At long last...my new shite!

[CreepingJesus]

So...

There's a story to this, so allow me to indulge myself.

Seven days ago, we had a '99 Megane and a '96 Mondeo. Both crap, but one more so than the other. Mondeo's sills started to come apart just jacking the thing up to do a spot of fixing. No Duck tape on the bumpers mind; must have been a good one...

Megane fails MOT, needing full exhaust system. Now I could've fixed it, but there was plenty more wrong with it, and I fancied something new(ish), so off the gruesome twosome went to meet their end.

I should say at this point, that I'll get onto my spots thread in a mo; and it'll have a musical theme. -ish. So I'll start off with the Chilli's 'Over The Bridge'. OK, so the original was 'Under The Bridge', but what the hell! *sings"...over the bridge up town, that's where I sent some cars..." It'll make sense later, honest. Then the whole thing will just be a bad dream.

Having failed to snag anything off eBay in the run up to the fateful day, I rented myself a little runabout for a few days:

Hawkwind..."Silver Machine"

Not a bad little thing either; £20 of go-juice to do the 300-odd miles of eBay viewings can't be wrong.

Looked at a '99 Mondeo V6 Ghia X estate, other half swore the thing emitted a big puff of 'oily smelling haze' on start up. She's rarely wrong about this stuff, so that didn't get bid on.

Nor did the rather nice '95 Frontera TD 5-dr I had a very good look at.

Because an ad popped up on Autotrader online which grabbed our attention. Off round the used car place in Kirkcaldy for a quick gander. Which turned into a quick test drive. (Well, it wouldn't start, thus breaking the first rule of car sales, and earning me a discount). Which turned into..."£800 ok?" for a car with £1495 in the window. And a handshake. Win.

The Buzzcocks..."What Do I Get?"

A Volvo V70 Torslanda, not even 84k on an R-plate. 2.5L of 10v throb, and a few months rent in it too!

Sure I can scrape up the cash, I wouldn't suggest that sum if I couldn't. Except, when one goes home, sorts out the insurance on one's new car, checks one's bank account balance, and goes to get said cash from bank. And finds that the bank hasn't told the entire truth, and has left one £100 short. And then fucks about with the previous offers of cheap short-term credit. Bank Of Scotland, take a bow. I believe you've lost a long-term customer...

Anyhoo; I couldn't even find my way home. Jumped on a train going the right way, and settled down to read AS on my mobile device; didn't notice train going straight to Edinborough. Get off at Haymarket, make my apologies to the sniggering ScotRail staff, get wrong train back over the bridge. Walk rest of way home.

Incidentally, I encountered some girls on the way having a right good argument. One of them says to me "Can you believe it, she gets off at the wrong stop?". I say, "Wait 'til I tell you about what I just did...". Well, let's just say, they couldn't argue any more for laughter. I'm such a hero.

Long story shorter (hey, I've got the chance to tell a tale here; I'm enjoying it!), fast forward to today. and I can finally get the car back here. Hassle free handover, with the car all washed, battery charged and waiting, and even a tenner back 'cos there was f-all petrol in it.

So how does it go? Very nicely: it's no rocket ship, but then I didn't expect that. Verrry comfy, handles well, nice sounding stereo. All good. Well almost...

Def Leppard..."Mirror Mirror"

No idea what that glass came from; I had Hyundai in mind, tho' I know not why. Bro-in-law says Fiesta. Sure isn't V70 anyway. e-cookie to anyone who can identify it. And a free mirror glass once I get the right one.

RATM..."Bullet In The Head"

There's obviously been stuff repeatedly dragged over the rear bumper top. Maybe it was dogs wot scratched it on the way in and out. But then, with that massive boot, and the load cover...you could be up the woods of a night disposing of bodies very easily.

Wagner..."Ring Cycle" (or maybe ABBA..."Ring Ring")

If it was a T5, this could be the obligatory 'Ring sticker. But it isn't, and it's on the bonnet, so that'll be lacquer peel. Might just cover it with a 'Ring sticker tho'. Hmmm, maybe.

None of the controls on the ventilation panel work, so that's probly a fuse then. No major problems with it on the whole. There's a tiny little dark patch on the o/s sill, by the jacking point; and the rear trailing arm brackets are a bit crusty, but no really worrying rust that I've found. I'll be blowing some wax round about it soon, to keep it that way.

James..."Sit Down"

All comfy half leather loveliness.

Rolling Stones..."Start Me Up"

Clean as a whistle in here. Sounds nice too!

All told I'm pretty happy with this. It may not be really old, or old BL junk, or a steal like Billy's Jaaaaag: but it's my version of Autoshite, and hopefully it'll be hanging around for years to come.

Mind you, Kay had her eye on a tidy old Saab 900 across the road from the Volvo...

[pompei]

Nice work and if you get fed up you could always try lobbing the engine into a knackered old Roller

[trigger]

Nice write up and I'm guessing Peugeot 206 mirror glass!

[Shep Shepherd]

Looks like a good car which would be even better with a malenky bit of TLC

 

TV2 has a Nurburgring sticker on its tailgate, as I've actually driven it around said track. It was fun

[Cavcraft]

Decent cars those and you got it for a good price too.

What does the 'Torslanda' signify, some sort of special edition?

[barefoot]

You've just scrapped two cars that were newer than anything I've ever owned - am I out of touch?

[scooters]

faqndabbiedozie CJ - next time you get stranded in Haymarket, pop round for a coffee, I'm in Roseburn and I'll run you back over the bridge in YUGO POWAH.

 

nice Torsy there gov, good and clean and less to go wrong than a trashed T5 - you should/could get years of use out of it. Only thing to watch out for mechanically is the alternator the voltage regulators of which can be an issue with these. If you do sart to fry batteries, let me know and I'll help you change the rugulator WITHOUT destroying the fragine powersteering reservoir like I did last month!

 

quality - now you can join the VOC forum and laugh at the prats on the 850/V70 section!

[scooters]

Decent cars those and you got it for a good price too.

What does the 'Torslanda' signify, some sort of special edition?

 

 

oh goody goody goody I get to bore you about Volvo's now.

 

Torslanda is where the factory is.

 

The first Torslanda edition was the 240 estate in 20.l form and it was sold in certain Northern European markets from 1990 or thereabouts until the end of production in 1993. Torsys then were built as cold weather Volvos and were offered with no frippery - manual windows, mirrors etc, a special locking diff that kicked in under 15mph to give the car traction and no chrome trim, but extra insulation on locks etc. This car was designed for funcioting in extreme weather were electric gizmos and fancy chrome and plastic just end up breaking.

 

subsequent Volvo estates have been sold as Torslanda and once again it usually means a fairly basic through purposely robust version. However, I have seen some of the new Volvos driving around with the Torslanda badge and they look anything but spartan

[CreepingJesus]

You've just scrapped two cars that were newer than anything I've ever owned - am I out of touch?

 

No, I don't think you are. I'd be mega-posting again if I fully explained why both cars had to go. But put it this way; as I've said before, I have to work in the street - not even a drive - so major jobs become that bit trickier. I've had a few near misses with cars and trucks getting too close for comfort, and the weather plays its' part too.

The Megane had many issues that didn't fail the MOT, but were a constant pain. What with the need for a cambelt and the constant water leaks I just couldn't solve (goodbye floorpans some time soon), the random electrical problems...

The Mondeo was actually coming apart at the seams. It did me 5 years for its' £380 purchase price, so I can't complain. If I had somewhere to store it and work away at it, I'd have kept it. Altho' well out of practice (about 18 yrs out!), I have experience of most welding formats, and would've loved to get my teeth into an epic rebuild, a la Mr B. I regret launching that one, it'll haunt me in years to come I'm sure. But, I have to be ruthless about these things, so that's how it is. Thus is my M.O.

 

Anyhoo... This Torslanda roughly equals 'Merit' or 'Popular Plus'. I had hoped it would be the winterised kinda thing, like Scoots' old 240, but no. Still, indeed there's not much to go wrong, and I'm sure it'll cope with the winter admirably.

The immediate TLC plan includes servicing it, getting that mirror glass changed (it's so hopeless I'd be better using the vanity mirror), and getting the fan working. Then I'll tart it up a bit - a fourth wheeltrim, the back bumper painted/covered up, maybe the bonnet lacquer issue.

And yes, I had a nosey round the VOC forum. There's so much facepalm in there, that a certain 8-armed Hindu deity would have trouble keeping up. I particularly enjoyed the sticky in the V70 section about converting the tape deck stereos to aux input: take it out/take it apart/throw away the tape transport/solder some leads in here/... I had to check it wasn't posted by Terry Fuckwit himself. Just buy one of those cassette adaptors. Then plug your phone/mp3 player into it.

Damn! I missed a chance at Yugo taxi!

[Shep Shepherd]

Anyhoo... This Torslanda roughly equals 'Merit' or 'Popular Plus'. I had hoped it would be the winterised kinda thing, like Scoots' old 240, but no. Still, indeed there's not much to go wrong, and I'm sure it'll cope with the winter admirably.

 

The only real 'winterisation' of the V70 was by way of the 'Winter Pack', which consisted of three optional extras bundled together*: headlamp wash-wipe (usually broken by now), heated seats and TRACS traction control. The traction control system in particular is really rather good and was a boon last winter. From what I have heard from owners of non-TRACS cars, they are fine in winter conditions, as long as they are driven sensibly and have a decent pair of front tyres

 

 

 

*There was also a 'Comfort Pack', 'Sports Pack', 'Estate Pack' and 'Luxury Pack' available. TV2 is a mid-range SE and as well as the optional 'Winter Pack', it is fitted with the 'Comfort Pack' and 'Sports Pack' as standard, and the optional cruise control, Premium Sound System and the half leather 'San Remo' interior intended for the AWD, which makes it a GR9 daily driver

[Captain Mainwaring]

I'm liking this sudden influx of Ovlovs on here. Nice car.

[CreepingJesus]

^Sounds nice, I'm ever so slightly jealous! The only thing there, that I was disappointed not to find would be the heated seats. If they're anything like the heated seats on the trucks, you could do a stir-fry on the hot setting. I likes me heated seats.

There's good tyres on the back, but No-Brand/Hwa Fong Slidemaster types on the front. Seemed fine at silly speeds on the M8 over to Bathgate last night, so I'm not too bothered.

Yeah, I'd noticed the Volvo theme developing too! All Volvos Great and Small, eh? Could be a show for Autoshite TV, about a vet somewhere rural, who can't say no to old Swedish shite...

[Shep Shepherd]

^Sounds nice, I'm ever so slightly jealous! The only thing there, that I was disappointed not to find would be the heated seats. If they're anything like the heated seats on the trucks, you could do a stir-fry on the hot setting. I likes me heated seats.

 

TV2 is pretty good for its age and mileage (163,000), much better than most of the sadly-neglected V70s I see in this area, in any case. Its wheels could do with refurbishing, though:

 

 

I was quite shocked to find out that Volvo had relegated their fabulous heated seats to the options list back in the mid-1990s. I only found out in 2005 when I travelled in a friend's 2001 C70 convertible that this was the case. Anyway, the bum-warmers are present and correct in TV2, although they don't seem to get anywhere near as hot as the ones in The Volvo, which I consider to be a true winter car

 

There's good tyres on the back, but No-Brand/Hwa Fong Slidemaster types on the front. Seemed fine at silly speeds on the M8 over to Bathgate last night, so I'm not too bothered.

 

I recommend Nexen N2000s, as they only cost about £55 each, but perform very well, especially in the rain

 

Yeah, I'd noticed the Volvo theme developing too! All Volvos Great and Small, eh? Could be a show for Autoshite TV, about a vet somewhere rural, who can't say no to old Swedish shite...

 

Long may the Volvoishness continue! I wonder if Sam Glover will oblige us with one the many RWD ones that he has knocking about, especially his 66?

 

A series like that would be good fun, especially if the vet made no bones about his love of old Volvos

 

IIRC, there was a veterinary drama shown on BBC 1 in the late 1980s called "One By One", the main character of which drove a white Amazon estate.

[Cavcraft]

Nice to drive too. Had a 2.5 10V a year or so ago and only really offloaded it because it was getting a bit daft in the MPG stakes around town. That had heated leather and it was a damned nice place to be.

[Shep Shepherd]

Nice to drive too. Had a 2.5 10V a year or so ago and only really offloaded it because it was getting a bit daft in the MPG stakes around town. That had heated leather and it was a damned nice place to be.

 

I find TV2 to be a very good performer; I've had it up to 130mph on the Autobahn before now

 

According to the car's 'Info Centre', it averages 35mpg on my commute. However, if I use it around town, I'm lucky to get 28mpg from it...