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Honest John questions & answers

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55 minutes ago, sierraman said:

It just highlights how out of his depth he is. He’s no more a motoring journalist than he is a consumer rights ‘expert’. 

In fact I won’t have the Telegraph or the Daily Mail in my house. I find it amazing they can write such utter bollocks, so much so I’ll not let a copy go near the threshold of my door. 

Granted HJ is a cock and up until this point I have agreed with all that you've said, but Sierraman; my Uncle Eddie used to be a sports reporter for the Telegraph, so we'll cut it some slack if you don't mind.

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On ‎6‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 9:43 PM, FakeConcern said:

So a 1994 Mondeo applies its own brakes hard for 30 minutes and then no trace of a fault can be found. HJ's answer that a compensator valve that should have been part of a recall is likely to blame. Is he right? What does AS think?

 

The giffer left the handbrake on, realised his mistake but refused to admit it in front of his passengers, then sneaked back half-an-hour later to release the handbrake and lo! it's spontaneously mended itself. To continue the deception he then decided to 'write to the paper' about it.

In a similar vain a few years ago I witnessed a very slow moving convoy of traffic. At the front was a Yaris manfully fighting against the handbrake which had been left on by the driver of advanced years. The amount of acrid smoke coming from the back wheels was a sight to see as where the black lines left on the road.

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All of these can only be taken at face value- brakes “spontaneously” locking up withough any prior application and then being normal 30mins later?

assuming no operator error/ confusion / omission of detail it seems implausible. 

 

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They need to have the title changed to "Honest Michelin Cross Climate John" as he plugs them every frickin week.

There is also that Viz spoof that reminds me of him.

"I left the house and drove a short while before the car conked out, when I returned home my Husband was having sex with the next door neighbours daughter in the front room. What shall I do?

"Well, a common cause for a car cutting out could be a vacuum build up in the tank or........"

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I picked up a free Lada once and when I tried to drive it home on the M6 the brakes gradually all locked solid.  I think one of the brakes was binding, boiled the brake fluid and the expanding fluid for some reason couldn't get back into the master cylinder. Maybe the master cylinder was at fault, I dunno.  

Interesting anecdote! I was immediately  rescued by a father and son in a Nova who saw the lada exploding in a cloud of steam and smoke on the hard shoulder and took me back to their family home in Wolverhampton. There I was plied with cups of tea until my Dad came and collected me a couple of hours later. 

When I went back the Lada had unsurprisingly vanished from the hard shoulder. Maybe the seized brakes released as they cooled down and the Lada rolled away. Who knows. 

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He does love those Michelin Cross Climates. 

‘Dear HJ, I’m on a real budget for some tyres for my 1996 Escort. What can you recommend?’

’If you’d worked harder at school I’d say fit nothing less than Michelin Cross Climates. Given you are poor and drive an old car you are basically fucked. HJ’

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1 hour ago, Tamworthbay said:

They are great tyres to be fair, if only I could find a way to get sponsorship from Michelin for a couple of sets........

 

 

Did I mention how great they are? (They genuinely are).

I've never had Cross Climates, but had Michelin PS3s on the C4 VTS and they were really good until a little over half worn when they would understeer like a train in the wet.

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2 hours ago, FakeConcern said:

I've never had Cross Climates, but had Michelin PS3s on the C4 VTS and they were really good until a little over half worn when they would understeer like a train in the wet.

I had them on my E46 and they were stunning. Brilliant in the dry and wet but it was the snow that really showed what they could do. The supposedly useless in the snow rwd Beemer went past all sorts of fake 4x4s and some real ones as well. They will be going on the ovlov when the present ones are worn out. They did really good miles too.

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Yep we have them on our 307 and they are fucking brilliant in winter, at £600 a set they aren't cheap but worth every penny when its snowing and shitty and I'm waiting for the missus to finish her 80 mile commute home.

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Mondeo:

Wasn't it some feature from factory like emergency braking. The servo preloads the system with an elephants foot load of force ready to pounce should the slightest tap be pressed on the pedal? Some bloke told me this at work.

Focus: TADTS

Take it back to dealer to get a reflash. In early days the dealers were mega helpful with suggestions like 'you bought the wrong car M9, perhaps you wanted this fridge'. Now its acknowledged that the cal needs to be more robust. Some bloke told me this at work.

 

 

I work for Ford at their tech centre. 

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1 hour ago, shedenvy said:

Mondeo:

Wasn't it some feature from factory like emergency braking. The servo preloads the system with an elephants foot load of force ready to pounce should the slightest tap be pressed on the pedal? Some bloke told me this at work.

Focus: TADTS

Take it back to dealer to get a reflash. In early days the dealers were mega helpful with suggestions like 'you bought the wrong car M9, perhaps you wanted this fridge'. Now its acknowledged that the cal needs to be more robust. Some bloke told me this at work.

 

 

I work for Ford at there tech centre. 

Yes, I have experienced "brake assist" on the C4 VTS (a car heading towards me on my side of road when doing the NSL*) I nearly went through the fucking winscreen despite my seatbelt, but no crash took place (phew!) also the hazard lights switched themselves on. I can believe if this was triggered in some way it would have the effect described.

As for thr Focus, I'm convinced the new petrol particulate filter will have similar problems to the DPF as the car compananies are obliged to let customers do the development work for them due to tight schedules set by the legislation.

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13 hours ago, barefoot said:

 'I was brought up with cars in the 60's and old cars were all bangers' 

11 hours ago, sierraman said:

It just highlights how out of his depth he is. He’s no more a motoring journalist than he is a consumer rights ‘expert’. 

 

HJ claims to have been in the motor industry for 60 or 65 years or some such. Query that just a little bit with him, as folk have obviously done on the interweb, and it turns out that 60 or 65 years ago he was 7 or 9 or something 'helping' out his father or similar relative.... 

More to the point,  the *unt is still publishing the vague memories of a child as if they were fucking gospel.

Some twat on here has touched a raw nerve with me, and then touched it again, and again.

I cannot abide HJ

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15 minutes ago, barefoot said:

 

HJ claims to have been in the motor industry for 60 or 65 years or some such. Query that just a little bit with him, as folk have obviously done on the interweb, and it turns out that 60 or 65 years ago he was 7 or 9 or something 'helping' out his father or similar relative.... 

More to the point,  the *unt is still publishing the vague memories of a child as if they were fucking gospel.

Some twat on here has touched a raw nerve with me, and then touched it again, and again.

I cannot abide HJ

I hope it's not me touching that raw nerve! I have no opinion at all of HJ's jounalistic ability, but always find the column amusing in one way or another and enjoy discussing the questions (some of them are so stupid) and the answers which are also often pretty stupid. Some more will be coming shortly.

BTW Mr Barefoot, did you see the bit about the question on buying a Pug 406, a 75 or a C5? Made me think of you!

 

Very strange, I've just gone back to page one and found comments & likes I hadn't seen, I don't know how that happened anyway I have now!

Edited by FakeConcern
I've just noticed some posts, comments and likes that I didn't see before

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