New shite-durex blue Citroen Xsara with “that� skeleton inside

[Partridge]

I bought this a few weeks ago but didn’t get around to posting. There’s are no collection shenanigans to report of I’m afraid.

Anyho, here it is, one diesel Xsara manuel estate.

It’s a durex blue 54 plater with 130k on the clock and a fsh (ghasp!)

 

I’ve fancied one for a while, and when this came up locally for £550 I grabbed it. The reason it was so cheap is because of the trashed interior which the dealer didn’t even bother to hoover out (I’m still finding rubbish in it) and a lump taken out of one of the doors, I’m guessing. Or there’s some catastrophic failure on the way.

 

There’s a *really* annoying rattle coming from inside. Not quite the “Skeleton having a wank in a filing cabinet†rattle, but maybe a skeleton nursing a semi in a wardrobe rattle. If I find there’s a skeleton pleasuring itself left in the Xsara along with all the crap, I won’t be very happy.

 

Once I’ve chucked a bucket of water over it, I’ll get some outside pics.

 

The upside is you don’t have a risk of hearing Radio 1.

 

 

If anyone has a PSA 12v lighter plug that would fit this lying around, PM me.

Will swap for masturbating skeleton. 

 

[Wilko220]

I'd like to say that looks / sounds nice but unfortunately it doesn't really...

[Partridge]

It also stinks of oil inside...I can only assume there was a spillage in the past or someone has tried WD40ing something and missed. I hope that’s the case anyway...

 

I runs, drives and stops well enough, the interior is just bolloxed.

[hairnet]

trying to convince the old fart to buy one of these

 

let me know how you get on.......

[Partridge]

trying to convince the old fart to buy one of these

 

let me know how you get on.......

I fully intend to...check back for updates.

[overrun]

Nee wireless. Nee good!

 

Your rattle sounds unpleasent. At least it hasn't reached the 'TWO skeletons having a sword fight in a biscuit tin' level yet though.

 

Sounds like a good deal, providing it doesn't do owt French!

[Partridge]

I’m already on the scent for a La wireless pour la Citroen.

Two skeletons having sword fights in biscuit tins is a common fault with these, you know. 

 

Time will tell if it’s a good deal...

[Partridge]

Just found the lighter plug hidden away in the rear seats. 

Since when has my luck been that good? 

[Partridge]

Found what was causing the rattle. Someone left a fecking coat hanger under the passenger seat, I pulled it out when I was cleaning it out. Can’t help but feel someone is having a laugh with me. 

 

 

Bought and fitted a radio and surround from the scrappies over the weekend. It cost me £25 and it works, and hasn’t caught fire and kebabed me yet. Something tells me it’s NOT -9c out though, and I’m pretty sure the range should be in miles, not klicks. Oh well, I won’t nitpick. 

 

[dean36014]

You can alter it to miles using the buttons by the side of the display

[Partridge]

Thank you my man! I don’t have the manuel with it, so I’m a bit lost.

[Richard]

If it's the same as the C5 the temperature sensor is a little nipple on the bottom of one of the door mirrors. I put off changing it for 18 months but it was quite easy when I got round to it. It was annoying because mine always showed around freezing, so the temp overrode the clock.

[Partridge]

That’s very handy, thank you. Mine seems to be stuck dead on -9. I didn’t even know it had a clock! 

[John F]

Thank you my man! I don’t have the manuel with it, so I’m a bit lost.

 

[Partridge]

Having one of those in it would account for a lot things.

[babydriver]

My 2 Xsaras have a speedo that reads 10 miles per hour slower too so be careful it this is on yours. Got my 1st speeding fine in 30 years of motoring thanks to that

[Partridge]

Oh Christ. Thank a bunch for the early warning.

[Partridge]

This has been neglected of late.

Probably because it's borning. Very good, but borning.

I may be selling it to make way for an XM or a Rover 800 in the new year. Bit of useless information.

[Jim Bell]

Found what was causing the rattle. Someone left a fecking coat hanger under the passenger seat, I pulled it out when I was cleaning it out.

 

They all do that sir.

Complimentary jacket hangar storage bay,

[UmBongo]

Nee wireless. Nee good!

 

Your rattle sounds unpleasent. At least it hasn't reached the 'TWO skeletons having a sword fight in a biscuit tin' level yet though.

 

Sounds like a good deal, providing it doesn't do owt French!

These guys had to ejected by force from a car of mine.

 

I didn't mind the swordplay, but their snoring was horrendous.

 

[Partridge]

These guys had to ejected by force from a car of mine.

 

I didn't mind the swordplay, but their snoring was horrendous.

 

Yup, these were an optional on some Xsaras, Advanced Skelton Assist.

[Partridge]

BORNING IS AUTOSHITE WOERD OF DAYYY

The one to use it most today wins a free burial at sea, a chocolate teapot, and a ventilated condom.

Competition closes midnight, subject to Ts&Cs.

[Junkman]

That's actually surprisingly easy on the eyes, considering how newfangled it is.

What kind of cerebral gyri acrobats rip the radios out of those?

[Partridge]

For all the moaning from the press about them when they first came out, it's a lot more reliable and well made than you'd think. Better made than that bloody Mercedes I have anyway. Then again a Cadbury's Flake is better made than that heap.

 

I assume the cerebral gyri acrobats ripped it out to sell to people who have had their radio ripped out of their Xsaras by cerebral gyri acrobats. Or it was owned by a deaf person at one stage who wanted to make their car lighter.

Either way it was a PITA to fit, and I don't even use it.