Jalopy Magazine. Anyone remember any quotes?

[Bobthebeard]

Much missed mag. One of my favourite quotes was about owners of Renaults (?) 'waking up to find only a brown stain remaining on the drive where the car was only recently parked'.

Class.

[Shep Shepherd]

In the buyer's guide section, pertaining to the Ford Escort mark 2: "The last horror of Henry's minimal standards school; you seem to be sitting an inch above the ground in this one."

 

Pawnote: Jalopy magazine cemented my shiter status long before I knew that the Autoshite movement existed

[Inspector Morose]

 

 

Liked the mag so much, I bought the car!

[mouseflakes]

"Most celebrated their eighth birthday with a trip to the scrap yard"  - Simca 1100 I seem to recall?

 

Renault 30 - 'bourgeois hooligans' car with a liking for uncontrollable wheel spin' - or something like that.

[Shep Shepherd]

Does anyone remember the reader's letter which stated that his Volvo 245 had done 11,000,000 miles and had only needed a prop shaft UJ?

[mouseflakes]

Does anyone remember the reader's letter which stated that his Volvo 245 had done 11,000,000 miles and had only needed a prop shaft UJ?

 

I liked the story about the (brown?) Volvo estate that was rescued from a pond and dried out with an industrial space heater directed through the open tailgate. This warmed the dashboard to the point that it was left with a permanent droop in the middle.

[Shep Shepherd]

In an article about Cortina ownership in which the writer asked his father for advice about replacement HT leads:

 

You buy a certain length then make them up yourself.

 

Fifty years previously you might have done, but not then:

 

"Ten yards of HT lead, please."

 

"What's it for? A towrope?"

 

"No, a Cortina."

 

That was it, The poor bloke was on the floor laughing hysterically.

[Mrcarlos]

Its has a Turbot!

[In The Pit]

Mazda 929 "memorably unmemorable"

[oman5]

Cavalier mk2. "much sought after rarity. buy one and stand out from the crowd- if you dare!"

Citroen CX gti "The ultimate car for sophisticated hooligans"

Jag Xj12 "This car has POWER, only your bank manager will ever catch you."

[barefoot]

image.jpg

 

Liked the mag so much, I bought the car!

 

I bought one too.

 

It was OK but my ears started to bleed when the speedo said eighty.

[Inspector Morose]

A late 6 volt one, that was too! Earlier chassis with transverse leaf springs made the handling interesting but I used to run a later 12 volt, coil sprung estate (combi) as well for when the few battery elves refused to come out of their black box home. Not a bad one but I've owned better. I sold it on to a car dealer who wanted one, I wonder what ever happened to it?

 

I remember the photoshoot for the article on Trabbis, we were asked to bring some of ours along (me and a couple of mates had a few East German machines lying around) but they were disappointed at the lack of smoke from the exhaust and could we make more? Answer was a quick trip to Halfords for a bottle of Reddex and wallop it down the carb with the desired result and then some!

[barefoot]

Mine was a late one, 

 

I think the best bit was the LED petrol flow meter!

 

 

This is a picture of my Trabbi next to a great big pile of shit.

The shit is on the right.

[scruff]

On a cheap Mk2 Jag - "Instead of the expected scent of leather and King Edward cigars, I got the stench of dead cows and King Edward potatoes"

[barefoot]

Porsche 924 - 'This archetypal LOMBARD* car was nothing more than a VAG parts bin special with an interior like a black plastic dungeon'.

 

 

* I've always taken this to be an acronym for Loads Of Money But A Real Dog.

[petr]

Never seen Jalopy magazine before must of been hard to get in its day. Just looked on Fleabay but non to be found! want read one now!

[Shep Shepherd]

Porsche 924 - 'This archetypal LOMBARD* car was nothing more than a VAG parts bin special with an interior like a black plastic dungeon'.

 

 

* I've always taken this to be an acronym for Loads Of Money But A Real Dog.

 

"£1500 minimum is rather a lot to pay for a battered 15 year old Audi."

[barefoot]

Come on, who's going to put the words to this, the Earnshaw Diamond?

 

 

I saw one of the few remaining examples many years ago at Uttoxeter race course

and photographed it quite badly, but here you go, you non-believers.

[Shep Shepherd]

^

 

How about the Contandini Lambrusco and the Zworykin Pal?

[scruff]

An interior reeking of high octane plastic (Alfasud)

[scruff]

There were some class pseudonyms as well. C.Potato, Alexander Windrush, N.G.K. Sparkright, a selection of Hans Christians, Jimmy Tadpole etc

[Grundig]

" The publishers of this nonsense accept no liability for the accuracy of any information, data, prices

  or grammar contained herein or anywhere else, but will be delighted to accept money in small or

  large quantities"

[Shep Shepherd]

From a reader's article about his first car, a Wolseley 6: "The end was coming for the Wolseley. When I wire-brushed the front end to remove rust, the brush went through the sub-frame and I ended up shaking hands with the engine sump." :D

[ProgRocker]

I vaguely remember their blurb about Fiat in their comprehensive* data section. Forget the exact words...Fitted with engines that had plenty of GO but with questionable reliability that will make it STOP.

 

Made me chuckle.

[PiperCub]

Wow, I thought I was the only one to remember this fine much missed publication!! Sadly enough, I still have every issue. Seem to recall they refused to use the word classic - it was cla**ic and they hated MGB's.

I recall a cartoon of a tow-truck with the driver saying 'Go ahead, make my day, buy a cla**ic'

Plus their road tester was Mr. I.Trashem-Tubitz.

 

 

Pity there's nothing like it published now, maybe not surprising considering how uptight folk are nowadays.

[Timewaster]

We could rebrand Autoshite as Jalopy Online. Might be more generally acceptable than the current, slightly sweary title.

 

 

I still want a Contadini Lambrusco.

[catsinthewelder]

I missed out on Jalopy but the Used Motorcycle Guide was very much a two wheeled Autoshite.  It mostly consisted of rose tinted tales of CZ / JAWA / c90 etc ownership with an amusing but probably accurate price guide at the back.

 

Typically the price guide for at least one of the bikes featured each month would be

 

C1 £400,  C2 £250,  C3 £free

[Guest Lord Sward]

'U2 Could own a cute little Commie Car'

[PiperCub]

I missed out on Jalopy but the Used Motorcycle Guide was very much a two wheeled Autoshite.  It mostly consisted of rose tinted tales of CZ / JAWA / c90 etc ownership with an amusing but probably accurate price guide at the back.

 

Typically the price guide for at least one of the bikes featured each month would be

 

C1 £400,  C2 £250,  C3 £free

 

Oh yes, I remember UMG well, bought it from 1986 to about 2000 when the original owner (it was always basically a one man band), Bill Fowler IIRC, sold it and it became a shadow of its former self, just another boring bike mag.

It had no advertisers so could print pretty much anything it wanted, still an enjoyable read today even if some of the 'true life' escapades are a bit exaggerated.

Like Jalopy, I'm sad enough to still have all the old UMG's !!!!

 

The prices in the guide will be funny to read now.

[Grundig]

" Due to phenomenal performance, Morris Marina fastbacks were often used as pace cars at racetracks before the Sierra Cosworth came along"