Jim Bell Posted July 13, 2019 Author Share Posted July 13, 2019 Just for fun, parked up next to some other peak commuting shite. loserone, GrumpiusMaximus, djim and 17 others 20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Been there Jim Bell and Tickman 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 13, 2019 Author Share Posted July 13, 2019 Did you see the paint from my old 25gti up the wall on the way in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulplom Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Can I call first dibs please? Jim Bell and loserone 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 47 minutes ago, paulplom said: Can I call first dibs please? Yeah man. Ill give you a shout when it's ready. paulplom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Up bright and early this morning with a plan to repatriate a French car from a Scottish country. It's not a sports car but it's faster that Brian. Morning Brian. I've assembled all the tools I feel may be necessary on this IMPOSSIBLE MISSION and I'm already well in motion. And we are off to the races beige brothers. Stay tuned for French car action, pez shots, woolarding, at least two stories about bingo and much* munch* more. clayts450, davehedgehog31, Amishtat and 10 others 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 1st leg of the mission is purest green. It has 1.3, a brand new clutch and will be piloted by a real female woman. "Yes I know the pissflap is open. It's broken." She is well sick of saying at every petrol station when helpful cunts point out the cap flap is open. Am I going to fix it? No I am not. Start the clocks. We are off. Lacquer Peel, privatewire, davehedgehog31 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 For those intending to lay a bet on the final p.c. I must warn you we are already on 4. Two were the dog on the grass round the block but I had to pick them up so technically I guess from a legal standpoint, they are "MY" poos. One for the doggers. Spiny Norman, privatewire, Flat4 and 9 others 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flat4 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Chodspeed! Safe travels Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 TO BE SUNG TO THE TUNE OF THE SOUND OF SILENCE BY SIMON AND GARFUNKEL. Hello Central my old frieeeeeeeend. I'm right in side of you agaaaaaaaaaain. I'll stop to just get my tiiiiiiiicket. Then I'll pop in here to have a third shiiiiiiit. Joey spud, tooSavvy, Mally and 13 others 6 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andyrew Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 That's some serious shitting. Good luck good sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Today's destination is........ In the country of Scotland, winners of great Bannockburn world cup which celebrates it aniversary about now. Goan Scotland! I hate the English too. Colonialist pricks. Tickman, privatewire, Shirley Knott and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Train is pretty empty. Save for a couple of folks and a screaming child. Who brings a screaming child onto the quiet carriage? A parent, that's who. If I've got to listen to it, EVERYONES gonna listen to it. Look at that carpet though. Magnificent. Worth the £20 fare on its own. GrumpiusMaximus, jumpingjehovahs, privatewire and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Time for a hearty breakfast. And by hearty I mean I'm scared to eat anything. This will do for STRENGTH, ENERGY and HYDRATION. Water is even Scottish themed. IM TAKING YOU HOME WATER, I SHALL GRANT YEE FREEDOM IN THE LAND OF YOUR FATHERS! skattrd, Tickman, privatewire and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Beautiful scenery. Shirley Knott, Joey spud, privatewire and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Countryside isn't bad either to be fair. *Stings fields of barley plays softly* Shirley Knott, davehedgehog31 and privatewire 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 And out of the right window. The North sea. Tickman, davehedgehog31, privatewire and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 First story about bingo. As promised. When I was about 11:00 my mam took me and my sister to the Hoppings ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hoppings ) . We did all the usual childish 1990s Hoppings clichés, won a coconut, won a goldfish in a plastic bag, spewed on a stranger on the Waltzers, threw a toffee apple so it stuck to the side of a donkey, got bit off a travelers dog etc them my mam decided she wanted to go on the GOOD PRIZE BINGO stall on the main centre aisle of the fair. Being a nice pleasant son I said I would play with her while my little sister fucked off to torment and eventually be bitten by a travelers dog. The caller shouted the numbers and my mam marked three cards. I marked one because I'm quite slow witted. We ended up sitting there for at least an hour because mother would not leave till we won something. Against all probability, I actually won a game and jumped up. BINGOHOUSE!!!!! I shouted. Everyone looked at me. This was the GOOD PRIZE BINGO STALL ON THE MAIN CENTRE ISLE so it was heaving. The caller said well done boy what prize does boy want, you point. Point at prize. Any prize. (I don't know what nationality he was but it wasn't one I was familiar with at the time) I'd been eyeing up framed photograph of Samantha Fox (who was in the charts at the time) with both her tits out. This appealed to me as I was just cresting puberty. It was on the top shelf of the prize stack next to a waterproof digital divers watch. Yeah I'll have that, I thought and I pointed straight at it. The caller must have had a boss eye or something because he reached for a toy gun. Then my mam piped up. "No he doesn't want that. He wants the waterproof digital divers watch." The caller went to get that. Then I stood up and said "No not that, the one next to that. " The caller twigged on and said (on the fucking microphone) "Boy want titty picture? Ha! Boy want titty girl?" Then he made a funny face and gesticulated like he was masturbating. Everyone laughed. Then he put the microphone where his penis would be and pretend to masturbate that, pointing at me every few seconds while everyone at the stall pissed themselves laughing. My mam had got up and walked away in shame by now but I waited till he'd finished and got my picture and carried home on the bus. I must have looked like a prize idiot (geddit) and my mam didn't talk to me for days. Not even at the hospital when my sister had to get her dogbite injection. DodgyBastard, Spiny Norman, rml2345 and 34 others 12 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 More seaside. Looks like rain. privatewire 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbaldy Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 The only pictures i saw at the fun flairs where those funky mirror type ones, I ended up with some football one as a prize and I hate football too, fook knows how that happened. Safe journey. Jim Bell and stonedagain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Just now, garbaldy said: The only pictures i saw at the fun flairs where those funky mirror type ones, I ended up with some football one as a prize and I hate football too, fook knows how that happened. Safe journey. You probably didn't go to the GOOD BIG PRIZE BINGO STALL ON THE MAIN CENTRE ISLE. That was the one with the good prizes. That's what my mam used to say. Every ten minutes. privatewire and stonedagain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Northerning even more. stonedagain, Tickman and Shirley Knott 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Smaller train now. Had to hustle like Sir Mo Farrah across Waverly. Was rather undignified. privatewire and Shirley Knott 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiny Norman Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Good morning, sir! Your fine French chariot will be waiting for you at the agreed time and place as arranged. You'll be pleased to know I managed to get something that sounded a bit like Radio 2 out the stereo so you won't have to remember all the words to an old Fleetwood Mac LP. ? dome and Jim Bell 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Just now, Spiny Norman said: Good morning, sir! Your fine French chariot will be waiting for you at the agreed time and place as arranged. You'll be pleased to know I managed to get something that sounded a bit like Radio 2 out the stereo so you won't have to remember all the words to an old Fleetwood Mac LP. ? Tremendous news man, thanks very much. Hope you had a nice lie in. Spiny Norman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigstraight6 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Brilliant so far, have you still got the picture of Sam Fox with both tits out? busmansholiday, stonedagain, tooSavvy and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 1 minute ago, bigstraight6 said: Brilliant so far, have you still got the picture of Sam Fox with both tits out? Sadly not man. My sister smashed it and ripped it up when I was away on a school trip because I made fun of her in front of her mates because she shit the bed once. She won that round. I was devestated. privatewire, spartacus, Shirley Knott and 10 others 5 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Someone's swatting up for the big Scotland exam on Monday. stonedagain, tooSavvy, Lacquer Peel and 6 others 7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Glazjaw Lacquer Peel, Split_Pin and Tickman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooSavvy Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 ..... Impressed! PhotoreverseBejiggery, eh. *fail on exam swot = nae juggs oot (** fair, lyke thedd be under the table/on knees ? ) jogg onn, marrer privatewire, DeeJay, Jim Bell and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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