Grimmest car of all time

[PhilA]

I have to disagree with the Impala being grim.

Porridge, yes but grim no. Fit and finish was good, comfortable and bland in the way GM built their fleet-destined vehicles. Mine had the comfy seat package and electric everything so it was porridge with sugar on top which is actually quite acceptable.

[fairkens]

12 hours ago, bub2006 said:

For me one of the grimmest cars I've ever had the misfortune to own was a corsa b 1.0 3 pot. Meant to be a replacement for the venerable 1.2 but it felt like it had to be nailed all the time. Seats felt like cardboard and had horrid scratchy material,sight of a hill meant a lot of forward planning and pray the wind is in your favour. I had a x plate envoy and the wife had a brief dalliance with a x plate LS that was to replace her old mazda 323 saloon. Thinking about it,I think them seats were used in base spec Astras too. 

Delivered pizzas in one in the early 2000s. Red with a big yellow light up telephone on the roof. 

The 3 pot sounded good but it had to be driven flat out everywhere. All the controls were incredibly heavy. I once saw 75mph on the clock, that was as fast as it would go. It died an undignified death at the hands of teenage me when the engine caught fire in the middle of my shift, in the car park of the shop, and nobody hurried to put it out.

Still, it was the vehicle in which I perfected handbrake turns and for that I will be forever grateful

[GrumpiusMaximus]

My main memory of the Corsa B was the one that Gemma Arterton's sister used to drive and park in the reserved bays for collection customers when I worked at John Lewis every bloody week.  I developed a severe dislike for them after that...

[taranaki]

Another used Jap import from my chod magnet era...... Mazda Luce
Mine was this colour too.

We called it 'the Barge', it had absolutely no feel through the steering and acres of plastic woodgrain inside.

[Quintus]

On a related note my father bought a brand new 1300 Lada Riva to replace his 1.7 'O' series Morris Marina.  The new Lada was 10 times worse brand new than the 10 year old Marina.

Much the same as my dad. He replaced a Marina 1.8 with a used Riva 1500.

My brother inherited the Riva when my dad replaced it, before my brother then sold it to a friend of his. Said friend eventually sold it to one of those outfits who were shipping Ladas back to Russia, when that was a thing.

Dad had Rover 214GSI after the Riva, which was a vastly better car in every way.


Sent from my Moto G (5) using Tapatalk

[bub2006]

11 hours ago, Eyersey1234 said:

Good god, if that's base spec how much kit does the top of the range one have? 

Typical modern bmw. Everything is optioned but available in packs. Led headlights,leather heated seats and climate control are some options. Along with different seats and suspension in the sporty models. Daft as it sounds though is the centre console armrest is an option as part of a pack called comfort. Gives you climate control,centre armrest and the boot false floor. 

[bub2006]

11 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

Never had any problems with my Corsa B 3 banger on hills, it was no worse than my Dacia Duster 1.6 petrol. You just need to give it death and don't slow down for corners! I did kind of blow mine up a bit but I just fitted another and away I went. 

The Envoy interior was fucking dire though, seats were as comfortable as the gravestones they looked like. I sacked it all off for a nicer SRi interior.

After looking back into the old car photos I've found the wifes was an envoy too. Both same age and trim but hers had the cd changer in glovebox and nothing else,mine had power steering and that was it. Option ticking on a base car? Yours looks rather clean l. Had it some time now havent you?

[DSdriver]

Many years ago my Citroen CX had an alternator failure on the way home from London, fortunately it was outside the Main dealer in Bromley so I left the car with them and they got me a rental, I think it was a Colt Lancer, totally bland, not sure though because it was absolutely dreadful after the CX and I had no reason to find out what it was. 

After all this time the only thing that surprises me is that there isn't a huge following for them on here. Are there none left because they were too shit even for Autoshite?

[davehedgehog31]

These are utterly irredeemable

Imagine this with a 1.6 petrol engine, just to tip you into the high tax band. 

Only way the Polo of that age can be redeemed is with the more practical estate bodyshell or 1.9 TDI engine.

The quality of the interior is hilarious. On mine the heated rear screen switch turned itself off and the resultant force cracked a piece of the dash plastic off and sent it flying onto my lap. 

Do seem mechanically robust though, which is disappointing as you'll have little reason to bale it.

[chaseracer]

13 hours ago, SiC said:

No seats either by the looks of it in that picture. 

Taught Michael O'Leary all he knows...

[chaseracer]

12 hours ago, sdkrc said:

This is a car which saps all joy out of my heart. Nothing wrong with it so to speak

What is that?  The only bit I recognise is the 'high-end Halfords' wheel trims...

[horriblemercedes]

Just now, chaseracer said:

What is that?  The only bit I recognise is the 'high-end Halfords' wheel trims...

Nissan Tiida?

[SiC]

suzuki liana isn't it?

[Supernaut]

Nissan Tiida.

I think Glasgow was "ground zero" for them, too. They were only officially sold over in Ireland but an enterprising car dealer in the Glasgow area imported a shitload of them IIRC. Most of the time when you see one it's on a Glasgow reg.

[treehugger]

5 hours ago, taranaki said:

Another used Jap import from my chod magnet era...... Mazda Luce
Mine was this colour too.

We called it 'the Barge', it had absolutely no feel through the steering and acres of plastic woodgrain inside.

Looks like a lagonda. 

[Low Horatio gearbox]

I'm  going to agree that the X3 certainly first gen is frankly grim given it's  from a premium brand and is hideous outside and meh inside-. My old neighbour had a loaded 12 plate 2nd gen (in metallic gold beige, yum)  that  from 6 years has developed a seemingly neverending warning lights  and faults despite low mileage and being cared for.

 

Having learned to drive in a 1.8D mk3 fiesta and  being underwhelmed at it's gutless performance I can see why the  escort with it would be particularly woeful 😖

[HMC]

At the defence of the Lada riva family of vehicles, often the vehicles they are being compared to are a quarter of a century on in their effective development period; about 25 years if you compare the r8 to the fiat 124. 
 

Obviously they are coarse and unrefined and by comparison crude; but everything they did in modifying the 124 was about ruggedness in most cases to the detriment of driving dynamics with a firm eye on their intended market (more Murmansk than Market Deeping) They were a fish out of water despite their relative Popularity in the uk.

[Timewaster]

5 hours ago, Quintus said:

Much the same as my dad. He replaced a Marina 1.8 with a used Riva 1500.

Dad had Rover 214GSI after the Riva, which was a vastly better car in every way.

My God, can you imagine the culture shock? 

Must be like when people defect from North Korea and they need chaperones to take them food shopping because anything that isn't plain rice or noodles confuses them.

 

[puddlethumper]

The worst and grimmest heap I ever had was an Austin/Morris J4 van. It was absolutely dire. Sitting on a thin small cushion on the front wheel arch. Forward control I think they call it. A bump in the road and you would be flung in the direction of the roof. Rolled alarmingly on any corner over 20mph.  Using its 1600cc's of BMC wheezingness to get to a flat out of between 45 and 50mph and, as is obvious, there is no 0/60 time. Any incline was met with dread, and concern that we might not make the top.

Interior was below minimalist. Very upright seat was slightly padded and only moved back and forward, A bit, which I found was not enough. Driving position was hunch back of notre stylee with a steering wheel that was a lot nearer to the horizontal than vertical so reaching the front was hunch time. For me the top of screen and side windows were more or less in my sight line so that needed another hunch mode to see out of the piece of crap. Heater ? More like what heater. Absolutely pathetic against the draughts from the sliding doors. Now, you might be under the illusion that they are kinda cool. Well, the ones on this one were shit. Randomly jumping open because of the amazing flex of the whole thing. Back doors sprang open on a regular basis. Screen heater cleared the bottom half, a bit, so having to hunch even more than ever to get any view. No carpet or any of that posh shite. Insulation ? Non existent. Everything rattled, constantly. I'm sure there is more but you get the point.

Having said all that, would I have one today ?.....  Probably.               

I got rid and invested* in an HA which was a small step up. Just.                                 

 

[eddyramrod]

Yes, I had a couple of HA vans.  They were literally a box on wheels, with the barest minimum of engine, but they did have a certain charm.

[puddlethumper]

5 minutes ago, eddyramrod said:

Yes, I had a couple of HA vans.  They were literally a box on wheels, with the barest minimum of engine, but they did have a certain charm.

Yea, I agree they had more charm than a J4. Everything had more charm.

[chaseracer]

You could get the HA in 'municipal' spec, "detuned for economy" with a mind-blowing 23bhp.  

From 1256cc.

🥱

[sierraman]

21 hours ago, Timewaster said:

I remember having a 1 8 n/a Escort Van for a few days one winter. 

It was a pretty much brand new hire van from work and blagged as free transport for a few days. 

Cold morning, scrape the windows kind of weather.  Started it up and rattled all the windows in the houses all around, went to drive away and bugger me it would barely move. 

25mph at most for the first half a mile. 

The slowest most wheezy asthmatic thing I have ever driven.  It felt like I was towing a 5t concrete weight. 

My dad once borrowed one, he said driving it felt like he was having some sort of stroke. 

[Timewaster]

27 minutes ago, chaseracer said:

You could get the HA in 'municipal' spec, "detuned for economy" with a mind-blowing 23bhp.  

From 1256cc.

🥱

They did the bloody things in various states of detune. 

Given that they were almost all bought by Royal Mail, Post Office telephones or the Gas and electricity boards a full power HA must have been a rare thing. 

[HMC]

I had a 92 200te Merc. I loved the puritanical spec it had- black, black mb tex (vinyl Seats) keep fit windows all round, manual box. A few friends I remember were a bit shocked about the spec and thought it was a miserable car that Optionswise was a 70s throwback.

To me that was why it was a special car. Unusual in w124 circles with that combination. Anyway it goes to show how different people assess the merits of a vehicle. Some would much more highly rate a more cheaply made car loaded up with gadgets, and  there’s more and more signs that manufacturers are sensitive to that mindset.

[twosmoke300]

But they would run on 2 star fuel 

8 minutes ago, Timewaster said:

They did the bloody things in various states of detune. 

Given that they were almost all bought by Royal Mail, Post Office telephones or the Gas and electricity boards a full power HA must have been a rare thing. 

 

[twosmoke300]

British Gas were full power iirc but good we’re detuned

[Dick Longbridge]

1 hour ago, eddyramrod said:

Yes, I had a couple of HA vans.  They were literally a box on wheels, with the barest minimum of engine, but they did have a certain charm.

Back in around 86, my mate's bohemian mum had a yellow HA. Ex AA I assume. OUF 872M. 

I remember whoever bagged the passenger seat had to slide in through the open window Dukes style (or climb across the driver's seat) as the door wouldn't open. I also remember clearly being able to see the road through the plentiful little holes in the passenger footwell. 

The back was ply lined and we used to sit on the rear arch box sections if we pulled the short straw. 

It was far removed from my own parents vehicles at the time, and I loved adventures out and about in the HA. Definitely a primitive charm about them. 

My mate's mum eventually replaced it with a blue Renault F4 van with the baguette hatch above the back door. That thing was even more fun than the HA and seemed a world away in terms of modernity, even though it would only have been around five years newer. 

Great memories. 

[Crusty Sills]

1999 Hyundai Accent in silver 3 door flavour. Grey interior. It's only redeeming features was it was free! 

5 of us in it down the A11 got a bit hairy handling wise luckily it was dog slow so at least a roll over would have been a slow speed incident. 

 

 This but in silver gloom. 

[Fumbler]

33 minutes ago, Crusty Sills said:

1999 Hyundai Accent in silver 3 door flavour. Grey interior. It's only redeeming features was it was free! 

5 of us in it down the A11 got a bit hairy handling wise luckily it was dog slow so at least a roll over would have been a slow speed incident. 

 

 This but in silver gloom. 

There's a 5 door R plate one in silver at the MoT station down the road right now. Just looking at it makes you feel glum.