Flat4 Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I was thinking the same! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimH Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 14 hours ago, sierraman said: What planet are some people on? FSH on a £700 car?!? I come from garage stock (fortunately my parents saw the light and didn't go into either of the businesses) and my grandfather maintained that it was harder to sell a car for £100 than it was to sell one for £10,000. I recall trying to get rid of a Passat estate complete with a year's MOT for £200. The lad who bought it turned up in a boiler suit and asked if he could borrow a trolley jack so he could inspect it properly. Aye, sure, whatever. warch 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimH Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 In the end what does the fullest of full service history mean anyway? That it had its oil changed about when it should have been changed? The car could have crawled in on its last legs and as long as the oil was changed and the rear handbrake pivot points were greased then the stamp would have gone in the book. Sure the customer would have been handed a list of work that needed to be done but regardless the stamp would have gone in the book. A full maintenance history? Now I'm listening. mat_the_cat, Crackers and Wilko220 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 It’s just symptomatic of someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. A trolley jack, I mean what the fuck for! Test the wheelbearings for play perhaps or check you haven’t been trying to pull a fast one on him by doing a cut and shut to make £15. I’m surprised he didn’t pull out a checklist and a clipboard and submit it to the ADAC for a full 100 mile road test. I’d have offered him the compression tester see if he wants to check that as well... Did he have a magnet wrapped in some cloth to check for filler or a screwdriver and a mirror to inspect it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Top Tip... make sure you lift the bonnet and make sure there’s actually an engine there not just a drawing of one. CaptainBoom, Vince70, myglaren and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wgl2019 Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 14 hours ago, goosey said: FUKIN TIMWASTER !!!! Who is Tim? Why is he wasted? Vince70, Talbot, goosey and 6 others 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimH Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Maybe it was his name. Mr Timwaster. Fukin to those who know him. timolloyd 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tickman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 1 hour ago, HMC said: One issue with gumtree is that auto filled message “hi is this still available?” Or something like that. I had this on Saturday when I listed the SS1 and thought oh dear, here we go. He viewed, paid and took the car away within a couple of hours of listing. I was more than pleasantly surprised. wuvvum, auntiemaryscanary, Vince70 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, goosey said: Actually “Tim” is my name, so it could have been a play on words or he thought I was a waste of a “Tim” and I should’ve been called a lesser name. Or he just misspelled the word time as his hands were all messed up because of excessive masturbation and punching holes in the plasterboard walls of his parents bungalow Fingers like sausages. Meat for brains. goosey 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymous user Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 In the days before the internet, mobile phones, caller id and only Autotrader the paper version, it was the black hole at the Severn Bridge. The number of people who arranged to come over, to look at/hopefully buy cars, that vanished. Several even rang to say "I'm leaving now" never to turn up and never to be heard from again. I can only assume that they got so far on the journey before realising they didn't really want or need whatever pile of shit I was offloading and either turned around and went home, or threw themselves off the bridge. Vince70, Tickman, wesacosa and 5 others 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian_Fearn Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I’ve stopped haggling on prices. If it’s a fair price I pay it. If it’s not, I won’t ask about it or view it. For the sort of shite I buy, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I was aggressively accused of clocking my old Jeep because for some reason before I bought it, an MOT tester had recorded the mileage in KM not miles. So the following year, the actual number had reduced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I think a few top tips are in order here... Check if the steering wheel is shiny? If it is it’s definitely been a taxi Use a magnet to check for filler and corrosion If the car has done over 100,000 miles you should expect that it is absolutely fucking fucked and you can look at least a 50% discount Inspect the odometer for scratches where the mileage WILL have been clocked. Discount £250 for every missing stamp in the service book on a £1500 car. Walk around the car pointing out the various faults that affect that model whilst talking to an unseen camera, the seller will know you are knowledgeable and capitulate to your piffling offer Request a discount if you are paying for a £300 car by cash as opposed to paying them in William Hill betting slips or waney lap fencing Deduct your travelling costs of £1.50 a mile from the asking price Any used car should come with a full tank of fuel and a 12 month no quibble warranty. Insist on this. Especially on sub £1000 cars insist on an independent engineers report, the vendor should pay for this N19, Low Horatio gearbox, mat_the_cat and 23 others 5 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I'm beginning to understand why you think it's impossible to buy cheap cars locally, @sierraman sierraman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New POD Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 1 hour ago, anonymous user said: In the days before the internet, mobile phones, caller id and only Autotrader the paper version, it was the black hole at the Severn Bridge. The number of people who arranged to come over to look at/hopefully buy cars, that vanished. Several even rang to say "I'm leaving now" never to turn up and never to be heard from again. I can only assume that they got so far on the journey before realising they didn't really want or need whatever pile of shit I was offloading and either turned around and went home, or threw themselves off the bridge. In the days before Sat Nav we'd take down the directions over the phone, and drove 50 miles, get completely lost cause the directions were shit. And wrong, end up stopping to ask.directions. once even.going into.a police station for directions. Nice chaps too. On.more than one occasion we arrived 2 hours later than we'd said, took one look and gone home without a test drive. Or just given up and gone home. . Apart from my mate who went to look at a TR7, stopped in.a petrol station to ask for directions, noticed an Austin Healey Sprite on the ramps in the service bay, and ended up buying it. He's an estate agent in Detroit these days apparently. Still owes me money from 1989. Twat. Shite Ron, woodbine, Vince70 and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New POD Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, loserone said: I'm beginning to understand why you think it's impossible to buy cheap cars locally, @sierraman There are not many behind the tree ? sierraman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, New POD said: There are not many behind the tree ? I have no problem finding plenty of decent cars to buy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 32 minutes ago, loserone said: I'm beginning to understand why you think it's impossible to buy cheap cars locally, @sierraman I think my attempt at humour went over your head there... 😂 loserone and Talbot 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Just now, sierraman said: I think my attempt at humour went over your head there... 😂 Or mine yours Talbot and sierraman 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soundwave Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 1 hour ago, sierraman said: I think a few top tips are in order here... Check if the steering wheel is shiny? If it is it’s definitely been a taxi Use a magnet to check for filler and corrosion If the car has done over 100,000 miles you should expect that it is absolutely fucking fucked and you can look at least a 50% discount Inspect the odometer for scratches where the mileage WILL have been clocked. Discount £250 for every missing stamp in the service book on a £1500 car. Walk around the car pointing out the various faults that affect that model whilst talking to an unseen camera, the seller will know you are knowledgeable and capitulate to your piffling offer Request a discount if you are paying for a £300 car by cash as opposed to paying them in William Hill betting slips or waney lap fencing Deduct your travelling costs of £1.50 a mile from the asking price Any used car should come with a full tank of fuel and a 12 month no quibble warranty. Insist on this. Especially on sub £1000 cars insist on an independent engineers report, the vendor should pay for this In addition to all this, it's worth noting that any deal done on a sub £1000 car is automatically invalid if at least one party does not exclaim "owld out yer 'aaaaand!" just prior to the transaction being completed. And it must be pronounced that way, regardless of what regional accents the concerned parties have. CaptainBoom, Banger Kenny, Vince70 and 5 others 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimH Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 1 hour ago, sierraman said: I think a few top tips are in order here... I could add... The value of the car is what you once saw one advertised for. This is commonly known as the "market price". A seller will be impressed by your market knowledge if you mention a similar (but better) car currently being auctioned on eBay. Always ensure that the seller knows how much you have to spend on a car. It is one of those quirks of economic theory that the market price always coincides exactly what you want to pay for a car. Don't ask how or why this happens but it just does. The average car for the type you are looking at has every possible option fitted. Any car that does not have these options is not worth the market price. As a rule of thumb deduct £250 for every option missing. Bounce at least one corner of the car. The reason for doing so is lost in the mists of time but it is believed that Vikings did it to bring them good luck. It may work for you too. Check that the rear fog light works. You will never use it but it is a comfort to know that it is there. Completely fail to check anything that might actually give any trouble on this type of car. There is no need to worry about such petty details and I'm sure everything will be fine. Always ask when the cam belt was changed. If the seller looks puzzled and stutters something about these engines having a chain then the cam belt has not been changed. Deduct £500 from your offer. stonedagain, mat_the_cat, dome and 12 others 5 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimH Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Oh and based on the very last car that I sold only a few months ago... Call the seller from a filling station after you pick up your car and ask if it takes petrol or diesel. *This is completely and utterly true. dome, Burnside, Wilko220 and 17 others 3 16 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talbot Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 23 minutes ago, JimH said: Call the seller from a filling station after you pick up your car and ask if it takes petrol or diesel. Another candidate for "hand in your keys and licence and never drive a car again". Jesus wept. stonedagain, Arthur Foxhake and barefoot 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Tell them you are a mechanic, any seller will buckle at this and drop at least a pony. Take a 18 month old copy of the CAP black book and explain what the bottom book is you are prepared to give Also explain about all the much better examples you’ve seen for less money, the seller desperate for your business will be putty in your hands Explain what a hard bastard you are, wear lots of thick clothes under your coat and draw some tattoos on your neck and behave strangely aggressively. This will ensure the seller doesn’t fuck you about as they know you’ll come back and break their head and you’ll cripple them if there’s any come back. Alternatively turn up 6 strong with some of the meanest looking hardest cunts from the local flat roof pub. 95 quid Peugeot, Leyland Worldmaster, woodbine and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 20 minutes ago... 'Does it run' Instantly blocked for that question. chaseracer, Tickman, Banger Kenny and 18 others 1 20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Can it be ridden back to Runcorn? Cavcraft, privatewire and Angrydicky 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wack Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I've posted this before I had a Maserati for sale , guy in France, emailed, texted and called for weeks , but he wanted me to drive it 250 miles to Dover without a deposit or expenses No It dragged on for weeks , eventually I said I want to see some ID or I'm breaking this off , send me a picture of your drivers licence etc Next day I get a link to a video on YouTube WtF is this eef yeu fast foreward teu, 2 minuets , ze guy working on ze car , eet is me Oh fuck off. dome, Vince70, warch and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 I'm now firmly in the Roffle, scrap or sell honestly to someone you know. Angrydicky, Aston Martin, sdkrc and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuvvum Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Just remembered another one - forget what car it was now but it was something fairly unusual. I had it on C&C, a chap in Ireland proclaimed himself very interested and fired a stream of questions at me, which I answered. The next day he sent me a number of texts asking more questions, whilst I was at work and therefore not looking at my mobile. He got more and more agitated at my lack of response, finally culminating in a one word, all caps text at about 16:55 - "ARSEHOLE!" Believe it or not he didn't end up buying the car. Twiggy, stonedagain, Uncle Jimmy and 2 others 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macscrooge Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 When selling our Mazda Bongo camper a few years ago I took a bloke for a drive. He expressed surprise and dismay that it was noisier than his new Aldi A4. Twat. privatewire and warch 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amishtat Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 4 hours ago, goosey said: Or he just misspelled the word time as his hands were all messed up because of excessive masturbation and punching holes in the plasterboard walls of his parents bungalow If we still have a quote of the year thread I'm calling this a contender Kringle, timolloyd, 95 quid Peugeot and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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