Achtung Baby - Weird BMW diesel - OK BYE

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Pre late 2003 cars have a VNT turbo with vacuum operation. There's a vac hose from a capsule on the back that goes into a solenoid (electronic) and there's a green vacuum capsile the size of a coke can near the washer bottle. The vacuum comes from a vacuum rail under the inlet manifold that also feeds the rad shutter blinds and EGR. From late 2003 (just after the six speed box arrived) they went to fully electronic, EU4 iirc. (I'm trying to forget).

This is the M47 engine that ran until 2007. After that came the N47 diesel that joined the N series petrol engines that include complex yet ill conceived shit like the N42, N43, N46, N46 et al.  N stands for Nutzlos Nachttraum, or 'Useless Nightmare'.

 

1 Series diesel? No. Please, just...no.

 

Best was the old E36 318tds known as the Tedious on account of the pedestrian performance. But, single cam with a hefty chain, basic turbo from the 1.9TDi VAG stuff, mechanical pump and injectors, simple EGR easily blocked off with a 1p coin, no sensors to speak of, no MAF, no flaps, 90 bhp and it runs on veg. THAT was a diesel engine.

[cort16]

You wouldn't fuggin believe it. The JRG 316i was showing that it needed some oil in it so I went to the garage and all they had was 5/30. I glubbed in a litre of it and all was well until about 20 miles into my journey when I got to a junction and the oil light started to flicker. I pulled over, checked it and it seemed to have plenty oil in it even though the amber oil light of doom was saying the level was low. I had to get to work this morning as we've got a big meeting so i ploughed on and it was fine until I go to idle at which point it flickered again.

 

Fucking unbelievable. I dunno if this is to do with the 5/30 I put in it. Maybe I should have held out for something lighter but I'd put the same in my 520i with no issues (and it was the recomended oil for the 520). I guess a flush and oil change is the next step. I'd actually sold this to my mates grandpa although no money had changed hands. What a crock!

 

Also the BMW specialist called and said the gasket didn't fix the oil leak and they think they're going have to order a new oil filter housing. WHAT?? Dunno how that's possible unless the filter housing is cracked but I have to take them on their word this is the issue even though the last person I had look at it said it was the crank seal. That'll be the fat end of £250 just for the part.

If they fit this then say the crank seal is also leaking I think I'm going to put my head in a deep fat fryer.

 

I hate these things. I thought this was going to be an easy sell but unsurprisingly (for me) it's been a disaster. If you see me going to buy something I recon I can make a couple of bob on in the future drive to my house and punch me in the face then I'll refund you your petrol money.

[gordonbennet]

Jeezus, these bloody modern Diesel are about as much use as a dose of the clap.

 

I have every sympathy, i finally gave up on Diesel about 3 years ago when we sold our last one, wouldn't have another as a gift now simplicity is gone.

[saucedoctor]

0/30, 0/40 or 5/40 listed on Autodata.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

My first diesel was a Perkins Prima and since then I've had PSA XU/HDi, VAG Pdi, Land Rover 2/300tdi and TD5 even aVM 4 headed monster in a Scorpio. Never had a single engine related problem that couldn't be repaired for less than £200.

Move into this century and a2.2dt Espace lulled me into a false sense of security and I bought a DCi, obviously ended in tears.

Then BMWs, a couple of e39 3.0s resulted in one £400 turbo between them in half a million miles, I can live with that.

Onto Mercedes om642 3.0 V6's . First one I only ran from 20,000 to 50,000 faultless as expected. Current one bought 2 years ago at 80,000 miles ,now at 270,000 with only occasional servicing and only problem was swirl motor,which I repaired* with a 10p resistor bodge picked up from MB Forum. Although I think it might have a dodgy injector at the moment.

But , I think I'm cured of diesels now. I'm looking at replacing my 300 with either a Hemi one or an E500/550i. At motorway speeds modern V8's will show 30 mpg on trip computers and life's too short for worrying about saving a few quid on each job, fuck it I'll just put my prices up.

I've always assumed that as my cars never have chance to get cold and are either crawling in traffic or sat at 80 on cruise control it's just better for engine longevity.

[scruff]

I'd love to put a Prima - with a massive turbo, huge intercooler and a big Austin Rover badge on the cam cover - in one of these Beemers. Power AND style

[cort16]

Would a litre of the slightly wrong oil cause this though? Bastarding things

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I say no

[twosmoke300]

I'd love to put a Prima - with a massive turbo, huge intercooler and a big Austin Rover badge on the cam cover - in one of these Beemers. Power AND style

And potential weight saving , you could ditch the rev counter for starters . You always know if a prima is running , and so do the whole postcode area.

[dave21478]

5/30 instead of 0/30? I dont see that being the culprit...perhaps if you had put in some Tesco Value 20/50 then yeah, maybe.

[gordonbennet]

No i don't think its the oil either, 0w30 or 5W30 seems to be flavour of the decade, but when you check more carefully thats the lowest drag factor spec possible to get that 0.00001% lower bullshit C02 figure (together with concrete tyres that don't bloody grip), and invariably a range of oils can safely be used, especially in our climate, usually in the range from 0 to 40....we now see Toyota hybrids on 0W20 to get another bit lower emissions,  gnats piss.

 

I can't be arsed with all this cobblers and for nearly all vehicles i'm ever going to own a good quality full synthetic 0W 40 or 5W 40 bought at the right time cheaply in bulk does all the tricks, am yet to get a problem but then i don't leave it in for fuckin 20k miles either.

[cort16]

IT looks like the 5 series is fixed. It turned out it was leaking out the rocker cover gasket, oil filter housing gasket and it had a split crankcase breather hose that combined to make more leaks than a welsh wedding. At least I'm getting it back so I can then sell it and never speak of it again.

 

I bought some engine flush, oil and a filter for the 316i. The flush stuff seems to either be a kill or cure method of attacking the problem from what I read on the interwebz so I hope it doesn't do a shitpeas

[Partridge]

Another vote for swirl flaps. Oh and

 

scrap it all bwms r rubbish lol

[cort16]

KILL ME NOW

 

This came on today to brighten up my life after I went over a pot hole

 

idive by cort16, on Flickr

 

In 320d new it turns out I hadn't done that many of the bolts on the inlet manifold up more than finger tight. I haz mekanik skillz.

Running better but still shite, which makes me think I've ballsed something else up.

 

I also gave the JRG one an oil change and engine flush. The old engine oil looked pretty thin so fingers crossed.

 

BMWZRSHIT>COM

[twosmoke300]

Connectors under the seats ? .chop out connector , solder and heatshrink . Job jobbed

[cort16]

Yes I think the seat sensors are made out of puff pastry. There's a kit you can get off ebay to by pass it but I'm hoping reseting the codes will work although it probably won't

[cort16]

Shite BMW status update. The 5 series is sold cheap will all faults declared. Lost some money but no more than the monthly payments on a shit car over the same time period. Very glad to see it go. Renault Avantime replacement enroute.

At least we know Renaults are shit and expect issues and are happy when they function properly. BMW's throw around the image of being all about engineering and quality, when in actual fact they're pretty much just as shite!

 

The gold BMW's oil change and flush did it a world of good and it's now doing what it should be doing, which is being an old mans car. I sold it to my mates 84 year old granddad and I crumbled on the price as he was such a nice old fella. I iz a shit car sales man.

 

Okay so that's 3 down and 1 to go.

I limped the Silver estate up to the house to try to sort the running problem. So with slightly fuzzy head I took the inlet manifold off again and found I'd not had the map (manifold pressure thing) plugged in thanks to my half arsed mechanic skills. Anyway I got it all re-assembled, fire it up and it sound great, well as great as a shitey diesel can sound. I pretty much managed to get it to the end of the road then around the corner before there was shit loads of smoke out the exhaust, it conked out then I just coasted to the side of the road. The AA dragged it back to my lock up but I recon it's pretty fucked.

Hopefully I can get something for it. I'm tempted to stick it in my lockup and break it but I'm not sure I can be arsed.

 

Yes BMWz are shit

[Mr_Bo11ox]

After reading your exploits I can safely say I will be giving these shitheaps a wide berth! Shame as i drove a 320D once and thought it was the absolute bollocks.

[HH-R]

An ex colleague can haz a 2006 320 diseasel, had it from 3 years old or something. Think it's got about 60k on the clock. Turbo failed about a year or so back, cost £1200 to replace which he though was OK as he hadn't really spent much else on it (apart from a few hundred quid come MOT/service time for ludicrously expensive tyres, brakes, etc every year). I'd have had an aneurysm and driven it into the nearest canal with myself in it. Despite having an easy, cosseted life, the LCD display is buggered, door handles, etc. Complete shit.

[cort16]

They're good when they're going. Well that's not true the 5 series was fucking horrible but these old 3 series are nice cars to drive

I recon there was some underlying problems with the 320d, which was caused either when the original turbo  blew or when it was sitting around for a year before it was fixed.

It's game over for it as far as I'm concerned as I'm fed up with fucking around with it. My cortina is sitting with no MOT as I've been nobbing around with this POS.

Needless to say I've told Mrs C to punch me in the gonads if I get offered any more of these solid gold bargains

[cort16]

An ex colleague can haz a 2006 320 diseasel, had it from 3 years old or something. Think it's got about 60k on the clock. Turbo failed about a year or so back, cost £1200 to replace which he though was OK as he hadn't really spent much else on it (apart from a few hundred quid come MOT/service time for ludicrously expensive tyres, brakes, etc every year). I'd have had an aneurysm and driven it into the nearest canal with myself in it. Despite having an easy, cosseted life, the LCD display is buggered, door handles, etc. Complete shit.

 

those e90's 3 series are the same generation as the 5 series I just sold and they're total shit. They feel cheap and built to a cost. I've read a lot about BMW diesels during this affair and they're shit. I mean when they come out the factory they're magic. Fast, clean, great mpg but a few years into owner ship and they're a total liability.

[RoadworkUK]

I had been reading your sorry account of the 5 series, then I saw the photo with the SRS warning and realised it was an E60 and not an E39.

 

Then, suddenly, everything fell into place.

 

Sorry you've had to go through all this.

[cort16]

FUCKING YES! I've flogged the blown up 320d for spears or repeers. That's the last of these shit heaps gone now and finally have some money to get my Cortina through it's MOT.