Autoshite credentials questions - a bit of fun...

[Tamworthbay]

7 minutes ago, Spottedlaurel said:

Have you ever only filled your car up to half or three quarters of a tank because it leaks through a hole in the top if filled to the brim?

Or relied on always opening the car from the passenger side because the driver's side lock has failed? At least the Camry has central locking, it was a bit more awkward on a much older Datsun.

Or never filled it up completely as you don’t have confidence in it lasting the full tank.

[AndyW201]

Have you ever repeatedly turned into a  junction in a particularly posh part of your town and still, after many years, recognise the spot where your recently bought (after passing your test) Metro lost half its exhaust when pulling out of said junction, right in front of two young ladies you were trying to impress?

Or been practicing handbrake turns in said Metro in an unused gravel car park, and have several pieces of gravel go through the driver's sill that was good enough to pass an MOT three weeks earlier? Then, when pulling the carpet up, discover several pieces of biscuit tin and flattened coke cans patching up the driver's side floor?

Or have your relatively 'modern' daily (Octavia) fail it's MOT on a Saturday on bits you can't get hold of to have the car sorted for work on Monday? And have to press into service a very reluctant 20 year old Merc C-Class with a flat battery, a boot that won't open and three knackered flat tyres? And have to walk to the nearest motor factor to get a battery and tyre compressor, get a taxi back home, wreck the (incorrectly fitted by PO) boot lock to get the battery changed, drive very steadily to the nearest tyre place with three rapidly decomposing and flattening tyres and end up having to get three part worns because they didn't have new 195/65/15s in? And have your two bewildered children suddenly become very enthusiastic for said Merc because it has a rear armrest with pop-out cupholders, and actually get quite upset when you sell said 20 year old Merc and buy a modern Corsa?

[N19]

6 hours ago, DSdriver said:

I had the car park ticket machine at Bedgebury Pinetum indicate that my reg number was "not an option". Rather difficult as you needed the ticket to get out of the car park.

The central car park in St Albans mis-reads my number plate "because it can't deal with old cars" according to the security bloke - at least it mis-reads it consistently so I can pay and exit and not get a ticket!

[eddyramrod]

Have you ever changed the clutch on your Triumph Toledo, on your driveway, with a bit of help from a mate, and got it wrong enough that it wouldn't release gears properly, resulting in rear-ending an Invacar?

[chodweaver]

....scoured a section of motorway hoping to recover parts of your vehicle that earlier fell off, bouncing several times before disappearing under the vehicle behind you, as you watched in horror in the rear view mirror?

[DSdriver]

1 hour ago, busmansholiday said:

Have you noticed how nobody parks next to you in Tesco/ Asda/ Morrison/ etc.

Not that but even if I park the DS at the complete opposite end of the car park from all the other cars there will be a prime example of shite parked next to it when I return. I call it obtaining coolness by proximity.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Does the boot of all your cars contain a tow rope, jump leads, easy start, wd- 40, cable ties, gaffer tape , para cord , a hammer and a knife? ( Can sometimes mean you’re a serial killer too)

In July I drove a 6 day old 1/4 of a million pound car to Nice, still had a multi tool, cable ties and a roll of tape in my bag.
 

[eddyramrod]

22 hours ago, chodweaver said:

....scoured a section of motorway hoping to recover parts of your vehicle that earlier fell off, bouncing several times before disappearing under the vehicle behind you, as you watched in horror in the rear view mirror?

Does the A5300 count?  It's the M57 extension that takes you nearly down to Speke Airport - oh sorry, have to call it John Lennon Airport now, don't we?  Will it influence your answer if I reveal that the car in question was my first Cadillac, which was only 20 years old at the time?

[N19]

11 minutes ago, NorfolkNWeigh said:

Does the boot of all your cars contain a tow rope, jump leads, easy start, wd- 40, cable ties, gaffer tape , para cord , a hammer and a knife? ( Can sometimes mean you’re a serial killer too)

In July I drove a 6 day old 1/4 of a million pound car to Nice, still had a multi tool, cable ties and a roll of tape in my bag.
 

Someone I know took the piss out of me royally for this for a while until they called me up pleading for a jump start and grovelled...

If I hire a van, the box that contains said items always gets moved across - Just In Case.

[2MB]

50 minutes ago, chodweaver said:

....scoured a section of motorway hoping to recover parts of your vehicle that earlier fell off, bouncing several times before disappearing under the vehicle behind you, as you watched in horror in the rear view mirror?

It was an A road and about 3 weeks after it flew off but I found it

[hairnet]

9 hours ago, Mally said:

Have you ever drove a VW  camper with the engine cover off, using a piece of string over your shoulder attached to the carb, and pulled by hand, when your accelerator cable broke.

done it on a front engined car and also done it on two motorcycles

[2MB]

Ever found out that fuel gauges over read when running veg oil, on the northbound M1 in a mk2 golf? Followed by some expert* conservation of momentum to get off the slip road and over  2 roundabouts, coasting to a gentle halt 200 yards from a petrol station

[eddyramrod]

Have you ever taken a holiday rental car back to the depot with no petrol in the tank, having to be pushed by a random van and finally gliding into the yard in majestic silence?

[Soundwave]

Have you ever filled a car with petrol while holding the nozzle at an extremely precise angle, to avoid the petrol pump cutting out every 1.5 seconds for reasons unknown?

[chodweaver]

Have you ever assisted a mate in engine swappage on a smiley face transit, half in your garage (the door opening being too low for full entry), using a Tesco stillage beefed up* with extra metal*, as an impromptu engine hoist?

Have you ever been party to the sawing off of a corner of a Renault 2.1l engine block with a Stanley Fat Max hacksaw (purchased that very day, specifically for that purpose) so that said engine could be fitted to a Winnebago LeSharo motorhome?

[Fumbler]

12 minutes ago, Soundwave said:

Have you ever filled a car with petrol while holding the nozzle at an extremely precise angle, to avoid the petrol pump cutting out every 1.5 seconds for reasons unknown?

Ah that old chestnut. Every single time I fill up that happens.

[Ohdearme]

Have you ever had the fire brigade in attendance on the day you attempted to drive you new our purchase home because your £500 bargain has shat it’s belts on the motorway and tried to incinerate itself from overheating turbo all in one go?

oh how we laughed*

[taranaki]

7 hours ago, holbeck said:

Have you ever driven a (previously front ended, not by you) Mk1 Cavalier to  a music festival only to be interviewed by plod because the bonnet flew up as you passed their patrol car?

 

 

 

 

 

(Granted it is a bit niche, ........ and they did give me a bungie cord )

Had a Maxi  Blow its bonnet open at high speed on a long bridge, on our way to trade it in [at the second attempt after ther flywheel fell off}

We welded the flywheel on, put a big ratchet strap over the bonnet, stopped 100 yds from the dealership and took the strap off.Did the last 100 yds at walking pace.

Left the engine running when we got there claimed the $3000 minimum trade in, and suggested that they park it on a slope.

 

 

[taranaki]

Have you ever been overtaken by one of your own rear wheels [Austin  countryman]?

Have you ever reverse fitted the seat mounts on a mini crossmember to give yourself enough legroom?

 

[New POD]

6 hours ago, eddyramrod said:

Does the A5300 count?  It's the M57 extension that takes you nearly down to Speke Airport - oh sorry, have to call it John Lennon Airport now, don't we?  Will it influence your answer if I reveal that the car in question was my first Cadillac, which was only 20 years old at the time?

I believe they wanted to call it Pete Best Widnes Areodrome, because he was the only Beatle that didn't piss off via the airport as soon as they hit the big time.  And also because it would be great to fly easy jet from  Best to Best

Halewood to Belfast. 

 

[taranaki]

Have you ever glued down the carpets and applied 3 coats of underseal to hide rust?

 

 

[juular]

Have you ever pissed in the coolant header tank to get you home when it started leaking?

Have you ever glued suspension bushes back together rather than replacing them?

Have you ever deliberately made the windscreen so dirty inside and out so the MOT tester couldn't see the damage?

[SRi05]

Have you ever been asked by your neighbours if you are a motor trader due to the amounts of rammel bought from Autoshite appearing and disappearing from outside your house? 

[rusty_vw_man]

Have you ever had such a run of breakdowns in short succession that the local breakdown truck drivers know you on firmest name terms,  ask after the kids and know your address without having to ask?! 

[rusty_vw_man]

Or, when on holiday have you ever tried using a cut potato smeared over the windscreen in the pissing rain in an Asda car park as the wipers have failed (again).....

[St.Jude]

12 hours ago, eddyramrod said:

Have you ever changed the clutch on your Triumph Toledo, on your driveway, with a bit of help from a mate, and got it wrong enough that it wouldn't release gears properly, resulting in rear-ending an Invacar?

Have you ever changed the clutch on your Toyota Corolla, on your driveway, on your own, with nothing more than a ratchet strap and a scaffolding pole? To then realise you've fitted it wrong, meaning you took it all apart, breaking the ratchet strap, resulting in the purchase of an engine crane because you literally can't be f**ked to buy a ratchet strap again?

[New POD]

12 hours ago, AndyW201 said:

Have you ever repeatedly turned into a  junction in a particularly posh part of your town and still, after many years, recognise the spot where your recently bought (after passing your test) Metro lost half its exhaust when pulling out of said junction, right in front of two young ladies you were trying to impress?

Or been practicing handbrake turns in said Metro in an unused gravel car park, and have several pieces of gravel go through the driver's sill that was good enough to pass an MOT three weeks earlier? Then, when pulling the carpet up, discover several pieces of biscuit tin and flattened coke cans patching up the driver's side floor?

Or have your relatively 'modern' daily (Octavia) fail it's MOT on a Saturday on bits you can't get hold of to have the car sorted for work on Monday? And have to press into service a very reluctant 20 year old Merc C-Class with a flat battery, a boot that won't open and three knackered flat tyres? And have to walk to the nearest motor factor to get a battery and tyre compressor, get a taxi back home, wreck the (incorrectly fitted by PO) boot lock to get the battery changed, drive very steadily to the nearest tyre place with three rapidly decomposing and flattening tyres and end up having to get three part worns because they didn't have new 195/65/15s in? And have your two bewildered children suddenly become very enthusiastic for said Merc because it has a rear armrest with pop-out cupholders, and actually get quite upset when you sell said 20 year old Merc and buy a modern Corsa?

Have you ever been asked politely by HR to not do hand brake turns in the empty gravel car park when you are the first to arrive, (in your metro turbo), because someone from the International Automotive HQ building, on the other  side of the site, has made a complaint.  

That person, was probably overtaken on an unclassified country road leading to the green field site, and doesn't like enthusiasm when it comes to driving, which is ironic given that they work for a multinational automotive systems supplier.  Hence the report of hand brake turns. 

According to HR, you are lucky as there is more than one white metro, and they didn't get the reg number, and our MD hates them lot in that building. 

[Mally]

11 hours ago, hairnet said:

done it on a front engined car and also done it on two motorcycles

It's very hard on a bike!

[steveo3002]

ever driven a car that you can view the road through the floor 

[eddyramrod]

23 hours ago, steveo3002 said:

ever driven a car that you can view the road through the floor 

Too many!