Two Christmas Ditties!

[Biffer]

Since The Great Unpleasantness, otherwise known as Christmas, will soon be with us (Bah! Humbug!), I thought it would be a nice gesture to post a couple of festive ditties to cheer you all up.  I'm partial to making gestures.  Why, just the other night I made a gesture to a young chap in a tacky Euro-box who almost ran me over whilst crossing the road.  It was 8pm and the twat was doing 50mph in a 30mph zone - with no lights on!  But that's another story ....

So, anyway, here's the songs.  They're parodies of two well known songs that anyone under the age of thirty will never have heard of.  Just Google them.

 

I'm Dreaming of a Shite Christmas

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas,

just like the ones I used to know,

where oil leaks glisten, and parts go missing,

while fixing the Maestro in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas,

with every rusty bolt I fight,

may your wheel-nuts stay shiny and tight,

and may all your Christmases be shite.

 

Have Yourself a Shitty Little Christmas

Have yourself a shitty little Christmas,

keep your headlights bright,

from now on your motor-cars will all be shite.

Have yourself a shitty little Christmas,

now you'll start to pay,

from now on your breakdowns will be every day.

Here we are as in olden days,

happy golden days of yore,

shitty cars that are dear to us,

rusting near to us once more.

Through MoTs we all will be together,

if the banks allow,

who needs a brand new motor, not me, anyhow,

so have yourself a shitty little Christmas, now.

 

Thank you ... and a Shitey Christmas to all my readers! 

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