The grumpy thread

[wuvvum]

It must be going some if you've got to the point where you're seriously thinking of committing murder and doing a lengthy stretch in prison for it. To say nothing of the potential lifelong feud that you might have ignited as your victims' families then start taking it out against your family (see Traveller culture, etc.)

Only if someone sees you.  Can't see them getting a fingerprint off piano wire.

[Cavcraft]

Had the chance to be lead singer in an Animals tribute band. Turned it down as didn't want to be a Burdon.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Had the chance to be lead singer in an Animals tribute band. Turned it down as didn't want to be a Burdon.

10 Internets to you sir.

[MikeR]

liked a joke I saw the other day about crows ..... they get run over by lorries .... because they can only say " Cah "

 

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority recently found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston. Everyone involved was concerned that these crows might have died from Avian Flu, so they had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows. To everyone's relief, it was determined that the problem was definitely not the Avian Flu. Instead, the cause of death looked to be from vehicular impacts.

During the detailed analysis of the crows, it was noted that there were varying colors of paints found on the birds' beaks and claws. By analyzing the paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by the impact of trucks, and only 2% were from impact with a car.

The Massachusetts Turnpike Authority then hired an ornithological behaviorist to look into the cause for the disproportionate percentages of crows killed by trucks versus crows killed by cars.

The ornithological behaviorist came up with the answer very quickly. The cause? When crows eat roadkill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn the other crows of impending danger.

While all the lookout crows could say the word "Cah," none of them could say "Truck."

[jayroller]

Now that sounds like a plan! I could name it the "Chichester lacklustre motor vehicle event - guest starring V-reg Corolla". There is a suitable meeting place not far from here which has an occasional ice-cream van visit. Maybe in the summer.

 

How about Chichester Local Interesting Transport Organisation Relocating Interesting Stuff? 

 

 

(edited to add)

Or possibly the Chichester Ultimate New Transport Society?

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Only if someone sees you.  Can't see them getting a fingerprint off piano wire.

DNA traces? "Every contact leaves a trace"?

[DodgeRover]

FFS suggesting attempted murder? it's people mucking about in a field with quads probably kids, if somebody put piano wire out and my kid hit it I would personally kill the cunt responsible. Get a bloody grip - have you never had any fun in your ducking lives gone shooting, mucked about in a dirt bike, spent days chainsawing wood for the fire? Did you personally ask permission from everybody in a 2 mile radius and consider getting planing permission? Jesus no wonder the country is utterly fucking fucked.

[Parky]

If the locals are anything to go by, kids on quads rarely take safety precautions or have any concept of risk. So I wouldn’t plot anything nefarious as they will probably take themselves out of the equation soon enough.

 

Told a kid on a moped (he looked about 14) that t-shirt and shorts weren’t going to be much good if he came off so he squared up to me and offered me out. Despite this I hope he doesn’t come off and fuck up his arm/leg/face permanently but the dodgy uninsured illegal bike and his total recklessness would suggest his good looking days are numbered.

[twosmoke300]

Piano wire.

What the fuck is wrong with you ?

Nimby pricks !

Are you the sort of cock that has been doing that across byways and seriously injuring legal trail riders ?

 

Jesus kids need fun , were you never young ?

 

Seriously thinking about logging out of here forever now

[SiC]

Fishing wire is a massive fear of mine when cycling to work along the Bristol to Bath cycling path. Had quite a few incidents over the years where gangs have done it so they can nick the bikes. Naturally the riders don't come off well what so ever.

 

I can't see why anyone would ever want to consider such a thing on another human being? Apart from it being attempted murder, it has the capability of severely maming someone for life.

[Des]

Seriously thinking about logging out of here forever now

 

Slow down there a sec, would you not just use the ignore feature? Might be for the best as that was just two words and I can't guarantee I'll never have a drink or three and let slip with a snippet of some proper dark stuff that I'd normally keep a tight lid on.

For the record, I've never killed anyone, never attempted to, always managed to show respect for others, simply wouldn't be able to enjoy myself at anothers cost. Piano wire was a joke, perhaps Argos catalogue suspended from a tree branch with baling twine so it slaps passing miscreant right in the kisser would have been better. Maybe I have developed a bit of a lower tolerance for selfish twats than is the norm, this could be down to having to endure them with a rapidly increasing regularity that has me taking the extreme step of putting my house on the market in the next week to escape their onslaught. Not the odd nuisance, it's a barrage of crap that I don't believe anyone should have to endure. The vast majority of these soulless arseholes are in reality having no fun whatsoever, merely going through the motions, fakes emulating fakes as they succumb to the unevolved low self worth monkey brain driven need to be seen to be giving it large and loud, still indistinguishable from your peers? Give it larger and louder and so it goes on. Cunts.

[Cavcraft]

Don't know what you're moaning about, tbh. I got stuck behind the devil in the queue at the Post Office yesterday, and the devil can take many forms.

[somewhatfoolish]

Shit auctions that tell you nothing useful, have no photos, but have a stupidly low buy it now price... and no way of contacting the seller other than through eBay's messaging system.

 

I'm hovering over the BIN button poised in anticipation - just need some fucking information that's pretty crucial.

 

(Inner self says just do it, sensible head says hang back)

Utilise the fact that ebay protects buyers in spite of more or less any form of misfeasance; BIN it, go and inspect and if it's ok buy it. If not walk away and there's bugger all the vendor can do about it as ebay won't lift a finger. This is endemic self-inflicted harm by ebayers everywhere, all of which can be averted/mitigated by actually describing things properly, photographing them with something that doesn't have a lense made from a potato and responding to (pertinent)questions promptly, so the vendor is ultimately culpable.

[dozeydustman]

How about Chichester Local Interesting Transport Organisation Relocating Interesting Stuff? 

 

 

(edited to add)

Or possibly the Chichester Ultimate New Transport Society?

 

 

 

I'd prefer an acronym made from Wankers or Arsebiscuits. The naughty C-word I only use if extremely angry.

[xtriple]

We were out on legal lanes once ( a few years back now) and fortunatley, I was leading and as I came round a corner, there was piano wire strung across the lane at neck height! To make it even more obviously deliberate, a little earlier in the lane, there was a fork and one way had been deliberatley and very forcefully blocked so you had to go the way the wire was strung!

 

I was always pretty observant and skidded to a halt while sticking me head on the tank and it ripped off an air vent from the top of my helmet. I managed to warn/stop everyone else so no drama or damage to anyone, but, if my wife had been in the lead, she would have hit it full on as she NEVER looked anywhere except at the lane itself. We cut the wire (with a shit load of difficulty) and removed anything that could be used to string another from and rang the police.The police were absolutely useless and tried to tell us we were riding illegally and not at all interested in the attempted murder.

 

Nice.

 

If I ever caught someone doing that I think I could get a tad annoyed

[Tadhg Tiogar]

...I can't see why anyone would ever want to consider such a thing on another human being? Apart from it being attempted murder, it has the capability of severely maming someone for life.

But people do. Life is increasingly treated as some sort of computer game, and there are those who either cannot make the mental connection - or simply couldn't care less - between an act and carrying responsibility for it. It will only get worse.

[Norbert]

We were out on legal lanes once ( a few years back now) and fortunatley, I was leading and as I came round a corner, there was piano wire strung across the lane at neck height! To make it even more obviously deliberate, a little earlier in the lane, there was a fork and one way had been deliberatley and very forcefully blocked so you had to go the way the wire was strung!

 

I was always pretty observant and skidded to a halt while sticking me head on the tank and it ripped off an air vent from the top of my helmet. I managed to warn/stop everyone else so no drama or damage to anyone, but, if my wife had been in the lead, she would have hit it full on as she NEVER looked anywhere except at the lane itself. We cut the wire (with a shit load of difficulty) and removed anything that could be used to string another from and rang the police.The police were absolutely useless and tried to tell us we were riding illegally and not at all interested in the attempted murder.

 

Nice.

 

If I ever caught someone doing that I think I could get a tad annoyed

 

Liked for being in agreement with xtriple, not for the wire obvs.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

As the 'starter' of this controversy over the quad bikes, I just feel like I need to clarify a few things.

 

The reason I'm pissed off is because they literally rocked up there one afternoon and decided to start doing it.  It might very well be legal but they didn't go to the trouble of notifying the residents of my hamlet.  I live in a little enclave that has about 7 houses in it and we are the only ones affected by it.  It wouldn't have hurt them just to put a note through the door with a number if we wanted to discuss it.  It is two fields over and does make a significant amount of noise during hours when most of us are trying to wind down.

 

Secondly, it's been a fucking stressful week with my partner's Mum being in hospital and near-constant attention.  I've had the least of it and I'm frazzled by it.

 

Lastly, I would never, ever wish injury or death upon anyone riding.  Never.  

[Cavcraft]

Usual 3/4-1/2 mile of slow moving traffic in the left lane of the motorway to go onto the next one. Down to about 25-30mph, middle and right lanes free flowing. Get pretty much on top of the junction and about 8 sodding cars are carrying on, not turning off.

Well done, you turnip bollocked, shit knockered bastards.

[dozeydustman]

As the 'starter' of this controversy over the quad bikes, I just feel like I need to clarify a few things.

 

The reason I'm pissed off is because they literally rocked up there one afternoon and decided to start doing it.  It might very well be legal but they didn't go to the trouble of notifying the residents of my hamlet.  I live in a little enclave that has about 7 houses in it and we are the only ones affected by it.  It wouldn't have hurt them just to put a note through the door with a number if we wanted to discuss it.  It is two fields over and does make a significant amount of noise during hours when most of us are trying to wind down.

 

Secondly, it's been a fucking stressful week with my partner's Mum being in hospital and near-constant attention.  I've had the least of it and I'm frazzled by it.

 

Lastly, I would never, ever wish injury or death upon anyone riding.  Never.  

 

 

My dad has had a similar problem on the fields near him with arseholes on dirt bikes trailing up and down wrecking the farmer's crops. There are public footpaths and bridleways around the edge of these fields and if they stuck to these, it wouldn't be so much of a problem.

 

I would say have a word with your parish council or local authority, or even the non-urgent police line 101. They can contact the land owner and find out if permission was granted, as it does count as anti-social behaviour, even though it appears to be some distance from you. If it is the land owner doing it, or has given permission for this to happen, they may be able to put a caveat on their actions, i.e. not after 7pm. If it's troglodytes doing it without permission of the landowner it's trespass.

 

https://www.police.uk/crime-prevention-advice/anti-social-behaviour/

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Don't know what you're moaning about, tbh. I got stuck behind the devil in the queue at the Post Office yesterday, and the devil can take many forms.

Can you slow down with these....... I'm struggling to translate and try and explain in French when the gf sees it. I can't risk a single chortle now..... it gets the instant - What ze fuck av the auto shit guys said now.......

[mercrocker]

I know what you mean...I have to explain every nuance of English language jocularity to a Polish woman at work.   She has a fine command of our vocabulary but does not "get" the double entendre, or the subtlety with which we make what only translate as suggestive remarks.   Probably thinks we are all perverts and linguistic professors.   

[Dick Longbridge]

I know what you mean...I have to explain every nuance of English language jocularity to a Polish woman at work.   She has a fine command of our vocabulary but does not "get" the double entendre, or the subtlety with which we make what only translate as suggestive remarks.   Probably thinks we are all perverts and cunning linguists.

 

EFA.

[richardmorris]

Fishing wire is a massive fear of mine when cycling to work along the Bristol to Bath cycling path. Had quite a few incidents over the years where gangs have done it so they can nick the bikes. Naturally the riders don't come off well what so ever.

I can't see why anyone would ever want to consider such a thing on another human being? Apart from it being attempted murder, it has the capability of severely maming someone for life.

 

Some one I think tried to bring a private prosecution against Matthew Parris, the well known arsehole/ opinionist/writer for inciting violence. As several times know he was recommended people string piano wire across cycle paths. He has claimed he means it in jest.

[Cavcraft]

Can you slow down with these....... I'm struggling to translate and try and explain in French when the gf sees it. I can't risk a single chortle now..... it gets the instant - What ze fuck av the auto shit guys said now.......

Just explain to her that the pen is mightier than the sword, and if she disagrees with you tell her you’ll come down on her like a ton of Bics.

[AlabamaShrimp]

One of my mates is a total knob. On his way to Scarborough and something started juddering in his er whatever the Matiz mk3 was called here.

 

He ring me. Is it tracking, a bearing or just a wheels weight thrown. No it's happening at low speeds. So he calls for recovery.

 

Guy gets there and tells him it's 'warped tyres' as they're low and it was an advisory last mot.

 

I've never heard of this but now he's saying can I go tow him tomorrow to get some new tyres.

 

No I can come round and swap the front to the back and drive it there. He can't do that as there's apparently no jack in the car...

[Mr A Lawrence]

Show us! !

[Kiltox]

DVLA’s wonderful new online private plate system refuses to transfer a reg onto my Porsche need to do it the old fashioned way by post

Tried again today and it worked fine. Another top class development effort subcontracted out to the lowest* bidder I assume.

[clayts450]

To the thunder cunting cocknugget who tailgated me heading into a 30mph zone to them go the wrong side of a pedestrian central road crossing, before driving in front of traffic, I did catch it all on film, and  I am SO sending it to the cops, i've seen people having some fun, but seriously that was a FUCKING lethal.  Shame the camera does not catch EVERYTHING, but it has your registration and driving.

 

Hope you shouted CAMRUH! at him as he shot past

 

There really are some self-entitled cockwombles on the roads these days.

 

My camera doesn't seem to capture them tho, because it's usually me being the cockwomble because dozy old fart.

[Sir Snipes]

I think I got off lightly with the latest w10 update; I only had a load of bloatware dumped on me and all my preferences changed....