MOAR Cook Pass Babridge shite incoming

[Partridge]

Well that went well*. I bought it, as planned. No test drive, no bartering just swapping money for a car. Apprently its name is Roland. The last owner had owned it for 12 days, after rescuing it from somebody who was considering scrapping it. What could go wrong? Roland is saved from the crusher, and my 800 with a coolant leak (XOG) can be laid up until it's fixed, so I have a car to visit my other half down South. Great.

 

It came with a brand new shiny exhaust, which is good as well.

 

Captain Slow was on hand to help with collection, and arrived in town outside the chippy with a big grin on his face. Apprently my purchase handles. Probably because it has been slammed yo.

Just seen some lady grinning like a mad thing at the camera. She was not related to the days events.

 

Next, I drove home, scoffed my chips, and jumped in Roland with C.Slow to show it to a mate, brimming with pride.

 

Once at our destination, after a quick wonder around the car I said "Can you smell burning?" steam then began to puff out of the bonnet, and a large puddle was forming under the car. Popping the bonnet, we found a fountain of collent coming from the expansion talk. Yeah, the car that was meant to stand in for a car with a collant leak has a collant leak. I almost felt the car pointing at me, laughing going "Dickhead. LOL."

 

Que limping it back home with water in the expansion tank...

 

Thankfully, a replacement was on hand, in form of a tank patched up with bathroom sealent in the boot (which came with the car). Slow kindly installed this, using a Volvo as a light source.

 

It seems to work.

 

This morning, I had to go to Newcastle for work. But this happened.

No matter, I'd put the spare on. But there was no jack. Fucksticks. I had to call out the RAC and pay a £110 call-out charge. Nice. Thanks, Rolland.

 

But for once I'm not being sarcastic. The delay meant I ended up going to a disco instead, and had a bloody good time of it. This car forced me to have a good time!

 

So a late night repair with a bodged part and an RAC call out within 12 hours. Not bad!

 

Oh, also it dosen't like bumps. Living in the Fens that's not good, unless you hate your sump.

[dugong]

This is the worst car I have ever driven. Just so you know. 

Not only is it an 800, but a badly modified one at that.

[Partridge]

Hey, it's slammed, that fixes EVERYTHING.

[Lord Sterling]

I know the back story to why the car is called "Roland" (not Rolland) R408GFL was owned by a young chap called Ryan who serves in the Met. He sometimes brings a Mk2 827 Police car to Rover events.

 

He originally owned the car ans set about cleaning and polishing it up, then he removed the original 15" Prestige alloys (same as what you've got on XOG) and fitted those...er...rather...er...horri...well those alloys. It was a bit of fad then on that forum, buy car, fit big alloys and later tinted lights. Anyway, it was named 'Roland' by Ryan and the name stuck.

 

Ryan had the car for a year or so and sold it to another Rover 800 forum member and not much was heard about since.

 

Got any interior shots please? Hopefully you'll get the collant soz coolant problem sorted out. If expansion tanks are the problem, look on the 800 forum, there is a mod you can do by using a Volvo 850 expansion tank. Don't bother buying any Rover tanks, they're shit and don't last, even NOS (now old stock) ones, ask me how I know...

[Lord Sterling]

Here are some nice alloys that suit the mk2:

 

 

The car isn't mine but the alloys are. They are very rare Mk1 16" Prestige Speedline alloys. They only ever came with the Mk1 Rover 820i/si "special edition" which also came with rouched Black leather seats and a full TWR bodykit.

 

Mk1 Rover Sterlings from the early 90s came with similar alloys but 15" like my Mk1:

[dugong]

 

I really like 800 Coupes - but I couldn't get on with the PCF steering in Roland at all. It was horribly numb and over-boosted; it reminded me of a mid-'Nineties Buick LeSabre I drove in the States. I kept winding too much lock on (because it really gave no indication of how much you were giving it) and missing lines I wanted to take. Triumph Stags do the same thing.

Roland also has Moto-Build suspension, knackered shocks and a sticky front caliper. Worryingly, Captain Slow (other publications are available) reckons it drives better than a standard 800. I'm not sure how to take that - what I think Rover  trying to do was emulate the X300, albeit from a far worse starting point. The 800 is too narrow, wrong-wheel drive and blessed with a fraction of the wheel travel Jaguar would deem appropriate. 

A pity. It looks great, the interior is pretty inviting - but it rattles and squeaks interminably and the switchgear feels cheap. Sorry, Mo.

Maybe I need to drive a sorted MkI to get a fairer appraisal. On the two MkIIs I've driven (this and an 820 Vitesse coupe) I can't say I particularly get on with them. Your scruffy KV6 was pleasant round the NEC, though. 

[RoadworkUK]

Ever been at the helm of a Dell Quay dory with way too big an outboard? That's a bit what mine feels like. Brilliant.

[Captain Slow]

 

Worryingly, Captain Slow (other publications are available) reckons it drives better than a standard 800. I'm not sure how to take that - what I think Rover  trying to do was emulate the X300, albeit from a far worse starting point. The 800 is too narrow, wrong-wheel drive and blessed with a fraction of the wheel travel Jaguar would deem appropriate. 

Maybe I need to drive a sorted MkI to get a fairer appraisal.

 

 

Jon, it is too low and the steering's a bit woolier than others I've driven. But it handles ten times better than any other R17 - it's as close as I've driven to an R17 feeling like an XX. I know Partridge drives like a 96 year old nun in a blindfold but I had to stop and wait a good two minutes on a 4 mile A road to let him catch up in his other one. And I wasn't speeding.

[Partridge]

Sorry for any typos I was half dead when I wrote all this (and still am after last night's events, but that's a different story for another day). Yes, Mo, spot on! I don't mind alloys and tinted indicators on a fastback, but I'd not do it XOG.

I don't have pics on the inside Mo, and the car isn't home, it's several post codes away right now. I will get some if I remember thought. The seats are GR9 and have been very well looked after, but the dash it lifting and the wood is fading. It has more squeaks and rattles than a zorb ball full of mice and skeletons.

 

Yes, the steering is shit and the car is a horrible bag o'wank to drive. It needs some serious love (yeah, you can sod off other Rover, you already owe me £300 in three days). I like how it looks, and I hope my parents do because it's an feature on their drive right now, complete with fountain. But this fountain is black and comes out the underside of the car. Probably not helped by the sump hitting bumps with what airport novelists would call a "sickening thud".

 

Dugong thinks it's horrible, Slow thinks it's OK. I'm in team Dugong.

 

But I am oddling enjoying being that dick with a loud car, scraping over speedbumps with huge speakers in the back. People do glare at it and it actually scares children. It's an interesting experience being on the otherside of the fence. The car is OK if you don't take it too seriously. Once I get it away from Chez PARENTS_PARTRIDGE I need to work out what to do with it. It does need work it's wanked and I'll be buggered if I'm the stooge to do it all.

 

It may be offered here but if I'm honest, after reading this you'd have to be one caterpillar short of a cabbage to buy it.