The Horrible Car Emporium NZ (est 2016)

[philibusmo]

The Horrible Car Emporium – New Zealand
“Making Cavcraft look Reputable since 2016.â€
 
Great value vehicles in grim condition currently in stock!
 
04 Volvo S40 2.4


Electric EVERYTHING except for the starter motor which has lost all of its electricity – bring an A frame and see meters of happy motoring ahead. Also avoid broken surfaces as the suspension is a bit shagged. It’s currently sat half way up a hill with long grass growing around it as it hasn’t moved in a while, please buy it before the neighbours complain. Yours for only 4000 colourful notes.
 
02 Volkswagen Passat V5


Interesting engine, fucked interior containing a semi-permanent water feature in the passenger side foot wells. When going for a WOF test it poured all its gearbox oil on the floor and then comically ejected its drivers side wiper to the ground as well. Now hardly moves due to a slow yet catastrophic gearbox failure, gets up to speed but acceleration is glacial. Comes with a gearbox full of fresh ATF and a non-functioning cassette player. $1500
 
91 Subaru Legacy 1.8Ti Type S

One careful previous drug dealer, some electric windows and air conditioning which allegedly used to function. In a beautiful shade of doom blue this stunning car will impress all of your friends with its mildly unpleasant odour. Comes with a section of baggies which blow around the interior like confetti when driven with all* the windows open. Available now for some money, preferably 1150 of them.
 
*Your experience of all the windows opening may vary.
 
SOLD SOLD SOLD 96 Toyota Granvia 3.0TD

Exceedingly horrible, the worst paint you’ve ever seen with damage to every panel. 8 seats so ideal for making as many children sick as possible while hurling it around the lanes. Missing wheel trim and the back has been used previously as a grow house, hence soil in the trim. Working air conditioning and broken engine mount! Yours for only 320000 cent.
 
SOLD SOLD SOLD 97 Subaru Legacy 2.5 TX Type S

Unbelievably unreliable, recently had new engine, clutch, radiator, coil pack, spark plugs and leads! GOES HARD with the fruity sounds of a dustbin instead of an exhaust. Collapsed seat for instant chronic back ache and constant smell of spilt milk ad to this exciting overall package. Comes with camping gear including some random sections of foam, an old pillow and a sheet covered in mildew. Make it yours for just 429936.94 Zimbabwean dollars
 
Check back for more great deals from the Horrible Car Emporium
“We’re not satisfied until you’re dissatisfied.â€

[barefoot]

Can you deliver?

[Sigmund Fraud]

Can you deliver?

 

Why ? Does the NZ branch of cartakeback not collect ?

 

[philibusmo]

The Horrible Car Emporium NZ

 

“All cars come with a comprehensive mechanical out of sight warrantyâ€

 

00 Alfa Romeo 156 2.5 V6

In luscious red, this Italian pony has 6 manual gears, with a change like a retarded Maxi, suspected gear linkage bushes. Very quick to get up to speed and temperature, a failing water pump makes sure the heater is always nice and toasty. Despite this it’s our only fully functioning and road worthy vehicle. Priced to not sell because I like it at 1 million dollars.

 

SOLD SOLD SOLD 94 Ford Telsar 2.0 GL

No WOF, no rego, no worries! Bald ditch finders, rotten like a year old apple and gives a general sense that a fair few backpackers have caught chlamydia in the back. Was white, now in a custom 2 tone white and oxide brown effect which nicely compliments the grotty steel wheels. Rocker cover gasket is mostly effective at keeping the oil in the engine except in a couple of key areas where it is leaking like the titanic. Characterful service history. Six Hundred Doll Hairs

 

SOLD SOLD SOLD 90 Mitsubishi Magna 2.6 GLX

Huge inside so ideal for living in, as long as you don’t mind getting a bit damp when it rains. Original owner was the NZ serious fraud office, so has spent a relaxing life chasing down crims in rough looking Jaaaaags. Also perfect for those who enjoy spending time in petrol stations. Has other features which I can’t currently remember.  Available yesterday for thirteen and fifty.

 

Stay tuned for more stock coming in fast! Plus tales of our previous quality motors all from the Horrible Car Emporium.

 

“Why not recommend us to someone you hate?â€

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'd eat that Galant estate

[STUNO]

Thank the lord and the universe I am totally bankrupt.

[xkjagnz]

 

02 Volkswagen Passat V5

Interesting engine, fucked interior containing a semi-permanent water feature in the passenger side foot wells. When going for a WOF test it poured all its gearbox oil on the floor and then comically ejected its drivers side wiper to the ground as well. Now hardly moves due to a slow yet catastrophic gearbox failure, gets up to speed but acceleration is glacial. Comes with a gearbox full of fresh ATF and a non-functioning cassette player. $1500

 

 

So where about in Noo Ziland are you as I Have a wagon version of this and a friend has a saloon (both W8s)

Might be worth parting out ( I had to pay $2k for wheels after a breakage in a pothole)

[xkjagnz]

Yours for only 4000 colourful notes.

 

Considering that the smallest note in NZ is the $5 (and it's not all that colourful (being brown)) 4000 of them is $20000

 

In other news

Do you want to buy my S class for $6k ish ?!?

 

Unlike most of yours it runs and is generally nice!

[philibusmo]

Yours for only 4000 colourful notes.

 

Considering that the smallest note in NZ is the $5 (and it's not all that colourful (being brown)) 4000 of them is $20000

 

In other news

Do you want to buy my S class for $6k ish ?!?

 

scalsae.jpg

Unlike most of yours it runs and is generally nice!

This Passat is only a V5, with a sneaky W8 badge on the front to give the impression that you'll be mega quick. This currently has a 0-100 time that makes a giffer driven metro with a slipping clutch look sprightly. Parting it is the next option, but there is currently a 2003 A4 in the garage with half the front end missing which needs to be stripped a dragged away before this one can be shifted into its place.

 

However if you're after parts for a V5 or are in the area of Mt Maunganui and want to see some truly foul automobiles then give us a shout.

 

As for the Merc, I'm afraid I have bad memories of towing a dead one owned by a P addict in the dark with nothing but hairy yellow string platted into a rope and a $600 Honda Accord in Pogweasel pink. The rope only snapped 3 times on the short journey and only once did the police get involved but nobody got arrested or fined, so that wasn't the complete disaster that it could have been.

[xkjagnz]

Well the merc is a good runner (again after we put a new crank position sensor on) If you break can I have the w8 badge as my front one has fallen off!

[tooSavvy]

We have a guy, over here, needing glass for his '84 Toyota Carina II.

 

Called a Corona in other markets.

Anyone in NZ have details of a breakers, might have a car in??


TS

[DSdriver]

Well the merc is a good runner (again after we put a new crank position sensor on) If you break can I have the w8 badge as my front one has fallen off!

I think they call that buyback