Wack Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 On 1/15/2020 at 6:41 PM, barefoot said: Similarly, pall bearers. To watch a team of six experienced blokes heft the coffin onto their shoulders and walk effortlessly without using their hands and perfectly in step, is a pleasure to behold. When they stick a short arsed woman amongst them or worse still, let some relatives have a go, it turns rapidly into an unbalanced, top heavy farce. This I got a phone call from the brother of a mate I hadn't spoken to in 5 years asking if I'd be a pall bearer , attending his funeral was fine but I really tried to get out of it , I was even more surprised when the church was full as to why they'd asked me. It was exactly as you've described , 6 guys of varying height , the funeral directors arranged us as close to the same height as possible with the shortest at the front. This ended up as a 12st body plus the coffin being carried on a downward slope , I was terrified of dropping it or watching it slide off the front like a lifeboat going into the sea so held on to the handle on the side for dear life until the funeral director told me they were only for decoration and I might pull it off as we were walking into the church There was a gasp as we put it down front end first, I've never been so relieved in my life we didn't drop him. It was as bad as an experience as I was expecting it to be. chodweaver, HillmanImp, stonedagain and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 11 hours ago, jakebullet said: I'm going to a gig* tomorrow. I've been excited all week. Made the mistake tonight of saying to the mrs. are you excited? Response: O. Followed by demanding she must have a seat. Er, you've been there before. It's a flat roof working men's club dive. It's always full of sweaty 50's bald men bouncing around pissed out of their gourds thinking they're still 19 to tribute acts of dead people. Seated it isn't. Worse she's booked 2 more there that I can't even name a song for, but I suppose they will be fine standing 'cos she wants to go to those. Less than impressed when I said fine we'll stay in and watch another fucking dismal amazon prime film as per usual. Sod that, just go on your own - I got fed up of taking unappreciative partners to gigs so started going on my own - had much more fun, drank a load of beer, jumped around down at the front and sang myself hoarse who are you planning to see ? Tickman, Christine and HillmanImp 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I took a mate to a gig last year. He got so drunk on strong IPAs that he heckled abuse enough to make the band stop, and was then an embarrassment for the rest of the evening. He was also such a state when I dropped him home that his Mrs didn't talk to me or my Mrs for a month, and apparently the next two days were a right off. paulplom, Cavcraft and HillmanImp 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mally Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 On 1/15/2020 at 6:41 PM, barefoot said: Similarly, pall bearers. To watch a team of six experienced blokes heft the coffin onto their shoulders and walk effortlessly without using their hands and perfectly in step, is a pleasure to behold. When they stick a short arsed woman amongst them or worse still, let some relatives have a go, it turns rapidly into an unbalanced, top heavy farce. I've done it a few* times. Don't really enjoy it, but you're not supposed to. It's a sort of honour to be asked, and if it's someone very close you definately want to. It's also cheaper. Why pay for 6 when a couple will suffice. Never had any mishaps so far. Perhaps they will drop me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 1 minute ago, Mally said: It's also cheaper. Why pay for 6 when a couple will suffice. This is an important point oft not considered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mally Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I'm something of an expert on cheap but efficient funerals. Edit, I feel the word cheap may be inappropriate in the circumstances. if it offends you please insert 'inexpensive' instead. barefoot, strangeangel and Christine 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roobarb Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 The Beat came to Minneapolis and because their US following is nothing like it was in the UK, you could actually get tickets without having to try to get them within 5 minutes of them being released. Took the Mrs and a couple who are good friends of hers. The first four songs were bloody amazing. But invited couple said ‘this isn’t very good’ and wanted to leave. So we left. I still regret not saying ‘Well you bugger off down the bar. I’ll see you in a couple of hours’. Now I never go with people that either don’t want to get their moneys worth (however painful they might find it), or wouldn’t think me rude telling them okay, I’ll see you later then. Cavcraft 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HillmanImp Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 1 hour ago, loserone said: I took a mate to a gig last year. He got so drunk on strong IPAs that he heckled abuse enough to make the band stop, and was then an embarrassment for the rest of the evening. He was also such a state when I dropped him home that his Mrs didn't talk to me or my Mrs for a month, and apparently the next two days were a right off. Ha, my mate did exactly the same once. I thought we were going to get lynched. I did tell Primal Scream to stop being shit once in-between songs but that was a fair point as they were. 1 hour ago, gm said: Sod that, just go on your own - I got fed up of taking unappreciative partners to gigs so started going on my own - had much more fun, drank a load of beer, jumped around down at the front and sang myself hoarse Yeah, this is the way forward. Unfortunately Mrs Imp gets into a sulk because I don't want to take her to a gig she wouldn't enjoy as she's fucking mental. She also gets upset if I don't want to go to a gig where some whiney ballad singer is playing that she likes. It'a all pretty redundant now anyhow. For the last few years I've been complaining about the absolutely shite sound system at Leeds 02. I can barely hear the music it's so distorted. I went to a gig somewhere else where I've been to loads which I know has a perfectly good sound system and was surprised to find it exactly the same. It was at that point I realised the sound system wasn't the problem it was my ears...... I've not been to a gig since. I think someone suggested getting some ear plugs but I've not tried yet as haven't enjoyed gigs for so long that I just don't have the desire to go to one anymore. stonedagain 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barefoot Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I will be accompanying the fair wife to view popular beat combo, 'The Slipknots' on Monday night. I can't abide the row that they make, nor indeed the bloke who sings like the honey monster. However I have bought a pair of earplugs (as recommended to me by someone on here) and will be going to watch the spectacle. How crap can a flamethrower lashed to an electric guitar actually be? Stanky, DVee8, djim and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserone Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 9 minutes ago, HillmanImp said: It was at that point I realised the sound system wasn't the problem it was my ears...... I've not been to a gig since. I think someone suggested getting some ear plugs but I've not tried yet as haven't enjoyed gigs for so long that I just don't have the desire to go to one anymore. Get some earplugs (good ones designed for gigs or listening, not ear defenders or plugs for sleeping in cities), and get yourself to the Brudenell. Arena gigs are one thing, and a laugh in your teens, but it's not really about listening to music, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw118 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 ^^^Agreed Sir Impage^^^ I don't go to many gigs now, partly becuase of the cost, which I'll mention below, and partly because of my ears. It's self inflicted; I played in bands for years, inevitably standing in front of a drumkit being beaten to death, or next to the PA with some half-wit screaming was going to have an effect. I've got constant tinnitus, and the hearing in my left ear is impaired at the higher ranges....so when Mrs_Outlaw is nagging me in the car, I can barely hear....small mercies and all that.... Cost: Had tickets for Tears For Fears at the O2 in Lahndahn last year. Perched up in the ceiling, in a chair my 8 year old grandson would have struggled to fit into, having just paid £3.50 for a 500ml bottle of pop, the sound was a bit shit - I've never liked the venue - Alison Moyet can no longer hold a tune, and TFF played for just over an hour in their main set, then a two song encore, so all in, about 80 minutes. £50 plus booking fees (robbing twats), and the merchandise stall was a joke too....£30 for a T shirt? GTF. Saw Devin Townsend at The Roundhouse in Kentish Town mid December along with Mr Inconsistant of this parish. The sound was amazing, the beer/pop was less money and the main man played for nearly two hours. Tickets were £30 IIRC. Much betterer. Cavcraft, chaseracer and HillmanImp 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I knocked a bloke and his missus's drinks over at a gig a couple of years back, because I was really pissed. I offered to get them more, the woman was really nice about it but her fella was giving it Billy Big Bollocks, probably trying to impress her which clearly wasn't working. Anyhow, got to the bar to buy them replacements, and my mate came over and said the bloke's missus had dragged him out of the place so I didn't have to get the drinks. I was a knob, but it was an accident and I was mortified hence offering more ale. xtriple, outlaw118, myglaren and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw118 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 I had my drink knocked out of my hand at a Cardiacs gig at The Kentish Town Forum. As I turned to enquire as to whether the assailant to my precious beverage was somehow visually impaired, I realised it was the lead singer from popular beat combo Blur, mockernee wankah Damian Allbran. He enquired as to whether I'd entertain settling our dispute using the noble art of pugilism, to which I agreed that we may continue our discussion in the car park. Unfortunately two members of his party advised him that committing to such actions would be unwise as "Look at the fucking size of him, he'll fucking kill you, you daft cunt". A brown note of the Queens currency was thrust into my hand by a member of the waste-of-space-stealing-a-living singer's party, and he was ushered away. An opportunity missed. chodweaver, myglaren, Jerzy Woking and 21 others 8 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reb Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 35 minutes ago, HillmanImp said: I did tell Primal Scream to stop being shit once in-between songs but that was a fair point as they were. Doing the lords work. I think their studio work is fantastic, but all of the live recordings I've heard they sound like I got extremely drunk and tried to form a cover band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuvvum Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 1 hour ago, outlaw118 said: I had my drink knocked out of my hand at a Cardiacs gig at The Kentish Town Forum. As I turned to enquire as to whether the assailant to my precious beverage was somehow visually impaired, I realised it was the lead singer from popular beat combo Blur, mockernee wankah Damian Allbran. He enquired as to whether I'd entertain settling our dispute using the noble art of pugilism, to which I agreed that we may continue our discussion in the car park. Unfortunately two members of his party advised him that committing to such actions would be unwise as "Look at the fucking size of him, he'll fucking kill you, you daft cunt". A brown note of the Queens currency was thrust into my hand by a member of the waste-of-space-stealing-a-living singer's party, and he was ushered away. An opportunity missed. Good to have you back Bob! chaseracer, outlaw118, chodweaver and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw118 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 Cheers Dave! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wack Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I've booked a driving holiday in France for later in the year , it's going to be 1000 miles or more so as my car hasn't got a spare wheel and I dont fancy the idea of a can of squirty foam being my only puncture repair kit I thought I'll get one Until I found out ford don't make a spare for it because of the huge brakes and the only company that do want £579 for a kit that includes a jack and a wheel brace. Fuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mally Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, HillmanImp said: It'a all pretty redundant now anyhow. For the last few years I've been complaining about the absolutely shite sound system at Leeds 02. I can barely hear the music it's so distorted. I went to a gig somewhere else where I've been to loads which I know has a perfectly good sound system and was surprised to find it exactly the same. I'm like that. I'm totally deaf in my right ear. Have an hearing aid in my left. Used to be quite reasonable with a loud band. Recently I get distortion to the point I cant hear any words, or make the tune out. Others say it's fine. Audiology say it all works as it should, so I just hum along with the fuzz in my head. Recently saw a Queen cover band in Benidorm, brand new hotel, Sound was pretty good. Must have been a good day in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mally Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Won a propane bottle 99p, 1/4 full, 3 mile from my house. Seller messaged me collect this morning. 30 mins later got a text, sorry my brother chucked it in the skip, it's gone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wack Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Course it has I won about 150 land rover magazines for 99p once Land rover owners are normally a friendly bunch but not when you hand over £1 for £500 worth of magazines, he had his grumpy face on, I think he was expecting considerably more Cavcraft, stonedagain and HarmonicCheeseburger 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New POD Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, Cavcraft said: I knocked a bloke and his missus's drinks over at a gig a couple of years back, because I was really pissed. I offered to get them more, the woman was really nice about it but her fella was giving it Billy Big Bollocks, probably trying to impress her which clearly wasn't working. Anyhow, got to the bar to buy them replacements, and my mate came over and said the bloke's missus had dragged him out of the place so I didn't have to get the drinks. I was a knob, but it was an accident and I was mortified hence offering more ale. The polite answer to someone pissed knocking over your drink is to say, no fella, that's okay, do you need me to get you an ambulance? You seem to have been poisoned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 It's meant to be distorted ...that's why you have distortion pedals. ?......It's meant to sound fuzzy, that's why you have fuzz pedals ? The hum is just feedback . Nothings wrong with your ears Mally ! stonedagain and chodweaver 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wack Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, outlaw118 said: ^^^Agreed Sir Impage^^^ I don't go to many gigs now, partly becuase of the cost, which I'll mention below, and partly because of my ears. It's self inflicted; I played in bands for years, inevitably standing in front of a drumkit being beaten to death, or next to the PA with some half-wit screaming was going to have an effect. I've got constant tinnitus, and the hearing in my left ear is impaired at the higher ranges....so when Mrs_Outlaw is nagging me in the car, I can barely hear....small mercies and all that.... Cost: Had tickets for Tears For Fears at the O2 in Lahndahn last year. Perched up in the ceiling, in a chair my 8 year old grandson would have struggled to fit into, having just paid £3.50 for a 500ml bottle of pop, the sound was a bit shit - I've never liked the venue - Alison Moyet can no longer hold a tune, and TFF played for just over an hour in their main set, then a two song encore, so all in, about 80 minutes. £50 plus booking fees (robbing twats), and the merchandise stall was a joke too....£30 for a T shirt? GTF. Saw Devin Townsend at The Roundhouse in Kentish Town mid December along with Mr Inconsistant of this parish. The sound was amazing, the beer/pop was less money and the main man played for nearly two hours. Tickets were £30 IIRC. Much betterer. A mate of mine is taking his family to that london to see a musical that I've never heard of called Hamilton , 4 tickets £650 which is most unlike him I had to google it to see what it was about The musical score of the play blends a mix of Broadway, rap, blues, jazz, R&B and hip hop Throw some country music in and they could use that to torture me, I'd tell them anything they wanted to know after 5 minutes Seems popular though Cavcraft 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xtriple Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I have just made an effort to eat properly (not something I do often, or indeed, ever) and cooked a cheese and onion omelette all chopped and whisked by my own fair hand. All I can say is: the dogs enjoyed it! It was bloody awful, even by my standards, Now I remember why I don't cook 'proper' meals very often. Get out of packet, microwave/George Foreman grill (often both) three minutes tops and Robert is your Aunts lovechild. Cavcraft 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artdjones Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I looked up how much Celine Dion tickets were when she comes to Dublin.My wife likes her,being a fellow Canadian.€320 for the cheapest ticket!What makes it even more of a ripoff is that equivalent tickets in Munich are €90. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheggers Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 A mate of mine is taking his family to that london to see a musical that I've never heard of called Hamilton , 4 tickets £650 which is most unlike him I had to google it to see what it was about The musical score of the play blends a mix of Broadway, rap, blues, jazz, R&B and hip hop Throw some country music in and they could use that to torture me, I'd tell them anything they wanted to know after 5 minutes Seems popular though I didn't read the post, just saw the seating plan at the bottom and thought "fuck me that's a big aeroplane" The Mighty Quinn, catsinthewelder, High Jetter and 12 others 3 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mally Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Christine said: It's meant to be distorted ...that's why you have distortion pedals. ?......It's meant to sound fuzzy, that's why you have fuzz pedals ? The hum is just feedback . Nothings wrong with your ears Mally ! Pardon? anonymous user and Christine 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wack Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 28 minutes ago, Cheggers said: 2 hours ago, Wack said: A mate of mine is taking his family to that london to see a musical that I've never heard of called Hamilton , 4 tickets £650 which is most unlike him I had to google it to see what it was about The musical score of the play blends a mix of Broadway, rap, blues, jazz, R&B and hip hop Throw some country music in and they could use that to torture me, I'd tell them anything they wanted to know after 5 minutes Seems popular though I didn't read the post, just saw the seating plan at the bottom and thought "fuck me that's a big aeroplane" I can see why you'd think that at £250 a seat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymous user Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Just to nip back to pall bearing, I have done this quite a few times for family. My brother, two cousins and myself have been drafted in a we are all around the same height and reasonably hefty. The only time of slight concern was the last one, we are all a bit older now. I was opposite my one cousin who decided to go too quick while lowering the coffin into the grave. I had to go slower to keep it level to match my brother and other cousin. My cousin then ran out of webbing on his side, fortunately not letting go and with me then matching the others the coffin did reach the bottom safely. I will say that had we dropped it my late aunt would have seen the funny side. barefoot 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HH-R Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Has the national speed limit been reduced to 40 MPH and I've missed the news? Always stuck behind some bloody massive SUV doing 40 and randomly slowing down to 30 odd for absolutely no reason, clear road, conditions ok, etc. Overtake and 50 yards down the road you're in the same boat. I know it's a limit not a target but if someone driving a Honda Jazz, a car with absolutely no power or torque at all, thinks you're going slow, you're just being an arsehole. Also said SUVs with those bluey- white headlights on unlit country roads. How the fuck are they legal? They might be ok on the autobahn but on twisty, hilly roads the person coming the other way might as well just close their eyes. If there's an Evoque, etc coming round a left hand bend or uphill towards you it's like having a soldering iron shoved in your eyes. MikeR, New POD, paulplom and 5 others 6 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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