Vorsprung Durch Ticket (MOT) - Ohdearme’s turn of the century emporium

[Ohdearme]

The load covers need different boot side trim panels.

You can't just buy a cover and hope it will fit. (Although a posh Sharon would have had the fittings I guess. My poverty Galaxy hasn't.)

 

I bought one off eBay, discovered it wouldn't fit and it sat in my shed ever since.

Ooh, I am interested as I do indeed have the panels and lugs in place...

[Ohdearme]

In other news, there’s a dash based reset for the trip computer that seems to have cleared the ‘service now’ however, this unearthed a check brake pads warning.

 

Not sure if they’re low - out and about so not in a position to check properly - or whether they’ve fitted pads without the sensors. It judders like a bastard on hard deceleration so I’m going with new pads as a first point of call.

 

Also, the emissions light has taken to flashing on and off and the engine is misfirey at low revs so really need to get the flexi done as it won’t be doing much good.

 

It’s only got to do about 300 miles tomorrow so I don’t foresee* any problem.

[Ohdearme]

Despite being on holiday I did manage to sneak a peek at the pads*

 

 

Suffice to say, new ones are already on order.

 

Fronts are still fine and meaty at least.

 

Car has also taken to randomly opening windows when stopped or a door opened for extended period.

 

Two suspects.

 

1. The control box under passenger seat (can get wet if drains blocked or if the hose to the rear window splits as there’s a join in the hose that runs along the passenger footwell trim).

 

2. Chafed wiring in the door loom causing short circuitry mayhem.

 

I’m off work for a fortnight so will for once have time to investigate.

[Ohdearme]

With the wife in bed feeling under the (red wine and grappa induced weather) I have time to investigate the Sharan.

 

Interesting bargain* I have here.

 

The windows all come down when passenger door is opened every other time. Shorted wiring on the front door is a common issue, looks like I might have that...

 

 

 

Rear shock - light* Misting of oil was an advisory last mot...

 

 

Don’t tap it with the investigation spanner!

 

Too late,

 

One side of brakes had a cutoff wire for the sensor, I figured hoped it’d be on the other side.

 

 

Checking the other side, all present and correct although the wheel was fitted with 18mm headed bolts and shorter!

 

 

Anyone got some 19mm Vag bolts?

 

Aha, there’s a spare one in the door pocket...odd there’s only one.

 

There’s a noise from front left a bit like a wheel bearing, lets take a look and...oh

 

 

That will explain the spare bolt...

[Ohdearme]

One imagines with the pending departure of the Galaxy I should shuffle myself for the foreseeable over to the Modern forum as I’ve got a bloody ‘56 A1 for the wife and this ‘05 Sharan but there you go, mods can do that if they wish.

 

Saying that, I’ve been passing the dying hours of light doing a job I’ve not done since I put an amp in my Mk3 Cav...namely, chocolate blocking a pile of fucked wiring.

 

Chafing and splitting of wires is a known issue in the door loom.

 

 

It’s a temp repair to see if everything worked (and to give me a bit of extra reach on every wire) before I solder and heat shrink them properly.

 

Seamless*

 

I hate moments when testing shit like this and sure enough, three windows went down but none would come up.

 

Rechecked the wires, there was a yellow/brown and a yellow/black but I’d done everything right so took off the loose switch plug to see if it was the switch unit.

 

 

Gingerly tickling the bent pin straight has got the windows up and working but I’ll order a new switch to sort that. Passenger rear window still inoperable but that’s for another day.

 

Also, happy to report that having five bolts instead of four in the front wheel appears to have cured the bearing type noise from front left.

 

Rear pads are also now working and skimming the crud off the discs nicely.

 

Still need some proper length vag bolts for the rear wheel though.

 

Wife is still in bed with hangover so productive day all round.

 

Off to grab a few ciders at the offy as a reward for my graft.

[Ohdearme]

Not had a lot in the maintenance stakes of late as work on the house is taking over, the exhaust blow is now comically loud so I can't sustain not sorting it and will book it in next week.

In advance of this, it’s been earning its keep finding assorted bargains and bits, cast iron fireplace for £100...swallowed this four up without batting an eyelid.

Then we found some cheapo Billy bookcases in Ikeas Bargain basement that nobody wanted becuas pre built.

Quick blast home to chuck out the seats briefly turned the Galaxy into a 14 seater* and the Sharan into a van.

Turns out you can comfortably* fit three full sized Ikea bookcases in the back as long as you don’t mind driving with your knees behind your ears.

Its off to St Albans tomorrow to pick up more bloody furniture.

[Ohdearme]

I should rename this thread ‘shit in a Sharan’ as it dispatched the round trip of 300 miles with ease, albeit a bit of a thirst. Computer says 27.4mpg but it lies, was nearer to 25 but not bad for a misfiring v6.

You can also fit a 2.4metre sleeper in without taking out any seats as long as you don’t want to change the radio and don’t mind changing gears with a reach around that would give an onanist yoga master a few pointers.

 

 

 

[Ohdearme]

Had very little time to do anything car related, other than wave off another purchase to monseiur Njgleeds...

The Galaxy has gone and I’ve forgotten to put a load of stuff in the boot so when it is moved on, the new owner is welcome to an ohdearme parcel post.

I totally forgot about the towbar too that’s sat in the garage. Might whack it on the Sharan, might not.

I’ve also decided to tot up the cost of the Galaxy and excluding petrol and insurances, but including parts, servicing and purchase/roffle it turns out it cost me a respectable £67 a month on average in the six months I had it, 

I would say I’m missing it but the ability to go have a lunchtime kip in the Sharan with the bum warmers on, means I’ve over losing the big red bus with Alamo Bramz levels of fickleness.

I even treated the sharan to an £18 new door internal door handle to stop the window switch getting pulled out whenever I try to use it.

[stuboy]

good to see its still doing sterling work

[Ohdearme]

For the purposes of work* I have blagged myself a few days in the US of A...

I managed to tick off a bucket list item I never knew I had by driving/queuing down manhattan in a glow of red brake lights and pissing rain with sax jazz on the radio like I was in Taxi driver.

i suspect you think I was in such vehicles as this...

but alas, I was in the spiritual successor to the Nova Saloon...the Ford Fiesta....Sedan?!?!?

whats it like to drive m9?

erm...it’s an auto eco boost with 120 bhp and a six speed auto, it drones like the first f1 turbo cars but is capable of wheelspin and much noise making.

The progress can be brisk but noisy but what is most alarming is it’s ability to continue to accelerate for a full 1-2 seconds after you have removed your foot from the go pedal, seriously it’s like an old school turbo it’s that bad.

i don’t know if it’s a us thing because they never floor the pedal or what but it’s so weird, I keep finding myself doing it for comedy effect.

it haz Apple play, which is my first experience of it and it is not too bad.

inside the cockpit, the car is too narrow and my legs rub the door and the centre console becuase my preferred driving/sitting style is to have my legs as akimbo as possible, as if my bollocks were watermelons. I don’t know why, it’s just how I like it.

also, I spent most of the first four miles of driving desperately searching for a lumbar support lever. The seat backs offer the same level of support you’d get by stringing Rab C Nesbitts vest between a pair of chopsticks.

anyhoo...beer and ribs haz arrived in front of me so Tata for now.

 

also, spotted old SAAB nearby and took shit photo.

 

Stream of conciousness over.

[Ohdearme]

The Sharan has a few final tasks to complete in the coming 2 weeks before it is dispatched to the knackers yard. Despite being woefully down on power it managed to transport Mr and Mrs ODM, the two sprogs and two nieces to Pickering this morning for us to lark about on the NYM railway for the youngest’s birthday.

I’ve heard magic trees did wonders for freshening up interiors and after some woodchoppery taking longer than expected and the tip closing, I left this lot in the car and hoped one of them was magic.

Having left stuff like this in a sealed car overnight before and had moisture wreak havoc with the electrics, I cleverly went to bed and left the windows half down to avoid moisture build up.

This plan was somewhat undermined when it pissed it down overnight and soaked the car.

All it has to do now is transport a huge pile of scrap to the tip and then get towed for £214!

I reckon it’s cost about 18p a mile over 3,200 ish miles excluding petrol so not horrific in the grand scheme of things, plus I’m nicking the two most decent seats for the greenhouse.

also, token Goathland shite

[Ohdearme]

There was a collection thread but having gone to ground due to the non-AS and general uninterestingness of the Sharan, I feel safe to reappear, resplendent in my R registered V70.

For an absurd £500, Telteysmooth allowed me to trundle off in to the distance in a very fine V70 2.5T.

It performed faultlessly on the 200 mile run home and sounds lovely, I can confirm performance is adequate* it is smooth as a baby’s bum and very relaxing to cruise in.

The kids have now become accustomed to my shitely ways and treat each arrival as some kind of Austoshite Christmas.

A late arrival home meant they didn’t detect the car until next morning...cue screams of of delight that AS Santa had shat a new car on the drive and an inspection was demanded.

Its sparkly daddy, @Tetleysmooth, that polishing paid off!

I am immensely satisfied with the beast, it is in great Nick with just a few bits to niggle at and finesse.

There are not faults, I hasten to add, just mere breadcrumbs of adventure that will lead me to the bay of e and many a scrappers, no doubt.

[Ohdearme]

I wonder what temperature they test the door light Blu-tac down to?

 

On the hunt for headlamp wipers... confusingly, one has a washer hose but one has gone all seized oil tanker and fucked right off the map (or possibly just fallen into the bumper).

A few substantial stone chips to address, plus some bumper scuffage

Plus a rip in the leather and all the rubberised buttons have got that child snot like feel they get with age...I feel an order of neat alcohol to wipe them clean, or maybe new buttons for the sake of it.

I also clocked the mismatched mirrors today too...heavens to Betsy.

I’ll be sprucing up the rubber and plastic outside too as they’ve faded somewhat in 20 years.

 

[Tetleysmooth]

Glad you like it ODM, it was me reponsible for the Blu-Tac. The drivers and passenger rear door edge lights were on my 'to do' list. I think they can be had from Parts Monster or PFS Parts.

My very next job was going to be the uprated dipstick.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Volvo-Petrol-Oil-Dipstick-Dipstick-Kit-Stick-Tube-Seal-S70-V70-C70-00/293118789673?fits=Car+Make%3AVolvo|Model%3AV70&hash=item443f3dc829:g:8IgAAOSwrklVAYi2

Do try to get one of these ODM, otherwise you'll start seeing mayo on the dipstick (sounds a bit rude). If you do get one, fit the tube, but before you insert the dipstick for the first time, put a smear of oil around the o rings on the new 'stick. Is the EML still conspicuous by its absence? Hope so. No need to worry about the brake pads on this one, they were all new just before I bought the car. Did you see the new rear exhaust hanger? A work of art. It all looked very solid around the back end. This is where some 850's and V70's go first. Droopy rear bumpers give the game away, but it all looks fine on this one. What I failed to mention was the front nearside tyre. It seems to be a little more worn than the rest. I think this was due to under inflation. It was ok when I checked it on collection day, but keep your eye on it. It may have a bit of 'rim rust'.

In other news, I'm STILL waiting for the front flexi for the Saab 9-5. Definitely ordered from the wrong people. Never again. You live and learn. So, if any of you need an exhaust, or part of an exhaust, think carefully before you order from this seller:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/str/ONLY-EXHAUST?_trksid=p2047675.l2563

Despite saying they ship from a uk warehouse, the parts actually come from Poland, and take an unacceptably long time to arrive. Their courier (GLS), doesn't work at weekends, so if you haven't got it by close of business on Friday, that's your lot until at least the following week.

 

[Ohdearme]

2 hours ago, Tetleysmooth said:

Glad you like it ODM, it was me reponsible for the Blu-Tac. The drivers and passenger rear door edge lights were on my 'to do' list. I think they can be had from Parts Monster or PFS Parts.

My very next job was going to be the uprated dipstick.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Volvo-Petrol-Oil-Dipstick-Dipstick-Kit-Stick-Tube-Seal-S70-V70-C70-00/293118789673?fits=Car+Make%3AVolvo|Model%3AV70&hash=item443f3dc829:g:8IgAAOSwrklVAYi2

Do try to get one of these ODM, otherwise you'll start seeing mayo on the dipstick (sounds a bit rude). If you do get one, fit the tube, but before you insert the dipstick for the first time, put a smear of oil around the o rings on the new 'stick. Is the EML still conspicuous by its absence? Hope so. No need to worry about the brake pads on this one, they were all new just before I bought the car. Did you see the new rear exhaust hanger? A work of art. It all looked very solid around the back end. This is where some 850's and V70's go first. Droopy rear bumpers give the game away, but it all looks fine on this one. What I failed to mention was the front nearside tyre. It seems to be a little more worn than the rest. I think this was due to under inflation. It was ok when I checked it on collection day, but keep your eye on it. It may have a bit of 'rim rust'.

In other news, I'm STILL waiting for the front flexi for the Saab 9-5. Definitely ordered from the wrong people. Never again. You live and learn. So, if any of you need an exhaust, or part of an exhaust, think carefully before you order from this seller:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/str/ONLY-EXHAUST?_trksid=p2047675.l2563

Despite saying they ship from a uk warehouse, the parts actually come from Poland, and take an unacceptably long time to arrive. Their courier (GLS), doesn't work at weekends, so if you haven't got it by close of business on Friday, that's your lot until at least the following week.

 

It’s not turned a wheel since arriving home, I’m just finishing all the shitty jobs on the house that filthy up a car (rubble moving/brick collecting/tip runs) in the sharan and then taxing up the Volvo from August.

Wifey taking the kids out this afternoon so I may venture outside for some light tinkerage.

[Ohdearme]

The wife is away so while I have use of the ‘modern’ (shoebox A1) I’ve rattled off all the jobs I had left for the Sharan today...£125 of scrap turned in from doing up the house plus a couple of spare car batteries, followed by four trips and 6 bulk bags of bastard soaking wet confier cuttings to the tip.

neighbour had been chopping and wife said, “oh we’ll take some* of that for compost...

I managed to shred two giant compost bins full then got fed up and tried burning a bit the other night to avoid the tip runs and that went well*

I also stopped on the way back to haul another van load of hardcore for the neighbour so it’s had a rough old workout today.

it sounds properly fucked now but keeps running. I haven’t been in a car that turns so many heads when starting since my brother splashed out years ago on a Maserati 3200 (that proceeded to try and bankrupt him with ftps).

I’ve squeezed the tank bone dry with a range of five miles showing and she’s going for an indicated £213.

It has been fun but it’s too fucked to save, it needs £200 on the exhaust, 2 brake lines, two new front tyres, has got more shagged bushes than the Playboy Mansion, emissions light is on and the electrics are duffed, only the radio, heated seats and rear window perform as intended.

I was essentially a Bangernomics purchase for shits and giggles but looking forward to fettling the V70 very soon.

It’s  already booked for a regas on the 1st and a bit of rubber and plastic treatment if the sun ever comes out.

ill do the dipstick too once I get acquainted with the underbelly of the bonnet.

 

next update some actual car tinkering one hopes.

[Ohdearme]

2 hours ago, Ohdearme said:

I also stopped on the way back to haul another van load of hardcore for the neighbour

...for clarity, that means broken bricks not a van full of Razzle mags

 

[bangernomics]

Too late the shagged bush and hardcore tie in has been made.

[cort1977]

On 7/20/2019 at 10:48 PM, Ohdearme said:

There are not faults, I hasten to add, just mere breadcrumbs of adventure that will lead me to the bay of e and many a scrappers, no doubt.

Fair warning, I will be stealing that line.

[Ohdearme]

Au revoir you big blue bastard.

 

[Ohdearme]

Taxed up and insured the Volvo for an extra £60, £25 of which was admin fee - I should have charged them for time as he was rattling off a wankload of extra adding I didn’t want but that's another story.

Gave it a scrub down inside today, it was wet under the rubber mats at the front not sure if that was @Tetleysmooth shampooing carpets of if the ridiculous weather has found a way past a drain/seal.

Mats staying out for a week or two to keep an Eye on things and as I’m doing a fair few miles in it, I booked it in for a regas and amazingly that’s all it required.

Garage (Motosave) tried to give an advisory on corroded rear discs, I did point out it’s been sat for three weeks in rain so that’s not a surprise. I shan’t be changing them.

Even treated it to £10 worth of hand car wash.

Scrubs up nice.

[Ohdearme]

I think it’s because it’s been stood and the hand car wash may not have helped but noticed a fair bit of smoke on the short run back.

no cross mayo/oil transfer obvious in header or under oil cap/ dipstick so I’m going to run it for a stretch and see if it clears.

 

It smells of...exhaust mainly, I think it’s water clearing out the exhaust. It didn’t taste oily on the tongue test.

[Ohdearme]

AC is nicely icy and the smoke seems to have cleared after a long run so all is well.

however, as advertised by @Tetleysmooth the EML has made an appearance. Not obvious drop in performance or mpg. 

It announced itself about 2 hours into a motorway run.

[Tetleysmooth]

Oh not again.

[Ohdearme]

36 minutes ago, Tetleysmooth said:

Oh not again.

I’m not worried, got to have something for me to do!

Plus this scenario was priced in at £500 .

it was off all the way on the motorway and the  came on as I slowed to 50 for roadworks. I have no idea what caused it but as you say, no impact on performance or mpg.

[Ohdearme]

Investigating the EML a little more, by driving mainly as I’m on holiday...it seems to be lumpy when off throttle and slowing down as if it’s a bit hunty but when stopped it idles steadily.

Will put an odb on it when home and have a muck about.

Went to Knole nat trust in it and on return to the car park, found it had made a new shiter pal.

 

[Tetleysmooth]

That 9-5 I bought is in for mot on Tuesday morning.

The eml keeps coming on, but I think I've identified the problem - P1334- it's either the plugs or the DIC. Ordered a new set of plugs. I'll inspect the DIC when I do the plug change

Other than that, the lights, brakes, washers/wipers etc are fine, but I don't think the Gods of bushes and balljoints are going to smile on me. I just have a feeling.

We'll see at 8.00 am Tuesday morning.

[Tetleysmooth]

As I thought, two front subframe bushes required. Waiting for them to arrive now. Advisories for a slightly noisy o/s rear wheel bearing, and a very minor blow on the exhaust, otherwise all good.

I'll stop thread jacking now, ODM.

[Ohdearme]

 

13 minutes ago, Tetleysmooth said:

As I thought, two front subframe bushes required. Waiting for them to arrive now. Advisories for a slightly noisy o/s rear wheel bearing, and a very minor blow on the exhaust, otherwise all good.

I'll stop thread jacking now, ODM.

 Could have been worse, bushes are a pretty consumable item on 9-5’s a full set of poly bushes is often recommended, I ordered a set but never got round to fitting before moving it on.

[Ohdearme]

As for the V70,  the EML is still on but as I’m on my jollies there is precious little that can be done from an odb perspective.

it is motoring around the roads of Devon fairly well and on the absurdly narrow lanes, not having the width of a modern vehicle is most helpful when Barney Bumpkin comes barrelling towards you in his tractor.

Averaging a healthy 32mpg on the motorway at sensible speeds and that’s dropped to about 26 as I’m chugging around green lanes looking out for agricultural vehicles and fallen branches.

Here it is doing what it was made for.

I noticed a bit of window seal tucked in the passenger door and although unlikely to be the cause of a damp floor, thought I’d better attempt to fix it.

Decided to fix this in an Asda car park with an extensive* toolkit to hand impaired my progress bit as you can see, a whole 5-6 cms of progress was achieved.

Its been like it a while and it is therefore proving reluctant to return to factory fitted postion. One for when I’m home and better armed, methinks.