on the first day of Christmas..

[retro80sboy]

Autoshite gave to me, - **1** G reg Ford Escort Eclipse, with **2** rusty wheel arches, **3** Poundshop wheeltrims, **4** bald tyres, 5 crunching gearchanges, **6** parking door dents, **7** dabs of primer, **8** botched exhaust hole repairs, **9** fag burns on seats, **10** squeaks and rattles , **11**MOT advisories, **12** former owners, and a big hole in the boot floor.

 

I hope anyway! - lets see what ShiteSanta brings me!!

 

anyway, heres wishing everyone has an great week in the run up to Christmas!

 

Rob.

[eddyramrod]

Brilliant! Let's hope all your wishes come true...

[VWPowered]

class that, have a good one guys

[babydriver]

Yes I Agree Merry Christmas to all and everyone...............& An Autoshite Brill New Year

[Alexg]

On the actual Christmas my predictions say to me...

 

12 pairs of socks

11 Lynx boxsets

10 Bits of Stig merchandise

9 more Top Gear crap

8 pairs of boxers

7 fast car calenders

6 Cadburys boxsets

5 of the Mrs family I don't want to see

4 awkward moments

3 stupid arguements

2 shit chrimbo films

and a case load of booze to help me cope...

 

Have a good one everybody....

[scooters]

humbug

[Formula Autos]

If Autoshite did Christmas carols.......

 

On the first day of Christmas,

I was taken out to see,

An Alan Partridge Rover for me.

 

On the second day of Christmas,

my new love got from me,

Two turtle waxes,

Woohoo -an Alan Partridge Rover for me.

 

On the third day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me

Three foot of snow,

Two turtle waxes wasted,

But still – an Alan Partridge Rover for me.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas,

The Council sent to me,

Four passing snowploughs,

Three foot of snow moved,

Two gleaming waxes,

still on the Alan Partridge Rover for me.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas,

my new love gave to me,

Five breakdowns,

Four fault codes,

Three blown bulbs,

Two warning lights,

Is this Alan Partridge Rover for me?

 

On the sixth day of Christmas,

my new love gave to me

Six fecking MPG,

On top of five breakdowns,

Four fault codes,

Three blown bulbs,

Two warning lights,

Is this Alan Partridge Rover for me?

 

On the seventh day of Christmas,

my new love got from me,

Seven hours of fettling,

Six litres of Duckhams,

Five new fuses,

Four new sparkplugs,

Three new bulbs,

Two new wipers,

And still six fecking MPG.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas,

my new love got from me,

Eight hours more fettling,

Seven fault codes clearing,

Six exhaust bodges,

Five sensors cleaning,

Four tyres checking,

Three test drives,

Two bump starts,

This ain’t the Alan Partridge Rover for me.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas,

my new love gave to me

Nine miles of walking,

Eight bags to carry,

Seven times a-stopping,

Six litres o - Duckhams,

In a five foot wide oil spill,

Four calling friends,

Three not in time,

Two minutes wait,

And the last mile in a Jeep Cherokee.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas,

my new love called to me,

Ten minutes wondering,

Nine mile walk back,

Eight mil new sump plug,

Seven new swearwords,

Six litres o - Duckhams,

Five skinned knuckles,

Four hours spent,

Three degrees C,

Too feckin hard,

I’d rather have my mate’s Cherokee.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

my new love showed to me

Eleven tiny rust scabs,

Ten months of tax left,

Nine months of test left,

Eight newish brake pads,

Seven pound in the coin tray,

Six CD stacker,

Five Dunlop tyres,

Four perfect alloys,

Three former owners,

Two heated seats,

This is the Alan Partridge Rover for me!

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

my true love gave to me

Twelve months breakdown cover,

And when eleven scabs are fixed,

There’s still ten months of tax left,

Nine months of test left,

Eight newish brake pads,

Seven pound in the coin tray,

Six CD stacker,

Five Dunlop tyres,

Four tidy alloys,

Three former owners,

Two heated seats,

This is the Alan Partridge Rover for me!

 

[retro80sboy]

Rudolph the red top Corsa

had a nasty exhaust blow

and if you ever heard him

you would be suprised he goes

all of the other motors

parked up on the nearby streets

were all quite a bit jelous

of his chav spec bucket seats

 

then one snowey christmas eve

while doing the macca run

Rudolph with your foglights so bright

you're just top spec autoshite!

 

but how the boyracers loved him

as they cheered him around the block

until one handbrake turn too many

and he plowed straight through 2 high street shops

[pompei]

FA and RB - brilliant!

[Cavcraft]

Away in the carpark,

 

paddling pool for footwell,

 

my crappy bleeding P1sshat

 

is once again unwell.

 

 

 

The lights of the recovery truck

 

shone down where it lay,

 

the hideous German sh1theap

 

broke down again today.

 

 

 

My missus is crowing

 

and I want to weep

 

because this b@st@rd car

 

tickover won't keep.

 

 

 

I hate thee, Volkswagen,

 

look down from sky

 

and watch a once happy man

 

break down, start to cry.

 

 

 

Be near me scrapyard,

 

and open please stay

 

for 24 hours

 

and I will come, take your parts away.

 

 

 

F*ck you Volkswagen

 

I hope you go bust,

 

take your over-rated scene taxed crap

 

numerous faults, terminal rust.

 

 

 

 

 

All the best fellow sh1ters.