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GM And The FWD Shite of the 80's


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I love Yank tank's. That rather obviously dates back to the days of being fascinated by the Yank car's of the 50's, 60's and early 70's. 

 

I now have a rather bizarre fascination with the less tremendous moments of the later decades. While there were a few nuggets in there and a great many under appreciated cars from the early 90's/late 80's, there is also an abundance of absolute dreck.

 

I am making it my mission in life to understand these dark ages in American motoring, and in doing so I came across the following article. So much horrendousness is contained in the following link...   

 

GM, the FWD years;

 

http://www.curbsideclassic.com/automotive-histories/gm-north-americas-fwd-platform-proliferation-of-the-1980s-a-guide-to-all-15-platform-codes/

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I found the article interesting and confusing in equal measure.  Of the cars described, I have only hired a couple of Luminas, a Pontiac Grand Prix and maybe one of the Buicks.  They were ok.  I had a lift in a Sunbird (Cavalier) in New Mexico.  With the aircon on full blast the autobox was dancing between the two lower ratios on every slight incline.  That was not ok.  Despite the article, I would have to read it several times to identify which platforms I have experienced.  I suspect that GM management thoroughly confused themselves as well.

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I owned a 1991 Lumina, and I'd say it was easily comparable to the Rover 800.  I've also owned competing models from Chrysler (leBaron) and Ford (Mercury Sable).  All of them were pretty competent cars, comfy and well-equipped, especially by UK standards.  I'd certainly do it again.  Well I've got three tickets for the Buick, I think that says it all!

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I have driven a couple of "proper" cars of this era- that is, mostly-American design vehicles rather than mostly badge-engineered ones. Mercury Topaz and an Oldsmobile Delta.

They shared the same comfortable characteristics and generally terrible EVERYBODY'S CARS MUST BE THE SAME INSIDE Federal design regime.

Blue plastic did rather prevail in both.

 

They also felt like every last inch of soul had been boiled out of them by the committees involved in deciding what was safety, what was cost and what might count as design. The plastics used were of moderately good quality but did not age well at all. Lots of hazy yellowed plastic all over.

 

Both had sluggish engines connected to gearboxes full of the incorrect ratios. The steering on both was so over assisted you could drive with a finger tip at any speed.

 

Both liked to squeal their belts because there was so much load on them.

 

Both had 85 mph speedometers and frankly 70 felt like it was pushing it in both. Dynamically they were pretty terrible at speed, though the ride was very compliant at low speed.

 

Verdict? Not America's finest hour. Pure gold shite.

 

Phil

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There really aren't any around here any more. There's a few Chevrolet and Oldsmobile products buzzing* around but most of them have fallen off the roads.

 

Phil

 

 

 

*Identified by the buzzing rattle of something loose under the hood that's louder than the rest of the car, this is universal

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So you can enjoy features like the edges of the padded dash starting to curl up around the tight radii of things like the vent grilles and gauge cluster?

 

That and fluffy seatbelts where they go through so many hoops and clips that the first few feet are so frayed the recoil spring can't wind them back in. Particularly the "over the shoulder coming out of the door itself" GM design belts. Those just get slimy because of their location.

 

Phil

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No, not all of them are the most aspirational cars that came out of America over the last century or so, but I think that especially at the higher end of those model lines you can find very good cars that offer a certain level of style that you wouldn't be able to get anywhere else, while probably still blowing the doors of most off the shite you would buy in the UK back then and even now. The larger fwd Cadillacs were still excellent cars in their day, so was the Riviera and Park Avenue. Cars like the Cavalier or Lumina did exactly what they were supposed to do, provide cheap, simple, basic transportation within a certain size class and with a certain level of comfort and reliability (often through simple engineering). And they were very successful in doing that. Handling most of the time wasn't their strength, but I think many would be surprised how well they'd do on a country road, especially the sportier variants from Oldsmobile, Chevrolet or Pontiac.

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The only 80s FWD sedan I have much wheel time in was my grandfather's '88 Buick Century, which had like 17,000 miles on it in 2010 when he got rid of it(I bought it, but a long story and a lot family politics had me without the car and with the cash back in my hands...no idea where it is now). It was pale blue on the outside with a dark blue interior.

 

With that said, I spent plenty of time in my formative years in cars of this generation, or slightly newer early 90s models that weren't really a lot different.

 

Offhand, my parents had, between them,

 

Pontiac 6000

Chevy Corsica

Oldmobile 88

Pontiac Bonneville

 

My mom also had two different Lumina APVs-one of the first "dustbuster" mininvans.

 

Most of the above had that great, indestructible Chevy 3800 V6, a 90º OHV V6 that's not particular refined but will run forever.

 

Of the above, I think only the Oldmobile had a blue interior. The rest were red/burgundy, another favorite American car interior color of this era. The only other exception to this was the Bonneville, which was kind of a slate gray color.

 

Also, on another note, the Pontiac 6000 was a 1990, and my dad bought it in ~1998 from the little lady across the street. It had about 15,000 miles on it. At the time he was traveling a lot for work, and could easily put 25K+ on a car in a year. He sold the 6000 with probably 50K on it, and it had given him no end of headaches. A car use to 2,000 miles a year does not take kindly to suddenly being driven that much in a month, and it seemed as though he was having something fixed on it nearly every other week.

 

(I initially made the mistake of referring to the "Chevy Cressida", which doesn't exist. My parents bought matching TOYOTA Cressidas after they got married...)

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If you can look past that naff styling of the 1986 - 1999 3.8 litre GM H bodies, they are darn good cars. Having said that, if you manage to find the sole surviving A body Olds Cutlass Ciera with the LG3, you'd have the cheapest and most underrated muscle car of all time. Shite by definition, if there ever was one. I wasn't impressed when they foisted one on me as a hire car, but that changed dramatically at the next set of traffic lights. Here I was, having a stick of Dynamite with the fuse lit under my arse that could give even Corvettes a run for their money, and nobody around me knew a thing about it. Marvellous. Apart from that, the Taurus/Sable was bloody brilliant, too, extra ballsey points if you find an SHO. I didn't say pretty, mind. All the while good old Mopar exclusively unloaded pure, unadulterated shit onto an unsuspecting clientele. So those are actually the ones to go for. However, your search will be futile.

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The early '90s Chevrolet Corsica I rented for a week reminded me of Dad's Moskvitch with it's shoddy brown plastic interior. Memorably shite with very odd seatbelts that had a seperate inertia-reel mechanism and belt for the lap belt and the shoulder belt; both fixed to one buckle. Definitely an 80's leftover, 3 speed and 90hp. I went back to Budget and swapped it for a Pontiac GrandAm which was a huge improvement in every way, bang up to date and a good drive.

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I drove a fair number of these when I lived in the US in the late 80s. By the standards of the time the upper level models were often quite good.

 

1985 Oldsmobile 98. Lovely. Quiet, smooth, very comfortable, large but not excessive size.

 

From 1985 to the late 90s the Pontiac GrandAm, Oldsmobile Calais, Buick Somerset / Skylark were the standard mid-size US rental car so I drove many variants. Well sized, around the size of a Peugeot 406 so they were spacious without being excessively sized.  With the optional V6 engines they went very well and the later 3300 was excellent. The four cylinder ones were adequate. At least the handling was average to good depending on model.  I liked the V6 models enough that a Calais was second choice when I came to buy a car.

 

1988 Cadillac Seville. Got this one as a cheap rental upgrade. Lovely. Quiet smooth V8 (yes, front drive V8) with good handling and comfort.  Would be very happy to have one again.

 

Sorry Ford lovers but I thought the Tempo / Topaz was awful. A grim plastic interior with ride and handling like a pudding.

 

The Chrysler equivalents were generally much better than their styling would suggest. Quite lively with adequate handling and a good ride.  Mostly 4-cylinders though, so nowhere near as good as any V6.

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