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The grumpy thread


outlaw118

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Drove an Audi A1 today. :(

 

Yeah erm its nice yeah erm why does the engine do fuck all before 2000 RPM and why can't you drive it on a trailing throttle and why does it have stop start and why is the stereo stupid erm...........

 

Sorry, you paid how much? I thought my hearing was taking the piss out of my brain again.

 

:shock:

 

That said, it will probably last MOTHA_WAT about 6 million years. She got 11 out of a 206CC.

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I have something wrong with my tooth. It's been feeling a bit odd for a few weeks now. Yesterday lunchtime I got a bit of bacon stuck between that tooth and the one in front of it, and while trying to pick it out with a bent paper clip I appear to have exposed a nerve - my jaw has felt numb ever since. I'm now worried I'm going to have to pay for a root canal, which is going to cost me three and a half Honda Accords at best. My chances of getting onto an NHS list in the next week or so are slim to none, and I don't know how long it's going to be before the tooth starts getting painful. Serves me right I suppose for not having been to the dentist since October 1997. :roll:

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Drove an Audi A1 today. :(

 

Yeah erm its nice yeah erm why does the engine do fuck all before 2000 RPM and why can't you drive it on a trailing throttle and why does it have stop start and why is the stereo stupid erm...........

 

Sorry, you paid how much? I thought my hearing was taking the piss out of my brain again.

 

:shock:

 

That said, it will probably last MOTHA_WAT about 6 million years. She got 11 out of a 206CC.

 

What engine did it have? Had a quick look and it's a re-shelled Polo/Fabia/Ibiza.

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Drove an Audi A1 today. :(

 

Yeah erm its nice yeah erm why does the engine do fuck all before 2000 RPM and why can't you drive it on a trailing throttle and why does it have stop start and why is the stereo stupid erm...........

 

Sorry, you paid how much? I thought my hearing was taking the piss out of my brain again.

 

:shock:

 

That said, it will probably last MOTHA_WAT about 6 million years. She got 11 out of a 206CC.

 

What engine did it have? Had a quick look and it's a re-shelled Polo/Fabia/Ibiza.

 

A 1600 TDI. I expected it to piss all over my Shitroen, but it didn't. Engine is still tight though.

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Looked at those when looking for a mota for Mrs Outlaw, and seemed that you really weren't getting a lot for your (finance) money.New polo looks better, and a bit cheaper too.

Bought 2nd hand Festa badermatic instead for folding and she's more than happy.

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Do they remind anyone else of the C3 Pluriel?

 

Anyway, I was bored so decided to order some free brochures of everyday modern cars I actually like. So I managed to come up with the Panda, DS3, 159, the new MG6 and, erm, that's it. Even cars I did like such as the Punto, Focus and Volvo C30 now have uglier versions on sale

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I have something wrong with my tooth. It's been feeling a bit odd for a few weeks now. Yesterday lunchtime I got a bit of bacon stuck between that tooth and the one in front of it, and while trying to pick it out with a bent paper clip I appear to have exposed a nerve - my jaw has felt numb ever since. I'm now worried I'm going to have to pay for a root canal, which is going to cost me three and a half Honda Accords at best. My chances of getting onto an NHS list in the next week or so are slim to none, and I don't know how long it's going to be before the tooth starts getting painful. Serves me right I suppose for not having been to the dentist since October 1997. :roll:

 

Try getting the number for your emergency dental service, from your local hospital - you certainly qualify. My other half had a painful dental issue last year, and they sorted it out pronto. I haven't seen a dentist in at least 15 years - just as well I inherited my dad's indestructible gnashers!

I'll be buggered if I'm paying for private... :evil:

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Do they remind anyone else of the C3 Pluriel?

 

Anyway, I was bored so decided to order some free brochures of everyday modern cars I actually like. So I managed to come up with the Panda, DS3, 159, the new MG6 and, erm, that's it. Even cars I did like such as the Punto, Focus and Volvo C30 now have uglier versions on sale

 

Oh dear Jesus Christ. The DS3 looks like a wheeled mutant afterbirth. It's fucking horrible inside and out and it'll be thoroughly unpleasant to own, because all the running gear is cost minimised pish. Citroen UK genuinely have no idea whatsoever of customer service, so God help you if it goes wrong.

 

Still, the dials dance backwards when you start it and you can get it in black with fake Audi twat-lights. OMG WHERE DO I SIGN UP, I IS ESTATE AGENT ON SMACK.

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I like the DS3 as they're actually trying to do something different unlike the bland and bloated Corsa, 207 etc. The DRLs are way too bright and if they gain MINI/Fiat 500 levels of popularity the appeal may begin to wane but if I was in the market for a new car, which I'm not, I'd definitely consider one.

 

Besides, the AX and Saxo were cost minimised and came with piss poor customer service, loose trim and massive depreciation but they were GR9

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Good idea that, wonder if they'll believe I am thinking of a DS3 or a C6?

 

Nissan's website only allows you to download the brochures as well - tightwads

 

 

C6 for you, DS3 for the good lady. You can't trust them in anything bigger.

 

Sorted.

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Good idea that, wonder if they'll believe I am thinking of a DS3 or a C6?

 

Nissan's website only allows you to download the brochures as well - tightwads

 

 

C6 for you, DS3 for the good lady. You can't trust them in anything bigger.

 

Sorted.

 

I'm not sure if she'd like that - a C6 does say "I'm off to shag the secretary"

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I saw a black and orange DS3 Racing in traffic the other day, and frankly, yeah, I'd give one space on the path if it goes like it looks.

 

It was the same as this, and looked pretty bloody good blitzing along by the Albert Dock. Furrin plates on it.

 

Citroen-DS3-Racing-side-500.jpg

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My dad came down to help work out why one of the rear lights on my Astra Estate shite wasn't working.

 

He'd brought a spare rim with a tyre on it, as one of the fronts was a tad illegal...

 

Astra01.jpg

 

Ok we'll get that changed before starting on the faulty light.

 

An hour and half later the wheel was off the car. :shock:

 

It was stuck, hit it with hammers, dropped the car's weight onto the wheel with no bolts in it etc etc.

 

Even tried a sledgehammer on the rear of the rim.

 

Gave it up and did this :oops: :

 

astra02.jpg

 

Had to use a cold chisel and hammer on the stub to even get it to move, it was seriously rusted/stuck on.

 

Scratch one steel wheel. :lol:

 

If anyone has any laying about that they will sell for about 54pence then let me know.

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I like the DS3 as they're actually trying to do something different unlike the bland and bloated Corsa, 207 etc. The DRLs are way too bright and if they gain MINI/Fiat 500 levels of popularity the appeal may begin to wane but if I was in the market for a new car, which I'm not, I'd definitely consider one.

 

Besides, the AX and Saxo were cost minimised and came with piss poor customer service, loose trim and massive depreciation but they were GR9

 

How is it different from the others ? They all have huge light clusers, huge wheel arches, bloated double waistlines and likely 8-inch wide pillars

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The fuckwit in the Audi A3 on the A55 this afternoon, who decided that 10ft was adequate stopping distance at 80 mph.

 

It is definitely for the best that I had Mrs S and the Sporty Juniors in the car with me, as I could very well have ended up following you home and doing you and your over-rated German shoe box some serious fucking damage. Irony is, that had I been so inclined, I could have left you in a cloud of Italian generated diesel soot.

 

I really, genuinely, hope that you develop a disease of your genitals, so embarrasing that you refuse to go to a doctor until it brings you so much pain you can't go to work in the Estate Agents/o2 call centre/recruitment consultants*. Then I hope they sack you for being sick, and your precious German turd gets repossessed. You cunt.

 

[/rant]

 

 

 

*delete as appropriate

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I like the DS3 as they're actually trying to do something different unlike the bland and bloated Corsa, 207 etc. The DRLs are way too bright and if they gain MINI/Fiat 500 levels of popularity the appeal may begin to wane but if I was in the market for a new car, which I'm not, I'd definitely consider one.

 

Besides, the AX and Saxo were cost minimised and came with piss poor customer service, loose trim and massive depreciation but they were GR9

 

How is it different from the others ? They all have huge light clusers, huge wheel arches, bloated double waistlines and likely 8-inch wide pillars

 

I don't think we'll ever agree on this but for me Citroen are at the very least trying to be different and it's working (unlike, say, the Juke)

 

 

Oh and my grump is the pack of Satsumas I've bought which I haven't managed to peel without destroying them and getting juice everywhere. So I've taken to opening them with a Stanley knife.

 

 

Although on reflection that's a pretty manly thing to be doing

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To the American Kojak / Terry Tibbs look-a-like who sat on the next table to us at breakfast this morning, who somehow thought it appropriate to "interview" potential suitors / temporary female company in the restaurant of Phnom Penh Intercontinental.

 

1. Take that fucking stupid Bluetooth earpiece / microphone out of your ear when you are not using the phone - it makes you look like an utter twat.

2. Do not wear Aviator sunglasses indoors - this confirms you are a twat

3. Do not talk about your preferred shape and presentation of female genitalia in full earshot of 5 neighbouring tables - I don't know what this says about you

 

As entertaining as it may sound - it just wasn't right. Thankfully, the female engineer in our party had a good sense of humour as we tried to discuss drainage ditches.

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To the American Kojak / Terry Tibbs look-a-like who sat on the next table to us at breakfast this morning, who somehow thought it appropriate to "interview" potential suitors / temporary female company in the restaurant of Phnom Penh Intercontinental.

 

1. Take that fucking stupid Bluetooth earpiece / microphone out of your ear when you are not using the phone - it makes you look like an utter twat.

2. Do not wear Aviator sunglasses indoors - this confirms you are a twat

3. Do not talk about your preferred shape and presentation of female genitalia in full earshot of 5 neighbouring tables - I don't know what this says about you

 

As entertaining as it may sound - it just wasn't right. Thankfully, the female engineer in our party had a good sense of humour as we tried to discuss drainage ditches.

 

Seriously!? Sounds like something from Little Britain! Ugh.

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Lane discipline. Observation. Spatial awareness.

 

Five words and three closely-related concepts apparently utterly alien to the ditzy bint in the shitey Galaxy on the Stafford ring road yesterday. Not content with almost taking the nose of the MX5 in front of me with a last-minute lane change only to sit at a green light looking for something in her handbag and shouting at the kids, she then decided she was still in the wrong lane and turned sharp left without looking. The only flaw in her masterful appraisal of the fluid situation that is urban driving was that my car - having been in the right lane all along - was already occupying that particular piece of roadspace :shock:

 

Still, we only tangled mirrors. And it woke her up, so not all bad... :mrgreen:

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1. Post Office FAIL.

 

Other than the fact that no fucker in Bowdon can park in the car park (one simply has to bump one's car on the kerb to save the fifteen second walk from the lot) therefore blocking the access to said parking area, my main grump concerns the two suppurating CLEFTS who decided to rock up with 57 (yes, 57) separately packaged items, whinge about the labels peeling off and then complain bitterly when the postage bill came to £90-odd. I don't care how successful your shitty little home furnishing mail order business is, USE A FUCKING COURIER COMPANY INSTEAD OF TYING UP THE ONE AVAILABLE POST OFFICE OUTLET FOR THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES. The bloke glared at me a few times for me suggesting that perhaps him and his significant other were taking the piss, but the enormous queue that resulted from his mammoth posting sesh told him all he needed to know. It's a good job I'd finished for the day.

 

2. My B16 Ruddspeed head.

 

I want to sell this head. I've never seen another. I've had FOUR people pull out on me who were 'very, very interested'. Can you guess which forum they frequent? Go on, you'll never guess. I bet you won't get it. Not in a million years. They definitely haven't done the following, either:

 

1. Offered me £20 for a head priced at £100 and complained when told to go forth and multiply.

2. Expected it to be delivered for free

3. Offered me half price because 'fuel is very expensive and Stockport is miles away.'

4. Offered me £10 to deliver it in person to Milton Keynes.

 

The one person who's offered me the asking price is a bloke in Sweden. The trouble is, this head (unpackaged) weighs 20kg. The cheapest service to Scandinavia is coming out at £90. What's betting he doesn't want it any more?

 

Aaaargh.

 

3. Doors at Uni.

 

Sliced my middle finger on a card lock at University. It bloody caned. I had to walk down the corridor because of how much it hurt, as there were classes nearby of whom I didn't want to drown out by shouting BOLLOCKS FUCK SHIT OW etc. I then went and crushed the same finger in the kick start of Mark's C70 when I tried to shift it for a cheeky blat. UNPRINTABLE expletives resulted.

 

4. Junction 7 bridge, M56.

 

What the FUCK are they doing with this thing? Why are they fiddling with it AGAIN? Why is it still only one lane? It should not take 30 minutes to get from J7 to the Lymm roundabout at 2.30 pm.

 

Tits and hammers.

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