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eBay tat volume 3.


Ross_K

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Greetings, ShitePickers, today we're going back in time to the magical year of 1998, first week of Feb to be precise (not 'arf) and a look at the top ten.

 

Coming in to number 10 at ten is 'You're Still The One (off)' by Shania Twain. Backing lyrics by the Proton Jumblefucks and recorded in a shed in Bromsgrove

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/PROTON-JUMBUCK-GTI-CUSTOM-1-8-EVO-4-ONE-OFF-/311709188143?hash=item489350c02f:g:Bf0AAOSwmLlX7rCe

 

 

Nah nah nah nah na na nahhhhhh

 

Dropping two places to number 9 is Robbie Williams and 'Anglias'  Robbie changed the original lyrics from 'I'm loving Corsairs instead on advice from his manager at Wanker Bastard Records

 

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New entry and number 8 this week, 'Getting Jiggy With It' by Will Smith. Smith recorded this popular song from his holiday bolt hole in Spain where it's rumoured he liked to get rear ended

 

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(BOTH MATURE DRIVERS, NEVER BEEN EATEN OR SMOKED)

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/BMW-E30-316-LHD-1987-DAMAGED-LOW-KLMS-RUST-FREE-IN-SPAIN-AIRCON-/112164336497?hash=item1a1d83f371:g:tS8AAOSwPCVX~Rt7

 

 

And at seven it's Never (Ever Been Welded) by All Saints. An interesting fact about the highly popular girl group is that none of them have ever actually been in a Talbot, though most of them have been in my dreams. I'd defo 'fluff' them pop pickers, that's for sure. But I'm dead so I can't.

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1983-TALBOT-ALPINE-GL-SILVER-NEVER-WELDED-/302078335121?hash=item4655459891:g:DPMAAOSwLF1X3tft

 

 

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And...at number six is Be Alone No More by Another Level. And YOU would be alone no more in this snazzy bijou little custom compact offroad expedition adventure caravan camper. If I'd have one of these back in the day that bird out of All Saints wouldn't have bothered with that gobshite from Oasis and I wouldn't be dead.

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Custom-compact-off-road-capable-expedition-adventure-camper-caravan-/172376169278?hash=item28226b9b3e:g:1wIAAOSwCGVYAnL~

 

 

Number 5 is 'When I need You' by Will Mellor and the Sill Welders. Rumour has it Will penned this ditty when on a bodywork course run by Stevie Wonder at York College for the afflicted.

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bedford-Rascal-restoration-spares-/232107841241?hash=item360ab496d9:g:8JEAAOSwpLNX-TzL

 

Big climber now as we reach no. 4. 'Truly Madly OLLI' by Salvage Gardens was an iconic hit for our Antipodean friends.

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1979-LAND-ROVER-88-4-CYL-GREEN-SPARES-REPAIRS-Project-SALVAGE-Series-3-swb-/182285646337?hash=item2a71123a01:g:3qAAAOSwmLlX3tQ8

 

 

Straight in to the top 3 at 3 is '(No) Docs-ter Jones' by Aqua. Unbeknown to most people Aqua is actually French for  Aye, Qu'en est-il de cela, Abruti?

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ford-maverick-spares-or-repair-french-registered-no-docs-/291905259730?hash=item43f6e8c8d2:g:iAMAAOSwh2xX-scL

 

 

Nearly there now shitesters, as we enter the top two, what will be number one? Well, it isn't......

 

'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. Unfortunately for Miss Dion her heart didn't go on and she came a cropper in the nonce's wing of HMP DVLA in Swansea. But let's not talk about the inside of prisons, some of my old mates have nearly ended up there (big hello to the Hairy Cornflake, not 'arf)

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/AUSTIN-MINI-1970-V5-LOGBOOK-TAX-EXEMPT-PART-SHELL-/331990060424?hash=item4d4c264d88:g:hlYAAOSwTA9X85yC

 

 

I've been Alan Fluff Freeman and this weeks charts have been sponsored by Operation Yewtree's Beyond The Grave Department. BIG SHOUT OUT to my main crew, yo. And we leave you with the number one single of Feb 2nd the chart topping 'Brimful of Astra' by CornersCut. Tune in next week where I almost certainly can't be arsed doing this again.

 

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/vauxhall-astra-GLS-auto-1996-3-months-MOT-Scrap-or-Salvage-Running-Perfectly-/182306988132?hash=item2a7257e064:g:CsoAAOSwNRdX-PyW

 

 

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'it has been safely in storage for the past 18 months'

 

'Car has been off road (Sorn) for past 18 months'

 

'The car will need 4 new tyres to pass an MOT'

 

'So buy it, put 4 tyres on it, get it MOT'd'

 

'Number 57 off the production line and according to the Sera collectors club, easily the earliest version of the Sera on the road.'

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/TOYOTA-SERA-CLASSIC-GULL-WING-CAR-FOR-COLLECTOR-/322295166084?hash=item4b0a49f484:g:tzcAAOSwh2xYAnkb

car is described as A1 but needs tyres, has rust, has the complex windows jammed and some other issues.

 

I would hate to see an E5

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I think this has been on before but I'm posting it anyway 'cos I like it. Very clean. £500 at least over priced? Can't imagine many people parting with £2k for an old Accord.

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/252550796442

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Here's another, "normal" spec but also very clean and no mention of a reserve.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Honda-Accord-2-0l-Auto-1992-/131972304980

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I use to see a really nice green Wagon around Chesham when I lived there a few years ago.

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Come friendly bombs and fall on Frodsham!
It isn't fit for bidding, man,
There isn't metal left to make a can.
Swarm over, Rust!

 

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Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, metal-less wings
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned cheese,
Tin mine, push it down one please.

 

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Mess up the mess they call Kadett
A bid of ten pound fifty yet
And in a week come through your town
scrap mechants

 

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And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive inner wings
In rusty tears:

 

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And smash his hood of PVC
And smash the frame, it's fucked you see 
And drag the bastard on his drive

And make him sell

 

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Come, friendly wob fall off rear quarter how

To get it ready for the hiab to plough.
Cartakeback are coming now;
The earth exhales.

 

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Opel-Kadett-C-Aero-Convertible-Project-Barn-Find-similar-era-Ford-Escord-/142150919459?hash=item2118dae523:g:v9MAAOSwCGVYA73l

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