The grumpy thread

[wuvvum]

On 3/12/2023 at 3:15 PM, Stanky said:

Several people I know, from friends to work colleagues to distant aquaintances have mentioned without prompting that they just can't find any joy in life since Covid. Most recently was a work colleague who loves his shiny things - he'd just traded up his 5 series BMW for an 8 series, something he'd previously be over the moon about. He said about 3 weeks after buying it that while it was a good car, it brought him no enjoyment whatsoever.

I've heard similar from many others, which is a huge shame. I'm not sure what the answer is, only confirming its definitely widespread.

I've been thinking about this a lot this week.  I feel exactly the same - ever since Covid I'm unable to get excited about anything really.  I found the first lockdown incredibly hard and I think it's had a permanent (or at least long-lasting) effect on my mental health.  I still enjoy (to an extent) window-shopping for cars on eBay (and elsewhere), but while previously I would have thought nothing of getting on a bus to the other end of the country and driving home to a pre-booked MOT in some neglected shitheap, now just the thought of that fills me with dread, and I just sit there listing in my head all the things that could go wrong.  Even picking the MG up from near Oxford is something I was dreading, and that was MOT'd and running fine (and in the event turned out to be a perfectly OK experience).

It's not just cars either.  I have a work trip to India coming up at some point this year - the old me would have been excited about it, but while I am quite looking forward to seeing India, I'm mainly dreading being away from home for two weeks.  It's the same when visiting my parents - I always look forward to seeing them, but when I'm there I'm constantly counting down the days until I come home again.  And it's not like home is particularly exciting either - it's just me rattling around in the house on my own, spending too much time on the computer and occasionally going for a bike ride or attempting to fix the cars.  

I don't think the state of the country is helping much either.  I have never had much time for leftie liberal Guardianista types, but these days I'm finding myself identifying less and less with those on the political right too - everyone seems to have become extreme in their views, there's no attempt to find agreement or compromise anymore, and I detest the current government, so I feel ideologically homeless.

Obviously things aren't completely negative - getting the Visa and the Volvo back on the road and driving them properly for the first time cheered me up for a while, the same with getting the Mobylette road registered and usable last year, and it was nice to get a decent pay rise this year for the first time in a very long while.  Generally though I just feel "meh".  I don't think it's depression as such, just a general feeling of apathy and meaninglessness.  As I put it in a recent one to one with my manager, "I'm not about to top myself, but if a doctor told me I had six months to live I wouldn't be overly bothered".

I came across a blog the other day by a German chap about my age who's basically said "fuck it", bought a secondhand coachbuilt Transit camper, had it remapped and buggered off into the sunset with his son and their dog.  They're heading to Morocco to start with, but he has no firm plan in mind, he's just going to see where the road takes them.  He's a bit of a neo-hippy type and has some weird ideas about some things, but I admire him for actually having the bottle to do it, and the idea of living in a camper and driving aimlessly around Europe (and north Africa) is quite appealing.  Interestingly he cited the effect of Covid lockdowns as one of the things that's influenced him.  I think if and when I have to move out of my current house for whatever reason I'm going to give van life a go - I might not have a choice anyway as I probably won't be able to find a house to rent at a price I can afford by then, with the way prices are going.

Anyway, sorry for the verbal diarrhœa, but this is after all the place to vent, and if I vented to people I know IRL they'd probably start worrying about me, which is the last thing I want.

[vulgalour]

Sometimes we need a good vent about things, it's healthy.  The fall out from the pandemic hasn't been relief and optimism that we can go forwards with our lives, it seems to be this creeping nihilism because everything has got so much harder.  It's worse when you're someone who 'followed the rules' and still suffered losses because you wonder what the point of any of it was.  To also see those who were supposed to be our leaders, the ones the help us all through this, behaving like petulant brats certainly doesn't help.  Throw in some natural disasters, a couple of wars, the reversal of human rights at home and abroad, the callous disregard for natural beauty and wellbeing by councils and water companies alike, the rising cost of living juxtaposed against the reporting of record profits... yeah.  It's going to be pretty difficult to find joy in anything.  This isn't something you can just Marie Kondo your way out of.

You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other really.  The little moments of joy will start to reappear, it just takes a while.

[artdjones]

I feel like many people are suffering from something akin to agoraphobia. Also, the pandemic seems to have telescoped 10 or 15 years of aging into 3years of actual time.

[sheffcortinacentre]

Welcome back to the 80's just replace stockbrokers with utility companies &  industry with healthcare.

Wicked witch of Westminster with Wally's of Westminster.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Staying home and not going out is my natural order so - not going to lie - I quite 'liked' lockdown.  Didn't miss going out and still work from home full-time even now.  I'll still go out and visit places and people but I've never been particularly inclined to or particularly sociable.

Must have been difficult if you're the gregarious sort.

[wuvvum]

4 minutes ago, GrumpiusMaximus said:

Staying home and not going out is my natural order so - not going to lie - I quite 'liked' lockdown.  Didn't miss going out and still work from home full-time even now.  I'll still go out and visit places and people but I've never been particularly inclined to so or particularly sociable.

Must have been difficult if you're the gregarious sort.

I'm not gregarious at all, but I do like human contact from time to time, and living on my own the only contact I got (apart from the occasional socially distanced "hi" to the neighbours when I was out for my daily exercise) was via the intermediary of electronics, which just isn't the same.

[Low Horatio gearbox]

The past 2 weeks have been a blur of being either quite unwell or quite unwell and trying to fix the reliable* modern daily, oh and some other fun.

[RoverFolkUs]

On that subject,  I feel the same and what I think is one contributor is with the high street dying, I could have easily spent an afternoon there 10 years ago but now I only visit if I need to get something and spend as minimal time as possible because there's nothing left to browse. Far fewer shops as well, they just close down and turn into a vape shop or some sort of overpriced quirky coffee shop that preaches about it's almond milk or bamboo straws or coffee beans sourced from outer timbucktoo that's £6 a cup 

Take these photos of Poundland as one example: 

I went into that very branch the other day and it was so sparse, and so many shelves were completely empty. It's been that way for a couple of years now and so has many other branches I've visited

Now I know most of that is a result of everything that's turning to shit at the moment but I think it's one contributor to the nation's depression. Recreational shopping is a big part of a lot of people's lives and for the high street to become so sparse and lifeless that's one less thing for people to enjoy. 

Adding something to a basket online and getting it in a box on your doorstep the next day just doesn't have the same vibe to it as walking through the high street, bumping into regulars, smiles with friendly strangers and smelling nice food or coffee from one of the neighbouring shops. Or going into an independent coffee shop and the person serving remembers your regular order 😁

Now what's more likely is that you will go to town, not be able to find what you want, return to your car to find the catalytic converter stolen and spend the rest of that afternoon on the phone to your insurance company and ordering whatever you wanted online anyway 😂

I don't get the same enjoyment from going out to eat any more, I've been served some shit food from most of my favourite outlets now so that's put me off from bothering. And the price has gone up for the privilege of course. 

Fewer friends and family seem to put the effort in to meeting up, obviously part of that is on me as I need to keep in touch just as much as they may do, which I try to, although I'm thankful for the fairly wide group of mates that I have and we've stuck together even if we don't quite see eachother as often. 

Christmas cards, anybody else's getting fewer and far between each year? I counted approx 1/4 this year of what I would have received 10 years ago

Or I've just been an arsehole that's pissed everyone off 🤣 - oh well! 

My car ownership enjoyment has turned to shit since the used car chaos came about. I fucked the Rover off when readily available parts was becoming a problem and bought a MK2 Focus, I've been thinking of changing back to something more interesting but I find more enjoyment out of running something boringly reliable that doesn't cause me a headache than something I can continually maintain and improve. 

That's my 2 cents..

[High Jetter]

Ironically, went to our local for first time in ? years. Crowded, and nothing we wanted.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Again, never understood the appeal of the High Street and the only shops I ever liked were music shops and record stores.  Can't be bothered now unless it's an independent record store and in the mood for something odd.

I did work at Bluewater when I was a teenager and visiting that place several times a week probably put the kibosh on the idea of shopping for pleasure.  Fuck that.

Not to say that it doesn't have value to others, of course.

[High Jetter]

So you buy everything online?

[Parky]

Motherfucker x 2

I have been exposed to so many people with it and somehow came away scot free each time.  Woke up yesterday drenched in sweat with a pounding head and pains where I didnt even realise I had nerve endings and the test looked like this.  No idea where I got it!

Bugger

 

[Parky]

6 hours ago, GrumpiusMaximus said:

Staying home and not going out is my natural order so - not going to lie - I quite 'liked' lockdown.  Didn't miss going out and still work from home full-time even now.  I'll still go out and visit places and people but I've never been particularly inclined to or particularly sociable.

Must have been difficult if you're the gregarious sort.

I quite liked lockdown too, except for the Teams call every day at 5.25pm from the boss "just to see if you're coping OK"

Yeah like fuck you care, you're just making sure I'm not dossing.  An email or a phone call would have been fine but you just want to make sure i'm in front of the screen like a good little drone. 

Mind you after two weeks of it the novelty had worn right off and I actually wanted the misery of a two hour commute every morning and evening.  Ultimately I like the demarcation between home and work.

Our lockdown here last year wasnt so bad, we split into two teams and did one week in, one week out which I quite liked.  Particularly the halving of the fuel and parking costs each month.  We could still do that but our regulator wont allow us to do certain tasks out of the office anymore which is a shame. 

 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

7 hours ago, High Jetter said:

So you buy everything online?

No, I just don't shop for enjoyment.  We do our weekly shop online and most things we order online.  For instance, we're getting our en-suite partially re-done and ordered a shower cubicle, wall panels, wall cabinet etc. all online for delivery.  Most of the physically going into shops is done by my other half but we really don't have much call for it.

[EyesWeldedShut]

8 hours ago, High Jetter said:

So you buy everything online?

Ditto here. Arse end of anywhere so we were always  in the habit of online buying anything specialised/hard to get locally. Used Amazon Prime a lot.

Once lockdown fully kicked in we started to get Tesco/Asda/Morrisons all suddenly offering deliveries to our postcode. Both now tele-work (there's a quaint expression) too.
So these days I go into the town only for things like the dentists, vets, odd emergency purchase. Save a lot of time and a bit of money on the commute(s).

I've also never shopped for 'fun' and the idea of wandering around Bluewater chills my blood. Fortunately child bride is the same. Possibly I'm shy/hate crowds/don't feel the need to socialise much but that's subjective

[loserone]

Buying things in shops can be reserved for stuff that you can source better locally - local meat from the butchers etc.

We're occasionally going into shops these days but it's pretty much only in order to train the kids because they have no experience of crowds or cities etc.  

[horriblemercedes]

I do all of my food shopping in shops but very little of whatever else I buy, but that's only because there aren't shops locally that sell most of the other things I buy (car parts, items for the home etc)

[Metal Guru]

6 hours ago, Parky said:

I quite liked lockdown too, except for the Teams call every day at 5.25pm from the boss "just to see if you're coping OK"

Yeah like fuck you care, you're just making sure I'm not dossing.  An email or a phone call would have been fine but you just want to make sure i'm in front of the screen like a good little drone. 

Mind you after two weeks of it the novelty had worn right off and I actually wanted the misery of a two hour commute every morning and evening.  Ultimately I like the demarcation between home and work.

Our lockdown here last year wasnt so bad, we split into two teams and did one week in, one week out which I quite liked.  Particularly the halving of the fuel and parking costs each month.  We could still do that but our regulator wont allow us to do certain tasks out of the office anymore which is a shame. 

 

My wife works from home permanently now ( office once a month), but they have to “go down the pub” after work one night a week. “Optional” , of course. Load of bollocks , but me playing “Hurry up Harry” by Sham 69 in the background , wasn’t appreciated.

[chaseracer]

I have a very extrovert colleague who insists on organising 'fun* nights out' which inevitably involve loud places and copious volumes of alcohol.

"Team building"...?  I think not.

[horriblemercedes]

18 minutes ago, chaseracer said:

I have a very extrovert colleague who insists on organising 'fun* nights out' which inevitably involve loud places and copious volumes of alcohol.

"Team building"...?  I think not.

That sounds like my kind of night out but can't imagine finding it fun with my work colleagues

[Bren]

16 hours ago, wuvvum said:

I've been thinking about this a lot this week.  I feel exactly the same - ever since Covid I'm unable to get excited about anything really.  I found the first lockdown incredibly hard and I think it's had a permanent (or at least long-lasting) effect on my mental health.  I still enjoy (to an extent) window-shopping for cars on eBay (and elsewhere), but while previously I would have thought nothing of getting on a bus to the other end of the country and driving home to a pre-booked MOT in some neglected shitheap, now just the thought of that fills me with dread, and I just sit there listing in my head all the things that could go wrong.  Even picking the MG up from near Oxford is something I was dreading, and that was MOT'd and running fine (and in the event turned out to be a perfectly OK experience).

It's not just cars either.  I have a work trip to India coming up at some point this year - the old me would have been excited about it, but while I am quite looking forward to seeing India, I'm mainly dreading being away from home for two weeks.  It's the same when visiting my parents - I always look forward to seeing them, but when I'm there I'm constantly counting down the days until I come home again.  And it's not like home is particularly exciting either - it's just me rattling around in the house on my own, spending too much time on the computer and occasionally going for a bike ride or attempting to fix the cars.  

I don't think the state of the country is helping much either.  I have never had much time for leftie liberal Guardianista types, but these days I'm finding myself identifying less and less with those on the political right too - everyone seems to have become extreme in their views, there's no attempt to find agreement or compromise anymore, and I detest the current government, so I feel ideologically homeless.

Obviously things aren't completely negative - getting the Visa and the Volvo back on the road and driving them properly for the first time cheered me up for a while, the same with getting the Mobylette road registered and usable last year, and it was nice to get a decent pay rise this year for the first time in a very long while.  Generally though I just feel "meh".  I don't think it's depression as such, just a general feeling of apathy and meaninglessness.  As I put it in a recent one to one with my manager, "I'm not about to top myself, but if a doctor told me I had six months to live I wouldn't be overly bothered".

I came across a blog the other day by a German chap about my age who's basically said "fuck it", bought a secondhand coachbuilt Transit camper, had it remapped and buggered off into the sunset with his son and their dog.  They're heading to Morocco to start with, but he has no firm plan in mind, he's just going to see where the road takes them.  He's a bit of a neo-hippy type and has some weird ideas about some things, but I admire him for actually having the bottle to do it, and the idea of living in a camper and driving aimlessly around Europe (and north Africa) is quite appealing.  Interestingly he cited the effect of Covid lockdowns as one of the things that's influenced him.  I think if and when I have to move out of my current house for whatever reason I'm going to give van life a go - I might not have a choice anyway as I probably won't be able to find a house to rent at a price I can afford by then, with the way prices are going.

Anyway, sorry for the verbal diarrhœa, but this is after all the place to vent, and if I vented to people I know IRL they'd probably start worrying about me, which is the last thing I want.

Great post.

I was feeling " meh" before covid. Middle age, feeling it as well, not really seeing friends anymore and not doing my hobbies. Covid just made it more significant.

Now I cannot get excited about anything. I am too old for my job now - I am 51 in July - rolling around on the floor with coked up idiots is too much. I am not sufficently skilled to get another worthwhile role so I think it is time to get out of dodge and do something else.

When you are younger life gives. As you get older it takes.

[horriblemercedes]

I definitely feel different since Covid. I absolutely understand what is meant by no longer finding excitement or joy in things. I no longer feel motivated to do the things that I liked doing and now want a quieter, easier life.

My life changed significantly in that period, so I always put it down to that. New job made massive changes to how I do things. Mostly positive. 

But yeah, it feels like some kind of spark of fun has disappeared and as much as I try to ignite it again, I just can't. Previously I hadn't thought much of it, but I'm reading the replies here and finding that they describe how I feel about things completely.

 

I'm not unhappy as such, but there is just a difference that I've been struggling to put my finger on

[Tenmil Socket]

2 hours ago, horriblemercedes said:

I definitely feel different since Covid. I absolutely understand what is meant by no longer finding excitement or joy in things. I no longer feel motivated to do the things that I liked doing and now want a quieter, easier life.

My life changed significantly in that period, so I always put it down to that. New job made massive changes to how I do things. Mostly positive. 

But yeah, it feels like some kind of spark of fun has disappeared and as much as I try to ignite it again, I just can't. Previously I hadn't thought much of it, but I'm reading the replies here and finding that they describe how I feel about things completely.

 

I'm not unhappy as such, but there is just a difference that I've been struggling to put my finger on

I've not had Covid (that I'm aware of anyway), but I've never felt the same since my first jab which wiped me out for a day or two.

[horriblemercedes]

6 minutes ago, Tenmil Socket said:

I've not had Covid (that I'm aware of anyway), but I've never felt the same since my first jab which wiped me out for a day or two.

For me I don't think it's a result of the virus itself, it's more something that changed during that time

 

Maybe it's an extra cynicism in me or a wariness or a sense of some other loss. I only really know that I feel different these days, but it has taken a while for me to decide that it is almost certainly linked to the Covid period

[Parky]

I think it made a lot of people reassess their lives, whether it was the realisation that sometimes there are factors beyond your control that can take loved ones away or that you really didnt need to endure spending time in offices with idiots after all.  And who knew that all Nurses needed was a round of applause every week?  There was me thinking some sort of financial reward/danger money would have suited.  

For me it happened at about the right time.  With the kids largely finished with education and my work situation trashed by Covid and that other thing involving taking back control, the suggestion of giving NZ another shot arrived in a timely manner.  And you know what?  The place has faults but overall it was a good move.  And if it had gone wrong at least I gave it another go.

We all spend too long not doing stuff in case it doesnt work out but if you are young enough you have time to claw it all back.  And trying something new and failing gives you a truckload of useful perspective. Sometimes some massive unexpected thing is the catalyst to try something else and realise that normal doesnt have to be 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Yesterday marked three years of working from home for me.  My old employer announced blanket home working starting on the 23rd of March, 2020.  My department (IT) were some of the first allowed back on-site (alongside maintenance staff) around the end of June.  From that point on I did one or two days a week on site, with the rest at home.  Since April last year I've been at a new employer and worked from home full-time. 

I've been 'on-site' three times in the year, once to Crewe, once to Bath, once to Cheltenham to visit customers.  Each time, my expenses were paid (and one one occasion the customer put me up in a four-star hotel in the centre of Bath - that was nice).  The company I work for ditched their offices long before COVID and have been remote ever since.  I was interviewed over Teams, my laptop shipped out to me and I didn't physically meet anybody from my company until late October last year.

It's how I like it and not having to make small talk all the time with colleagues is a bit of a dream.

[EyesWeldedShut]

1 hour ago, GrumpiusMaximus said:

Yesterday marked three years of working from home for me.  My old employer announced blanket home working starting on the 23rd of March, 2020.  My department (IT) were some of the first allowed back on-site (alongside maintenance staff) around the end of June.  From that point on I did one or two days a week on site, with the rest at home.  Since April last year I've been at a new employer and worked from home full-time. 

I've been 'on-site' three times in the year, once to Crewe, once to Bath, once to Cheltenham to visit customers.  Each time, my expenses were paid (and one one occasion the customer put me up in a four-star hotel in the centre of Bath - that was nice).  The company I work for ditched their offices long before COVID and have been remote ever since.  I was interviewed over Teams, my laptop shipped out to me and I didn't physically meet anybody from my company until late October last year.

It's how I like it and not having to make small talk all the time with colleagues is a bit of a dream.

Ditto for me & the missus since 2021.  Next month she goes to Northumbria, May I go to Norwich. That's the first either of us have been on site in 2023. It suits us (but not everybody I guess) and it's interesting to see how so much of the 'social' side of work used to be just getting utterly pissed.
I've just turned 60 and, yes, things feel a bit more 'meh' but I'm not sure that's age, COVID or just the UK as a whole is a bit 'meh'.
e.g. trip to Norwich - cannot get excited, once upon a time I'd have loved that but 2 nights away plus 6 hours on a train each way is not floating my boat.

Top tip - stopped reading the news and now cherry pick like fuck direct from the likes of Reuters - the UK media is so negative it was really grinding me down (but then positive does not sell advertising space?)

[Remspoor]

Post Covid Blues? We are not the only ones.

https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%2Fnews%2F2023%2F03%2F23%2Flong-lockdown-has-left-britain-infantilised%2F

I feel that there is more to come, (not lockdowns).

[sierraman]

22 hours ago, chaseracer said:

I have a very extrovert colleague who insists on organising 'fun* nights out' which inevitably involve loud places and copious volumes of alcohol.

"Team building"...?  I think not.

I was browsing the jobs pages a few weeks ago and there was an advert for drivers at a local haulage place. Said ‘regular nights out’, I’ve enough on going out drinking with the friends I’ve got let alone a load more social commitments. 

[barefoot]

Fired up the recently serviced t2 yesterday and was rewarded with some spectacular backfiring! Whatever, I rang the garage up for a bit of a shout... And within a quarter of an hour, they'd come out and recovered it.

The advantage of providing copious quantities of beer at xmas.