Shitelights grands prix

[jonny69]

I witnessed a traffic lights grand prix this morning that was probably* the most in-context with Autoshite that has ever* taken place. I was rolling along in traffic on my way to work and I could see two black cars battle it out from the lights to see who could get ahead by the time the road slowly narrowed from two lanes to one, or if one of them was going to be forced into the turn right space. I could hear engines being ragged as soon as the lights went green and they were off. I sat there waiting a bit longer because progress was slow.

 

The cars. In the right-hand lane was a diesel model Mk3 Fiesta. I didn't even know they made them in diesels, but the clattery lack of revs and black smoke gave it away. It definitely wasn't a knocked-out CVH making that noise. Slight blue sheen to the black paint where it had possibly been T-Cut a while back but neglected since. In the left lane was a G2 miser-spec Yaris, also in black. This was clearly the model specced down to the 826cc or whatever pathetically under-capable engine Toyota came up with to force it to do 53mpg on pez and to tempt owners in with £15 tax, saving literally hundreds a year despite haemorrhaging thousands away in depreciation. This engine was probably quite lively in the Aygo/C1/107, but a truly miserable experience in the lardy Yaris. Something a pedantic sad-case father will have cherished for all its life, proudly passed it on to his 17 year old son and something the son would always hate him for.

 

So the race was well and truly under way by the time I'd had time to think all that bilge up and they were now approaching. It looked pretty much neck and neck as they came past me, but I noticed the Fiesta had about a one wing advantage. I also noticed that I'd rolled to a stop and was anxiously rubbernecking to see the result, while holding the traffic up behind me. I just couldn't tell; I had to get moving again, so I decided to hand the victory to the Dagenham survivor. And it made my morning.

 

Really, I should have taken some pictures or a video, but it turns out my Nokia is in fact a telephone, not a camera, the out of date disposable Kodak was in the boot and I don't own a camcorder.

 

So can anyone better that with an even more miserable showdown?