The grumpy thread

[Mr Lobster]

so I stopped washing the car, aimed the jet wash thing at him at point blank range, hosed him down from head to toe with hot shampoo,

Excellent, thats has given me great LOLage.

 

Nice one!

 

[synx508]

Hirst, I sympathise entirely as I've done something like that in the past and regretted my lack of self-control afterwards, let's hope there are no repercussions.

 

Yesterday I managed to completely contain my rage after walking into Snappy Snaps to get some passport photos done, my mouth just about to speak words as a woman (who almost certainly drives one of those "me me me" cars) barged past from the street and got into the gap between me and the counter waving some photos that she "wanted the background removing" from.

She then had an extended discussion about what she wanted as a background instead, something she hadn't considered at all. Anyway, she settled on charcoal grey, eventually. I then got my photos done and left the shop a little older and wiser than I was expecting.

 

I am wiser because I have discovered that there is such a thing as a High Street photo retouching emergency.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

What a great story Hirst! Good job (for him) you were not washing your car USA-style, with a gun + live ammo. Keep it up!

[Mike D]

Hirst, you've made me roffle my hard hat off

[warren t claim]

Top marks Hirst! I did a similar thing in an automatic car wash when a bitch pulled in front of me. I simply waited until the rollers were covering her doors and then hit the emergency stop button. She wont do that again in a hurry.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

If theres any repercussions from the car wash incident, post them up on here and we'll bosh up a load of 100% reliable 'internet forum legal advice' about what your rights may or not be, based on something we read on another forum at some point in the dim and distant past.

[synx508]

Here's the "I can use Google" post you've been waiting for in respect of car wash rage.

 

http://archive.yorkpress.co.uk/2000/3/11/318256.html

[warren t claim]

Remember that when a copper comes to arrest you he HAS to be wearing his hat or the case will be thrown out of court! (Autoshite legal advice team).

[RedSparrow]

Hirst FTW!

Nice one mate, I don't think I would have been that brave.

[Lord Sterling]

Well done there Hirst man!

 

There are far too many selfish twats out there who think there better than everyone because of what they drive etc...

 

Hope no repecussions come from this.

[Albert Ross]

I would have blocked the cunt in, and gone for a half hour walk. Mine's not easily lifted/towed/pushed etc. Wanker...... Top marks to Hirst san. I trust you were well-attired?

[Milford Cubicle]

How long until D. Hirst goes on a Raoul Moat-esque rampage? Probably a while yet unless he gets pumped up on steroids, etc.

[Guest]

How long until D. Hirst goes on a Raoul Moat-esque rampage? Probably a while yet unless he gets pumped up on steroids, etc.

More of a Derrick Birdesque rampage in his Nissan Taxi

[Albert Ross]

Picking up fares, and dumping them out the remote NSR door at speed. (After removing wallets/virginity etc)

[rocco1504]

Just wanted to say thanks for the understanding posts everyone

 

I was in a right paddy that day, and seriously ready to do something stupid.

 

And yes scaryoldcortina, I will be in touch through the PM.

[Hudsonpie]

We have some breaking news live from Wakefield where a man believed to be Dan Hirst has gone berserk with what is thought to be a jet-wash gun. Un confirmed reports suggest he has a variety of resources at his disposal including several old Japanese cars in various states of dis-repair. The authorities are warning residents to stay indoors and on no account should they approach him as he is believed to be reeking of Brut, and is in a slightly bad mood. We'll have more on this story as it unfolds, now for the weather....

[Father Ted]

Deny everything.

You wernt there.

Your credit / debit card was cloned by the Indian bloke down the petrol station.

Its not your car, its been ringed.

The person on the CCTV isnt you, you were several miles away watching Big Brother Live.

 

Biggest mistake I made when I got arrested for ripping some tits aerial off was admitting I did it - had I denied it the plod would have forgotten all about it.

[warren t claim]

Deny everything.

You wernt there.

Your credit / debit card was cloned by the Indian bloke down the petrol station.

Its not your car, its been ringed.

The person on the CCTV isnt you, you were several miles away watching Big Brother Live.

 

Biggest mistake I made when I got arrested for ripping some tits aerial off was admitting I did it - had I denied it the plod would have forgotten all about it.

Do the NHS not get arsey at CRB time about that?

[Father Ted]

No, because I wasnt prosecuted - I had to write an apology and pay for the damage, then all charges dropped.

Still got arrested though

That said, that sort of thing the NHS dont really bother about - especially if spent.

[Cavcraft]

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ford-recovery-tru ... 3f013adff6

 

'MOT exempt'

 

Actually it isn't.

 

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/FORD-IVECO-CARGO- ... 27b3441ba8

 

'This truck is MOT exempt'

 

Is it bollocks as like.

 

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/FORD-CARGO-RECOVE ... 23087320f7

 

'MOT excempt'

 

Horse shit..

 

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/IVECO-TILT-SLIDE- ... 3caee10938

 

'SHE IS MOT EXCEMPT'

 

No. It. Fucking. Is. NOT. Test. Twatting. 'Excempt'.

 

 

For the benefit of anyone who may not know, when you see 'MOT exempt' in the advert for a recovery truck 99.9% of the time it means it's a heap of shit that's falling to bits and was last serviced/professionally checked over when Jesus was a lad.

[scaryoldcortina]

Funny, I was just telling autofive about the MoT exempt rules the other day.. while I was fixing the damn truck for it's stupid MoT... It's a falling to bits heap of shit alright! Bloody volkswagen, lol.

[MrDuke]

The latest 'budget-saving' measure taken by our panic-stricken, bed-shitting, NHS board, is to... wait for it... stop using first-class mail, for any reason. Including important patient correspondence.

 

No big deal, you think? Well, for one thing our clinics are regularly re-hashed at less than 36 hours' notice. Also, if a patient's test results have shown up serious suspected medical issues, they may need to be brought in within 2-3 days for treatment. Even if we had the time to phone up 50-odd patients a day to make arrangements on top of all the paperwork we have to do, most people just aren't at home during normal working hours.

 

Management's justification: £200 a day is saved by reducing all mail to second-class. Interestingly, every single missed out-patient appointment costs the NHS £250 - I can guarantee that a minimum average of 1-2 appointments every day will be missed simply because the patients didn't get their letters in time, and couldn't be reached by phone.

I can also guarantee that an absolute shitstorm will arise the first time that 20-odd people have to travel up to 30 miles to attend a clinic that's been cancelled.

 

I have the deepest sympathy for anyone in our catchment area who is seriously ill and can't afford private treatment. Basically, they're fucked. Did I mention that patients who have had prostate/liver cancer are waiting over 2 years for an appointment to check whether the cancer is still there? I really hope that some unlucky sod brings a huge court case against us sometime soon - maybe then some of the useless middle-management twats will be turfed out on their ears, thus genuinely saving the NHS some actual money.

 

 

 

P.S. I lurve my job. In spite of all the grief I get, it's easily the 'safest' job in the country at the moment. So I shouldn't complain about all the associated bullshit.

[Guest]

If theres any repercussions from the car wash incident, post them up on here and we'll bosh up a load of 100% reliable 'internet forum legal advice' about what your rights may or not be, based on something we read on another forum at some point in the dim and distant past.

Not particularly worried, I doubt the police response would be any more than a stifled chuckle - his word against mine over something which cost no one anything. If he takes the tax thing up with the DVLA or whoever, my MOT certificate would stack up and there's a disc in the screen - good luck persuading someone to care about that.

 

What would be quite funny is if he somehow obtained my address and attempted to issue a flimsy County Court claim for a dry cleaning bill or whatever, which would in turn give me his address. In that case, I would see if I could rent that shonky LDV Convoy off the blokes who come round periodically to pressure-wash the bins, knock on his door and then give him a good blasting with that. He'd soon get fed up of that happening.

[Parky]

That is awesome Hirst. As you are a Taxi Driver, I am pleased that finally the time has come where someone is gonna wash all the scum ON the streets!

[trigger]

Went this morning to buy a fan for the bedroom and ended up buying a VERY expensive HDTV as well that I didn't need

 

To add insult to injury they didn't have one left in stock but I could wait a few days or drive 30 miles away to the next store that had one on stock, so I've just drove down there in the BMW as that had the most fuel in it to find that it wouldn't fit in the car

 

I never thought a 40" tele would be so big, it was about 2" too big for the back seat as well, so that was a wasted trip.

[Station]

Went to take a car to MOT this morning, thought I'd stop off at the petrol station for some fuel and give it a blast with the jet wash whilst I was there. Stuck the fuel in, went in to pay and get a code for the jet wash whilst I was in. Sorted it and got in my car, just as I was heading to the jet wash area someone was reversing into it in a new Discovery, so I waved my ticket and he just stared, so I got out and politely told him I'd just got a ticket. He immediately went into a huff and went along the lines of "you should have parked here first" to which I said (still politely) sorry there's no signs or anything, just get it shifted and I'll not take two minutes. He refused to do so, so after a bit of verbal, I noticed there was a fair bit of give on the hose, so I just pulled around him and keyed in my code, washing my car next to his. Meanwhile he walked around arguing and getting in the way as much as possible, then noticed I had no tax. I told him he was on his way to an MOT so I didn't need it, but he went "Well, as far as I'm concerned it has no tax so I'm calling the police". This wound me up a bit, so I said to him that I would give him one last opportunity to not be such a (rhymes with hunt), explained the situation to him again and he said he didn't care and was still calling the police, so I stopped washing the car, aimed the jet wash thing at him at point blank range, hosed him down from head to toe with hot shampoo, got in my car and wheelspinned off, shouting "If you weren't such a dick maybe this wouldn't happen". He was dripping wet, surprised he didn't punch me or anything.

 

I wish any of that story was an exaggeration. I've got a foul temper sometimes. Anyway, the car passed its MOT. Hooray!

Please tell me that garage has CCTV! I'd love to see that!!! Ask for a copy if they have and if they're nice enough to give you it!

[ChinaTom]

Went this morning to buy a fan for the bedroom and ended up buying a VERY expensive HDTV as well that I didn't need

Recession? What recession? Return that tele and get onto that brown Sierra Ghia pronto.

[Station]

This is the conversation I have with my dad everytime I buy an oldish car (being from the 80's).

 

Dad: It's tax exempt

Me: No, it's not.

Dad: It is, it's over 25 years.

Me: No, it's not, it doesn't work like that.

Dad (getting aggro): What do you mean? It's over 25 years, etc.

 

Everytime.

 

And then my brother:

 

Brother: Is that tax exempt?

Me: No.

Brother: It's over 25 years.

Me: 'Bites fist'.

[Guest]

Please tell me that garage has CCTV!

It's only a small place - they probably do on the pumps, but the jet wash bit is tucked away around a corner, so doubtful I'm afraid. If it does, I'm sure it'll turn up on Road Wars or something eventually.

[maxpower]

Went this morning to buy a fan for the bedroom and ended up buying a VERY expensive HDTV as well that I didn't need

 

To add insult to injury they didn't have one left in stock but I could wait a few days or drive 30 miles away to the next store that had one on stock, so I've just drove down there in the BMW as that had the most fuel in it to find that it wouldn't fit in the car

 

I never thought a 40" tele would be so big, it was about 2" too big for the back seat as well, so that was a wasted trip.

if you had taken it out of the box it would have fit... i did it with a 40" tv and that was with an honda accord