Oh Noes! Not another thread about a shonky Lancia? NOW with fixulated steering N stuff.

[hauserplenty]

That makes three of us.

But when in Rome, FOLLOW THA GOURD or somat.

[Junkman]

When in Rome, do as the Romanians do.

[hauserplenty]

ROMANES

 

EUNT

 

DOMUS

 

Now, write that out 100 times. If it's not done by sunrise--I'll cut your balls off.

[320touring]

*shakes head*

 

good luck Mr Breadvan

[crapcarcollector]

No idea what's going on here, but I think it involves a Lancia, soooooo, I'm in!

[Guest Breadvan72]

Testing... testing...  Is this thing on?

 

 

OK.  OMG Kollektovision  will be live from approx noon today.  First step:  attempt to start ye olde Landy of oldeness to drive eight miles to Princes Risborough station of trains.  Destination: Peterborough, Gateway to kwalidee "I see that some bloke in the seventies was such a tight wanker that he couldn't even afford the 1600 version.  What a fucking pov"  Eytealiano motoring madness. 

[beko1987]

If you need a lift back to Risborough to get ye old landy let me know and I'll see if I'm allowed out to play tonight...

 

Would offer you a lift there but I'm already in Marlow

[beko1987]

Or drive to Marlow, park on my mums drive (their on holiday this week) and go marlow-maidenhead-paddington-kings x-peterboghorror... 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Very kind offers, thanks, but for reasons of stealth (aka mahoosive lying, but fuggit I did buy her a fifty quid 1970s non fake Omega watch that actually works from a dude in Japan just the other day, so maybe I'll be OK ), the Beta will be staying at Risborough Station this evening, if it makes it that far, and then going into a friend's garage as soon as the Landy has heaved all the tat currently piled in said garage to the dump  (cue calls of "cut out the middle man, tow the Beta to the dump while you're at it", etc). 

 

 

Anyway,  Live KollektoScope now going upline.  Update soon.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Pausing because laptop battery low, will charge on train.

 

Trip has started with me missing the train I planned to take because of, er, a small Italian.  Yes, dippy Italian student girlie discussing every possible permutation of the UK rail timetable and fare structure for the next ten years with kind and patient ticket bloke.   Train comes in. Train leaves.     Conversation continues.    Hey ho, got a good coffee at the v pleasant Risborough Cafe de la Gare.

 

Usual railway station photies etc to follow.

[dugong]

Was dippy Italian girlie tidy?

"ATCNBE" etc.

[Guest Breadvan72]

She had fewer evident scabby bits than another small Italian I may encounter later on. She may not have been her original colour.

 

I am now on the 1405 Kings X tro Leeds, first stop Peterborough.

 

Here is the usual departure Station pic.  Also, a kit check.  Actual OE Lancia Beta toolkit, oh yes.  Forgot to pack tape, but remembered the essential orange tool of Win.  Note well thumbed effect.

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Footman James phone call completed somewhere near Beaconsfield.  Additional premium on group policy 41 quid until next April.    

 

Classic insurance firm has classic phone system, so lots of "La Primavera" by Vivaldi while holding on.   Dum dum dum dum dum di dum, dum dum dum dum dum di dum, dum dum di di dum di dee dum dum.   Hmm, does't sound like original instrument recording to me.  

"Now you will read me some endless script about cancellation and blah, won't you?"  "No, Sir, we don't do that, it's rubbish."    I like FJ.  

Owing to unplanned Italian-ness, I biffed my plan to pop into my Chambers to yell at people, and thus had time to buy lunch at King's Cross.

 

I CAN haz cheezeburger.

 

The dogs and burgers at this place are the dog's danglies.  Super noms.  NB: no warranty expressed or implied that the Ginster's Buffet Bar of Disgustingness will not be purchased later on, yummy burger notwithstanding.

 

Forward to the Fens!

[dugong]

WER IS LAWYER WITH SMALL ITALIAN CAR

I R WOUNDED

[HillmanImp]

I did not realise this thread was about this car. As you may see from the Ebay tat thread this car lived near me until recently. I was speaking to the previous owners mechanic who used to do a lot of the work on it the the other day.

 

If you want some information on it I can pop in and ask some questions as am going to see him in a few days as I am taking Mrs Imps dads car to him for its MOT. Will be interesting to see how it has faired having been used as a daily driver for so many years on British roads.  

[Junkman]

I can haz imagination of little lawyer having turned into an Italian, i.e. cursing, swearing, waving his arms in the air, running around kicking wheels of little black Italian number, which FTPed in a cloud of steam.

 

Although I bet this is not so.

[dugong]

Dell, the bloke who did a lot of work on my Amazon, is a Lancia nut. Wonder if he's had any encounters with this Beta?

Would still like to see it, if you're about...............

[Junkman]

Dell, the bloke who did a lot of work on my Amazon, is a Lancia nut.

 

Ah, now I begin to understand.

[dugong]

I can now add 'driven a Lancia Beta 1300 Coupe down the Bourges Boulevard in the pissing rain' to my list of achievements. 
It was so exciting my camera broke.

It has the holy trinity of deathtrap accoutrements:

1. Sticking steering rack that randomly locks past the 3 and 9 o'clock positions
2. Firestone F-560 tyres of dubious vintage
3. An oil spitting, tappety Lampredi twin-cam. 

Fingers crossed BV72 gets back to Oxfordshire in one piece.

[Junkman]

As long as the tyres are round and blackish, they are fine.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Good luck breadbin!!! Sounds interesting!!!

[dugong]

Good luck breadbin!!! Sounds interesting!!!

It is. I particularly enjoyed the FIAMM 'pezzo di cretino' horn. 

[Junkman]

Does it whistle La Cucaracha?

Oh, wait...

[dugong]

Does it whistle La Cucaracha?

Oh, wait...

 

It does the General Lee battle call and then vomits self-righteously.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Ha vinta la causa!

 

Home via Northampton and country roads.  Car will do a noisy cruise on motorway but is much more fun on twisties.   Home a while ago but had to make mahoosive Negroni and drink same and then scoff yummy chicken curry cooked by darling wife, who is about to be asked to look out of the window.  She will be fine.  

 

Car is shonkytastical and ubershonk and also as shonky as a shonky thing, but drives GR11, except for something well fooked with the steering - feels bumpy humpy at low speed and almost tries to lock, but fine at A road speeds.  Tyres appear to date from 1978 like the car but are not quite as bad as I feared.  They are still going in the bin v soon, eg tomorrow.      

 

Oil pressure seemed a tad low but got better on fasty roads.  May just be shitbum oil, will nom it up on some cheap-ass Tesco GTX.    Engine feels tight and peppy, albeit tappety soundy.   Oil spunkage noticeable, coming from sumpy gasket.   Gearbox is ace, and not as thuggy as had feared from doing internet readage on the low ratio version.  Electrics work, heater may be a bit knacked, radio is crarp.    

 

Rustiness abounds, but looks fixable.  Paintwork simply dire.    Door cards falling off.  Driver's window winder on way out.  

 

OMG MPG!   My first economical classic car in evah!

 

Stripper Bar interior actually not as shit in real life as in photos.   Might even keep it and not retrim.

 

Some photos in a bit, but want another Negroni first.

 

Forza Italia!

[Junkman]

Grappa needage was noticed here after reading this.

Duly fulfilded. Now on to some vino tinto. Salute!

[dugong]

Glad you got back! Hope to see the Beta at Shitefest!

[Guest Breadvan72]

Hope it can get there.  I will try and get it up on a ramp tomorrow and have someone marginally less bereft of car knowage than me poke about at the steering.

 

Below:  Fuel stop at a Jet garage, because seventies.

[Guest Breadvan72]

MOAR photiz

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

The steelies are a tad rustificated, but I like them.  I have five spare Beta alloys, but will stay on steelies and thin tyres, I reckon.

 

The 1300 was sold with steelies, taller tyres, no intermittent wiper setting, no oil temp gauge or remote oil level reader, a cheapo plastic rad grille, and a few other things missing to show that it was the povvo edition, but it still came with discs all round (very good brakes on this one) and a five speed box as standard.

 

Pre facelift panel is muy fabuloso.  The gear stick is shorter, the change better than on the 1981 Spyder 2000 that I used to have and the 1984 Volumex HPE that I currently have .