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Biohazard cars you’ve bought


DavidB
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I bought a car to get me around for a bit as my MOT crept up a bit too quick and now have to get it ready.

Months old sweets dissolving in the glove box, dog hair, unemptied ashtray, mouldy steering wheel, knackered wipers and worst of all, radio tuned to heart fm. People really don’t give a fig.

My mot tester mate rejects any car that’s full of shite and detritus, which makes me laugh.

 

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Once bought a ‘97 Mondeo that had been used as a kennel for a German Shepherd. The dog that is not a shepherd who was German. I don’t know much about dogs but it had sweated it’s bollocks off in there, nibbled the handbrake, the hair was everywhere. Didn’t smell so bad in the winter but you could tell when summer arrived it stank to the high heavens. Only way we got rid of it was fitting a leather interior from a Ghia breaker.

Edit... thinking back I’ve had worse, once found a durex wrapper in one, the foil bit thankfully. Sadly it wasn’t mine and it did make me wonder if the ‘map of Africa’ on the seat was Kenco or not. 

I can deal with dents scratches etc but cess pit interiors make me turn on my heels. 

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Oh, don't get me started on filthy cars. 🤢 It's a pet hate of mine.

It doesn't take much to run a vaccum and a wet wipe round a car before you put it up for sale. 

I did once buy a car unseen and when it arrived it was absolutely hanging. You could have grown mushrooms on the carpet easily, and it wasn't through storage, it was in regular use! 🤮

Ended up scrapping it for other reasons, but not before inflicting in on the local hand wash place - don't think they have forgiven me for that yet. 😂

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All the examples I can give from my history in car valeting are examples of motors I wouldn't buy. I only did them cos that was what I was paid to do*! 

Stripping the lining out of a vet's Astra van, and finding that the atrocious stench (I very nearly spewed, only half a pack of XXX mints saved the day) was chunks of dead sheep decomposing. 

Stripping the lining out of a fish merchant's van...probably needs no explanation. We actually doused the pile of plywood in petrol to burn it, and it emitted yet more new, interesting and frankly foul smells. 

Picking up a job sheet for an ex Motability motor was often a Russian Roulette moment. None stick in my mind more than a Renault 5 that had developed extensive mildew where it had been dumped. That was on top of the interior reeking of pish to start with. Nearly spewed, actually had an asthma attack. Did a number on my skin too, that one. Unbolting the driver's seat and horsing it out the workshop door was a good start.

Reek-ometer: off the scale and back round, at approx 600rpm.

Biohazard level: I laugh at your NBC suit, pal. 

Times three.

I've bought a few things that smelled funny, from Kinross auctions, but they were easily dealt with by comparison. Same for my old LDV minibus: had been on site for about a year before I got it; took the seats out and got scrubbing with Flash and hosing... easy peasy. 

 

*£2.50 an hour in them days, too.

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Not sure whether you'd describe this as a bio-hazard or not, but I have one that springs to mind.

A few years ago a mate went on holiday to Spain and ended up staying there for a few months, leaving his Fiesta on his parent's driveway.  They wanted it gone but neither of them could drive.

He asked me to deal with selling the car and in return I would keep 10% of the selling price. It was a fairly new Fiesta Zetec S Red Edition worth about £10k at the time, so I jumped at the opportunity.

I headed over to his parent's house one evening to collect it, and once they'd located the keys and the logbook, I was finally on my way after a quick jump start. I drove it to my then-girlfriend's house a few miles away. Went out to it the following morning with the intention of taking it down the car wash and snapping some photos before advertising it online.

Upon opening the driver's door, a load of wasps flew straight at my face and I could see dozens of them buzzing around the inside the car. I then clocked a massive wasps' nest the size of a football (probably bigger) on the headlining above the offside rear seat. Just standing next to the car made my skin crawl and I'm itching now just thinking about it! Although it was dark when I'd driven it the night before, I have no idea how I never realised.

IMG_0825.JPG

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8 minutes ago, MrGTI6 said:

Not sure whether you'd describe this as a bio-hazard or not, but I have one that springs to mind.

A few years ago a mate went on holiday to Spain and ended up staying there for a few months, leaving his Fiesta on his parent's driveway.  They wanted it gone but neither of them could drive.

He asked me to deal with selling the car and in return I would keep 10% of the selling price. It was a fairly new Fiesta Zetec S Red Edition worth about £10k at the time, so I jumped at the opportunity.

I headed over to his parent's house one evening to collect it, and once they'd located the keys and the logbook, I was finally on my way after a quick jump start. I drove it to my then-girlfriend's house a few miles away. Went out to it the following morning with the intention of taking it down the car wash and snapping some photos before advertising it online.

Upon opening the driver's door, a load of wasps flew straight at my face and I could see dozens of them buzzing around the inside the car. I then clocked a massive wasps' nest the size of a football (probably bigger) on the headlining above the offside rear seat. Just standing next to the car made my skin crawl and I'm itching now just thinking about it! Although it was dark when I'd driven it the night before, I have no idea how I never realised.

 

NOPE

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For reasons too boring to elaborate further, I had to drive a fellow workmate's car back from our workplace for that day, which was about an hour and a half's journey. Was still on the clock, so no worries, in I hopped to his Nissan X Trail.

In the heat of a baking hot New Zealand summers day, this is what greeted me:

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Lovely stuff.

 

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The aroma of days old greasy paper bags and the sweet, sweet tang of energy drinks cans and it also being heavily smoked in was a challenge to contend with, let's just say. 

Obviously, it was windows down all the way back. Due to long hours at work and working 2hrs from home, my car often gets quite messy but it's general detritus - even I draw the line at rotting food smells.

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I bought a k11 micra unseen and most importantly unsmelled at auction.

Dog hairs an inch thick in it, thankfully the dog smell was so strong it actually masked the two hidden dog shits I found in it. (One under each front seat if you were wondering, must of rolled under with heavy braking?)

It was a green celebration model w reg, strangely I turned the same colour of green 🤢

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Not mine but my FIL's cars are always hanging... heavy smoker and he doesnt use the ashtray. He has a 60 plate Mistsubishi which he bought brand new.. and you wouldnt even take it for scrap money - and he recently took it for MOT in this condition. Fag ash everywhere and coffee (I Kid you not) all over the dash where hes spilt his drink.

The old Passat that is amongst this Parish was the same when I got it off him and I spent weeks upon weeks getting rid of the Fag stains and smell - never did quite get rid of it but I dont suppose you ever do.

Absolutely hanging.

Every car he owns ends up the same way... he doesnt use the ash tray, and the door cards become completely white/grey as do the carpets and seats. The dash ends up brown from Coffee and Nicotine.

And yes, hes one of these that believes he knows everything there is to know about cars, but doesnt spend a single penny on them unless it fails its MOT.

 

Its fine if he wants to smoke in it etc.... but there are pletny of Valeting/hand car wash places around here, why not pop it in at least once a month.

 

Grotty. Scruffy.

 

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Years ago i went to look at an XR2 one of my pals was told about. It was cheap. It was also at the end of a breakers yard and none of the staff wanted to go up to it. We immediately discovered that someone had topped themselves in it and hadn't been found for 'a while'. 

We looked through the windows, but i could smell it even through them. My pal didn't buy it.

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Unfortunately my dizzler Borat is used as my stables hack / mobile tack room, so it has an accumulation of horsehair, mud, hay and maybe the odd* water-based stain. Also carries my saddles and other kit, saddle soap and sponges, boot polish and DoT 5.1 brake fluid.

Granted, it does smell of several years' worth of horse but I happen to think that horse is the bestest smell in the world.

I really should make time to fumigate the insides but for that I need a tool called a round tuit. One day I will get a round tuit.

The CX has none of this lived-in feel, despite carrying an original pack of Gauloises fags. What she does have  are spare bottles of LHM and Dexron III, plus a box of spare parts. Mistresses like being kept to a certain standard. 

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A guy I know bought a Kangoo van  that was very cheap from another guy I know who was a recently retired farrier. Fortunately I was not involved in the transaction. 

A couple of weeks later I saw person A and he said to me that if I see person B I was to tell him he was a fucking disgusting bastard.

As well as a thick covering of straw and shit he found a collection of rotting fruit and half eaten mcdonald's under the seats and sticky puddles of what was assumed to be Coke. It took months to get rid of the smell. 

When I saw person B, I passed on the message and he just j laughed. 

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13 hours ago, DoctorRetro said:

. 🤢You could have grown mushrooms on the carpet easily, and it wasn't through storage, it was in regular use! 🤮 . 

The 1994 Escort diesel saloon I ran briefly in 2010 had mushrooms growing from the damp carpet. However, that was several months into my ownership of the car. It was kept in a council lock up before I bought it. Had to scoop rain water out of the spare wheel well a few times. 

Stop reading this post if you are eating.   Can anyone remember new old Top Gear where the trinity each bought E30 325i convertibles? One of the challenges was to get the cars forensically examined by a chap in a hazmat suit. One was pretty clean whereas another had evidence of nasal mucus 🤢 and the other was probably used as a toilet 🤢

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I’ll never forget the time I was loaned a Vectra as a courtesy car by the garage that sold me a clocked Alfa 156… 

They said they’d just had it in PX… the whole floor of the car was just covered in fag ash, and there was a pungent wiff of smoke and decomposing food or something. I didn’t investigate. Thankfully one of the windows fell off it’s runners during my trip home. The fact that it was misfiring, was faded to fuck and had brakes spongier than Mr SquarePants himself added to the enjoyment*

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The fella next door has a troublesome son, he had his sons friends car in to fix. He had gone up a kerb and blown the tyre. It was a 320d and was shagged out from neglect. The boot was full of garbage - rotting Tesco sandwiches, coats, various things that shouldn’t be in a car but were, those ‘nutrition’ milkshake protein cans, etc. They are both big ketamine samplers and the steering wheel and dashboard had a sprinkling of white powder where he had been snorting the horse tranquilliser while driving, ugh classy.

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Can't compete with some of the toxic shocks listed above. But my BiL is a sheep farmer and a smoker. His vehicles are always End of Life when he's done. He is currently running a Vivaro/Trafic and the metal seat frame is poking through the foam. For Christmas my wife and I have bought him a new driver's seat. 

My ex-Celica came from a smoker. They didn't even bother to empty the ashtray when I went to view it. I should have walked away but I didn't for some reason (masochism?). It also leaked heavily and the rear seat foam sat in 3" of water. 

I fixed these leaks then through a combination of potions eg lemon juice and baking powder, plus an air ionizer, got the inside fairly normal again. As others have said you can never quite eliminate the smell of cigarettes but some people said they couldn't tell when they rode in it. 

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I bought a really decent old 405 turbo diesel many many years ago. Belonged to a farmer /  caravan park  / golf course owner. Bought it with a blown head gasket for a decent price (it really was a fresh car at the time). The dash was furry with the amount of un-wiped or cleaned off lunch curry and gravy spills.... and the footwells were covered in dirt and dried slurry! The sediment was that deep in the front.... that it was only after a strong Hoover was employed that I discovered there were two sets of mats in the front! Tasmanian Devil rubber mats over genuine Peugeot carpet mats! Both completely disguised under an inch of shit! With a seriously good detail the thing came up incredibly well.

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I bought a 4 year old Saxo VTR really cheap in about 2003.

When I got there I looked round the car and It'd clearly been smoked a lot in it, but it was low miles and generally fine. I was making small talk and the greasy permed, gravelly voiced woman selling it mentioned she had bought a sofa on "buy now pay next year" and forgotten about it so needed to pay £1700 in a few days. Jokingly, I said "Oh, would you take £1700 then?" for the car which was advertised at about £3.5k. She immediately said yes and I immediately got my wallet out.

I got the car home and got busy with cleaning all the grimey switchgear and steering wheel etc, the filth that came off was amazing. I used about half a litre of iso alcohol to de-smear the windscreen, I wet vacced all the seats and the drivers seat was now the same green as the rest, and not actually brown!

By now it was going dark,  I was working by the power of the interior light so we gave it up for the night and went out with a friend of mine to get a celebratory KFC, as any proud 18/19 year old lad who had just bought himself a really cheap Saxo VTR would. The car did still ming of ciggies a bit, but I was confident it'd eventually clear.

Food ordered at the drive through, I dug around in my back pocket for my wallet and as I did this, my head bumped the roof. And there was a strange feeling, like my hair being pulled.

Instinctively I scratched my head and felt my hair was stuck to the roof lining. In the dim light I felt around and touched the roof to find it was covered in a dark "slime" in a perfect 12" circle above the drivers seat, and my hand was now covered in it. Bits of wavy hair and dandruff filled greasy hair slime were all over my hand.

I asked the dude at KFC for a handful of those extra wipe things to clean myself up, but I just couldn't eat with this horror a few inches above my head. 

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9 hours ago, ProgRocker said:

.... Stop reading this post if you are eating.   Can anyone remember new old Top Gear where the trinity each bought E30 325i convertibles? One of the challenges was to get the cars forensically examined by a chap in a hazmat suit. One was pretty clean whereas another had evidence of nasal mucus 🤢 and the other was probably used as a toilet 🤢

"....faecal matter...."

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