. It should clear quickly - really just a puff - and then not smoke at other times when you drive.

 

Oil pressure problems are virtually unknown on the AJ6 - the oil pressure sender is however quite a flaky little thing and can fail at will, reading low or bouncing about. Low oil pressure on the gauge is almost certainly the sender.

 

 

The automatic transmission is a ZF 4HP24 - not the last word in sophistication, but remarkably strong and trouble free in these Jags. Any jerkiness will nearly always be cured with a fluid and filter change.

The manual XJ-S used a Getrag 290. The clutch is slightly heavy on them as is the gear change - but they perform well and give little trouble. They are much less common than the automatic.

 

The face lifted XJS  (face lifted cars lost the hyphen) will have the AJ16 engine found in the Jaguar X300. This is a smoother engine than the AJ6 (which is itself a decently smooth thing) and slightly more powerful. It is basically the same engine though. Transmissions are identical. The significant mechanical change on face lifted cars is the switch to outboard rear disc brakes - rather than Series Jaguar-style inboard disc brakes ion the earlier cars. These are much easier to maintain.

 

The face lifted cars are less rust prone than the earlier cars (which can be shockingly rusty) - and generally regarded as better engineered. Whilst I recognise they are better, I don't like them as much as the earlier 4 litre. They are less attractive and seem to have lost some of the earlier car's swagger. Face lifted cars are capable of suffering serious rust - the problem was not solved in them - though they are less affected than the pre-facelift.

 

Any XJ-S rusts pretty badly - and they seem to have spaghetti electrics too. Most of my limited knowledge of the XJ-S is from reading owner's postings on them on the XJ40 site I am a member of (I am a long term '40 owner). There is quite a bit of love for the big Jag coupe there as you would expect - but also a consensus that the XJ-S is considerably more likely to rust than an XJ40 and its electrics are nothing like so reliable as the XJ40 either. Given this, check all the electircs work - and that the carpets are dry. Wet means rust!

 

I do love them though.

[Timewaster]

I can't stop the theme to Return of the Saint going round and round in my head now.

 

Do be do be do be do be do be do be

 

Wah wah waaah babadum.. etc . etc

[Guest Breadvan72]

Thanks, M R, for top facktz of knowings.

[Bear]

LJK Setright pointed out that V8s are for Americans and oiks, V12s for Italian Counts (or cunts, or both), and straight sixes are for gentlemen. Setright was never, ever wrong. 

 

Somewhere I have a copy of Penthouse with LJKS shilling the Rover SD1 in the form of a letter to a relative.

 

It may be the wrongest thing ever. I scanned it. My opinion of him went WAY down.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

My XJ-S knowledge is a bit shaky - I am more of an XJ40-Gnome really. When you are checking the XJ-S for rust, bear in mind they can rust in exotic places - one of which is along the tops of the flying buttresses. Dry boots seemed as elusive to Jaguar as normally functioning front fog lights. The boot fills with water - which evaporates when it gets warm, then condenses on the insides of the flying buttresses - sometimes causing serious rust there. The XJ-S doesn't just rust at the bottom! The front scuttle/bulkhead round the lower part of the windscreen seems to be another hot-spot for rust. The rust there can get pretty horrible! If the car has wet footwells, front bulkhead rust is a distinct possibility.

 

Like this face lifted car: http://retrorides.proboards.com/thread/176910/1994-jaguar-xjs-4

 

 

 

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Somewhere I have a copy of Penthouse with LJKS shilling the Rover SD1 in the form of a letter to a relative.

 

It may be the wrongest thing ever. I scanned it. My opinion of him went WAY down.

 

Yeah, but Linda Lusardi, eh?

[fred]

XJS like a high class prozzie and cocaine night - never forget it but will bankrupt you