Autoshite - The game

[warren t claim]

What's the program that you need to play New Wheels John? I think I have the NWJ file still somewhere but I lost the emulator thing when I changed computers.

Play here without an emulator.

http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseek ... id=0003396

[garycox]

Err... how?

 

I'm probably being thick but it just seems to download the .txz file, and I haven't got a program that will play it...

[garycox]

Sorry I've worked it out now - I was just being thick.

[Shep Shepherd]

Forgive me for being rubbish, but how do you get the game to work on a PC?

[scaryoldcortina]

Click the Java link...

Game opens in a new tab

[Shep Shepherd]

Thanks! I never thought to do that!

[Guest]

I couldn't help with the game content, but I could definitely help with concepts.

 

The finished product would only be available on outdated, willfully obscure formats. I'm thinking the Virtual Boy or the Hitachi Hi-Saturn. I'd settle for the Amiga CD32 if someone got me a drinkable can of Tab Clear. It would feature excessive amounts of FMV with bonus cut scenes. You'd also get the chance to play as different members on the forum. Each would have their own ending. Hirst's would consist of slowly chasing the temp down who stole his job over the running time of a four minute video whilst a Radiohead B Side or YMO played jauntily in mono with a low pass filter. The camera would pan back and forth over to Hirst chewing on some discount Chinese snack treats and eventually the Galant would set on fire.

 

There would also be sub games espousing different genres. Between levels a Vauxhall Vectra would be dropped near the edge of Birkenhead docks and you'd control Pete-M in a side scrolling Street Fighter 2 style to see how many extra pounds you could earn by smashing it up. Each selectable player would have a special move you'd need to take advantage of in order to progress through the game, and each would have a different objective. Play the game through to the end as me and you'd have enough money to buy a 6-Vidal-Sassoon--from-new shagged white Eunos and fill it with TNT. You'd then have to park it in the underground car park of my former employer and escape in the Amazon before the clock stopped. Failure would mean another year in the call centre with depleted funds and various rambling lunatics ringing you up telling you that you owned a 122S and that the front wings were full of filler.

 

Inevitably Trigger would get a spin off game on the Sega 32X in the style of Shenmue. Armed only with a Christmas jumper and an orange Kadett, Michael would investigate the GR8 4 EXPORT market at the docks, eventually paying the bent coppers off with scans of old road tests.