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The grumpy thread


outlaw118

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The ends of cans are thicker than the walls, so it's easier to cut the wall than to cut the end. These shit can openers are probably a result of the youth of today not even getting to exercise their arm muscles because every fucking new supa-mini has PAS fitted so that they don't have to break sweat/nails etc...I hate them (both youf and can-openers).

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I actually quite like Piers Morgan, because he's such a complete twat of astronomic proportions he actually comes almost full circle. He's a twat, but he knows he is, and loves the fact. He makes a mint off BEING a twat, so I can dig that. Bit like that twat Jeremy Kyle. I like him. Not because I like his show, or the cod-advice he gives out. But because you know that at night he goes home to his massive house and sleeps on a big pile of money, chuckling at the misfortune of the oxygen thieving fucktards he mocks on telly for an hour each day. That deserves RESTECP.

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Well, the latest part started with can openers, but appears to have descended into a discussion on "who can fuck off".Not that there's anything wrong with that; James Allen - he can fuck off.....oh he has, sorry... :oops:

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Jason Dawes. He got all his advice from the Ladybird book of the BLEEDING OBVIOUS. I stumbled across one of his 'roadshows' on TV recently, and kindly pointed out that the Fiat Coupe could be expensive to fix but might be a classic one day. Cheers Dickdawe. Here's a tribute I did ages ago when I came across George and Mildred at a car show a few years back.

 

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Speaking of roadshows. All of Radio 1. Nothing to do with the music, which is mostly horrid but more the way they treat their listeners like fucktards. I won't go on, because I'm starting to froth at the mouth.

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Here's one that makes my mind boggle. Tights/leggings that stop at the ankle. They just look ridiculous. Only one thing is worse, and that's tights with SHORTS - especially with turn ups. What the chuff is that all about?!Maybe it's just the Peterborough look - though to be honest, the Peterborough look seems to involve looking as horrible as possible yet somehow being pregnant, standing outside the Queensgate shopping centre screaming at the several kids they already have, while smoking. Someone please round them up and ship them somewhere else!I mean, it wasn't a bad idea a few centuries back was it? Australia turned out ok in the end. :P

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All of Radio 1. Nothing to do with the music, which is mostly horrid but more the way they treat their listeners like fucktards.

To be fair, most of their regular listeners are complete fuckwads, why else would they waste precious seconds texting their worthless opinions/anecdotes to whichever gobshite 'dj' happens to ask for them? I'd like to reserve the most painful experiences for Jo Whiley (for being a smug shit), Edith Bowman (for her voice), and whoever decided to make the news bulletins sound like CBBC's Newsround on ketamine.

 

I'd quite like TV in general to just end. Everywhere. Everything worth watching comes out on DVD anyway, and I'm sick of seeing soap 'actors' staring down from the shelves in the newsagent's.

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Can/Tin openers...

 

Doesn't this sort take the top off completely too??

 

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Anyway, after trying a few cheaper ones inc the Asda cheapy butterfly thing and a couple around the £2 mark...all were useless.

 

So, a £5 Brabantia one was purchased from Wilkinsons and it takes the top off a can like a hot knife through butter - brilliant! And it's the proper sort that takes the inside bit off, not the whole top/rim.

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Cool. I will try one of these brabantia jobs :lol:

I'd like to reserve the most painful experiences for Jo Whiley (for being a smug shit)

In 1996, I successfully hit Jo Whiley in the face with a well-luzzed toilet roll, causing her confusion & annoyance. Shame it wasn't a rock. Or at least a bottle filled with piss...
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Hair product! Why oh why do the adult male population think it is a good thing to make their hairstyle look like a pent up celibate monk has finally spaffed his load over it on a hot day? It's messy and makes the wearer's fingers sticky after he touches his hair. Just pointless, and it must be bad for the hair in some way.

These are all good points.That Gok Wan can fuck off too.

I had the misfortune of coming across Gok Wan (I mean by changing channels on TV, not splattering him with white gravy) the other day.I was rather amused by the fact that he is going bald. Thus confirming my suspicions that excessive grooming products in the male barnet do more harm than good. Natural justice is served, finally. Take that, men with product!
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Fuck hair products - what's all this Nivea crap trying to convince us that we need to smear suspicious cream all over our faces?!What men want? Bollocks. You just hope that telling us that it's what blokes want will make blokes want it. I think they've massively misunderstood the market. What men want is cars and girls, even though Prefab Sprout once tried to tell us via the medium of popular music that there's more to life. Rubbish.

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As someone cursed with 'terrible hair', some of these hair products are lifesavers. I have to use one that seems to have the same consistency as vaseline , and it has to be teamed with very regular trips to the barbers shop for chopping. In decades past I'd have been utterly fucked, as if my hair grows to anything more than about an inch and a half long, all attempts to make it go in directions that resemble 'normal' go out the window and I start to resemble some kind of shambling freak you'd see licking the windows on the special bus...

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I use hair gel for similar reasons, it's not to look cool and trendy but because if I don't it makes me look like a tramp - hair gel means I can just sort myself out on a morning and forget about it.Predictably though, I get the own-brand "Smart Price" stuff for about 40p. Pimpin' aint easy!

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I've got no violent objection to Jason Dawes, LMAO when he manages to screw a set of Poundland floor mats off the seller of a £12k motor, and to be fair he did the only balanced review of the Allegro I've ever seen earlier this week; pity it was tucked away on ITV 14 1/2 :( Perhaps you are confusing him with the fat slob on Gavin and Stacey who is less funny than an abcess.

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The Allegro thing that Jason Dawe did was pretty good I thought, he's not bad overall. I used to quite fancy Penny Mallory when she first came on telly a good few years back... :oops: I also need a good dollop of jizz on my hair in a morning to keep it looking somehting like too! I've often contemplated going for a number 1 all over but I fear I'd look even more emaciated than ever with my long thin face...

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I think radio can fuck off too, big style. I don't know a single station that I can listen to for more than 15 minutes without just giving up.

If you fancy a nice grown up music radio station I can highly recommend 6 Music. I gave up on any commercial radio years ago as I just can't stand adverts.Pog, why were you throwing bog roll at Jo Whiley?!The estate agent who works in the posh house shop round the corner and repeteadly parks across everyone's drive (in her MINI natch). She can fuck right off.
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Here's an idea Seth - when she parks it next time use the rather ill-advised method of moving a car with a trolley jack, get it so it sticks out a good couple of feet into the road and wait for the traffic police to take it away. C U L8R MINI!

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Or, my favorite... Remove all 4 valve cores from the tyres, replace valve caps.Then a week or so later - tape them to teh windscreen with a note saying "borrowed valve cores returned, thanks...x"

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