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2001/51 plate BMW 318i - we have a winner!

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This recently came into my world via a well know shitter.

This car is bloody lovely, no overstating this at all.

It's a mid metallic blue coloured, beige leather interiored, auto flavoured combo of utter loveliness.

The car is so solid and neat, there is a slight scuff over the O/S rear arch but it really is not worth messing around with. The engine bay is spotless, ever without me going anywhere near it.

The interior needs vacuuming and that is it. No splits or tears in the comfy leather seats. Headlining is great, no rips or tears. Standard stereo/cassette - business level. Sounds ace.

Split tail gate, very useful. Load cover is present and correct. Alloys are tidy with good quality tyres. I have a new OE bonnet badge to fit as the original is missing. Also has working rear parking sensors.

Air con works happily. Mileage is around the 125,500 mark IIRC.

This car is f*cking lovely and eclipses 99.9999% of everything I have had to date re: condition.

Needs for an MOT: NOW SORTED re: some sort of PCV (??) breather valve thingy and hose. The idle is ever so slightly erratic and the consensus is that it is this bit that needs replacing. An 11mm socket and some jiggling would get it sorted. Kits are 38 quid on eBay.  The car now idles and revs beautifully without hesitation or stutter!


Rear brakes will need a clean and tidy plus adjust as imbalance. I THINK that this is it, unless TWB recalls anything that I have missed.

Even the plastic headlights are lovely FFS. Sadly TfL have conspired to make it unusable to me in 2021. I could obviously get it sorted and use it but I have to trim things down between now and April anyway 'cos retirement. So rather than it sit in the barn in Essex getting dustier and dustier, I can either roffle it or sell it outright.

Any genuine interest?

Piccies now obtained!

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12. SierraMikeHotel ®


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Won't take that much and by g*d when done will be a belter. Just 37 quid for the engine gubbins.


It still drives, just a slightly variable idle. TWB might add more of a description as I have never driven the car.

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Won't take that much and by g*d when done will be a belter. Just 37 quid for the engine gubbins.


It still drives, just a slightly variable idle. TWB might add more of a description as I have never driven the car.

It's more that even I can't head the length of England to fit an engine bit then hope a car passes an MOT.

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Reg is HV51DCU failed on emissions and handbrake, it drives beautifully and got us to Cornwall and back a week before it failed. I gave it to Ken as he needed a big auto and I just couldn’t face the hassle at the time (somewhat ironic as things turn out but there you go), Rev bluejeans said it’s most likely the PCV vale mentioned above, if not a second hand set of injectors is needed. It was a one family car before I had and was genuinely cosseted and is the least rusty e46 I have ever seen. I owned it three years and it was a daily for that time without any issues. It uses a tiny amount of water (and it is a genuine tiny amount, not a litre in a couple of hundred miles), I topped it up about once every three months or before a long trip, I also put a brand new rad and header tank on but it still did it. Also has Michelin cross climates with very good tread all round.

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Have decided to de-roffle it for now. There is a plethora of worthy chod roffling happening at the moment and something without MOT isn't going to be high on anyone's roffle agenda which in all honesty is fair enough :)


I may even just start to explore the mechanical gubbins and buy parts once I know what they actually look like, I'd hate to buy and regret. Seemingly it is a few 11mm fittings and some jiggling of bits out of the way. If I can get that done then I will get my mate to have a look at the handbrake and lob it in for a test. Realistically that won't be until December I imagine.


Anyone fancy giving me a hand to tackle the engine oily bit? 

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Seemingly there is a simple test, just undo the oil filler cap, if there is an extreme vacuum and a hiss when removing it the the crank case ventilation valve is faulty. I'm guessing that this is the same item that was identified as a potential 'thing' previously. 

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Got bored on London today and slouched over to Essex to have a play with the BMW. The battery was flat but I had my trusty little battery starter thingy. 


Leads attached to the thoughtful jump start locations in the engine bay.............. nowt. Battery in the boot more securely bolted in than the Crown jewels. Luckily I had tools.


Battery now charging happily. Cleaned the interior a bit more. Looks 15% cleaner than it did last time I was there cleaning it. Outside is 10% dustier. Damn. Amazingly the car had a full compliment of original tools in the boot. Lovely rubber boot liner kept it all looking spick and span in the back. God this is a nice looking car. I would share some photos but I err, forgot the poxing camera. 

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Cos I stupidly left the camera at home. Cos stupid.


Thursday will bring pictures to this hallowed forum. Oil filler cap test and rubber glove over the dipstick tube tests will happen on Thursday too, seems that they can help confirm CCV/PCV stuff if the cap is hard to take off.

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