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Most stupid message while flogging a shiter


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I used to get a guy when ever I sold a car calling up and after some small talk asking how fast it would go and how fast I’d had it.

The conversion would go normally then it would work toward the top speed question after a minute or so . It happen at least 3 times . Not sure if he was scanning the yellow paper for my number or  just doing blanket coverage of every car for sale in the area .

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"Dose it run m8"

Despite my ad saying it didn't and this pic of the engine bay.

And the usual  "giv u 200 4 it"  and asking for me to part it out despite me saying I needed it gone as I was moving and wasnt interested in parting it out and still have 90% of a car to shift come moving day. 

20190923_112945.jpg

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When selling my Cadillac CTS some guy pushed the BIN button and sent me s £200 deposit. I enquired were he lived and it was Oxford or something. Being in Scotland Alarm bells rang even more so when he finished, "I'll arrange to pick it up when I'm back from the Pyronese".

This went on for weeks and he said he'd been delayed as his Granny was ill and sent me a selfie with him and Granny all strapped up to an Oxygen machine.

In some ways it can make it more complex if you have the deposit when they're stringing you. I eventually agreed to give him some of he deposit back if he would leave me alone. I re-advertised it and the fucker contacted me through saying he's still interested and would like to buy it when he's back from France.  FUCK OFF.

 

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On 03/02/2021 at 17:10, sierraman said:

Tell them you are a mekanik, any seller will buckle at this and drop at least a pony. 

Take a 18 month old copy of the What Car and explain what the bottom book is you are prepared to give

Also explain about all the much better examples you’ve seen for less money, the seller desperate for your business will be putty in your hands

Explain what a hard bastard you are, wear lots of thick clothes under your coat and draw some tattoos on your neck and behave strangely aggressively. This will ensure the seller doesn’t fuck you about as they know you’ll come back and break their head and you’ll cripple them if there’s any come back. 

Alternatively turn up 6 strong with some of the meanest looking hardest cunts from the local flat roof pub.

FIFY

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On 04/02/2021 at 22:08, Lankytim said:

I sold an LPG powered 1999 Passat on FB marketplace and it was a proper weirdo magnet. I eventually filtered out all the guaranteed messers and a guy came to have a look. He seemed nice- it was up for something like £200 so not mega money. We went for a test drive and he liked it, sat in the car we started talking turkey. I didn't want to drop the price as it was around what I'd get for scrap and I'd already dropped it quite a bit, plus is was a pretty clean car. He got more and more agitated, eventually grabbing my elbow and pleaded with me to knock £20 off, tears welling up in his eyes. "Please, PLEASE, I'm BEGGING YOU!"

He took it for £180.

Fuck me, I'd have run off. 

 

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I've had some over the years but nothing much like some of these that I have read this evening.

Back in around 2001, i had a bunch of hoodies turn up wanting to buy my mk5 escort.

They asked lots of stupid questions about how fast it goes and the like and I would describe their behaviour in general as pretty intimidating.

I didnt really want to risk selling it to them as I just got that bad feeling so I stuck to the asking price hoping they would give up. 

After days of returning to my door and haggling, they eventually agreed to the asking price and paid in full.

They were back the next day complaining about every single small fault they could find and some that weren't faults and I suggested they bought it so they can do one. It had a years mot and we had just fitted a new gearbox.

Thankfully they left but soon returned with a mob of people, drove the car onto my front lawn and started banging on the door. I had probably 6 of them in my face asking if I knew who they were and demanding a refund.

I didnt have the money anymore so they gave me 2 hours and marched off leaving the car on the lawn running saying they would return and set it alight where it stood and set my car alight too.

I ended up raising the money and ending the drama.

It wasnt worth the hassle.

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Another I remember is my old 306.

Had it up for sale for 400 quid with a fresh mot.

It was very clean and in great order. 

A bloke banged on my door one night and offered 200 with some sob story about his metro needing work and he wanted a temporary car.

I said no obvs but he was very insistent. He offered me 220 plus the contents of the coop bag he had in his hand (small amount of groceries, 1 I remember to be a shepherds pie ready meal)

I politely declined and he then changed his offer to 100 plus the stricken metro he had just been telling me about.

I asked him to leave but he just kept making stupid offers. In the end, I was laughing at his offers they became so bizzare but ultimately, I closed the door in his face and after several other time wasters, I took it off sale and a few months later it was destroyed in a flood....

Its replacement, a Peugeot 106 was another favourite.

It was a great car and really got me out of a hole. Cant remember the asking price now or much about the myriad of time wasters but one does stick out.

Had a camp guy in his 40s say he wanted it so his daughters mother could use it to take the kid to school and back.

He didnt have the asking price and wanted to barter.

He made lots of silly offers but this was the best one...

He asked if I was married. I said no. He then asked if I had a girlfriend, I said yes. He then asked if I planned to marry her? I said I dont know. He then told me that his mum makes wedding dresses and if I picked out any dress in any bridal magazine, she would make it for me and that would be his gift to me for letting him have the car for his best offer.

So bizzarre 

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I was selling a 3 series, get a phone call from a guy who sounded just like the phone jacker Nigerian. He asked for an address, 4 hours later a blacked out merc showed up. It was absolutely hammering it down, he didn't even look at the car beyond pointing at it from his car and handing me an envelope of cash.

He then filled in the v5 handed me my half and drove off.  Saying he'd be back, I heard nothing for 2 days despite trying to call him. Then unannounced another pair of guys showed up in another BMW,  his mate with waist length dreadlocks asked for the keys and said the other guy had sent him, so I gave him the keys. Cue burnout on the street as they took off.  Never heard anything after that, so guess they were happy enough?  I spent weeks expecting to hear it had been used in a ram raid or such like, but nope just really efficient but very odd buyers. 

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9 hours ago, Ben_O said:

Another I remember is my old 306.

Had it up for sale for 400 quid with a fresh mot.

It was very clean and in great order. 

A bloke banged on my door one night and offered 200 with some sob story about his metro needing work and he wanted a temporary car.

I said no obvs but he was very insistent. He offered me 220 plus the contents of the coop bag he had in his hand (small amount of groceries, 1 I remember to be a shepherds pie ready meal)

I politely declined and he then changed his offer to 100 plus the stricken metro he had just been telling me about.

I asked him to leave but he just kept making stupid offers. In the end, I was laughing at his offers they became so bizzare but ultimately, I closed the door in his face and after several other time wasters, I took it off sale and a few months later it was destroyed in a flood....

Its replacement, a Peugeot 106 was another favourite.

It was a great car and really got me out of a hole. Cant remember the asking price now or much about the myriad of time wasters but one does stick out.

Had a camp guy in his 40s say he wanted it so his daughters mother could use it to take the kid to school and back.

He didnt have the asking price and wanted to barter.

He made lots of silly offers but this was the best one...

He asked if I was married. I said no. He then asked if I had a girlfriend, I said yes. He then asked if I planned to marry her? I said I dont know. He then told me that his mum makes wedding dresses and if I picked out any dress in any bridal magazine, she would make it for me and that would be his gift to me for letting him have the car for his best offer.

So bizzarre 

Did you ever get a wedding dress out of this deal or did it not happen? 

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I posted this a while back but is probably worth a C&P

Tried to sell a Transit tipping body on Gumtree. Was contacted by a very nice Armenian who wanted it straight away. He would come from Inverness to get it. Right at the end of the text was a badly worded sentence that gave me cause to think that he was coming in a luton bodied Transit to collect it. The lad got a message back suggesting that it would not fit in a luton bodied Transit together with accurate dimensions of the body together with an estimate of its weight. A message came back suggesting that, no, it was bigger than a Transit and there should be no trouble.

Gentleman does not arrive on the agreed day.

Gentleman and his father does arrive unannounced two days later. Both gentlemen are very well spoken and surprisingly well dressed. Oh, and they were in a luton bodied Transit.

Gentleman points to tipping body and suggests that it will go in the luton body on its side. We suggest that this may not be possible to do this what with it being quite heavy and all.

Gentleman points to 3CX and suggests that it could be lifted in with that. This request was turned down on the grounds that we had no desire to lose any limbs and we weren't going to be responsible for anyone else doing likewise.

Gentleman suggests we could lift the luton body off his Transit and keep it. This offer was politely declined.

Gentleman reiterates offer only this time the luton body would be free. It was pointed out that we were trying to get rid of stuff, not collect it.

Gentleman suggests that we lift the luton body off his Transit to allow him to fit the tipping body. We could then lift the luton body onto the tipping body so he could take it away. It was difficult to know where to start with this idea. However it was suggested that it was very unlikely to constitute a safe load and he would almost certainly be pulled over for being a wazzock.

Gentleman wondered of we could deliver the tipping body to Inverness. This was becoming quite wearying.

Gentleman finally suggested that he might have a friend in Edinburgh who would be able to lift the luton body off to allow him to return tomorrow to collect the tipping body the following day.

Gentleman was never heard of again.

Fucking body can go to the scrap yard (it still hasn't if anyone want a Transit tipping body).

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11 hours ago, Ben_O said:

Thankfully they left but soon returned with a mob of people, drove the car onto my front lawn and started banging on the door. I had probably 6 of them in my face asking if I knew who they were and demanding a refund.

I didnt have the money anymore so they gave me 2 hours and marched off leaving the car on the lawn running saying they would return and set it alight where it stood and set my car alight too.

Jesus, where the fuck do you live?  That sounds like the sort of thing that happens in the rough areas of Detroit, not anywhere in the UK

My mind says that should have been a 999 call to the fuzz, but I can see why you wouldn't want them to ever come back.

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My money is on some sleepy village in the Cotswolds. Th

35 minutes ago, Talbot said:

My mind says that should have been a 999 call to the fuzz, but I can see why you wouldn't want them to ever come back.

For some reason I am reminded of Python's Piranha Brothers sketch
 

Quote

 

- Why didn't you go to the police?

- Well I did notice that the gentleman with the thermo-nuclear device was the chief constable for the area.

 

 

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4 hours ago, sutty2006 said:

Did you ever get a wedding dress out of this deal or did it not happen? 

No.

I laughed him off the driveway and ended up selling it to a couple of lads who made the trip over from Surrey to the isle of wight to collect it.

Dvla said scrapped less than a year later.

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2 hours ago, Talbot said:

Jesus, where the fuck do you live?  That sounds like the sort of thing that happens in the rough areas of Detroit, not anywhere in the UK

My mind says that should have been a 999 call to the fuzz, but I can see why you wouldn't want them to ever come back.

This was back when I lived in kent.

It was my mums house in a quiet and nice area. The buyers came from a nearby rough council estate.

The police were considered but it just didnt seem like a good idea at the time. My mum was going Garrity and just wanted it settled.

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Sold a Micra last year. I put it on here for £325 but also stuck it on AutoTrader for £495. This would have been about June. Sold the car via AutoTrader to a guy who tried knocking the price down. The bloke was very persistent but eventually paid the full asking price.

Fast forward to October, and I get a phone call from the same guy. I didn't recognise his number or voice, but the conversation started along the lines of "I'm pissed off, I feel like I've been let down". It turned out his MOT tester told him the car would need two tyres for its MOT. One of those tyres was on the limit when I sold the car, and I advised that it would need changing in the near future.

He wanted me to pay for two new tyres. I said no, and he started giving me a load of verbal saying that I'd stitched him up. I hung up, blocked his number, and didn't hear from him again. The ridiculous thing is I checked online and the car never went for its MOT and is still showing SORN to this day, with the most recent MOT having expired in October. A shame really, as it was a mechanically sound car and would have been a fantastic runaround for someone.

Truth be told, I'd rather have sold the car on here for £325 than to that wally for £495. Having bought and sold a few cheaper bits on here, not once have I been let down or messed around. Everything I've bought has been as-described (often better) and I've met some really decent and genuine people. 

I'm in the process of getting a low-mileage Rover 200 BRM back on the road. It will probably be worth quite good money when it's all sorted, but it's not something I'd expect to sell on here and I'm dreading when the time comes to sell it. 

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23 minutes ago, MrGTI6 said:

I'm in the process of getting a low-mileage Rover 200 BRM back on the road. It will probably be worth quite good money when it's all sorted, but it's not something I'd expect to sell on here and I'm dreading when the time comes to sell it. 
 

 

Any photos or details about the BRM? I’m sure that some people here (myself included) would love to see it!

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Unwanted and unused for months car sat on drive..... eBay 99p no reserve....

Potential buyer - "Will you guarantee car will make it the length of country towing another car?"

Me - "No. I wouldn't try that. It's not been used in months."

Him - "Ok if you say is good I will believe you"

Me - "I've not said that. If you buy the car it's at your own risk. Maybe look for one closer to home"

Obvs said chap wins* auction and turns up to collect. Sits in car redlining for 5 mins after paying me and then says there's an engine light on. Turns out coolant was low, tops up and leaves after his dog vomits on my drive.

A few weeks later start receiving odd emails in the early hours. Start random and degenerate to veiled threats when not answered instantly (at 2am). Complaints about seat being uncomfortable, radio having bad reception, panel gaps etc etc..... Went on to accuse me and our local garage as having teamed up to defraud him but would call it quits for £50!

Conversely two other cars sold on the bay were smooth and hassle free so maybe I'm not doing too bad?

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When I got rid of the passat one guy messaged me that he wanted it to pull a caravan - I advised him that a sixteen year old 144k car may not be the best choice.

When I sold our galant it developed a slightly blowing exhaust due to being stood. The buyer commented " so my £325 car is now a £425 car.

I politely pointed out that he did'nt have to have it - thereby pre empting him trying to knock me down.

In an alternate universe I imagine living in a house like in Clive Barker's hellraiser - where greedy cenobites gorge on the souls of cold callers, dodgy tradesmen and scruffy cunts who spend their days perusing gumtree instead of looking for paid employment.

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23 minutes ago, Mr Laurence said:

 

Any photos or details about the BRM? I’m sure that some people here (myself included) would love to see it!

I won't go into it too much as I don't want to derail the topic! But this is the only photo I have of the outside of the car. It's been off the road since 2015/2016 and the last owner had it for over 20 years. It's done just shy of 30k. Runs and drives lovely but showing early signs of head gasket failure. My plan is to replace/upgrade the head gasket, replace the cambelt and water pump (no idea when the belt was last done and stupid not to if I'm doing the gasket), full service, then stick it in for an MOT.

It's in decent original condition but far from perfect. A 38k minter sold for £8,000 at auction just before the new year. I'm fully aware mine won't make anything like that, even though it has lower mileage. Mine has no service history and it's nowhere near as tidy. It's hard to put a value on it really, so once it's all sorted I think I'll run around in it for a month or two then stick it on eBay with a lengthy description and no reserve. I've looked into auction houses that specialise in classic cars but their fees are astronomical.

V646DJM.jpg

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I believe that the liklihood of punters turning up is inversely proportional to the story they tell of the effort they are putting into coming.

If you get a great long song and dance about changing shifts, directions, help from friends, whatever, there's not a lot of chance they will appear.

If you just get 'ok see you at three' then they probably will.

Worst car ever was a VW Touran, 180K miles and very very rough.  It was priced at £2400 from memory and just a few hundred more would have got a much much better car, or the same money a simpler car in better condition.  Hardly anyone that called turned up as most of them probably had second thoughts, though often after endless e mails/texts.  I didn't sell it in the end.

I've had plenty of good experiences though and none like the mob of hoodies above!

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