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Shitting in the shallow end.


Jim Bell

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Kenny:

"I'm having trouble sleeping. I worry all the time. I'm in a state of almost constant panic. Have you seen the fucking size of a Harpy Eagle? They can carry off small deer and human fucking children mate. How I meant to sleep soundly in my bed knowing that the next time I open the front door, one of these pricks might be stood there? They can crush a human head with their feet. There can't be a god can there? No compassionate god could create such a thing?!"

 

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Mandy. 

 

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"Well it's a worrying time. I'm on furlough and the kids are off school so there's not been enough time to turn around, shit, or wind my watch since lockdown began. But one thing really is bothering me. What IS a King Vulture? I mean what is it? It looks like someone has pulled half the stuffing out of a Muppet then turned it inside out. I showed the kids a pic and now they have nightmares. The big one is pissing the bed, and they all have to share. "

 

 

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I mean, is that it's heart? Beating. Outside of its chest?

 

Who's going to protect us against a horde of these monsters if they come to take our statues?

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9 minutes ago, davocano said:

Just told my missus that I can't do any gardening today as I'm watching a live Jim Bell collection thread.

Her face made a rather peculiar expression and then she left the room.

I'll take that as a result.

My calendar was looking a bit empty today, now I've invited my whole team to follow along.  Good idea!

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This is Mandy. 
 
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Is there anything you'd like to discuss Mandy?
 
Mandy is concerned as she left the house this morning and she could of sworn it was 2020 but she went out a dark alley and ended up in in 1992, she's inadvertently bought a Sony Discman and a 25 inch TV that's going to need three people to carry up the stairs.. She just went to buy some gold jewellery but Gerald the bloke selling it told her it was cheap junk..

Sent from my SM-A505FN using Tapatalk

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Darren. 

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"Yeah there is sumfink bovvering me as it goes, fanks for askin. You know all this Brexit that we all seem to have forgotten abaaaaht since society itself set ablaze? 

Well, now that we've taken aaaahr cantry back and got all the Brexits dahn, will we be able to stop, CERTAIN ANIMALS from entering the country?

Like specifically Maribu Storks. Because fahk me they give me the small balls. Make my pickled onions creep right back ahp into the jar if you know what I mean. They fahkin look like an 80 year old man has put a Pelicans skull on his head as a joke. I can't as much as kiss the wife while I'm thinking about the dirty fahkas. "

 

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It's wot my graaaaanayyyd died for in the wawwer. Send then back to wot evva obscure archipelago they come from. "

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  • Jim Bell changed the title to Shitting in the shallow end.

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