sporty-shite Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Rhinosrobeast - Unattractive ladyShe's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseflakes Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Some that are used in our family - don't know if they're more widely used? "Silly as a sack full of arsoles" (often shortened to "Silly as a sackful") - very silly "You'd laugh to see yer mother's arse on fire" - You're mean "What do you want me to do, stick a feather up me arse and fly?" - I can't work miracles "He took his arse in his hands" - He got in a bit of a huff "Don't you shake a shitty stick at me!" - don't talk back to/blame me Freud might have something to say about my family. But then, he was silly as a sackful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr H Sceptre Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Mad as a box of frogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashmicro Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Buffarilla=munter. As ugly as a gorilla and as big as a buffalo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M'coli Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Christ on a bike! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod/b Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Christ on a bike!Or "JESUS H. CORBETT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 She's got a face like a: fight at a gypsy wedding welders' bench fat wasp chewing a bag of spanners during a sandstorm burned-out minibus blind cobblers' thumb etc etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Station Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Face like a bag of smashed crabs or when procreating with a very slim lady: Like shagging a bag of snooker cues. or when my mate was unnecessarily describing some rancid random porno film She had a face like a plasterer's kettle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod/b Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 or when procreating with a very slim lady: Like shagging a bag of snooker cues.A friend of mine was once talking about the delightful Mrs. Beckham. He said he thought it would be like "shagging a gate". or when my mate was unnecessarily describing some rancid random porno film She had a face like a plasterer's kettle.or, "a face like a painter's radio" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Hit it with the lowering stick. Why not just say ""lower it" A Biffa - unatractive lady bobfoc - body off baywatch face off crimewatch Ugly as a burglars dog - unatractive lady As much use as a dogshit birthday cake. Your useless. Everyone has a photographic memory-Some don't have film. He's dumb. A couple of drops short of a piss - as above Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr H Sceptre Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HillmanImp Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'. Its a term we used to use for a cartain young lady in Littlehampton many years ago. She was not fat, probably due to all the 'exercise' she got..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrogeezer Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I always thought 'she has a face like she's been bobbing for chips' was pretty funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'."its like a clowns pocket" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VWPowered Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lobster Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'."its like a clowns pocket""its like a wizzards sleeve" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete-M Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Like chucking a salami down an alleyway. MY favourite of those is "She's got a tw@ like a yawning hippo". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hudsonpie Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Two that spring to mind if you have a sore bum.... ....red tea towel holder... or... "I've got a bum like a Japanese flag" or for a lady who might have been around the block a bit... "pissflaps like two day old kebab meat" My mate at work who is Irish said he was snogging a hoooor and she had breath like Kit-e-kat.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChinaTom Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 A very well-spoken rather senior Project Manager I used to work with used to have a very odd one. When he was challenged regarding something and received the comment "looks like you're f*cked then" during budget or programme meeting, he would respond: "About as f*cked as a c*nt in a buggerer's den old son" meaning he would be fine, and not to worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitevanman Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 on the fanny topic, up here we often use " she's got a divit like a pound of mince on her" ie- well swollen etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert Ross Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Ford Crossflow engines with dubious maintenance history. Sound like "A skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pillock Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Talbot Engines straight from the factory Sound like "A skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin"Edited for accuracy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaighty Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Heard someone say today "what can I do you for?" Please, this was funny, once, in 1978. Don't say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cms206 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Some of my favourites... "Sorry, are you in my road?" "I think I've made a Jim Delahunt of that" "It gives me great welcome to pleasure you" "I'd really love to help you, but I'm afraid thats an SEP issue" "Whats SEP?" "Someone else's problem!" And one which sadly got me utterly blank looks, when referring to a bad stutterer... "One of these days someone's gonna give him a bit more choke and he'll start... " ... blank looks were apparantly because no-one present at the time knew what choke was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
binhoker668 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 I seem to remember someone having issues with threads that were unrelated to cars. Maybe was *slightly shirty* about it? Hey it's ok now! Let's party like 'twas 1899!!! whoops. drunk online again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STUNO Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Jeez cobber, looks like you been shovelling shit uphill with a shovel full of holes. Yeah mate Ive been up the boohai shooting Pukekos with a long handled shovel 1..your not doing very well 2..no, so I went for a walk. (or whatever suits the occasion) Recipe for cooking Pukeko. First catch the bird (they cant fly very well) Remove feathers and gut put in a large pot with water and a large rock boil until the rock is soft then eat the rock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warren t claim Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'."its like a clowns pocket""its like a wizzards sleeve"C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Teeth like a row of bombed houses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lancashireclamper Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'."its like a clowns pocket""its like a wizzards sleeve"C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex. Viz quote, think it was Baz describing one or other of the Fat Slags; Christ, she had a fanny like Mary Poppin's bag! (Offically the only time I found Mary poppins amusing!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
binhoker668 Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Like throwing a stick up an alley - procreating with a large lady.Thats a slack fanny innit? As in, 'I would not want to bang that Susanna Reid again, it was like waving a sausage in the Albert Hall'."its like a clowns pocket""its like a wizzards sleeve"C**t like a ripped out fireplace used to get a reaction of my ex. Viz quote, think it was Baz describing one or other of the Fat Slags; Christ, she had a fanny like Mary Poppin's bag! (Offically the only time I found Mary poppins amusing!!)"Dripping like a fucked fridge"-The young lady was rather enamoured with the gentleman in question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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