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Time to go and collect the Insignia from @Jazoli and I set off from Hebden Bridge train station an hour ago. Sadly I seemed to have picked Chav day to travel; that or I accidentally got on the Millennial/Chav carriage.

Brace yourself for what is probably the most boring thread in autoshite history. My 800 was being a pain in the arse. The battery was borked (it just randomly decided to commit suicide), it had developed an irrational hatred of its own coolant (been there, done that with 605gate), the heat shield on the exhaust was rattling like the proverbial skeleton being tossed off by the tin man in a filing cabinet falling down the stairs and I'd put my fingers though one of the sills while cleaning it, despite it looking solid. ALL OLD CARS ARE BASTARDS ect. A new radiator was bought but one of the pipes needed to fit it was made of Unobtanium. I was bored of it and sensed it was time to move on. All minor issues, but when you're outside at 4:30 am in the pissing rain trying to go to work, with coolant on your shoes, you rapidly loose patience and want something that just...works. Then your bastard sodding Jag, that had been fine before now decides to stop working. Being the owner of a broken Rover and a fucked Jag* wasn't really a situation I wanted to be in for much longer. Cut a long story short (a story that involved somebody pressure washing their shoes, a semi-broken Rover 75 and myself trying to find, with great urgency, a cash point in Kew Gardens, but that's a story for another day) a fellow apologist bought the Rover off of me for OMGBARGAIN price and now loves it and cherishes it. So, if it was the early '00s, what would you replace a leathery, toy laden, ultra conservative, saloon with, if you found the 75 too retro and were a bit old and racist and still wanted something made in the UK? This of course. VTEC KICKED IN, YO! For me, it's a logical progression from a Rover Sterling. It's boring, but it does it so well. It handles surprisingly well, goes well, has heated leather and pretend wood, and has a BANGING SOUND SYSTEM m9. Plus working air con!!!!! I think it was Junkman who said air-con was as useless as a lost property office in Poland, but it's a bonus. It has a full year's test and looks about 6 months old. I feel I love my 2002 Accord SE Executive way more than I should. It's probably fair to call it neo-shite because it's a minted unloved, unglamours car in a nice spec. Anyone car enough to see more pictures? Thought not. Shall I leave autoshite? I was never really that welcome before, and I'm probably extra unwelcome for replacing a Rover Sterling with a Honda Accord, with a ghastly new style number plate. As you were. TL:DR Interesting car with leather gets replaced with boring car with leather. *Jag is now de-fucked and working again.

So in a very unsurprising sideways step, today is the day I collect my Nu car! A Citroen ZX MK2, better known as a Xsara! Sit rep: sat drinking tea waiting for @Six-cylinder to arrive who is very kindly coming along for the ride, and to drive the xsara home as he popped it on his insurance for the day! Mr @Talbot reports that the xsara drove perfectly into his work this morning after a few weeks sat in a garage, and that's about all you really want from an car!

<husky film trailer type voice> Just when you thought it was safe to look at a collection thread. Soon will follow a dramatic story of a desperate man with a quest, against all odds, to have a running car in his possession by the end of the day. He will battle crowds of shoppers, day trippers and other hazards… <record stylus scratch sound> <nasal Chris Barrie as Gordon Brittas type voice> What actually will follow is a man heading across London on several trains and (hopefully) driving back around the M25 to put his new purchase into storage and SORNing it until 1st of July. It won’t be exciting, and it may put you to sleep after your Sunday roast. Poo count = 0 antihistamine count = 1 Extreme nasal excretions count (courtesy of @mitsisigma01) = 3