Shagged XJS - GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGUAR. NOW with inept attempts to start after one year on its bum

[Guest Breadvan72]

I shall check, and thanks for the toppest tipz.  It is not a case of all the warning lights coming on at once.  The ABS light tends to stay on for a good few seconds after start up.  Whenever I turn the headlights on the bulb light illuminates, but it goes out after half a minute or so.  The check engine light came on once, but when I interrogated the trip computer about that as per handbook, no fault code was shown.  I is HATEZ computer and electronic shiz in cars  (electronic ignition excepted - points and condensers, go fuck yourselves). 

 

I find that, with cars that have a lot of gizmos, they need some revs to charge the battery anyway, and in that photo above the engine is idling.   The Fabboceptor used to conk out if in traffic with lights, wipers, fan, stereo etc all switched on.  The voltmeter needle would move to the left almost as fast as the fuel needle, and that was fast!  I had to buy in a beefier alternator to solve that problem. 

 

Mixing electricity with water, if I may, my XJS (AJ6 engine) comes up to temperature quickly and the needle sits in the middle of the dial.  The convertible (AJ16 engine) that I have been driving recently (my friend's car) takes ages to get up to temperature.  I wonder if that's just an AJ16 thing  (as Mag RB explooned some pages above, the two engine variants are very similar, one being a developed version of the other, but query if the cooling system changed a bit) or perhaps the car has the wrong thermostat or fan setting. 

 

My Rover SD1 runs too cool, and I still haven't swapped the 80 thermostat for an 88. which is what some have suggested I do.  The fan on that car may be set wrong (there is a screw to adjust it, in an awkward place to get to).  The Dolly has a sensible fan with a dial that you can set to come on at whatever temperature you want, to cope with weather, urban vs rural, whatevs.  The Jensen had one of those, and sometimes in a traffic jam I would leap out and dive under the bonnet to adjust it, if I was feeling paranoid.   My Landy has the fan always on (old skule belt driven, not electric) and tends to run just a tad to the right of centre on the dial.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I add that my Lotus binned one of its two lecky fans last month.  I have bought a new fan (and a new fan cowling, the extant one being all scabby), but I haven't yet been sufficiently organised to arrange for those to be fitted, so the car is still sat on its arse in a shed in London.

[Guest Breadvan72]

If what we see in the link below be true, and not a case of eBay spoof biddery, then someone may have got a mega barg, or a massive headache.  Delete as applicable.

 

Link provided courtesy of an AS member who shall remain nameless in order to protect the guilty  (and, no, it wasn't him that bought it, if anyone did).

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/221840361798?_trksid=p2060353.m1438.l2649&ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT

[Junkman]

Real men ignore warning lights.

My Lancia Thema (hint, hint) constantly signalled that one of the rear lights is out, despite that was shining about as bright as the other one.

However, the warning light was hidden behind a steering wheel spoke when driving straight on, so no remedial action was necessary.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

  On 06/08/2015 at 13:35, Breadvan72 said:

I shall check, and thanks for the toppest tipz.  It is not a case of all the warning lights coming on at once.  The ABS light tends to stay on for a good few seconds after start up.  Whenever I turn the headlights on the bulb light illuminates, but it goes out after half a minute or so.  The check engine light came on once, but when I interrogated the trip computer about that as per handbook, no fault code was shown.  I is HATEZ computer and electronic shiz in cars  (electronic ignition excepted - points and condensers, go fuck yourselves). 

 

I find that, with cars that have a lot of gizmos, they need some revs to charge the battery anyway, and in that photo above the engine is idling.   The Fabboceptor used to conk out if in traffic with lights, wipers, fan, stereo etc all switched on.  The voltmeter needle would move to the left almost as fast as the fuel needle, and that was fast!  I had to buy in a beefier alternator to solve that problem. 

 

Mixing electricity with water, if I may, my XJS (AJ6 engine) comes up to temperature quickly and the needle sits in the middle of the dial.  The convertible (AJ16 engine) that I have been driving recently (my friend's car) takes ages to get up to temperature.  I wonder if that's just an AJ16 thing  (as Mag RB explooned some pages above, the two engine variants are very similar, one being a developed version of the other, but query if the cooling system changed a bit) or perhaps the car has the wrong thermostat or fan setting. 

 

My Rover SD1 runs too cool, and I still haven't swapped the 80 thermostat for an 88. which is what some have suggested I do.  The fan on that car may be set wrong (there is a screw to adjust it, in an awkward place to get to).  The Dolly has a sensible fan with a dial that you can set to come on at whatever temperature you want, to cope with weather, urban vs rural, whatevs.  The Jensen had one of those, and sometimes in a traffic jam I would leap out and dive under the bonnet to adjust it, if I was feeling paranoid.   My Landy has the fan always on (old skule belt driven, not electric) and tends to run just a tad to the right of centre on the dial.

 

 

The ABS light should stay on for a few seconds at start up. Anything up to 40 seconds is deemed acceptable. The Jag uses a Teves brake system with Citroen-style power hydraulics - the light stays on until the system is fully pressurised. If there is a problem with the ABS, the warning light will come on again as soon as you pull off.

 

The check engine light sounds like a moment of indigestion, rather than a problem. The 'JDS' (Jaguar diagnostic system) is actually pretty good. It will generally set a fault code if there is an actual problem. Fault codes are cleared by disconnecting the battery.

 

I had a similar bulb failure warning light problem - it turned out to be a bulb with a partially broken filament which welded itself together when it got hot, implausible though that sounds. I replaced it and have had no further problems!

[pompei]

My Saab 9-5 has a veritable Christmas display of lights, including the engine management light, all of which I have been told can be ignored.

[Guest Breadvan72]

The check engine light may have been the car's polite way of saying, very early one morning on an empty mtorway, "Slow down, you motherfucker!  I am an old lady, and you have already got six points.  Cool yer jets, whiz kid!"

[Clanger]

  On 06/08/2015 at 08:24, brickwall said:

Such a sexy machine.

BreadVan or the Jag? I'm casting my vote for BV.

[Guest Breadvan72]

One of the two is quite easy to get in to, but is prone to fluid leaks and to bits falling off.  The other one is an old car.  

[Clanger]

Have you considered removing all the bulbs from the warning lights? Problem solved... You're welcome.

[Guest Breadvan72]

RTFM time!  The bulb warning light is supposed to stay on for a bit.  Derr.

 

One genuine snagette - the main beams stopped working last night.  Operating the dip/full switch puts the headlights to sidelights.  To the crusher!

[Guest Breadvan72]

I druv my friend's blue convertible a couple of hundred miles over a two day borrowage, and can say that the engine is more torquey thanm my one, but the engine in my one sounds better and feels a bit more rortificated.  Also, my brakes are better than the blue car's.  The blue one has Pirelli 4000s, but they look old and dry and a bit cracked.  Mine has almost new Nexens, which seem OK if not mega.  I think that my one handles a bit more sharply than the convertible, whether because it's a coupe or because it has less shagged suspension/tyres I know not.

 

 

Still, the owner of the convertible is a super hot Polish blonde barrister/ ex model chick, so she looks better in the car than I do. 

[skattrd]

  On 08/08/2015 at 05:30, Breadvan72 said:

Still, the owner of the convertible is a super hot Polish blonde barrister/ ex model chick

 

You should know by now, we need pics of this

[garethj]

Re: Main beam not working, check the fuse.  When main beam is switched on the sidelights should stay on so it looks like the problem is just main beam power - fuse is first thing as the switch is clearly working.

 

Re: ex-model, pics please, preferably of her next to the car or even between both cars for maximum fantasy points.

[Guest Breadvan72]

If I start posting pics of my ex model friend on a rusty old car forum frequented by reputed pervsters such as you lot, she will have me specially killed, a lot, by her east European contacts, so, tough!

 

Thanks for tips re beamz.  These cars have approx 97,000 fuses, in approx 27 fuse boxes located in various odd places, so I will go searching for beam fuse and stereo fuse later today.  Swearing may happen.

 

Alternator may well be off its feed, BTW, as needle not getting past 13 even under revs.  Ditto for Countess Blondewska's wagon.   Each car had been standing a while until recently, so query battery health as well as alternators.

[garethj]

Sometimes if an alternator goes, it takes the battery with it. Like the Lucas version of Romeo & Juliet.  If the alternator can't charge the battery enough the cells get damaged over time so the safest solution is to replace both.

 

Of course I usually just replace one first and then curse as the thing will barely crank over on a cold morning, this is the first thing I recommend you do.  But a good charging system leaves you with insufferable smugness, I suppose like having 5 NCAP stars and a warranty does with a new car.  With a new battery and alternator you can revel in the danger of:

 

1. Switching your engine off at traffic lights, knowing it will restart again and you won't have to push it to the side of the road in the pouring rain with everybody staring and laughing.

2. With the engine off you can leave the radio on and even the wipers on too.  Even if it isn't raining.

3. Start the car with the headlights switched on.

 

It's a grand life, rich in fulfilment.  Or, you take the little victories when you can.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Words wise and true!

PS:  To give you sad Frankie addicts an idea of what Countess Blondewska looks like, this is January Jones playing Emma Frost in an X Men movie.  The Countess looks like this, only hotter. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

Sad bloke - washed car.  

 

[purplebargeken]

I washed a V12 XJS yesterday in exactly the same colour - I haz smugness.

 

Polish hottie - man up and take the risk dammit.

 

What do you mean by reputed?

[Guest Breadvan72]

Nie ma mowy, kolesie, ona jest zbyt przerażające!

 

 

You will just have to hunt down some copies of ID Magazine or The Face circa 1990-93.

[purplebargeken]

Kurczak!

[purplebargeken]

We need more hot Dolomite action (but not too hot though). 

[Guest Breadvan72]

My mobile mech is still unwell, but I have found a local dude who will look at the car next week hopefully.  

[Bear]

  On 26/07/2015 at 16:09, purplebargeken said:

If anyone fancies a V12 XJS my mate has a very tidy one for sale. It's that lightish metallic blue and is auto flavour.

 

It does however need a head gasket on one bank I believe. 

 

Think he is looking around 500 or 600 quid for it. (Actually was a bit more, but still very tempting)

 

What

Could

Possibly

Go

Wrong

 

(That hasn't already gone wrong).

 

I really need to just not comment on things like this. On the plus side, I now own my first Jaguar.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

  On 27/08/2015 at 22:58, RichardK said:

What

Could

Possibly

Go

Wrong

 

(That hasn't already gone wrong).

 

I really need to just not comment on things like this. On the plus side, I now own my first Jaguar.

 

 

XJS V12 - in at the deep end!

[Bear]

  On 27/08/2015 at 23:13, Magnificent Rustbucket said:

XJS V12 - in at the deep end!

 

Also, I have owned a K-series Rover 114 Cabriolet and two MG Fs.

 

This is my first British OMGHGF car.

[Jim Bell]

Look out! There's a pervert in the wing mirror.

[LC Torana]

  On 08/08/2015 at 06:59, Breadvan72 said:

If I start posting pics of my ex model friend on a rusty old car forum frequented by reputed pervsters such as you lot, she will have me specially killed, a lot, by her east European contacts

 

Oh dear.  I see you're living on borrowed time now.

 

By the way, she drew the line at Woolarding, I take it?

[anonymous user]

Standard Austoshite response - Looks high maintenance and prone to breakdowns ATCNBE

 

As she's a lawyer would we be allowed to say she looks very nice, or will this be seen as a hugely sexist insult?

[Guest Breadvan72]

That cheesy old solicitor who letched the young barrister on Linked In has form for posting pics of his daughter in gym clothes and saying she is uber hot. Verdict: creepy old sleazebag.   The woman was right to call him out for perving on a professional networking site.   The present context is rather different, I would day, but then IWSTWI.