Shit Ideas

[sierraman]

1 hour ago, Raff said:

On my 08 Astra, you're instructed  to warm the engine up to temperature, wait 5 minutes, clean dipstick as usual, reinsert and rotate 180 degrees to get a correct reading. As a result people tend to overfill them and MOT testers give you advisories for low oil.

I once drained 9 litres out of an Astra diesel that shit it’s oil pump. 9 fucking litres. It was having trouble lifting the pistons there was that much. It was everywhere. The guy had filled it up with oil for the MOT, literally FILLED it up. Being a diesel I’m surprised it didn’t just runaway. 

[Timewaster]

1 hour ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

Amusingly this isn't new. The CX Series 2 managed to combine the hard-to-read dipstick markers with an electric level gauge. This gives you a choice between a physical uncertainty as to whether the oil is actually present (especially after an oil change), or an electrical uncertainty. 

To be fair, those Psa level gauges were pretty accurate. 

My boss had a brand new Cx (that had sat in a compound for 2 or 3 years) and he picked it up and drove off home. 

A mile down the road at a junction he'd looked down and saw the oil level gauge at zero. 

In a panic he abandoned the car at the roadside and walked back to the dealer swearing under his breath. 

The salesman he shouted at managed to keep a straight face, explained that it reverts to temperature once the engine is running and kindly gave him a lift back to his abandoned car. 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

2 hours ago, Dan the van said:

I think it was the early CX that had the radio fitted vertically in front of the gear lever making it impossible to read.Citroen were quite mad back then tho'.

Early CXs had the radio fitted at the top of the centre console, but facing upwards to the roof. Later this migrated down to a more conventional position. 

Citroën were clearly uncomfortable with this because,  in the Series 2 cars, they moved the stereo unit behind the handbrake. This meant you could trigger the radio with your elbow, and convince yourself that you were hearing voices in your head as you drove. 

[wuvvum]

7 minutes ago, The Mighty Quinn said:

VAG twats

I do like a tautology.

[wuvvum]

2 hours ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

Amusingly this isn't new. The CX Series 2 managed to combine the hard-to-read dipstick markers with an electric level gauge. This gives you a choice between a physical uncertainty as to whether the oil is actually present (especially after an oil change), or an electrical uncertainty. 

I use the oil level gauge on mine as a makeshift preheat measure.  Turn the ignition on, then when the needle drops back to zero it means the glowplugs have had enough time.

[wuvvum]

4 minutes ago, The Mighty Quinn said:

See also: BMW Compact and Audi A3. Would it really have broken the bank to have drilled a hole in the tailgate and added a plastic washer jet? You try getting the rear wiper motor out of an A3 without shattering the tailgate glass. That bastard retaining nut rusts solid. 

Funnily enough the similar setup on Rover R3s doesn't seem to have the same issues.  Probably because Rovers were better designed than VWs.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

BMW 2.0,diesel and its chocolate timing chain, handily situated at the back of the engine. Every couple of years they claimed it was sorted I’ve nearly fallen for it on a few occasions . Annoyingly90% of the cars they’ve sold here over the last 10 years seem to be fitted with it. If it wasn’t so dodgy I’d probably have a 520d and X3 on the drive now rather than an e220d and ML. , 180 bhp , 50 odd mpg, 80k miles between major engine rebuilds.

[strangeangel]

Peugeot scooters are mostly irretrievably wank anyway, but the Elystar (and a couple of others) boasted the absolutely genius* feature of a plastic oil pump drive. It's not long before loss of one tooth causes loss of all teeth with predictable results.

[JimH]

16 minutes ago, The Mighty Quinn said:

Another VAG hater. Excellent - there aren't enough in the world. Sorry collection of Teutonic toss.

To be entirely fair only a few of them were unique to VAG.

I just don't understand how a company that could give the world this gem

Could also foist this abortion on us

And that is before we get to the ridiculous amount of pig iron hanging over the front wheels.

[Timewaster]

French cassette players fitted upright. 

Perfect for collecting stray coins and crumbs. 

[JimH]

You want shit design? This beauty is on a floodlit podium in the foyer.

 

 

Each time you look at it the engineer inside you dies a little more.

[Craig the Princess]

43 replies and no one has mentioned Vectra C indicators.

[xtriple]

No one has mentioned 'fibre gears' in Ford V6 timing gears. That was a wonderful idea!

 

[SiC]

2 hours ago, Zelandeth said:

Bloody stupid electronically latching indicator stalk used on the later Vectras, Signum and probably others.

Tap to turn indicators on, then tap the other way to turn off if they don't self cancel.

Except at least two cars I've been in where this doesn't work and this renders it essentially impossible to manually cancel the indicators...you end up going down the road alternately signalling left and right trying to turn the damned things off.

Also Vauxhall, on a 14 plate Astra in this case...the stop-start system which cut the engine just before you came to rest and wouldn't kick it back in until >5mph.  Fine until you're in a downhill traffic jam and have just been letting gravity do the work until suddenly you find that you have zero brakes and steering that may as well be welded solid.  Possibly the most scary moment I've had in a modern car.

 

7 minutes ago, Craig the Princess said:

43 replies and no one has mentioned Vectra C indicators.

^^ 

[Eyersey1234]

8 minutes ago, Craig the Princess said:

43 replies and no one has mentioned Vectra C indicators.

You did just then ?

[Mrcento]

Electronic throttles in general. Overcomplicated, expensive and offer no advantages over an old fashioned cable.

'Oh but it allows different drive modes like a sport mode'

So do cable driven throttles, it's called pushing the pedal a bit fucking harder than usual.

[Dan302]

MK4 Golf (and I assume other VAG cars of the same era) door locks, both o/s doors on my Golf deadlocked themselves shut.

[Tamworthbay]

54 minutes ago, Mrcento said:

Electronic throttles in general. Overcomplicated, expensive and offer no advantages over an old fashioned cable.

'Oh but it allows different drive modes like a sport mode'

So do cable driven throttles, it's called pushing the pedal a bit fucking harder than usual.

From an ex colleague who used to work at Rover he claimed it was purely a production thing. The simplicity of plugging in it as opposed to the feeding through the bulkhead was deemed worthy of adding a level of shite and complexity and future hassle that causes no end of trouble. I would have thought the added cost of the electronics would outweigh the benefit but perhaps not.

[Mrcento]

Fiats Citymatic gearbox that was briefly available on the Seicento....basically a clutchless manual. Utterly shite. They genuinely used wiper motors to power the whole thing. With predictable results.

They were so unreliable, Fiat would basically repair them for free when they broke every few k miles acknowledging it was a design fault. Most got converted to a proper manual or scrapped early once Fiat stopped covering costs,

[wuvvum]

1 hour ago, JimH said:

 

 

That looks like something I would have made out of Lego Technic when I was about 10.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Just remembered another clever German solution as to where to locate the transmission ECU on the Mercedes 7g autogearbox.  Let’s think about that one , a piece of complex heat sensitive electronics that costs £1200 to replace ,

After a few litres of beer, an engineer says;

“ Ze Britischers say ve  haf no sense of humour, let’s show zen ve haf” 

“ How so, Hans?

” Ve vill put the ecu in ze sump of ze transmission”
” Vot , in ze hot oil?”

” Ja , that is fuckin hilairious, zay  vill never say ve are not funny again”

Oh, well at least I changed the fluid and filter on my e250 at the same time a couple of years ago, what else would I have spent £1500 on just before Christmas?

 

Although we can’t blame the Germans for the stupid Vectra indicators, they copied that piece of design idiocy from the Jaguar XJ40 - proper British Leyland genius, that one. Ford scrapped it as soon as they took over and put proper switches ( and clocks) in.

[sierraman]

Mondeo Mk5. Bumper has to come off to replace the headlight bulb. FML...

[Craig the Princess]

59 minutes ago, SiC said:

 

^^ 

Well that was a fucking disaster ???

 

[Rod/b]

22 minutes ago, NorfolkNWeigh said:

 

Although we can’t blame the Germans for the stupid Vectra indicators, they copied that piece of design idiocy from the Jaguar XJ40 - proper British Leyland genius, that one. Ford scrapped it as soon as they took over and put proper switches ( and clocks) in.

Didn’t stop them putting it in their 2010-14 F-150s

[Asimo]

1 hour ago, JimH said:

 

And that is before we get to the ridiculous amount of pig iron hanging over the front wheels.

That multi-link front suspension was almost certainly an attempt to deal with the problems of a heavy overhanging engine.

Doubtless it worked fine in the software simulation.........

[Wack]

2 hours ago, JimH said:

 

Do you illuminate a red flashing oil can on the dashboard when you actually think it is time for an annual oil change? Your design is shit.

 

 

 

I had a 2013 Doblo with this bollocks , it'd been serviced by the selling dealer, I had it about 3 weeks , bombing along at 70 when flashing oilcan comes on in red

I think fuck,  not only is it red , it's flashing red , double fuck, what's happened, has the sump plug fallen out , so I dive for the hard shoulder , check the oil and it's ok 

Get to a slip road and get the manual out

Oil degridation light

Fiat then charged me 1/2 an hours labour to turn it off , made me sit in reception for 40 minutes while they pretended it took that long to do it.

My contribution to the thread

Keyless entry , who'd have ever thought it'd be easier to steal a car in 2020 than it was in 1974 , all because people are too lazy to press a button 

[twosmoke300]

Two things- following on from the poor dipsticks earlier in the thread . Why so many autos have to have the level checked when hot and running ? Surely the correct level could have been set at the prototype stage and an appropriately marked up dipstick fitted on production vehicles with the correct level for cold and hot with engine off.

Renault PK6 gearboxes where what you think is the level plug is infact far too much oil and will fuck the box. 
 

Navara / cabstar engine . Simplex chain from crank to fuel pump , duplex from pump to cam . Take a wild stab which one shits itself on a regular basis . Who the fuck signed that off at the design stage?

[Isaac Hunt]

5 hours ago, holbeck said:

Injury's sustained from radio vol / tuner spindle's was a thing in 1970's accidents. 

BL tried to address this in their SRV2 concept vehicle. The facia design for the Mk2 Marina was a direct lift from the safety concept prototype

Can't remember the exact logic of why a passenger was more expendable in a crash, but hey - they tried! 

Early style VeeDub Emissions Style Scandal, work round the data, by virtue that the passenger seat will be empty more the the drivers seat, the risk on injury is de facto lower.  Didn’t take into account the young lad who had climbed over to the reclined passenger seat for a good shag, forgot to put the handbrake on and ended up with two spindle marks on his arse

[FakeConcern]

One of the most annoying features of a Mk3 Golf GTI (presumably all Golfs & other VWs of that era) was the rear wash wipe switch. As I recall the right hand stalk was pushed away from the driver to turn on/turn off the rear wiper, that bit would be fine except to activate the washer, it was puhed a bit more. The washer would squirt the fluid and the wiper would then be in the on (intermittant) setting so to turn it off it should be pushed again, Sounds simple, but almost every time I did it the washer would again be activated leaving a wet streak over the rear screen with the wiper now off prompting the whole process again...

Doesn't sound like much of a problem but it drove me mad...

[hairnet]

3 hours ago, chaseracer said:

GS too.  And the handbrake was in the middle of the dash...

thats not shit merc have been doing the weird placement for levers for years

shit ideas *awaits flame*

any canted over engine ever