Amazing adverts from high quality purveyors of pre-soiled automobiles

[philibusmo]

The year is 2016. 

Welcome to Tauranga, New Zealand's 5th largest city.

Spread across various peninsulas and islands with a seemingly endless expanse of golden beach facing out to the Pacific and the Kaimai mountain range surrounding its Western edge, this city contains one of the most Instagram famous spots in the world at the top of "the Mount", with New Zealand's very own millionaires row stretching down the beach front from the base of the mountain. The outer mountain ranges contain an almost infinite supply of lush rainforest, filled with tree ferns, astonishing waterfalls, chirping cicadas and beautiful birdlife.

Could you think of a more idyllic spot to be buying a second hand car?

With it being 2016 and New Zealand there are very few avenues to advertise on when you have a vehicle for sale. Gumtree, eBay, Car and Classic and Autotrader have basically no presence in the country, with the local alternative called TradeMe having an almost vice like grip on all internet sales, along with the accompanying high fees. That is not the ideal place to sell a car with a few days WOF (the equivalent of an MOT) and that hasn't had any rego (road tax) for a few months.

The main alternative is Facebook, but before Marketplace launched (New Zealand was a test market for Marketplace at the very tail end of 2016) so local used car sales groups ruled the roost, with all manner of local characters flogging their wares to the unfortunate public.

All names and identities have been changed to protect the guilty. I am in no way suggesting that anyone mentioned in this thread has ever sold a car in New Zealand, hold any of the opinions or made any of the remarks in the following images. 

Here's a good typical advert from the particularly excellent group 'cars under 1500 tauranga' which was always a superb source of nearly end of life vehicles:

What sort of car are we buying? Is it actually a dog that needs a batt and gas? Who knows? Although it is under the magical 200k mark so officially not gone anywhere.

Next up, it has WOF and rego which is a good start and an automatic box. It's also got a dog in it (not included) but what is it?

Another WOF and rego car, this time with a clear picture and it 'won't need much' which is a relief to hear, but it does sound like whatever this 'much' is that it 'won't need' it will take more time than the vendor has.

"Can't be fucked dealing with it" is some top quality salesman's patter:

Maybe this much bigger wagon is more up your street, you might even be able to buy the Caldina above and swap it for the "Flacon":

This one we actually bought on the strength of this advert. It was a surprisingly nice example with a water-pump that sounded like a big pepper grinder. It was sold on shortly afterwards to a group of Argentinian backpackers who seemed to think it was the perfect vehicle to transport and sleep 5 people.

This would be less good at seating 5 people. Ruff, but no dog visible in the advert:

And as for sleeping, this is the clear car-camper winner:

5 star presentation skills on this beauty. No need to move it, it looks perfect exactly where it is.

"Surplus to my driveway" is not a phrase that you hear often enough in adverts. As he's just been using it as a work hack, the WOF is obviously optional.

I was going to make an offer on this but it looks like there's already someone interested in the car from the photo

A couple of more inspirational ads for you now:

And a less inspirational option. Mint gearbox though so that's something.

But what if you are poor and want a car? It can't hurt to have an ask around.

Of course it's not Facebook without someone airing their grievances very publicly and with tip-top grammar.

Last but not least is one that has lived in my memory rent free for the past 8 years. I love the specificity of this cars starting procedure:

Thanks to @Petrolize for sending me most of these in the first place. A recent clearing of old Whatsapp images brought these absolute beauties back to my attention and it seems sad to keep them just to myself.

Now show us what utterly crap attempts at vehicle sales you have screenshotted an locked away on your devices? 

[Petrolize]

Good memories. I wonder if we ever got a screenshot for “No Wof, don’t ask me what it needs as don’t work for VTNZ”. 

Sometimes I still visit the cars under 1500 page but there’s never anything funny anymore and the current era of Japanese stuff in NZ at that price point is of no interest. 

[Bren]

Rod Hull and Emu. And a vectra.🤣🤣