Automobiles for Room 101...

[Milford Cubicle]

But the Laurel WAS sold here, just not the same as yours.

 

I mean Pajeros, that kind of monginess.

The virtually identical Shogun WAS sold here.

[Mr Lobster]

+1 on the Vauxhall Meriva. Never has a car before made the statement of 'I have children and my life is now over' as powerfully as this.

 

BMW X6. Just look at it FFS.

[Cavcraft]

Ford Escorts Mk5 onwards.

Mk5 on were just another dreadful Ford offering of dullness, nasty plastics and rust. Built down to a cost and not up to anything like quality. Shit engines, shit bodywork, shit trim.

 

Bubble shaped Rovers: Fucking wank. Nasty rusty dollops of shit with joke engines and no build quality.

 

Ivecos: Next to/alongside Mongdeos quite probably the worse fucking things to ever hit the road. Absolute and utter shit, damp spaghetti-esque wiring, piss poor/non-existant rust proofing, self destruct everything, things fall of them Daily (arf arf) and just utter, utter shitness.

 

BMW X5/Merc ML/Audi Q7. For all the reasons others have mentioned and the fact only baldy forty something gangster wannabes and silly blonde bints seem to drive them. Badly.

 

Ford Focus: Just can't get on with the sodding things. Didn't like build quality, piss poor room in boot or the interior fittings. I'm probably the only one on here who doesn't like them but I really do dislike the fuckers.

[Richard]

Haven't you had your turn already?

[Guest]

Have to say as a fan of rubbish cars, I either like or don't mind about 95% of the cars in here.

 

Even the Corsa C, which has an annoying 5th gear position which digs right into my leg, isn't that bad. Pretty comfortable and fairly quiet inside. And the Q7 is only deeply unpleasant due to the rotten looks and the sort of people who drive them, I'm sure if you get to cruise around the block in one they do the job alright.

[Pete-M]

Even the Corsa C, which has an annoying 5th gear position which digs right into my leg, isn't that bad. Pretty comfortable and fairly quiet inside.

I think you need to up the medication again old chap. The Corsa C? Comfortable? Compared to what? Tea-bagging a deep fat fryer?

[Albert Ross]

Here's the principle about Pajeros. Why import a vehicle without a 17 digit VIN, no corrosion protection (Unlike the mechenically SIMILAR Shogun) and no fog lamps, the wrong tow hitch, other parts fitted which are virtually unavailable in the UK unless you use a specialist (lower balljoints for one) Brake pads/calipers/discs that are 35% smaller than the UK spec ones, And the dreadful problem with weaker valve stems due to the case hardening failing due to the greater mileage that these vehicles are now covering..... considering the engines destined for the domestic Japanese market were only designed for 30k or thereabouts, until something gave way (Like cylinder heads as previously mentioned) They seem to be sold only to fat semi-retired bouncy castle operators/dog breeders who like caravanning. There.... and rest. Oh yeah. Green and Gold two tone? Hurl.

[Cavcraft]

Haven't you had your turn already?

Yeah, I had another.

[Milford Cubicle]

Bubble shaped Rovers: Fucking wank. Nasty rusty dollops of shit with joke engines and no build quality.

Do you mean the Rover 200 R3?

I had one for a while and I thought it was great. Fun to chuck about, very nippy with its intercooled L-series diesel. Main problem for me was the cramped interior with a high seating position. Build quality was above French standards of the time, and mine had no notable rust.

 

I can't get worked up enough about any cars to rant about them in this thread, but the gargoyle-faced Peugeots come close.

Even then, I'm sure they're alright to drive.

[Pillock]

I'm struggling to raise enough anger about a car to suggest one. I find enough of them boring, or often driven by planks, or ugly but never enough so to demand them all off the road.

 

This is based on the fact that if I had to sell my car for whatever reason, and was without transport, I wouldn't turn down ANY vehicle. Not a beaten up Lada, not a 59-plate Audi, not a Ferarri 328. Every car has something going for it, even if it's only (mostly) dry (occasionally) reliable transport!

[scaryoldcortina]

I'm struggling to raise enough anger about a car to suggest one. I find enough of them boring, or often driven by planks, or ugly but never enough so to demand them all off the road.

 

This is based on the fact that if I had to sell my car for whatever reason, and was without transport, I wouldn't turn down ANY vehicle. Not a beaten up Lada, not a 59-plate Audi, not a Ferarri 328. Every car has something going for it, even if it's only (mostly) dry (occasionally) reliable transport!

I stand by what I said. I'd walk before I own a Morris Minor.

[Lord Sterling]

I'm struggling to raise enough anger about a car to suggest one. I find enough of them boring, or often driven by planks, or ugly but never enough so to demand them all off the road.

 

This is based on the fact that if I had to sell my car for whatever reason, and was without transport, I wouldn't turn down ANY vehicle. Not a beaten up Lada, not a 59-plate Audi, not a Ferarri 328. Every car has something going for it, even if it's only (mostly) dry (occasionally) reliable transport!

+1. Cant really personally fault anything on here.

 

Saw a BMW X1 recently and came pretty close. But I wouldnt it turn down if I needed to get out and about. not least due to its uglyness or the actions of other twatish owners. I'd just aim to be more careful and polite than your average owner.

[warren t claim]

To expand on Cavette I'd like to nominate the entire Iveco range.

 

In fact the only redeeming feature of the Eurocargo Tector Stralis or whatever it's called these day is that they come with electric window switches above the bunk so I can scare off pikeys and chimp my own faeces out of the passenger window without having to leave the comfort of the bed.

[gtd2000]

Here's the principle about Pajeros. Why import a vehicle without a 17 digit VIN, no corrosion protection (Unlike the mechenically SIMILAR Shogun) and no fog lamps, the wrong tow hitch, other parts fitted which are virtually unavailable in the UK unless you use a specialist (lower balljoints for one) Brake pads/calipers/discs that are 35% smaller than the UK spec ones, And the dreadful problem with weaker valve stems due to the case hardening failing due to the greater mileage that these vehicles are now covering..... considering the engines destined for the domestic Japanese market were only designed for 30k or thereabouts, until something gave way (Like cylinder heads as previously mentioned) They seem to be sold only to fat semi-retired bouncy castle operators/dog breeders who like caravanning. There.... and rest. Oh yeah. Green and Gold two tone? Hurl.

I have to say one of my mates, a bit of a fat lad to be honest, who actually owns 2 caravans! Has an import Pajero and is very impressed with it - I believe it is on an early 90's plate too. He reckons it is bomb-proof and has racked up a reasonable mileage by now. I can't see that the Jap market calls for 30k mile engines - sounds more like domestic market propaganda.

 

There would be an awful lot of knackered Pajeros et al over in the UK and the grey market would have dried up before it even started surely?

 

For the record my mother had a grey market Mazda 121 for almost 13 years and what killed it was lack of rust protection.

[Split_Pin]

I havent owned/driven enough cars to really comment on this thread, but Cavette's post made me chuckle! I dont have particularly stong negative feelings towards any car, but I always sigh when a post 2005 VAG car comes into the view of mymirror as it will more than likely be sitting on my arse for the next 10 miles

 

I was thinking this today, if any car becomes rare enough will it then be interesting? I wonder what would have been nominated 20 years ago for the cars we'd like to see dissapear?

[AnthonyG]

 

I was thinking this today, if any car becomes rare enough will it then be interesting? I wonder what would have been nominated 20 years ago for the cars we'd like to see dissapear?

I suspect the Marina/Ital and various Talbots would have been high on the list.

 

They are solid gold Autoshite now, but in the 1980s I thought the Horizon was especially dismal. Yugo 45s were appalling as well.

[retro80sboy]

 

I'll say my 250 quid mk4 Escort, as [Motoring Journalist Mode]the interior was bland, the CVH engine was gutless, the gearbox didn't have enough 'range', and it handled like a dead pig ... on ball bearings[/Motoring Journalist Mode].

lovely cars! I wont have a bad word said about them!

[retro80sboy]

2 of the worst cars ive ever owned are an R reg Nissan Almera and a K reg Vauxhall Astra 1.6 CD Saloon.

 

The Almera was just plain shite, but the Astra cost me a lot of money fixing things that kept on going wrong. It was also dog slow off the mark for a 1.6 and was just generally crap. Really not a fan of this model astra either - after the sleak design of the mark 2, the mark 3 was just a fat pig of a thing.

[MK5 Escort]

Other than the 406 coupe and the 607, all the Peugeot range since 2001. Hideous, overweight, bulbous looking things which get increasingly less-involving to drive. Unsurprisingly, I see I've already been beaten to this...

 

The Bangle generation styled BMW’s - all of them. I’m still not particularly fond of the latest designs we’re seeing from them post-Bangle either, if I have to be completely honest. Like modern Peugeot’s - too blobby and bulbous looking.

 

The Vauxhall Agila / Suzuki Wagon R are also nasty, very cheaply built little 'Postman Pat' boxes.

 

The mk3 and mk4 VW Golf. Overweight, overpriced, sparsely equipped and not particularly well built bland boxes.

 

The VW Lupo. The expensive man's Seat Arosa. More expensive, no better and not as pretty (especially from the front) in comparison.

 

Ford Fusion and VW Golf Plus - Small hatchbacks with just as much floor/interior space, but double the headroom. Why? Both cars are pointless.

 

The Toyota Auris. Arguably one of the blandest and most forgettable hatchbacks on the market at the moment. A big disappointment. I've actually had the displeasure of sitting in one of these once and I thought the interior quality was appalling. Very tinny and very grey. Why oh' why did Toyota drop the popular 'Corolla' name here in the UK? BIG mistake in my books.

 

I don’t personally agree with Father Ted that the current Vauxhall Zafira should be in our Room 101 though. My father had one (a 55 plate 2.2 SRi) for a couple of years (he’s got a touch of arthritis in his spine and the access in/out was important at the time when he was bad) and loved it to bits and to an extent, wishes he still had it. I drove it myself a couple of times and I must admit, it was pretty impressive for what it was. More than enough space, pulled very well and was reasonably controlled in the bends too. I didn’t like the gearstick being stuck half way up the dashboard though. You did get the odd feeling you were lurching forward, like riding a pushbike, just to change gear. I really loathe these designs which unfortunately, seem to becoming more and more popular. Visibility from the ‘A’ pillars is dreadful too - about my biggest complaint with it.

 

I really won’t comment on Cavette’s mk5 Escort comments...! I'm certainly with him over the Focus though - so there's now two of us here who don’t like them. Barring the rust, his comments on the Escort I've always associated with the Focus instead! I've never warmed to these at all - in any guise. Vastly overrated by the press, I thought they're all ugly looking things which are difficult to see out of and the original examples had utterly dreadful plastics and not as much space, certainly in the rear, as so many think. The only redeeming feature for me is that they're decent to drive. That's the only thing I'll give them.

 

The Corsa C is one of those cars - you either like them or you don’t. I did have one and whilst it’s 1.2 was a dismal and ‘hissy’ little lump with pretty much no torque at all, the car was robustly built and much better looking than what replaced it in 2006. My only real issue, other than that particular engine, was that the plastics were MUCH poorer that were in the original Corsa. It probably didn’t help because more of it was on show than in the old Corsa. I certainly wouldn’t mind trying a Corsa C with the larger 1.4 or 1.8 petrol in. We had an ‘S’ plate Corsa B with the 1.6 16v lump (it was the 'Sport' model that replaced the original GSi). That felt like a wolf in sheep's clothing... We done 1300 miles in six days touring Scottish highlands in it, no problem. For those where space isn’t really an issue, I'd happily recommend them to anyone - providing there are any non-chavved examples left.

 

Also, a mate who said the new Astra VXR was terrible to drive - he hadn’t even sat in one.

People like that do annoy me greatly. I was invited by my Vauxhall dealer to a 'VXR Race Experience Day' at Oulton Park about four years ago. A lovely experience of which I drove all the VXR range at the time, including the Monaro. I never experienced any of the 'torque steer' Mr Clarkson portrayed - only razer sharp handling (one of the finest FWD cars I've ever driven) and truly brutal acceleration. You could throw it around corners at almost any speed. I also driven the Vectra VXR. I absolutely loved it to bits and would love to own one. It has one of the sweetest V6's I've experienced and didn't understeer for me or any of the test drivers that also took you around. Even young touring car driver Tom Chilton was there that day to take you round. He didn't have any problems either - and preferred to take people around in that than the Monaro. Infact, he made the Vectra practically dance around for him!

[AnthonyG]

Toyota dropped the Corolla name in the UK because of its 'OAPs only' status.

[saabhappy]

Anything small and French!

[Milford Cubicle]

^fuggin hell what an essay

[Father Ted]

I don’t personally agree with Father Ted that the current Vauxhall Zafira should be in our Room 101 though.

Actually apart from the odd EGR fault and alternators on petrol ones I havent heard anyone with a petrol one have any major grief.

 

Sadly I have the 1.9CDTi heap of crap with its Euro 4 emissions gubbins nailed to the Indian built Fiat donkey, which in 7000 miles of motoring has had it in the dealership for a total of 9 times and had more bits replaced than soft mick. The photo is in fact a picture of one of the many courtesy cars Perrys have given me whilst mine has been off the road.

Apart from its hideous reliability its not bad.

[CreepingJesus]

+1 for the Meriva. As I discovered, being shuttled back to Edinburgh from Manc in one, the caveat about those back seats is this; it doesn't matter how you can or can't adjust them, they're bloody uncomfortable. Matthew Hopkins could've found a use for them. You'll confess to anything after an hour or two...

The pointless cars annoy me - the luxo-barge 4x4's, and stuff like the Scenic. I live in a rural area, so I get the point of estates and 4x4's: why not just buy a Landy or other practical 4x4, or an estate/people carrier? Oh, that's right, it's a lifestyle choice. Wonderful.

But the one that really does get me is the new 2wd '4x4' Ford Kuga. Why? Just Why? I understand 'soft-roaders', they might just get you out of a difficult spot, even on road tyres. But 2wd? What exactly is the f*cking point?

Which brings me neatly round to the Talbot Matra Rancho...autoshite of the 80's?

[Guest]

In fact the only redeeming feature of the Eurocargo Tector Stralis or whatever it's called these day is that they come with electric window switches above the bunk so I can scare off pikeys and chimp my own faeces out of the passenger window without having to leave the comfort of the bed.

I read this at work and nearly spat my coffee out

[warren t claim]

In fact the only redeeming feature of the Eurocargo Tector Stralis or whatever it's called these day is that they come with electric window switches above the bunk so I can scare off pikeys and chimp my own faeces out of the passenger window without having to leave the comfort of the bed.

I read this at work and nearly spat my coffee out

Sorry!

[Rocket88]

Right.

Range Rovers; They all seem to have some sort of weird shuffling gait, a bit like a high speed railway carriage. That, and their legendary reliability......

Mercedes; Post w 123 / 124 era. Rust like billy whiz, all the bits [and you'll need plenty] cost eleventy million pounds.

Mk 1/2 Golfs; Braaaaaaakes [or not]

Mk 5 Escorts [especially the ones with no power steering] fucking dismal

Anything built by the bloody French since about 2004 [especially Peugeots]

All Saabs built in GM ownership. IT'S A BLOODY VECTRA IN A FROCK!

But the worst of the lot, Suzuki X90's, just pointless.

[Negative Creep]

Toyota dropped the Corolla name in the UK because of its 'OAPs only' status.

 

Well at least they've been working hard to eradicate that. It's not like they brought out something that looked prtty much the same but with a different badge is it?

[Cavcraft]

I can't speak for newer Mercs but older models are both well catered for and cheap for genuine parts.

In fact stuff for my 190E was surprisingly cheap and when I went for an ignition, ignition key, door handle assembly and door lock and key for a 22 year old Merc commercial not only did they have them on the shelf but the toal cost was only something like £45.00+VAT.

 

Newer model Mercs seem to suffer from stupid sensor problems ala Vauxhall CDTi models and I keep hearing bad things about build quality.

[GJR 11L]

.....I never experienced any of the 'torque steer' Mr Clarkson portrayed

Hardly surprising as it's a rear wheel drive car.

- only razer sharp handling (one of the finest FWD cars I've ever driven).....

See above.

 

Or below:

Monaro spec sheet.

 

 

Or was it a typo and actually one of these?......