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Volvo V70 D5: Dark Beast one...​​​​​​two...now three years on.


inconsistant

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Anyhow I do hope this is a silver lining to the horrible cloud of the V40's death, and your other half is OK

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I think we are a crumpet tolerant zone where as long as you don't make someone else eat it, you can have what you want.

 

I endorse both savoury and sweet sides - pantopping if you like.

Does that mean any topping, or topping anyone? Important distinction I think.

 

As to crumpet, the only acceptable way to eat crumpet is when it's an outmoded euphemism.

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Or how many packets of crumpets will fit in the back of a V70? Or Square or round crumpets? 

 

One.

 

But maybe more, I didn't fold the back seats down.

 

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Enough about crumpets.

 

What engine and gearbox does the new Volvo have, mr?

 

 

 

 

 

I eat my crumpets 3 at a time (they come in those packs of 9, so 3 rounds of 3) and have butter, jam, or peanut butter on them.

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Here's the ad:

 

http://autoshite.com/topic/34960-2005-volvo-v70-d5-for-sale-£800/

 

It's a manual, D5 2.4 with standard 163bhp. Definitely no more. 

 

Crikey though, does it get from the top of a motorway slip road to the bottom nicely! The 5 cylinder warble when you press on is very agreeable. not only did it make me smile several times, I caught myself openly laughing at one point. 

 

It's a very nice car. A bit more leggy than I would usually go for but this one looks to have been well maintained by previous owners with lots spent and replaced, so although it's not perfect and I realise there are no guarantees it will be reliable, I'm hoping it will last us for the next few months until we decide what to do longer term.

 

It's supremely comfortable, and so chock full of gadgets and niceties I'm currently wading through the handbook to see which buttons operate which bells and which whistles, as there are many of each.

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That is a cracking looking slice of Swedish tin, dude. Much shock and sadness at the V40 demise, but what a way back into Volvo ownership.

 

Enjoy (and the crumpets too, obvs - I'd tend to favour sweet over savoury, for the record, though a big YES to peanut butter.)

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Though there is some important discussion about lush Volvos here, I also feel it's important to mention that melted cheese with marmite spread on top 3 a time is the way I do crumpets. 

 

I pondered over one of these for ages and came to the conclusion that one like your's is the best to get.  Plenty of power with no DPF nonsense.  Sort of wish i'd looked harder for one now as this looks fantastic.  That paintwork will drink up a bit of cut & polish!

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Did anyone watch the S^2C bake off on C4 last week?

 

They made CHOCOLATE Crumpets.

 

CHOCOLATE!!!

 

I know it's for charity, but have a word!

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Very nice car. I seen the ad on here. Looks well cared for and quite modern really. Anyway square crumpets are surely a Scottish import, goes with the sausage.

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Nice Volvo sir.

 

Crumpets with a smear of butter then melt some brie or camembert on it. Pure mouthgasm

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Stand back.

 

 

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Raspberry infused cashew nut butter and Nutella 50/50 kissing stack.

 

 

Drops mic.

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There are only 2 ways to consume crumpets.

 

1 / With Marmite.

 

2 / With cream cheese.

 

These are the ONLY way to have crumpets, so don't be so disgusting the lot of you.

 

Nice Volvo by the way.

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Top purchase that man! Black and chrome is the shit as far as volvo's go in my book.

 

Also, you can't have crumpets without pate! And a fuckton of salted butter, of course although i do approve of the brie/camembert option above.

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I had to buy a better toaster as my old one, crumpets simply did not fit in, oh and my dad uses a toasting fork and toasts them over his coal fire for epic WIN points. The brick does suit black btw, and thank feck Ovlov didn't use the sodding Transit engine like in the Jagdeo Xtype. BTW just for a taste experiment, I put Morrisons duo chocolate spread on a crumpet, it was actually quite nice, so I go back on the no to sweet....

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Raspberry infused cashew nut butter. What fuckery is this??

 

I bought some crumpets yesterday.

 

Crumpets and lemon curd, hmmmm. That could be a thing. As could crumpet and bacon. I have some marmalade in the cupboard.

 

This has opened up a whole bright, new shiny crumpet world.

 

Car looks nice :)

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A) nice car. Black with chrome is the choice of the connoisseur.

B ) I know where those pics were taken as in one you can see half of some weird concrete structure I pass most days on the railway.

C) Mix up a couple of eggs, salt and pepper in a bowl, soak into crumpets and fry. What's this spreading stuff on them nonsense?

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C) Mix up a couple of eggs, salt and pepper in a bowl, soak into crumpets and fry. What's this spreading stuff on them nonsense?

 

fried-bread crumpets now thats an interesting idea :) (or french toast for those who did not live/grow up on a council estate)

 

(wonder how well some maple syrup would go on them once fried)

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What kind of absolute animal would look at a crumpet and think, Hmmmm it's missing something ........ahh...... Pate  ! 

 

Volvo looks a god buy BTW

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Right then, I think it's time for a look around. The best part of getting a new car is exploring it, so here goes. Let's start at the back, because it's a Volvo estate and that's the best bit.

 

Volvo original detachable towbar, with a key to detach it. Needs a bit of a de-gunk as the key won't turn.

 

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Rear roof spoiler, essential for a powerful fwd car to help keep those driving wheels firmly up in the air.

 

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Cubby holes are my favourite bit of car boots. This one is ideal for keeping small containers of crumpet toppings in. Or coolant. Also a 12v outlet which is handy for plugging in a camping toaster or something.

 

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And on the other side... fuses!

 

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Now lifting up the boot carpet reveals...

 

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A sub woofer logo embroidered rug. And some fun stickers!

 

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I love that font.  Under the subwoofer embroidered rug is...

 

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a sub woofer obvs, but also some other fun stuff. Not sure what exactly but there is evidence of a HOT AMPLIFIER!

 

post-16950-0-53880300-1554395154_thumb.jpg

 

And a nappy bag for a skiddy wheel

 

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and a collection of beautiful cables, which really brighten up the underfloor area a treat.

 

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Still in the boot, but now above the removable luggage blind, lets have a look at the side windows:

 

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Yes, there's one. 

 

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And there it is again behind the integrated blind. I assume that's to stop the supermarket perves checking out the fit crumpet in the boot.

 

Here's the rollable luggage blind:

 

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And look, there's a pull up dog guard hidden in the rear seat back!

 

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There's another bit in the back of the other split fold seat back. No chance of that woofer escaping.

 

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And look what happens when you flop down the rear seats! It's huge. And the dog guard gets smaller further away!

 

post-16950-0-03638600-1554395904_thumb.jpg

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I did an actual air gasp when I saw this, a vent in the side pillar for rear passengers. What extravagant opulence!

 

post-16950-0-48787100-1554396129_thumb.jpg

 

The rear headrests have a little tab coming out of the side, 

 

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And when you pull it they fold down to make it easier to fold the rear seats

 

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Lets have a look at the rear passenger windows. Yes there's one

 

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and there it is again behind the integrated blind

 

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And in the rear centre console there's another 12v outlet, and a mystery broken panelflap.

 

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The cup holders are located centrally within the carspace to be of equally limited use to both front and rear occupants.

 

post-16950-0-40194900-1554396447_thumb.jpg 

 

Also note floor mounded navigation aid which was salvaged from its predecessor.

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The dog guard net is actually marketed as a load restraining device.

 

Assuming your dog has got anything about it, it’ll prove to be nothing but a minor distraction in your dogs journey from load area to rear seat.

 

Our lead springer took one look at aforementioned net, tilted his head slightly and shot straight down the side between window and net, closely followed by springer 2 and sprocker.

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