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Memoirs from the Hard Shoulder: bASeman's Spot of the Year award.


BorniteIdentity

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5 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

What have I bought then?  Well - what I've been waiting for.  A Mk1, Ph2 Renault Clio - with grey bumpers.  

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And three wheel trims.  Are they even genuine?  I'd like a matching set all round nonetheless.

Yes, there was a bit of a scrum for this when @quicksilverposted it up last week.  I'm not absolutely certain how I came to be the person chosen to have it.  Quicksilver gave the owner's contact details to a couple of us and - for whatever reason - it was me who ended up with it.  Obviously  you can't force someone to sell you something, and he made the decision of his own free will, but I felt very lucky.  It might just be that my email got to him before other peoples, he might have liked the cut of my jib, who bloody knows.  Anyway, genuine apologies.  

It is an absolute peach.  59,000 miles - owned since 1997 - and the most serious MOT fail ever seems to be

"Steering system has excessive free play detected at the steering wheel (steering rack fitted) (2.2.a.1b)"

Only previous owner was Europcar. 

I'm chuffed to bits with it.  The offside rear arch is a tiny bit rusty, and there's a small dent and scrape on the offside front wing which is easily pushed out.  Otherwise, it is A2.  Inside, as you'd expect, is immaculate.  It has THE steering wheel, and a stunning fabric on the seats.  It's pre-watershed now, so you'll have to wait for interior pics.

Have you ever driven one of these?  I love them.  They're squidgy.  At 6'1 I sit legs akimbo with a shit eating grin.  The engines are zingy, and it really zips along.  These MK1 clios also have one of the most satisfying gear knobs of all time too; tremendously rewarding.

It was a rather uneventful drive home apart from the occasional flicker of a battery light and the fact it would hold back and turn the radio off if I flashed someone out.  Probably current related - NFAR.  

I managed 54 miles of the 60 mile drive home before I realised it was 21:10 and I hadn't eaten.  Pulled into McDonalds and ordered something obscure so they'd have to cook it fresh, and got put in the waiting bays.  Once the grub was delivered I reversed out (wanting to eat at home) and promptly stalled.  All colour drained from my fat little face, previously decorated with the smile of someone who's about to eat.  Click.  Nothing.  I'd driven 54 miles at high speed - and the battery still laughed at me.

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Obviously I'd used up the charge in the pack trying to start it 2 hours earlier, so I had to call the wife - who was rather unimpressed as that meant getting in the car and heading out when she'd literally just got into bed.  I have to say though, the service was far better than The AA.  She turned up within 15 minutes with a smile and no bra on.  That's what I CALL the fourth emergency service.  My leads had it started in 5 seconds and we headed home.  

Things to do:

  1. Try and charge the battery.  It's not very old, but it might just be FUBARd.  
  2. Get proper battery clamps.  These spinny things are weird.  I don't like - and it's not currently very safe.
  3. Work out what the fuck is dangling underneath the car.  It looks like a bulb holder on a wire, but is halfway down?  DUNNO.
  4. Address wheeltrim situation.  Anyone with a nice set of 13" Clio trims please speak up.
  5. Drive to all appointments in Cambridge with high levels of Va Va Voom.

 

Was Nicole too busy to attend a breakdown? ?

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I'm glad you finally managed to buy a car via this forum, albeit indirectly. 

I learnt to drive and went on to pass my test in a K plate derv Clio - it was only a few months old at the time. I originally planned to take my test in my own car which was a 1977 mk1 Golf. However, I quickly decided against the idea. I always enjoyed driving it - light clutch, willing engine which pulled well, brilliant vision, and generally an all-round decent car. 

That's enough about my old Golf though. How are you finding the Clio? 

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6 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

I have to say though, the service was far better than The AA.  She turned up within 15 minutes with a smile and no bra on

 

I am no fan of the AA, but to be fair to them I'm pretty sure that most AA men don't wear bras. 

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58 minutes ago, BorniteIdentity said:

I'm not sure you're ready for the interior pics; but then again I doubt you ever will be.

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A gentle shampoo should have them looking SHOWROOM.  Renault mats all round too which is lovely - what a little gem.

Wow, I had no idea it had such a funky interior! Looks quite bland on the outside but the inside is a different story.

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17 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

I'm not sure you're ready for the interior pics; but then again I doubt you ever will be.

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The interior shot jiggled a memory from the deepest recesses from my brain. My parents had one of these as a courtesy car when their '86 Carlton got hit up the arse and was getting repaired. This would have been 1997. Red with black bumpers, 3 doors. I was a passenger in it once or twice. Lovely little car. 

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44 minutes ago, ProgRocker said:

The interior shot jiggled a memory from the deepest recesses from my brain. My parents had one of these as a courtesy car when their '86 Carlton got hit up the arse and was getting repaired. This would have been 1997. Red with black bumpers, 3 doors. I was a passenger in it once or twice. Lovely little car. 

This one was a rental right at the beginning of its life.  Belonged to Europcar in the Bushey area - right near where I worked for 10 years.

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Really pleased you bagged yourself a Clio @BorniteIdentity. I nearly brought a N reg Silver 1.2 Oasis as a temporary car years ago from a back street garage. But it had a borked alternator, which in the middle of winter wasn't ideal and the guy got the hump when I tried to haggle. So I passed on it but always wished I'd brought it, as it was ace to drive otherwise.

The wheel trim's fitted are correct btw. I can remember working as a valeter at a dodgy Nissan Dealer, back in the early 00's. An finding a full set of these on a shelf, so put them to good use as they have no Renault logo's on.  As it turned out they were a perfect fit for a PX'd J reg Peugeot 309 GRD with missing wheel trims. It looked pretty smart too I thought, the garage must have agreed as they sold it for a £100 more than they originally planned!

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11 minutes ago, Burnside said:

Really pleased you bagged yourself a Clio @BorniteIdentity. I nearly brought a N reg Silver 1.2 Oasis as a temporary car years ago from a back street garage. But it had a borked alternator, which in the middle of winter wasn't ideal and the guy got the hump when I tried to haggle. So I passed on it but always wished I'd brought it, as it was ace to drive otherwise.

The wheel trim's fitted are correct btw. I can remember working as a valeter at a dodgy Nissan Dealer, back in the early 00's. An finding a full set of these on a shelf, so put them to good use as they have no Renault logo's on.  As it turned out they were a perfect fit for a PX'd J reg Peugeot 309 GRD with missing wheel trims. It looked pretty smart too I thought, the garage must have agreed as they sold it for a £100 more than the originally planned!

Lush!

Thanks to legendary shiter, Invacar apologist and all round nice guy Mr @egg I’ve a fourth trim on the way from the People’s Republic of Northern Ireland right now. 

The exhaust has the right hump with me now. I’ve done 15% of the car’s annual mileage in 2 days and it’s now as tight as a Katie Price’s growler. Sounds good though.

I’m currently cajoling @alf892into some timing belt LOLs and will look into a nice silver pipe for the undercarriage too. 

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VW really missed a trick not kitting out their Harlequin Polos and Golfs with an interior like that!

Well bought, they really are sweet driving little cars and aside from the occasional baggy gearchange needing the bushes changed (fiddly but not actually difficult) I can't ever recall us having any real issues with them at the garage.

Aside from white ones which for some reason we never figured out we had several with really poor paint adhesion on the tailgate.

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Thanks to @egg I’m now up to a full compliment of trims. £20 felt a bit dear for one, but what are you gonna do? Knowing my luck it’d sell to someone else leaving me with three for the rest of time. 

I’d still like a full set of spares; possibly the design I had on my last Clio. Ebay search enabled. 

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Shall we have a shit car update?  

Let us.

Avensis.  Still plodding.  It's now letting in water around the passenger door.  Rain stopped play at my son's cricket match yesterday and I had to seek refuge in the car.  This did give me a chance to see where the rain is getting in, so I'll have to inspect the seal at some stage and try to get a replacement.  The offside rear electric window is now disconnected, and the nearside front one looks like it's nearly fucked too.  I'm not sure I have the heart to chuck the car away, but stuff like this is constant reminder that I'm battling with an end of life car.  It also stinks of petrol when idling - possibly a leaky injector or stuffed catalytic converter.  I'm on BORIS time at the moment, so will take a view later in the year.

Clio.  Gorgeous.  I've got a full service kit to go in.  I don't want to get in "too deep" with it - but it'll likely go off to Ken for some work on the rear arches and a bit of paint here and there as it's so close to being 10/10.

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Granvia.  I suspect this is on borrowed time.  Again, on a Boris MOT but there was nothing at all advised last year so I'm happy to let that freewheel into next year.  However, bits are getting harder to track.  Something fairly critical breaks each year and replacements are nearly impossible. I was hoping to limp it along until such time I don't need a 7 seater, and then can do a camper conversion to it.  This may end up being a pipe dream.  Who knows.

Sierra.  Not turned a wheel in a couple of months.  Waiting on a set of lights to come from a shiter as the rear clusters leak like fuck, straight into the boot where a hole has appeared.  Mojo has been low on this one - as it's generally other people's encouragement that keeps me going.  I still have thoughts about liberating it in the direction of @Skizzer - but it's safe for the time being.  It needs two doors fitting and painting, and the clutch really needs replacing too.

Mini.  Not been anywhere for a couple of months either.  It will come off the road at the end of the Boris MOT for some fairly substantial repairs.  Needs outer and inner sills and a new rear subframe.  Can't wait* to pay for that lot!

 

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