Shagged XJS - GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGUAR. NOW with inept attempts to start after one year on its bum

[Guest Breadvan72]

PS:  bet those green bins handle better than the green MGB.  [runs away]

[Tayne]

Video about a 1980 XJS

 

[Noel Tidybeard]

The true test of any car is whether you can drive it fast without spilling your cocktail.   This one drives lovely.  It feels modernish, but also quite old school bruisy British.   I said to my wife (who, like me, mourns for our lost Fabboceptor) that the Jag's got Fab shocks, Fab tyres, Fab motor - a 244 inch plant, and runs good on regular gas.  Is it the new Fabmobile, or what?   She told me to get the cigarette lighter fixed.

"its 106 miles from oxford, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses"

 

"HIT IT!"

[Junkman]

Let me reflect.

That Shagged U R, that has a worse reputation than an SM, when it comes to dancing Italian style around a smoldering heap in a cloud of smoke at 3am on the hard shoulder of the M60, is the only acquisition in a recent buying spree yielding diversest chod, that hasn't puked its innards in spectacular fashion within days of ownership?

 

I think I need a rather stiff Martini now and some time to think about my future strategy.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Negatory, J-Man!  The Rover has not borked, and indeed gets better and better each time I start it up.   The Lotus only semi borked (but has to be scrapped, alas, because the interior light doesn't come on when the doors open).   The Jag has lost a sidelight bulb, and so is a PHAIL as KAR.   The Landy I have had 18 months now and it is always ace and has given no probs.   OK, its brakes are fooked, but Landy brakes are meant to be fooked.  The (not recently purchased but still chodworthy) mostly sort of a bit reliable maybe sort of Alfa has been sold to Six-Cylinder (and has immediately started misbehaving, just because). 

 

The Dolly is still lumpy as fook, but the mech dude is still laid up with the sickies, so nowt has happened, and besides I have been busy working, drinking 14 Margaritas with Mrs BV at the Groucho, and buying other shitheaps.  The Dolly is not forgotten, however, and will be fixulated soon, 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Video about a 1980 XJS

 

 

 

Those wheels give me TEH THROBBY.

[Skizzer]

The true test of any car is whether you can drive it fast without spilling your cocktail.   This one drives lovely.  It feels modernish, but also quite old school bruisy British.   I said to my wife (who, like me, mourns for our lost Fabboceptor) that the Jag's got Fab shocks, Fab tyres, Fab motor - a 244 inch plant, and runs good on regular gas.  Is it the new Fabmobile, or what?   She told me to get the cigarette lighter fixed.

 

I'm suddenly reminded of a piece P J O'Rourke wrote for Rolling Stone (I think) entitled How To Drive Fast On Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed And Not Spill Your Drink.  

 

It's been 25 years since I read it, but it's the kind of title that stays with you.  Anyway, PJ would approve.

[Guest Breadvan72]

It is a fine piece of work.  See also PJ O'R's excellent piece "Third World Driving Hints", collected with other quality essays in "Holidays in Hell".

[cort16]

Come on BV lets get some hard core picks of this Jags grotty bits.

[Junkman]

I must say that I rather stick to Gilbert Shelton's driving tips, but that's just me I guess.

 

Anyway, unilluminated Lotus requires bridgage without any further ado.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Patience, fellow shitkickers!  I am up that London and going out on the lash with my nephew in a short while.  I am also up that London tomorrow and plan to be mostly drunk with colleagues at someone's leaving do. My eBay and carandclassic privileges have been withdrawn pending the currency of the drinking emergency, in the interests of public safety.  According to the terms of the injunction issued by the International Court of Justice, I am not allowed to buy a car again unless accompanied by a member of Autoshite who is a grown up.  As there is no such person, no more cars.  

 

Anyway, I will show you some of the choice skanky bits at the weekend.  ATCNBE.

[Clanger]

I think that's appealable on the grounds that it denies you your most basic of human rights and infringes on your civil liberties.

 

Shirley Magna Carta has something to say about a man's right to buy whatever old shite he pleases on fleabay after copious amounts of ale?

 

But you iz de legal expert n all...

[Six-cylinder]

Patience, fellow shitkickers!  I am up that London and going out on the lash with my nephew in a short while.  I am also up that London tomorrow and plan to be mostly drunk with colleagues at someone's leaving do. My eBay and carandclassic privileges have been withdrawn pending the currency of the drinking emergency, in the interests of public safety.  According to the terms of the injunction issued by the International Court of Justice, I am not allowed to buy a car again unless accompanied by a member of Autoshite who is a grown up.  As there is no such person, no more cars.  

 

 ATCNBE.

Now I can always pretend to be all grown up and as such I advise you your collection is badly out of balance, you desperately need a selection of European chod to add to the ace collection of British cars you have. There must be an EU rule that says you can’t have that many British cars with out supporting Europe!

 

You have no Italians (I know my fault) or French cars (many Shiters 1st chooce to ruin), you must put this matter right urgently and while drinking is a perfect time, while drunk just send me the item number you want, the money and I will do the rest, nothing will show on your eBay account while you sneak them in.

 

And for a modest amount of alcoholic drink I will even help you choose but that will mean you end up with a Citroen, I always buy one when I am drunk!

[Guest Breadvan72]

Mrs BV are have druv the Jag.  She says it is a slinky beast.

[LC Torana]

So it's her car now, I gather?

[Guest Breadvan72]

Pretty much, yes.

[Six-cylinder]

If the XJS is transferred to the Mrs BV pool of vehicles, then surely there is room for another acquisition for you!

 

I have seen for sale a 1985 Citroen CX Pallas 2.5 I/E Auto, 67k 13 months MOT £1975 ono, for sale in High Wycombe.

[Guest Breadvan72]

You are a very evil man and must ON NO ACCOUNT send me a link to the ad or any pics of l'heap du Merde Francais.

 

I agree, BTW, that absence from the BV yard of shame of Italochod et les chodes de la belle France is a bit of a crime. 

[Six-cylinder]

It's in the Citroen Car Club magazine... if your fingers slipped on the keys and you happened to type pm me then of course I would have no choice but to do so... summonzed by THE LAW...

[Guest Breadvan72]

Ha!  You can't trap me that easily.  I have no butter on my fingers, nothing but the finest Tesco Valu marge.  Whoops!

[Six-cylinder]

I am not suggesting buying it regardless because sometimes long term owners remember cars as they were, not how they are now.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Now for some horror house of hammer.  As usual, things in what laughingly passes for real life round here are worse than they appear in the photos:-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

BTW, Plan Rattlecan has just been deployed, moments after I took those shots.  As all good rattlecanners know, preparation is everything.  Never mind paint straight to rust, we're talking paint straight to mud.    #boneidlebodgercunt

[Six-cylinder]

That's a mere flesh wound, you should see some of my Triumphs!

[hauserplenty]

'TIZ BUT A SCRATCH.

 

(Ahem.)

 

#kseriespissvaporizer

 

Nice car. 12 cylinders is 4 too many for me. A nice place to visit but I couldn't afford to live there for very long...

[Clanger]

Is that a reflection of you wearing Chinos? Or is it your manservant's livery?

[Guest Breadvan72]

Tut!  I see that I must remonstrate vigorously with old Scrotum, my wrinkled retainer, about his unsuitably casual attire.  A gentleman's personal gentleman must be correctly dressed when performing photography.

 

Meanwhile, here are some shots from the dawn patrol below the western escarpment of the Chilterns.  The photos fail to show the beautiful mist that lay along the ridge line. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

'

 

Nice car. 12 cylinders is 4 too many for me. A nice place to visit but I couldn't afford to live there for very long...

 

 

I agree.  This one has but six  cylinders.  It was showing 33 MPG on the instantaneous reading of the trip computer at an indicated 80 mph on a motorway this morning (allegedly).  The reading dropped to 27 MPG when I applied some throttle.  Average since I bought the car is 24.4, according to the computer.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Dirtier than twelve Dagenham shop girls on pay day:-

 

 

[purplebargeken]

I recognise that engine. I have had cars with that type of engine in them before. They are Good Engines.