Talk you never want to hear on viewing a car...

[garethj]

39 minutes ago, MantaGTE85 said:

RED HOT FLAG!!! That bugger has been caning it to (almost) oblivion. You should never buy anything if the seller at any time talks bollocks about its performance. MPG is more important than MPH.

“It gets 70mpg easy”

No it doesn’t, it really doesn’t 🙄

[sutty2006]

I’d never buy a car that’s had one lady owner. I looked at a 6 year old mondeo ST back in the day with 50k miles on it. The back seats were fucked, all the scuff panels were borked, and they had just had all 4 wheels refurbished. When I test drove it, it was horrible. Brakes shit, clutch shit, pulled to one side. Got back , threw him the keys and walked off. Bought one the following week 6 months newer with 99k up it and drove like new. Lovely car that was! 

[Bradders59]

1 hour ago, bigfella2 said:

'Cambelt just changed mate', even though the engine in question has a chain.

I have had similar from my wife. " Why do you need to waste money  changing the cambelt ?  I never had it changed on my (1964) mini or my (1970) Viva. 

[RoverFolkUs]

14 minutes ago, CaptainBoom said:

the gormless chicken molester of a seller

Fuckin lol 🤣🤣

[MantaGTE85]

5 minutes ago, sutty2006 said:

I’d never buy a car that’s had one lady owner. I looked at a 6 year old mondeo ST back in the day with 50k miles on it. The back seats were fucked, all the scuff panels were borked, and they had just had all 4 wheels refurbished. When I test drove it, it was horrible. Brakes shit, clutch shit, pulled to one side. Got back , threw him the keys and walked off. Bought one the following week 6 months newer with 99k up it and drove like new. Lovely car that was! 

Was the 50k Mondy advertised as 'Local Car'? It amazes me how so many low mileage 'performance' cars were just used every day as workhorses, only slower! Motorway driven cars are always going to be much better in every way. 

[High Jetter]

35 minutes ago, Rust Collector said:

I can't remember where I heard it, but the jovial/sexist retort to somebody volunteering the phrase 'one lady owner' is supposed to be 'clutch is fucked then'.

I thought that malady is referred to as "ideal first car"

[RoverFolkUs]

"The only good thing about the van is that the engine is very low mileage" 

Sounds promising m8 🤣

[wuvvum]

4 hours ago, Mrcento said:

'Will fly through the next MOT'

If you're that confident, put it in then, i dare you.... sell it with a years clean ticket, make more money, win/win for you surely?, No?. Says all you need to know.

I did once raise that point with a seller and got the quite valid response that they had transferred the insurance onto their new car and were therefore not covered to drive the old one to the MOT station - the possible few extra quid on the sale price not worth the potential IN10 and fine.

[inconsistant]

Very few left/guaranteed future classic/values bound to go up. 

[Metal Guru]

Genuine barn find.

Project

Body work recently renovated (= recently been in a crash)

4 good tyres ( but the rest of the car is shite )

 

[62 Austin]

Some scammer wasted three pages on an ebay ad with flowery praise for his mildly-rare '69 Mustang boss 302. Every detail down to the speed in 1st thru 4th and the patron saint of the town the carburetor was made in. When you get to the 10th paragraph, buried in the chaff, is:

      "...ran well until I drove over a fire plug."     

[sierraman]

‘Ideal fishing car’ - base spec horrible Astra Estate diesel, flat blue paint, shit aftermarket trims, excessive numbers of air fresheners to hide the Golden Virginia, brown cloud stain on headlining, some seat covers to hide all the piss stains, radio permanently tuned to AM and mud absolutely fucking everywhere. Throw in some miscellaneous starting fault that no cunt can cure. 

[sierraman]

13 hours ago, timolloyd said:

‘Doctor owner’

‘Bought new with some inheritance by a Dr H Shipman of Todmorden...’

[sierraman]

13 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

'5 other people are interested'.

I hate this, like I’m in with the running of winning an opportunity to view it. I once rang up on a car and they were like ‘but I’ve got someone that says they’ll view it on Friday’. 

[goosey]

13 hours ago, timolloyd said:

‘Doctor owner’

Guaranteed to have been thrashed from Cold 

[busmansholiday]

"I know what it's worth".

 

Yes, so do I, and that's why it's not sold at your ridiculously inflated price 

[Missy Charm]

10 hours ago, sutty2006 said:

I’d never buy a car that’s had one lady owner. I looked at a 6 year old mondeo ST back in the day with 50k miles on it. The back seats were fucked, all the scuff panels were borked, and they had just had all 4 wheels refurbished. When I test drove it, it was horrible. Brakes shit, clutch shit, pulled to one side. Got back , threw him the keys and walked off. Bought one the following week 6 months newer with 99k up it and drove like new. Lovely car that was! 

Threw HIM the keys?  Did you go and view the car during the week, in that case?

[De Selby]

46 minutes ago, busmansholiday said:

"I know what it's worth".

 

Yes, so do I, and that's why it's not sold at your ridiculously inflated price 

 

See also "these will only appreciate in value".

Usually a sign of the seller having a bad  case of sunk cost fallacy 

[Bamboocarman]

12 hours ago, MantaGTE85 said:

My doctor has two big dogs, three children under 5, and drives a fucked '04-plate Multipla. Worth buying, should he sell it?

My best friend is a Doctor (academic, not medical). Definitely wouldn’t buy one of his cars, tho. Mobile tips, never serviced properly.  As they say, “you can take the boy out of Sunderland, but not the Sunderland out of the boy”.

[Bamboocarman]

“Brave restoration” 🙄

[sutty2006]

2 hours ago, Missy Charm said:

Threw HIM the keys?  Did you go and view the car during the week, in that case?

It was a dealer, who claimed one lady owner. And you could tell it’d taken a beating on the school run 😩

[MiniMinorMk3]

"The best one around" 

[Talbot]

"Selling for a friend".

Well, get said friend here so they can sell it.  I don't want to talk to a middle-man on a private sale.  If I wanted bullshit and waffle, I'd go to a dealer or car sales place.  If your "friend" really doesn't want the hassle of selling and they don't know what to do, flog it to webuyanyoldheapofshit instead.  I'm buying privately for a reason.

That, and even worse "I'll meet you at Tescos / a car park / some other location."

Not a chance.  At best that means you're trying to hide something, at worse it's an ambush where 8 of your mates will turn up and remove the cash I have on me to buy the car.  Get to fuck.

Also, any advert that is written in text speak, badly spelled or otherwise sounds like the seller has a room-temperature IQ.  Just not worth it.

[De Selby]

4 hours ago, sierraman said:

‘Ideal fishing car’ - base spec horrible Astra Estate diesel, flat blue paint, shit aftermarket trims, excessive numbers of air fresheners to hide the Golden Virginia, brown cloud stain on headlining, some seat covers to hide all the piss stains, radio permanently tuned to AM and mud absolutely fucking everywhere. Throw in some miscellaneous starting fault that no cunt can cure. 

 

You forgot that lingering smell that means you just know that 'fishing' has meant 'pulling bream out of the local canal'

 

[sierraman]

14 minutes ago, De Selby said:

 

You forgot that lingering smell that means you just know that 'fishing' has meant 'pulling bream out of the local canal'

 

It’s never going to be pulling rainbow trout from a stream somewhere is it? You know it’ll be a really boring afternoon sat on the sludgy banks of some heavily polluted stretch of estuary using it as an excuse to escape a sexless marriage drinking cans of Crest Super until you fall asleep on one of those cantilever box things they all seem to have. 

[sierraman]

25 minutes ago, Talbot said:

"Selling for a friend".

Well, get said friend here so they can sell it.  I don't want to talk to a middle-man on a private sale.  If I wanted bullshit and waffle, I'd go to a dealer or car sales place.  If your "friend" really doesn't want the hassle of selling and they don't know what to do, flog it to webuyanyoldheapofshit instead.  I'm buying privately for a reason.

That, and even worse "I'll meet you at Tescos / a car park / some other location."

Not a chance.  At best that means you're trying to hide something, at worse it's an ambush where 8 of your mates will turn up and remove the cash I have on me to buy the car.  Get to fuck.

Also, any advert that is written in text speak, badly spelled or otherwise sounds like the seller has a room-temperature IQ.  Just not worth it.

I always took it that they were doing bird when they said that. Round our end if someone said they’d been ‘away a for a bit’ it didn’t mean they’d been sunning it up in Torremolinos. 

[TheXUDfiles]

"Mum doesn't drive it much anymore." = everything is dried up, flat, brittle, mouldy. 

Still bought cars like that, though.

[wuvvum]

9 minutes ago, TheXUDfiles said:

"Mum doesn't drive it much anymore." = everything is dried up, flat, brittle, mouldy. 

And the car's a bit knackered too.

[timolloyd]

‘Reliable starter’ = unreliable stopper.

[Dobloseven]

"It is what it is". Well, yes, most things are(what they are).