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Shiting Plans and Life: Get fucking into it with Tomtation.


Tomtation

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Afternoon folks, I am putting something off so thought i'd do one of my favourite things, absolutely no cream coloured ponies but maybe a crisp apple strudel (with custard, of course), wait, where was I? Oh yeah, shitely prevarication.

So I have -1 spaces for cars, our house has 1 drive spot for the phat Lexus BUT I wants lots - not helped by this wonderful fucking terrible place! I have 2 cars stored in a barn (paid storage) and the Gearse in a little communal car park down the road (probs shouldn;t be there tbf). My question is, and well done if you have read through all of that twoddle to get this far: Do you lot plan your shite, or like a bear in the woods, do you shite indiscriminantly and all over the place? Alternative analogies include shite-sprinkling hippo's, y'know just incase you didn't like the bear one.

I have had a 'plan' for the last 10 years but haven't actually ever gotten it started, or if I have then circumstances change and it all goes to shit... It goes roughly thus:

  1. Everyday family vee-hickle
  2. Ecobox (for small trips/where empegees count)
  3. Wafting device (MAX comfort)
  4. Posh one (dinner out, city breaks and just generally "i'm better than you" superiority kinda thing)
  5. Floppy top (summer fun)
  6. Motorhomey campervan type thingy (for hols away)

So here is where I am at:

  1. HAVE Lexus RX 400h, finally a decent everyday car. I mean, it really is quite nice but is in dambger atm due to the OH not having a company fuel card during this covid economic crisis. If he gets it back, hopefully all is well and the Lexus stays.
  2. WANT. Citroen AX 1.5d plans are afoot, later this year i'll need a commuting vehicle as i'll be based at 2 different work sites rather than the 1 site I currently walk to. Dizzler AX would be ace at this, especially when it is dragged up as an AX GT-ish doppleganger.
  3. HAVE Citroen BX19 GT, i've had this car the longest out of any others but driven it the least! It is very nice, but was stood for decades before I got my mits on it, much has been doen and there is yet more to do. I plan to have it as comfortable a place to be as possible, including noise/heat insulation, A/C, additional lighting and more.
  4. NEED. My wants change here with my manstrual cycle, sometimes I feel brave and want a Roller/Bentley from the 80/90's but mostly I am too chicken (not to mention too poor) and get repeatedly aroused by Jaaaaag X300 XJRs. Had a 'base' XJ6 X300 a couple of years ago and really loved it, even though it was on LPG it had big miles so flogged it before bad shit hapenned.
  5. REQUIRE. Several things could pleasure me here, i've even fiddled with the idea of a big floppy and a small'un. In an ideal world i'd have a massive yank tank, like a carburetted caddy 500ci convertible (1969-1970 IIRC) and something small and awesome like a Peugeot 304 convertible. I missed on of the latter a couple of weeks ago to my utter disbelief and shame... I could also have a 504 convertible, I wouldn't even be fussy about the engine with this one! But like the caddy I doubt i'll ever be able to afford one. I could settle for a 1st gen Ovlov C70 convertible, although i'll always hanker after something cooler...
  6. HAVISH. The Hearse, our Volvo 740 is currently stripped out and needs an engine upgrade (wheezy B200E auto, sloooow and thirsty) buit is the prime candidate for this slot.

The actual likelihood of actually ever getting my collection together is about as likely as, er, not. I have the usual life hurdles to a shiters paradise - the daily burden of being an 'adult', like work, family, domestic shit etc, for me add academic shit too as in my job this is something I am 'supposed' to do all the time (CPD). However, looking on the "bright si-ide of life..."  I could acquire a NO.2 once lockdown is over cos it will be needed, and once the a/c has been pillaged from my french BX TRS and this moved on, I could technically get away with adding another to the fold and still adhere to the "1 in 1 out" policy that I don't remember agreeing to but have the preservation instincts to abide by. This would have to be the same size or smaller than a BX because that only just fitted in the barn, this is the only storage space I have just now.

All shite plans aside, we live in no.2 of a terrace (with 1 car parking space) and no.1 next door has been empty and stripped out inside for >6 years according to the local curtain twitchers, it's amystery as no-one knows the story. Imma thinking critical illness or prison, someone must be paying somethign for it! Even if it's just council tax. A life aim is to purchase no.1 and knock through, not only does it have a bigger garden than us in no.2 but it has a driveway up the side in which I'm pretty sure I could fit 3 cars without negotiating garden space, it'd be perfect carport territory too. Although it's not for sale, if it was I reckon an offer of <100k would get it, maybe even 80k. We bought ours, which was liveable but fucking awful for 135000 (after some serious negotating) and no.3 the other side of us went for 155,000 which was substantially less shit but still a little overpriced IMO.

Well there you have it, I rambled on a lot about stuff that you probably didn't want to know and care even less about. But i'd be interested to hear of your responses to the shite planning question, also your shite storage 'solutions' because I just feel BAD about paying for storage, I donlt know, it just feels wrong. I get pissed off sometimes on my walk into work when I see houses (some really nice, some fucking awful) with MASSIVE front driveways that could hold a flotilla of shite, and what is parked up in there? A lonely honda Jazz, and not even a nice or even shite one, just fucking dull. I mean, I could totally use that spare space, right now. Blimey that took an irksome turn, I didn't even know I was angry about it!

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Al I need is a camper an to complete the full set of shite, oh and a sporty little shite, oh and more parking spaces, I've had one on a mates drive for a year or three, one round at my tenants parking spot and one in a lock up which I haven't opened for months because I've misplaced the key, all shite cars, which should be bridged or bodged.... one day 

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As far as plans go it is not easy for me to stick too closely. I have always bought houses based firstly on potential parking / garage space but whatever you have is never enough. I thought I had enough cars but really want a series 2 1600E to have each marque of Cortina but prices are ridiculous. I would like a Lotus Eclat or Elite and also a Rover SD1 but my most recent acquisition was a Citroen CX, I would not have predicted that but think it is a keeper? I try to have a plan but things do change.

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2 hours ago, New POD said:

For a very small fee. You can get a copy of the deeds of any house, and find out who owns it. 

Yes, i paid my £2.50 to the land registry and have on file who owns it. Tbh if someones forgotten they have it, however unlikely, im happy for it to stay that way until we can put an offer down! There is caravanshite in the garden too for extra points.

Cheers Ron I also had parking space as a big priority for house purchases, but with high expectations and a low budget, its all a damn compromise. Also the OH couldnt give two shiny shits about cars.

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Well if it's any help... I have even less space than you!  Mid terrace,with one space out front marked Disabled, where the wife's Motability car lives.  My Volvo is occupying a space at the end of the street as is usual for my daily.  My Cadillac lives in the alley outside my back gate, and next doors!  Luckily he doesn't mind and the alley is wide enough for the bin wagon to get by.  As you can see I can't take on any more shite!  It doesn't actually stop me though as I have occasionally had to find space for a fourth, usually in one of the surrounding streets.

Where there's a will, as they say...

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Have you considered adverse possession?  There is a massive amount of information about it online, and if you've had your beady eye on the property for all 6 years that it's been empty, whilst not technically true, you're already half-way through the period needed to take legal possession.

Does anyone maintain the property at all?  Cut the grass?  Clear the gutters? Is it boarded up, and hence no-one would know if you're "using" the property at all?  If it's been empty for 6 years and not a single person has been there, the chances are looking better and better that no-one will for another 6 years.

I'm sure I've read that simply parking your own car on the property and keeping the grass cut counts as possession, as you are using the property. Same is true of the back garden.. can a very quick fence be put up to prevent access by others, and you take out a section of your own so that you now have access.  Now you're "using" the property. 

Do some reading up, as you're in a prime position to legally grab it for free (or close to free)

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Top shiting there Eddy! I have thought about using the street, but parking is very limited here, and many of the houses are housing association types for retired persons. We've already had 'comments' about the nose of the hearse poking out into the road slightly (we're talking a couple of inches here...), whilst there is still plenty of space, picture a single file country cul de sac road with one side dedicated to parking only. Just imagine if we started parking out the front of their houses! That's 'their' space don't you know! bs.

11 minutes ago, Talbot said:

Have you considered adverse possession?  There is a massive amount of information about it online, and if you've had your beady eye on the property for all 6 years that it's been empty, whilst not technically true, you're already half-way through the period needed to take legal possession.

Does anyone maintain the property at all?  Cut the grass?  Clear the gutters? Is it boarded up, and hence no-one would know if you're "using" the property at all?  If it's been empty for 6 years and not a single person has been there, the chances are looking better and better that no-one will for another 6 years.

I'm sure I've read that simply parking your own car on the property and keeping the grass cut counts as possession, as you are using the property. Same is true of the back garden.. can a very quick fence be put up to prevent access by others, and you take out a section of your own so that you now have access.  Now you're "using" the property. 

Do some reading up, as you're in a prime position to legally grab it for free (or close to free)

Hmm, interesting points Talbot! No-one has been seen in there for the 6 yearsish, tbh I think the locals would be happy if we had it, as it is a bit of a mess. One upstairs window is boarded up and looking through the windows, it is completely stripped out inside and newly plastered upstairs, there are paintbrushes left on half empty paint tins and wellies by the lounge door etc. Literally looks like downed tools one day and never returned.

We've only been here 18 months sadly, but have succumbed to some gardening as the brambles, nettles and bindweed keep crossing the borders and invading! There is no fence, and there is also a permissive path around the sides of the terrace ends (1 and 4) and backs of the middle houses (2 and 3) so we do have a right of way around the back and side. I'm not sure a car would be legally 'allowed' up this path, nor would it fit, there is a drystone wall restricting the width that could easily be removed for a lovely carport :D The wind blew a bait beehive of ours over the boundary into no.1's garden a couple of weeks ago, sadly a swarm moved in. It's very stressful to the bees to be moved btw, so we are forced to leave them bee (?) for now and just use that piece of garden. The rest of our bees are at the in-laws.

The only way someone else could use it is to go up the side path that we have use of, there's no back gate and on the road side there is a fence and bank that drops 12ft to the road. Will defo look up adverse possession, ta.

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4 hours ago, Tomtation said:

Yes, i paid my £2.50 to the land registry and have on file who owns it. Tbh if someones forgotten they have it, however unlikely, im happy for it to stay that way until we can put an offer down! There is caravanshite in the garden too for extra points.

Cheers Ron I also had parking space as a big priority for house purchases, but with high expectations and a low budget, its all a damn compromise. Also the OH couldnt give two shiny shits about cars.

If you want it contact them and make an offer, especially now with the world upside down the offer of readies might be well received. If not all the mithering in the world won't get you anywhere. With the changes in the law adverse possession is practically impossible these days.

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Push hard for next door or forget about it.  Waiting for something to happen saps your soul.

Stick with the Lexus.  Get rid of the BX and the Volvo. If they don't tick your boxes, no amount of fiddling with them will change them enough to satisfy. Pass them on to someone who wants them as they are.

Cadillac dreams?  Forget convertibles, you live in England and they are only fun for five minutes, even on hot sunny days. And anyway, they look shit compared to the 69 / 70 Eldorado Coupes.

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9 hours ago, somewhatfoolish said:

If you want it contact them and make an offer, especially now with the world upside down the offer of readies might be well received. If not all the mithering in the world won't get you anywhere. With the changes in the law adverse possession is practically impossible these days.

This.  Lots of urban myths about adverse possession.   No harm in contacting the owner and expressing your interest. 

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40 minutes ago, Mr Pastry said:

This.  Lots of urban myths about adverse possession.

While undertaking a survey for National Grid a number of years ago we came across several areas of land that had been claimed by adverse possession.  Mainly fields and a couple of outbuildings but it did include a marginally derelict property that was about 18 months away from being claimed.  It happens more than many people think.  I suspect mostly on property where someone has died and there's no-one for inherit it, but certainly not always.

6 years certainly seems a very long time for absolutely no-one to have visited a property.  Even on Urban exploration forums where people are visiting abandoned buildings, the buildings usually have something being done to them, even if it's just being boarded up and a fence putting round them.

But.. if you think you might be able to get it for £80k, that's a very cheap way to double your house and garden size.

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I share a driveway with next door.  Always had it in my head that when the old dear died, I would buy it and put a garage between the houses, and sell on next door without that slice of shared land.  Perhaps putting a drive where the lawn is. 

The old dear died.  Wife said no. I tried to do the man maths.  Wife said no.  That was 4 years ago.  Young couple bought it.  Spent 12 months ripping it apart internally. It's lovely inside. 

I still wish I'd done it. 

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On 5/11/2020 at 7:43 AM, Asimo said:

Push hard for next door or forget about it.  Waiting for something to happen saps your soul.

Stick with the Lexus.  Get rid of the BX and the Volvo. If they don't tick your boxes, no amount of fiddling with them will change them enough to satisfy. Pass them on to someone who wants them as they are.

Cadillac dreams?  Forget convertibles, you live in England and they are only fun for five minutes, even on hot sunny days. And anyway, they look shit compared to the 69 / 70 Eldorado Coupes.

Harsh words man! We'll keep the Lexus for as long as we can, it is a superbly capable machine, GLF when you boot it, sounds great inna growly V6 kind of way and you can get 40mpegees if you try. It will take some pretty serious shit for me to sell the Citroen (it's a bit special for a BX, and always surprises me what good nick it's in too), i'm not sure the OH would let me sell the Volvo Hearse! Cadillac wet dreams, yes. I'd also do a MK2 Astra or Saab 900 convertibble if one presented itself.

On 5/11/2020 at 9:07 AM, New POD said:

I share a driveway with next door.  Always had it in my head that when the old dear died, I would buy it and put a garage between the houses, and sell on next door without that slice of shared land.  Perhaps putting a drive where the lawn is. 

The old dear died.  Wife said no. I tried to do the man maths.  Wife said no.  That was 4 years ago.  Young couple bought it.  Spent 12 months ripping it apart internally. It's lovely inside. 

I still wish I'd done it. 

Sounds like a missed opportunity man, but got to keep TWMBO happy. It's all about a balance eh.

Had a quick rootle about, not sure adverse possesison is worth waiting for in this case tbh. 12 years is a long damn time! Im youngish and hope to achieved stuff in the next 12 years, within the next year or two or five it'll probably come down to can we afford next door or not, if not lets fuck off somewhere else better.

We're not in a financial position to stretch for next door yet, mostly because this house needs loads of stuff doing to it, like a new boiler and complete heating system, new kitchen, new bathroom, flooring everywhere (kitchen is bare concrete!), re-wiring and some serious decoration. I've not had time to do anything for the last year due to e-learning degree modules but at least the OH has done some serious work in the garden, helped* by the dog of course. The only work i've done to the house is sort out the guttering, new fascias and soffits, repoint the chimney and had a woodburner installed. We share a chimney with no.1, so I repointed that too, it's an 8 outlet unit - took fecking ages! But proper needed doing.

Another financial tie, we didn't sell our previous house - we kept it and have rented it out. Back then it wasn't worth selling (market and little equity built up = not much point) but this could be sold to help purchase next door, saying that we did plan to keep it as a pension income, it was a newbuild when we bought it in 2011 and still has some gauranteed/warrantied stuff (just!). Whilst it's costing us nothing just now nor is it giving us any money back, it is sitting there building up equity though with someone else paying for it ?.

A few of you have mentioned it and I kinda feel you, perhaps it would be wise sending a letter of interest to next doors regostered owner. What I wouldn't want to happen is that they say sure, give us X money and then when we say "err can't afford it yet" it gets sold to someone else. It;d be a bit shit if someone else moved in there tbh, shattered dreams etc and also waay less privacy and peace. Our neighbours in No.3 are lovely, quiet but friendly too.

Just looked the houses up on Zoopla,a  jolly useful website! You can often see the advert the last time a house was sold, No.1 was sold in Jan 2013 for £122,500 it needed a lot of updating and was subsequently totally stripped out (aacording to locals), all the cleared shit got dumped in the garden - then apparently abandoned. If you want to be nosy (I would) this is the link to the advert of our place NO.2 LINKY. We'd want to get rid of the useless porch (built to put the boiler in i spect) and brick shed in the drive, this is shared with no.1 so would free up a load of space, it has a massive oil tank in just now which is really useful*, especially as the ancient oil boiler no longer does heating, just hot water ...eventually! It's fundamentally fucked too. You can tell the era of it by its name 'Slave Master' ? and the fact it's about as big as the Lexus.

Back to cars! I'm sure some of you have seen these elsewhere on the internet and on here maybe too apologies for boredom/repetition etc. This seems to have turned into a general chit-chat thread about my life and cars so you may aswell see what I has.

1. Lexus family everyday job. Took fecking ages to clean and buff off, she's a big girl! I thought my wrsist and arms were quite fit from other exercises (fnar fnar) but apparently not.

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2. Next aquisisition (hopefully AX dizzle flavoured)

3. Wafting device á la Citroen BX GT, as mentioned before, longest held car, least used! Poor thing keeps taking a backseat not that much needs doing, but I have this urge to get it nice AF.

kyuCk3Ql.jpg

3b. The french TRS air con donor

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4. (X300 XJR?)

5. (MK2 Astra? Pug 304? Saab 900? Yank tank flop top?)

6. Volvo 740 Hearse, this attended SF19 and was a lovely place to sleep. Much love for this.

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20gThkRl.jpg

Jesus fucking christ I waffle on.

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Mrs CW, better versed in these matters than i, suggests paying for a credit search on the name listed in the deeds to see what light that throws...

As for your original question, I too have pretensions towards a car for every occasion - once you have the camper van and the sporty little number sorted out, the world is your oyster - waftmobiles come in many shapes and sizes, and mpgs too.

However, planning is something that happens in idle moments in my head, and almost never comes to fruition. What DOES happen is that I procure a vehicle that roughly fits one of the categories you outlined, and then I NEVER get rid of it, being now well practised in the trotting out of the following arguments:

"As soon as I got rid of it, I'd need/want it..."

"Replacing it for the sort of money I'd get for it would never happen" (first realised when looking for a slightly more modern replacement for our 6 grand 31 yr old glacially slow and rather thirsty but otherwise perfect-for-us camper, only to find the utter shit that was on offer for twice the money)

"They're getting rather rare, now. I'd never be able to afford another"

"I have a plan* to restore it and put it back on the road... next year"

"Remember that car I scrapped cos I CBA'd to fix it? That was a shocking waste and I'm not doing it again..."

"It's not costing me anything, at the moment"

"You didn't say that when it was the only vehicle that started, when yours wouldn't"

"You don't really want me to do tip runs in YOUR car, do you?"

And then, later, the next purchase will inevitably be spontaneous, ill thought out, but cheap in mitigation for the tissue-thin justification for it.

Fortunately, I've chanced upon a couple of vehicles that really do fill the requirements of more than one category - I won't bore you right now with the details of the first, but the second manages to be: builder's van/tip run mule/executive transport for up to 7/frugal long legged mile muncher for road trips across Europe (those were the days)/somewhere for two to sleep in surprising comfort after that party. A large well specced diesel MPV is a very useful vehicle...

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  • 1 year later...

It seems i COMPLETELY failed to update this measly excuse at a blog kind of thing.

And the typo's! Good lord!

Not terribly much has happened in the time gone, well some stuff. Work is rolling along nicely, although 12 hpur night shifts once a week etc.

House has had some progress, there are now two parking spaces which is a bonus!

I'll update the HEARSE PROGRESS tomorrow when I'm not using muly phone.

The BX is where it was the last time i updated this... A bit disappointed with myself about that. Although we are doing a roadtrip to the south of France next year in it with 30 odd other classic citroen nutters 😀

The 1.5D AX has been and almost gone, mucho affectionado for the oui petit frenchie.

The Lexus is wafting along admirably, it is using a bit of oil (PCV Valve suspected) and coolant  (new rad but did i do the bottom hose properly?) though.

To replace the AX, of wich the ecobox has been deemed NLR enter the floppy top candidate, hot off the ebay purchase mill this very day!

Screenshot_20210521-184838_eBay.thumb.jpg.79a93263833ccdb02b71580303e9545f.jpg

LOOKS FIT AS FUCK! cannot wait to go get it, equal parts anxious, terrified, nervous, elated and exited! this is the most I've spent on a car for myself, ever 😨

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  • Tomtation changed the title to Shiting Plans and Life: Get fucking into it with Tomtation.

I'd love to own a few cars, each with its own specific use. Parking is not the issue. But the price of purchasing them, and the complexity of owning them here is. If this house were in the UK, I'd have bought at least 10 cars and vans by now.

So I have a Fiat Doblo that fills nearly all my requirements. It is frugal(ish) on fuel, comfortable to drive for hours on end, has carrying space similar to a van, and is decent to sleep in. 

I have to have three motorbikes though, as never found one that csn do all. The Enfield Himalayan for slow cross country tours and riding on gravel. The Deauville for long trips away, as it has loads of built in luggage space and will sit at 80-90 mph on motorways all day, and a Street Triple for short distance thrashing.

 

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1 hour ago, Jerzy Woking said:

I'd love to own a few cars, each with its own specific use. Parking is not the issue. But the price of purchasing them, and the complexity of owning them here is. If this house were in the UK, I'd have bought at least 10 cars and vans by now.

So I have a Fiat Doblo that fills nearly all my requirements. It is frugal(ish) on fuel, comfortable to drive for hours on end, has carrying space similar to a van, and is decent to sleep in. 

I have to have three motorbikes though, as never found one that csn do all. The Enfield Himalayan for slow cross country tours and riding on gravel. The Deauville for long trips away, as it has loads of built in luggage space and will sit at 80-90 mph on motorways all day, and a Street Triple for short distance thrashing.

 

Are cars more expensive in Spain then? I know that's the case in France and Portugal so it makes sense I suppose. Good for the longevity of stuff, less risk of extinctions etc but bad for us lot and our pockets!

1. Family wagon ✔️

2. Ecobox no longer required

3. Comfy wafter ✔️

4. Floppy top  ✔️

6. Motorhome - In progress (deets to follow, probs not today tho)

That leaves the posh car to acquire, might be a little while that, purchase of the empty house next door would need to be achieved first for space and even then we'd be needing to spend on it lickety split. It isn't mortgageable as no water/kitched/bathroom etc, we can get a bridging loan but they usually are for 1 year only whilst you make the house mortgagable.

Cheers Eddy, when I collect it i'm sure i'll come up with a list of woes that I'll be asking advice about! Collection booked for 31/05, can I wait that long? Guess i'm gonna hafta... I can do proper image stealing now on the desktop, the ebay app doesn't let you copy stuff. Rude.

Image 4 - Saab 900i Convertible - 2L - 1991

Image 11 - Saab 900i Convertible - 2L - 1991

Image 3 - Saab 900i Convertible - 2L - 1991

Image 10 - Saab 900i Convertible - 2L - 1991

I'm probably going to be a right insufferable bellend when I get a hold of this 😱 😇 😁 (triple emoji combo for ftw).

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That's the model before the one I had!  At least you can get a model of yours, I can't (and believe me, I've been looking).  I can get a 1/43 estate, which is handy as I had one of those between Ownerships 1 and 2, but no floppy.

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Here's yours in 1/18...

s-l1600.jpg

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/154433170832?hash=item23f4ef2d90:g:BhkAAOSwbYRgg~8V

I'm sure I've seen them cheaper than this one, and I know there are 1/43 models too.

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I think* gearbox weakness stuff is more due to misuse/abuse. They’re the first thing to break if you’re tuning it and being hard on the car, but that doesn’t mean they’re inherently weak in themselves. Yours is a non turbo anyway so it’s less likely to be a problem.

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Collection occuring on Monday, could be bank holiday MADNESS! Could be motorway desolation. I know which i'd prefer. The sun better fucking be out, no point having a floppy top if can't be topless.

Two wins so far in ownership of this car and I don't even own it yet 🤣! Hopefully a sign of good things to come rather than earning brownie points to offset when it spectacularly FTPs.

1. Train ticket to collect, 2 changes, 4 hours and 5 mins, £28.75. Thankyou. Achieved after an hour of searching through £90 to 100+ tickets with 4 or 5 changes taking 7 hours 😱. Means I need to be dropped off to the station 30 mins away, but big win on all other aspects. Am likely to be hanging out my arse for the trip too, so only 2 changes means more snoozing time to fortify me for the drive home.

2. Insurance arranged, £0.00. That's including an admin fee of £19.50. Yes please. Although 130bhp 2.0 16v Saab convertible is cheaper to insure than 50bhp 1.5d Citroen AX? Outstanding logic.

Stuff yet to achieve, Sunglasses for cool factor, hair cut or hair restraining device to prevent floppy top-floppy hair shenanigans. Just having the windows open causes hair-in-face/eyes syndrome so gots to do something about that.

Genuinely excited for Monday, I hope I don't overdo it on Sunday though and be really hungover...

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