Your biggest motoring cockup?

[Guest Hooli]

Buying a SIII Land Rover. Nothing comes close.

 

I purchased an ex-race S3 LtWt with RR lump & gearbox. It was still a better car than a goona2, even thought 4wd didn't engage, the brakes didn't work, every electrical connector fell apart at random, no door seals, no heater & more drafts than standing outside due to the pop riveted bulkhead to move the engine backwards.

[AMC Rebel]

My first car was a Mk1 Fiesta which had no radio, being a 'youth' I had to sort this. I took the driver's door card off to cut a hole in it for the speaker I was fitting, I used the handy hole from the window winder spindle as a point of reference and cut the hole directly underneath this. You can imagine my surprise when I put it all together and realised I now couldn't wind the window down as the now attached window winder caught on the speaker.

I did this in my first car - a MK1 Escort Van - wound up with two big speaker holes in the door card.

[paulplom]

I fiited a spotlight grill to my mk2 metro 5 years ago. I used self tappers that were approximately .0001mm too long and burst the rad.

I'm a plumber though and managed to clean it up and solder the hole. Still has the rad on as far as I know.

[Slappy]

Thinking that my Dad's brand new Carina was cool because Touring Cars....

 

The very first time I drove any car it was my Dad's next car, a 307, aged 19 when he entrusted me on private land to move it around the corner whilst he was packing up some computer stuff. "Right I've got this, I've always been into cars and I've watched my Dad enough to know what I'm doing", beckoned my sister to jump in as I reckoned it was safer than her being outside. After 3 failed attempts at getting the thing started, I got it going by giving it the beans in neutral. Clutch down, gingerly engaged first and moved off.... without disengaging the handbrake.... Fortunately we were on grass, so no damage done, but I never lived it down with my 14 year old sis...

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I fiited a spotlight grill to my mk2 metro 5 years ago. I used self tappers that were approximately .0001mm too long and burst the rad.

I'm a plumber though and managed to clean it up and solder the hole. Still has the rad on as far as I know.

In a similar vein, as a 15 year old I decided the perfect place to fit spotlights on my Dad's Renault 16 was to drill a hole between the indicator and overrider on the nice flat panel below the radiator grille , took me a few seconds to work out why there was anti-freeze spraying out of the bodywork..

Unfortunately I'm not a a plumber , luckily we had a spares car, so my dad didn't know anything about it, until about 2 years later when he needed the rad out of the spares car, don't think I've ever put my hands up to that one!

After 38 years do you think the statute of limitations is up?

[overrun]

Same ex-Nova owning mate also fitted illuminated Cavalier sun visors to the car and 'insulated' the twisted and taped connections with Sellotape.

[oldford]

I decided to fit a panel light dimmer to my Dolomite, cut the hole in the dash, fitted it, wired it in, tested it and it all worked perfectly.  Screwed the dash panel back in, turned on the lights and there was an acrid smell and the car started to fill with smoke.

[dugong]

Barrel rolling an MG Midget in North Yorkshire wasn't my finest hour.

 

36 face stitches later and I'm even less useful than I was before.

[Andychancer]

Most recent was probably when I bought my new light board for my trailer,I parked it in the garage and used to drive my autograss nova onto it.Well this particular afternoon I decided to wheel spin all the way up my drive on the rev limiter like a clown and slammed on at the ramps,cool as ya like I started to drive on,pleased with my efforts and smoke Infront of my neighbours who regularly saw me giving it hell as they say.This time though I didn't put the rear feet down and as I got so far up the front end of the trailer suddenly smashed into the garage roof and the light board exploded into many many pieces.the bang it made was incredible.Lessons were learnt that day.....

[captain_70s]

Barrel rolling an MG Midget in North Yorkshire wasn't my finest hour.

 

36 face stitches later and I'm even less useful than I was before.

I imagine most people who barrel roll a Midget die to death, so surely this is a motoring success?

[dugong]

I imagine most people who barrel roll a Midget die to death, so surely this is a motoring success?

Depends whether or not I'm on your ignore list or not. Closest I've ever come to logging off permanently I reckon.

[rml2345]

Continuing to do brake jobs despite them always ending in fucking disaster and costing twice as much as getting the garage to do it. On the Xantia new front discs and pads turned into needing an angle grinder, caliper bolts and a CV gaiter.

Which was actually an improvement over the last brake job.

[Richard]

I decided to fit a panel light dimmer to my Dolomite, cut the hole in the dash, fitted it, wired it in, tested it and it all worked perfectly.  Screwed the dash panel back in, turned on the lights and there was an acrid smell and the car started to fill with smoke.

I fitted one to my Sunbeam. No problem there, it was pre-wired, but then it occurred to me that I could fit it in place of the fan switch to have an infinitely variable fan. See quoted post for the outcome of that experiment.

[Split_Pin]

Misfiring "COIL PACK".

Ignored advice as too tight to buy a new one

Replaced MAF with cheap copy

Replaced EGR with cheap copy

Finally fitted 2nd hand coil pack but cue months of running issues due to aforementioned 'pattern' parts, eventual cut out, tappet inexplicably jammed, drive home in anger anyway, now the tapped is permanently fucked.

Mr 320 unplugs MAF, fixed.

EML comes on a few weeks later, genuine and fupping dear Pieburg EGR fitted, runs better but economically a new engine is the only way to go.

Bugger.

[Parky]

Replacing the battery twice, alternator, starter motor and ignition switch to try and cure an unreliable Chevette.

 

Problem eventually traced to loose earth lead...missed by two mechanics and the AA.

[Guest Hooli]

^^ reminds of a Manta I had, two alternators later I worked out the earth strap to the alternator didn't carry any current.

[scruff]

Buying a SIII Land Rover. Nothing comes close.

 

With the massive advantage of hindsight I will concur. Except I did it repeatedly, moving onto Series IIs and Ones, and dallying with those high tech coil sprung jobs too.

 

I ran four SIIIs one after the other when they were still obtainable with long MOT for under a grand. The first was probably the best, an N reg diesel with overdrive, soft top, bangin' stereo etc. When it shat it's gearbox I eyed up the rotten bulkhead and parked it aside, buying a R reg petrol pickup from my grandad instead. Nice and straight but a papermache chassis and a bent rear axle which meant it ate halfshafts and diffs. Then came a Y reg 109 which was very nice and made a lovely motor for someone but it wasn't me, coz I was spaz and sold it.-

 

Next was a P reg diesel with no straight panels at all. This is the source of most of my fuck ups.

 

On the 50 mile journey from Chandlers Ford to Arundel it boiled many times and was smoking like a bastard when I landed home. I stopped at the services at Crossbush and when I went to start just got a burning smell and the odd spectacle of the accelerator pedal glowing red. It had earthed out through the trhottle linkage and stop cable, nicely knackering the latter as it did so. I should have taken it back, but I'd sold the petrol one to some mug so was stuffed for transport. I threw the stat away, put a new earth on the engine to chassis, and drove everywhere at 40 mph as that kept the temperature just below the red.

 

Then I had the bright idea to take it to the LR show at Billing, towing a twin axle Ifor Williams stock trailer which was to be our makeshift accomidation. After the longest journey in the world we arrived safely but the next day the head gasket blew spectacularly on the off-road course. Found a head set in the autojumble, plonked it on in the campsite and it ran but was even more gutless and smokey than before. I had spent all my 'holiday money' mending the bastard but it limped home to Sussex making some curious noises and boiling up on most inclines.

 

Miraculously this engine lasted another month, one day I was at full velocity on the A24 heading towards Horsham with my ears bleeding and an unfortunate young lady in the passenger seat when the oil light came on. My skintness meant there was no breakdown cover in place and so I figured there was nothing else for it to keep going. We knocked and rattled into my friend's yard with smoke pouring from all orifices and a very uneven idle. Weighing up my situation I had only a couple of options. I had to be at work Monday (this was Saturday afternoon) and had no other transport. My original N reg Landy, now much robbed, was dissolving in a corner of my pal's farmyard (actually his girlfriend's parents) and this sported a slightly less fucked diesel engine. Armed with some tins of lager, a Ford 5610 with a loader as engine crane and a incomplete socket set I set to. By 10am Sunday morning it was in, clattering away and smoking happily to itself.

 

As I threw the seat cushion in and hauled myself behind the wheel for the triumphant test drive, sat on top of the vinyl dashboard winking at me was the fucking clutch release bearing.   Oh dear I said.

 

After hoiking the engine out again (I did not have the heart to piss around moving the gearbox) it was back in, clattering and now pissing out diesel from a pipe I pinched, by 2am Monday morning ready for a 5am start at work.

 

Two weeks later an energetic recovery on a greenlane pulled one of the dumbirons off the front of the chassis and that was that, a month or two left on the MoT and no hope of passing another so it got parked to one side and in a genius financial move I somehow borrowed two grand from the bank and bought a F reg 90 with Land Rover's finest* engine, the 2.5 turbo diesel... 

[cort16]

Not sending away the v5 of the car that was used as a high speed drugs mule being chased  by most of L&B's Senator 6 weeks after I sold it.

The police, where good about it luckily.

 

On another occasion my mate had some shite heap sitting out the front of the house with tax in post in the window or something. The police turn up at the door,  knocked but because the front door was open they came right in. His Mrs thought it was him so hid behind the door with the lights off and jumped out on them shouting RAAAAAAR. The fucking shat themselves.

They saw the funny side of that, the abandoned heap in the street less so.

[dugong]

I imagine most people who barrel roll a Midget die to death, so surely this is a motoring success?

 

It wasn't at the time. 

 

 

One way of losing weight, I suppose. 

[Guest Hooli]

I'd say half of that face is an improvement on t'other

[RustyNuts]

Nloody hell dugong, hope you're alright now fella... that looks nasty!

[Slartibartfast]

Image no longer exists?

[plasticvandan]

This

[D Spares & Tyres]

There have been a few but I think the Daimler wedding car tops them all....

 

Welding the underside on a ramp. I hear the phone ring so answer it. It was someone I hadn`t seen for a while so was chatting for some time. I then looked behind me as I was wondering what that crackly noise was. It was the Daimler on fire.....  

 

Managed to lower the ramp and by this time luckily the windscreen had melted so we were able to fire the extinguisher through the gap.

 

Did I mention it was supposed to be doing a wedding in a couple of days????