f*GGIN car frustration

[pompei]

The Fiat Coupe is going for an MoT tomorrow. A few days ago, I charged the battery but today it's as flat as a witch's tit. (Thank you Albert Steptoe) Time for a new on - 80 quid poorer - and I cannot for the life of me work out how to get the old one out.

 

Meanwhile, despite disconnecting the dead battery, the alarm is deafening the neighbourhood... how does that happen?

 

So I connect the new battery via jump leads and all I get is a machine gun like noise.

 

I decide to jump start the car but I'm going to have to shift it first. The brakes are jammed on so it can't be pushed. Off to Halfords again to buy a tow rope to pull it out. The only place I can get it alongside another car is in the front garden where there is an ancient rose tree growing. I hate that shrub. I go to get the saw to cut it down and spill a load of white spirit on the garage floor which one of the cats goes to investigate ...

 

Before I can pull the Fiat out, I need to get the other cars (The Fuhrer and my dailies) off the drive. Some idiot has parked across the entrance.

 

By this time, the infant is in bed and I have been instructed upon pain of having my knackers removed not to wake him with alarms, exhausts, swearing etc.

 

So I am no further forward, have shredded my arms on rose thorns and am £100 worse off.

 

Tomorrow morning the saga will resume.

[trigger]

Sounds like the new battery is a dud, surprisingly common as they died of when sitting around on a cold floor for a while.

 

I'd take it back, tell them to poke it up their bum hole and go to your local motor factors and buy another one for £30 cheaper.

[michael1703]

too much current drop in the jump leads

 

will likely turn over once fitted to car

[Station]

The alarm sounds as there's a battery in the alarm unit as a backup incase the robber cuts the power to bypass the alarm!

[alf892]

if the old battery is totally stuffed connecting through it will not work.......too much internal resistance.

 

jump leads also suspect as someone else said.......most 'diy' type ones are made of special wire that turns non conductive after one use.....

[Mike D]

Give me a shout if you're stuck for a hand again, i'm only round the corner in Scartho!

[Cheggers]

Give me a shout if you're stuck for a hand again, i'm only round the corner in Scartho!

 

Scartho...that brings back memories, my Mrs is from Scartho. Used to visit her Grandad on Edge Avenue

[Rocket88]

To remove the old battery, you apparently need a long extension with socket on the end, it's a bit of a bastard. You could try disconnecting old battery and clamping the jump leads straight onto the terminals. Ditto the comment about jump leads, cheap ones are useless . Don't blame me if it expoldes in a Fiatesque cloud of electrical unpleasantness...........

[Guest]

Alarm will have an internal battery back up in the siren itself ie you can remove it, drown it, do whatever but the only way to shut the futher mucker up is smash it....

or alternatively there should be one dem dere special round security keys to disable the battery back up for when it's stored cos if main battery goes flat the alarm will go off!

Re battery being dead: maybe try disconnecting terminals and jumping to them rather than through old pony battery if you need to move it first?

 

EDIT: As an aside and hopefully not sounding like a smart arse but I always trickle charge a 'new' battery on an Optimate thing for a few days cos sitting in a warehouse aint going to do it's charge no favours.

[pompei]

Right, job done eventually but too late to get it to the MoT, grrr

 

Last night I couldn't see how to get the battery out - colc, you're right about how it's secured, so I went to get a long ratchet extension but still managed to drop the 13mm nut into the tray beneath the engine. However, before doing all this I towed it out using the Frontera and tried unsuccessfully to jump start it - loads of relay clicking action but the starter wouldn't turn. battery must be well and truly knackered.

 

Now the Fronty's elec window has become dislodged so more cussing and swearing to come.

 

Thanks for the kind offer, Mike!

 

I know that this is all small beer compared to the exploits of the likes of John F, Mr_B and Anglevan but it was all still a huge ballache at the time